Pray, gentle readers, with amiability and delight do read this conjecture of mine, which twas engendered in the wee hours of the night, and I believe thou might find most entertaining. C&C is most appreciated (PLEASE! I BEG YOU! EDIT THIS!)
Further notes of interest at the end.
Legend of Lujen
Chapter 4: Unusual travel mates
The grassy plains stretched into the horizon. The sun was burning hot, and the only outstanding feature, apart from the occasional foliage, was the small dirt road which bisected the green praire. Amazingly enough, a lone figure was travelling through it. A young man, around 20 of age, with a head full of jet black hair, carrying a traveling backpack and dressed in travelers clothes, with a samurai sword dangling from his right hip, and a bandana strapped to his forehead.
The traveler seemed to be engrossed in his thoughts, walking with his head down and a faraway look in his eyes. He probably would have continued on like that for a few hours, had not 4 armed men spranged up from behind a few trees and stood in his way. "Give us all your money, boy, and we'll let you live" the apparent leader said.
Amazingly, the traveling swordsman kept on walking towards the men, without changing his attitude.
"Hey, you deaf?" the leader said, GIVE US ALL YOUR POSSESIONS OR YOU WILL DIE!"
The traveler kept on walking.
"He's asking for it, boss," one of the fuckers said.
"Xalas, Gorly, give it to him!"
Two of the bandits sprang upon the traveler, their swords raised high. What happened next was too fast for the naked eye. Incredibly, the bandits ran past the zombie traveler, without attacking him.
"Hey, you IDIOTS! What are you doing?? He had barely finished this sentence as they both fell to their feet a few feet behind the traveler, blood gushing from their stomachs.
"Wha- what the?"
"Your friends are dead. I recommend you leave me alone before you suffer the same fate as they did." The traveler answered without lifting his head, or changing direction or pace. He just said it and kept on walking through the road.
"How could you have killed them? I didn't even see you draw!"
The stranger kept on walking.
The head bandit turned to the third bandit who was something of a mastodon, "Bolvo, attack!"
"Yes master!" The ogre named Bolvo raised his club upon the swordsman, and right before he brought it down the head thief could have sworn he saw a small flash of light. Bolvo, using the tremendous strength he had, brought it down with all his might. Unfortunately for him, all he brought down was a stub. The rest of his club lay hacked to pieces on the ground.
The stranger kept on walking. Bolvo, who was nonplussed by this, just sat down scratching his head, wondering what had gone wrong.
By now the chief bandit was out of his mind, "Huh? Who the hell are you? How did you do that???" *This bozo thinks he's going to best me?* The bandit thought, *I shall have to use my secret lightning attack on him!*
"Very well, then, die!" he snarled. He charged at the stranger with unreasonable speed for his size. The attack was lightning fast- he couldn't even see his own slashes. Yet his sword never made contact with the stranger's body. All he heard was the clashing of steel against steel. *How is he doing this???* he wondered. *I'll have to redouble my efforts...* The bandit continued his frenzied attack with even greater force and skill, driving himself to the limits. *No way he can defend himself against this for long*
And so he was surprised when the stranger answered his thoughts with a perfectly calm voice and without the slightest indication of having done any physical effort. "Old thief, you bore me. Your attacks are too slow. Please don't waste my time."
That said, the bandit's sword was driven out of his hand and thrown backwards some twenty something feet by the swordsman's weapon and the bandit himself was thrown on his back a couple of feet.The bandit was heaving and panting. The swordsman walked up to him. "W-who are you (wheez wheez), stranger who bested me in combat?" the thief panted.
"My name is Hibiki Ryouga, yet I am better known as the Wandering Swordsman."
The old thief's attitued change greatly at the mention of the legendary name, from antagonistic to an ass-kisser. The beaten man widened his eyes in surprise, "You- you are the Wandering Swordsman?"
"You are somewhat dull for a thief, are you not?"
"Oh, excuse me, your highness, please, it was not my intention to upset your great Swordmanship," he groveled.
"Oh, stop it" Ryouga answered.
"Yes sir, yes. I will sir. Yes sir. It's just that I cannot believe that you are the Wandering Swordsman, the fighting spirit who endlessly walks the face of the Earth..."
Ryouga turned somewhat red for a reason, "That's enough."
"...adventurously killing all who oppose him, defeating whole armies just to complete his supreme objective..."
Ryouga was more embarrased now, "Shut up!"
