Well I revised and added some more. Now hopefully this'll enhance it.

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A Silent Shadow
By Douglas Helm

When I first heard that she was leaving I took it in silence. I
was a man, I would not show emotions! Even towards her... That
was the first part that tore away at me; I cared so deeply for
her yet I wasn't willing to show her how much she needed to stay.

As time passed and I realized that she would be going, I
protested, I needed her to stay. At first my protests were subtle
and although she acknowledged them there was a firmness in her
that I could not overcome or understand.

At last my need for her overcame my ego and I shouted, tried
desperately to convince her not to leave me! After all we had
been through why was she leaving now. Do you know what she did?
She laugh, yes she laughed and said, "You can't stop me from
leaving you. Even with your worldly martial arts powers and vast
amounts of fighting skill..."

She was right, I had finally come up against something I could
not beat. With all my training there was no demon to overcome, no
person to fight; she was simply going to go away and slip beyond
the reach that needed her so desperately.

I disappeared from the world when she was finally gone. I could
not face it. Something from my heart was missing, and it hurt so
much... I had felt physical pain before, endured it, thrived on
it some might say.  But the pain in my heart was something I
could not heal.

Kasumi tried to help. She tried to distract me away from the
pain; I pretend that she has succeeded, it was something that I
had to do for her.

Nabiki is cold, cold as the north wind. She had been harsh
towards me before but know it has become abrasive; I hide from
her now when I can, it is my only real protection. I may not hide
physically but I have developed a way to hide.

Akane... My dearest Akane, the though hurts my heart so.

What is death, is it something solid that we can actually relate
to? Or is it simply a way in which people deal with the unknown?
I view death as and ending. Something that occurs and may not be
put off.

Someone once said, "It is not WHEN we die, for everyone dies,
that we should concern ourselves. It is HOW we die that we must
concern ourselves with." Now to most that is a grim saying.
People generally do not think of death, rather they think of life
and hope to avoid the silent shadow. "It is not WHEN we die..."
People have been looking to find a remedy to stave off death.
They have to one extent or another had success.

If they had would she be hear? I wonder that sometimes, I would
willing trade places with her but I know that would be cruel. She
would have to suffer, but her family would be so much happier
with her... Even Kasumi I think would feel much better.

Curiously it is the "HOW we die..." that caught my attention. Do
we have a choice? Yes we do. We may choose to carry out our lives
to the fullest extent possible, facing up to our choices and
actions. Taking the rewards that we can and being content. We may
commit certain acts that require death as the penalty. We may
also take our own lives.

It has been argued that suicide is wrong. Once it was considered
a criminal offence, something to be cured by being put into jail.
Then it became to be recognized as an illness that required
therapy. But is suicide truly wrong? Is it not our own lives?  It
has been argued that although suicide is an "escape" for the
person from their daily struggles that suicide only hurts the
living.  It robs those the dead have left behind from the
companionship and possibly love of those that have died.

So why do I choose to rob my friends? I am weak, I have carried
on since she left. However there are reminders of her at this
place; they are too painful for me... I have tried, no, it is
only a front to satisfy others. I have wallowed in my own misery,
sliding from day to day since she left. 

We each have a moral obligation to choose. No one should be
allowed to choose for us. Some see suicide as a way to punish
themselves for some misdeed. That could be possible, wether the
misdeed was imaginary, forced or real. For those people
counciling is the best option.

So why have I turned onto this morbid subject? Simple really, if
you haven't guessed it yet then I have been too subtle.  Why have
I not chosen pills? I require a guaranteed solution. A gun is too
loud. So it is a knife, swift only painful for an instant. A
complement to the silent shadow of death. The shadow that took
her, the one I could not fight.  

The enemy I choose to embrace now, Kami-sama allow me to be with
her when I am through.

        - The last letter to his family before 
          Tendo Soun committed suicide. 
          Date with held.
Doug
Rakura Sakuya's Accountant
http://log.on.ca/users/helm/anime/index.htm
http://log.on.ca/users/helm/sako/sakohome.htm

Sailor Bean : "For puttin' me in this RIDICULOUS SAILOR SUIT
	      - ya sick little monkey - I *WILL* PUNISH YOU!"