"... of remembering where he lives..."
Ryouga's face resembled a beet by now.
"...and more importantly, how to get there!" The thief concluded, "Yes sir, the legend of the eternally lost swordsman is one of the most famous-"
"I have no need to hear it again, you bag of mold! I Know I am Unable to Reach my Home! You don't have to repeat it!"
The thief returned to his prior groveling, "Yes sir. So sorry sir. I didn't mean to offend your lordship. God knows one forgets many things. Even how to find a place. Yes sir. So sorry."
This time Ryouga just ignored him. After a while of reflection, he directed himself again to the thief, "Say, what were you doing stealing here, anyways? Almost nobody ever uses this road- why would you mug people here?"
The thief stuttered, "Uhm... ah, we're pretty stupid thiefs, your lordship. Please forgive our ignorance."
"Really?" Ryouga asked, clearly not believing the story.
The thief saw this. "Uhm... well, actually, it wasn't quite like that. You see, we were told that your inmense self would travel through these parts, and we wanted to meet you in person, great one."
Ryouga just raised his sword and pointed it at the man's throat. "Cut the bull, please."
Amazingly, the thief seemed reluctant to talk, as if the consequences of talking were worse than those of not talking. Ryouga just applied a little bit more strength, pushing the tip of his sword deeper into the man's throat.
"Ok, ok! We were ordered by this man to find a lone traveler along this lane who was carrying a magical sword- Once we found him we were to take it from him and return it to our master."
"Is that it, then?"
"Yes! Yes!"
"Good. I have no more use for you."
"No! No! Please don't kill me, I swear I'll be good! Please!"
"Sorry- I already made my mind"
Swish! Swish! Swish!
After having peed on himself, the puny thief took his hands off his eyes. He was alive! He turned his head and saw the traveling swordsman leaving. Then he looked back at his body to check he wasn't missing any limbs or such. That is when he noticed the two parallel lines that the swordsman had ripped across his shirt, which were united at opposite ends by a third diagonal line. The thief was perplexed. He turned around and said to the distancing figure "Why did you do that?"
His voice, barely audible, replied, "My teacher used to do it. It just stuck, I guess."
The thief just looked onwards at the figure of the mysterious traveler.
***
Ryouga kept on walking. How long had he been at it? Minutes? Half an hour? A couple of hours?
His worried mind could not tell- he was too busy reflecting on the age-old question: How the Hell do I get Home?!?!
Thus he was surprised when he heard the rustling of a bush by the side of the road.
*In the name of Buddha, don't they ever get tired??* he wondered.
"Come out now thieves so that we can finish this off quickly, ok?" he said aloud to the bushes.
Yet no one came out- they kept on rustling.
*Oh damn, so now they expect me to go get them?*
He seemed to meditate for second or two, and said to himself, "Might as well get it over with..."
He unsheathed his sword and advanced towards the bushes. The bushes just kept on moving.
"You won't come out?" he said, "Very well, then I'll make you!"
Confidantly, with his two eyes closed, he attacked. His two hundred slashes took a mere two seconds to perform. When he was done there were no bushes left- just the cause of the rustling. Ryouga cockily said, "Now you can't hide from me, can you?" Ryouga opened his eyes. What he saw was not what he expexted. They were a pair, white, and roundish. His first reaction was to this was to bleed profusely at the nose. A powerful slap to his right cheek followed, and then everything went black for him as his body shut itself down from the shock.
*
*Where am I?* Ryouga thought. The last thing he remembered was the feeling of shock as his body fell to the ground. He looked around- it was pitch dark.
"Is it nighttime already?" he wondered aloud.
"Uhm, you've got your eyes closed," a voice answered.
Ryouga opened his eyes. A pair of big black eyes stared back.
"Ahh!" he yelled
""Whoa! Calm down!" the newcomer said.
Ryouga calmed down and looked at the person who was addressing him. She was a foreigner, a beautiful young girl with short, cropped black hair, big gorgeous black eyes, and a refreshing smile. He just gaped. In his view his eyes were not large enough. A single though crossed through his mind: "She. is. Beautiful."
It was after a few moments into his daydreaming that he noticed that the goddess was doing something. Talking to him, actually. He was barely able to catch the last words and all that came out of him was , "Uh?"
"I said, are you all right?" the angel asked.
"I, uhm, yeah, I think so," he said checking for missing limbs and such, "but what happ-"
He cut himself in mid sentence as he suddenly remembered. His face turned a bright shade of red and stuttered, "Uhm, I'm so sorry, I didn't want to do that, I didn't want to look at you- wait! that doesn't mean you're ugly or anything, I just- what I mean-"
The enchanting sylph just emitted a short laugh which sounded like tinkling bells and violins to Ryouga, "Don't worry! I know you didn't do it on purpose. I shouldn't have been changing by the side of the road in the first place."
"I'm really really sorry fair lady, and I- I-"
The girl was aware this was a real big issue for the stranger so she said, "Look, let's just put it aside and forget all about it, ok?" The stranger just answered with a clumsy nod after a moment of indecision. *What a weird character* she thought.
Ryouga just stared at the maiden. After a moment's indecision she said, "I think we haven't been presented."
He quickly reacted, "Oh, yeah. My name is Hibiki Ryouga, the wandering Swordsman. But you may call me Ryouga."
"Nice to meet you, Ree-oo-ga," she said as she tried to pronounce the foreign name, "My name is Akane." She outstretched her hand. Ryouga just looked at it. *Is she expecting to give me to give her something?*. Akane just waited expectantly. She finally ended by taking Ryouga's hand and shaking it, "Nice to meet you."
Ryouga experienced two sensations at that moment- one was confusion, for he had no idea what a handshake was for. The second one was estatical bliss as her hand touched his.
"God's wounds, her skin is as smooth as monumental alabaster..." he muttered.
"What was that?" she asked.
"Uhm, nothing...I was just wondering... uhm, where are you from, yeah, that's it , that's what I wanted to ask, where you're from, because you really don't look from around here."
"I come from a place called Ithaca," she answered.
"Ithaca? There's no place around here called Ithaca...Wait, that rings a bell...isn't that in Greece? I think I've been there once.... Yeah, I remember now, I was trying to get home, it was that time I was walking alongside that big chinese wall and went west instead of east...met quite a number of interesting characters...I wonder what became of Hephaestus..."
"Oh! So you do know my homeland?"
"Yes, I was there for a couple of days, I think. I often don't know where I am, Akane."
She seemed a little disheartened at that comment.
"What's wrong? Did I say something I shouldn't have?" Ryouga asked.
"Oh. No , no. It's just that I was hoping you'd know where we were, as I am positively lost," she said as she smiled sheepishly."
"Oh, I'm not _that_ lost. I know we're somewhere in Asia, that's for sure. I guess we're somewhere in mainland China, Akane."
Akane opened her eyes wide, "China?!? I've made it all the way to here already?"
"Well, now that you mention it, it is a looong way from Greece. Why have you traveled so far?" he asked.
Akane sighed, "Well, it's a real long story, Ryouga. You probably wouldn't believe it."
Ryouga pondered for a second, and then said, "Look, it's starting to get dark. I have some provisions in my backpack. Why don't we settle down for the night and you can tell me everything over dinner, ok?"
Akane quickly nodded her head when Ryouga mentioned dinner. Ryouga looked at her questioningly. Akane looked sheepishly at her feet, "It's just that I haven't had a nice meal in such a while... getting food around these parts is hard, and God knows cooking is not my forte..."
Akane's confession made Ryouga more comfortable, as he had something he could now offer this goddess, which he thought he had none before, and laughed amiably.
"Very well, then, let's set camp!"
*
The night was well advanced now, and two figures could be seen huddled around a fire next to a grove of trees, chatting the night away like old friends. Akane had been really open and friendly to Ryouga, which had helped to put him at ease- after all, he had been terrified he'd bleed again by being with this beautiful girl. They were enmeshed in conversation, each eager to know each other's story.
"So you say it was actually your god Hephaestus who sent you? Come on, you're kidding me!" Ryouga asked.
"No, I'm not, Ryouga. He appeared to me in a vision, and ordered me to find it and destroy it," Akane answered.
"A God appeared to you and told you to find it?" Ryouga incredously asked, yet again.
Akane looked off into the darkness, "The gods are not dead, Ryouga. They exist, and watch us even now. They do not have to be present for them to exist. They probably prefer solitude, that's all."
She turned.
"You probably believe I'm crazy, don't you?" she asked.
"Of course not, Akane! I'd never doubt your word," he replied. After a while, he asked, "Wasn't Hapheastus the God of Smiths? Why would he, of all people, want to destroy it?"
"The story is a long one, Ryouga. Firstly, the SoulEdge was not created by him, as many say. It was made by an evil entity, some centuries back; when, who, or where, eludes even the gods themselves. The sword itself is evil- it corrupts and pervades its user. Throughout the centuries it has created strife and grief."
Ryouga was wide eyed, listening attently.
"One of the first recordings of its existence dates back to 932, to the taking of the city of Toledo" she continued, "by Abd-ar-Rahman III, Caliph of what was then Moorish Spain. Of course, the Spaniards have all but kicked them out by now, but back then he attained the fullest of powers."
"It then passed on through different hands. We know one of its last users was the Mongolian conqueror Ghenghis Khan, during the early 1200's; it was stolen from his grave and the last reports of it were towards the end of the Christian crusades, almost on 1300. It was lost, then, when the Ottoman Empire took over the last Christian settlements and the land was full of chaos. It hasn't been seen since... until now."
"And you say it's somewhere around here, right?"
She nodded. "They told me I had to travel east to find it."
Ryouga shook his head. "I don't understand why they sent you to destroy it, Akane."
"It has created enough destruction in the world, and the Gods have decided to put an end to it. That's why they sent me."
He shook his head again, "No, that's not what I mean. What I don't understand is why they would send a woman to do a man's job- it's way too dangerous."
Akane's veins popped up at that comment.
"WHAT?!"
"I said that women shouldn't-"
"I heard you all right! It's that "women shouldn't do it" part which I didn't like!"
Ryouga looked ashamed of himself *You baka* he thought, *You've angered her now! Why did I have to put my foot in my mouth?"
"I'm sorry, Akane. I didn't mean to offend you."
Her anger faded quickly enough, "That's okay. Besides, I'm not as ill prepared as you think."
"Huh?"
"Come here, Ryouga, look at this," Akane said, as she turned around to retrieve something. When she was facing Ryouga again she was holding her sword in her scabbard.
"Nice sword, Akane, but having one isn't really going to help you much. You've gotta know how to use it."
"Of course I know how to use a sword! My father runs a gladiator training grounds- an old family business. But that's not it- look." As she said this she drew the sword from its scabbard. At first all Ryouga saw was a plain short sword, light enough to be easily manipulated by Akane. It was well crafted, with a handsome hilt and crossguard which had greek inscriptions on them, but nothing out of the ordinary. After a couple of seconds, though, he noticed it was giving a faint, blue glow.
"Wow... how'd you do that?"
Akane smiled proudly, "It was a gift from Hepheastus himself, Ryouga. He gave it to me when he ordered me on this mission, as well as the shield."
Ryouga looked at the shield which rested by Akane's bag. It was a round bronze-like shield, with an eagle mottif in the center. After a while he noticed that it too gave off a faint golden glint.
"The shield and sword's hardness surpass by far that of any common weapon, plus, the sword posseses an ability-enhancing spell and the shield protects its user against magical attacks."
Ryouga whistled.
"Wow Akane, you're loaded! You're beautiful AND well-armed!"
Akane blushed at Ryouga's comment. Ryouga quickly shut his mouth and stared wide eyed- how on earth had he said such a thing? Ryouga was normally shy around girls, and had never said anything like that before. *Oh man she's going to slap me now for saying that* he thought.
"Why... thank you, Ryouga." She said.
*Fwhee...*he thought.
"Ryouga?" she asked.
"Yes?"
"How come you know how to speak Greek?"
"I speak Greek?" Ryouga asked incredulously.
"You dummy! How do you think we've been talking since we met?!?!" Akane said.
"I didn't notice Akane. It's just that I know so many, I never notice which one I'm speaking. Last count I remember I was speaking thirty-two."
"THIRTY-TWO?!?! How's that possible?!?!" She asked, bewildered.
"I've been wandering all of my life, since as early as I can think of. I've never stayed in once place, and always drifted from here to there. Because I travel so much I've had to learn all those languages. It's kind of a necessity for me. Besides, I've got a natural ability for them. I think it's a counter-action to my direction-dyslexia problem. I can't tell up from down, but speaking languages comes easy for me. So much I don't even notice which one I'm speaking in," he said.
"Wow... that's sure a lot."
"Yeah... but hey, I've got language, and you've got you magical sword and a holy quest!"
At the mention of her assignment her face fell a little.
"What's wrong, Akane?" he asked.
"It's just that... it all seems so difficult... and I'm worried about my family..." she answered.
"Your family?" Ryouga inquired.
"Yes... my father and my two sisters."
"Hhhmmm..."
*****
The sun shone mercilessly on the grassy plains, the grass withering under the heat. A lone figure walked through the plains, dust billowing behind him. With a battered straw hat, and a bent back, he squinted at the horizon. His small dark eyes widened suddenly, he seemed to perceive two figures riding on horseback, heading his direction but the dust made his eyes water. When his eyes cleared, he found himself face to face with two riders.
"Prithee tell, good peasant, which path yonder may lead us to Jusenkyo?" one of the riders asked in a haughty tone.
The old man walked right on by.
"My good man, let me not repeat myself, for tis a sin of the soul to in wretchedness be insensible to others; which way to the accursed springs of Jusenkyo?" the same rider asked.
The old man kept on walking. A spatula landed in front of his feet, neatly slicing the top of his well worn sandals.
"Which way to Jusenkyo old man?" a different, female voice hissed.
The old man turned around to face them. "Who wants to know?"
"I, Tatewaki Kuno, the Blue Thunder from the Outer Plains of Mongolia, eminent heir to the proud chieftain Yoshi, my progenitor" Kuno answered in a booming voice.
"Never heard from him," the old man answered.
"You have not answered my question old man," the voice hissed again, piercing.
The old man faced the other rider, who unlike Kuno, who was dressed in one of his many imported silken kimonos, was dressed in simple farmer's clothes. "Young lady, you shall wish you never asked that question."
"My good man, I shall forgive thee thy insolence if you do pray tell me which way Jusenkyo lies," Kuno interrupted.
"Listen, am I talking to you?" the old man shot back and turned to face Ukyo.
"Which way to Jusenkyo," Ukyo repeated.
The old man cocked an eye at Ukyo and there was silence before he answered. "To the west, three turns to the right, and beyond the rainbow."
A spatula neatly encrusted itself on the old man's straw hat.
"Which way to Jusenkyo," Ukyo repeated.
"Never mind the peasant, follow me, my bride-to-be Ukyo. I shall find the way to Jusenkyo, as to worldly matters pertain, my sense of direction is near to flawless," Kuno said, as he started off to the east.
"Wrong way bud," the old man muttered. He then turned to Ukyo, "Why are you traveling with such a moron?"
"Which way to Jusenkyo," Ukyo persisted.
"Tough lady aren't you? Well... alright, you go west until you encounter a river, follow the river north and when you come to a glade, that's where you will find Jusenkyo," the old man answered.
Ukyo started riding away.
"Wait!" the old man exclaimed.
Ukyo turned around.
"Why are you going to Jusenkyo?" the old man asked.
"To get married!" Ukyo answered jokingly, and rode off in search of Kuno.
The old man looked pensive, stood quietly for awhile, and started laughing. And when his tears dried out, he started walking.
"Thanks to my incomparable sense of direction, I have found the path that leads to the forsaken springs of Jusenkyo," Kuno talked amiably, as he and Ukyo rode across the plains heading toward the west.
"Suuuuure. You'd probably get lost on your way to the bathroom, asshole," Ukyo muttered under her breath.
"Dearest Ukyo, I pray tell me, is there a matter that troubles you? You are uncommonly quiet," Kuno asked.
"Nothing, just thoughts," Ukyo answered absent mindedly. What am / still doing here? Ukyo thought. I could have left him in the last village, but nooooo... I had to go back and save his hide from being tacked onto the temple walls. How did I ever get betrothed to this overgrown piece of puffed machist, pathetic excuse for a man?
"Ah, I understand. The melody of my harmonious voice is not to be marred by conversation," Kuno rambled on.
"Mhhhhmm..." Ukyo responded vaguely. There he goes again, babbling on and on and on, Ukyo thought.
"My lady, do you think we should get married upon our arrival to Jusenkyo and spend our honeymoon there?" Kuno asked interrupting Ukyo's thoughts.
Ukyo nearly fell off her horse.
"Careful my lady. Women shouldn't ride. They are incapable of riding," Kuno reproached Ukyo.
"Thanks for your concern," Ukyo said dryly.
"You are most welcome, my fair warrior"
Ukyo rolled her eyes and did all that was humanly possible to keep the veins in her head from exploding. She had had enough, she decided, "Kuno... haven't you ever wondered if women are not inferior as you think them to be?"
"Ludicrous! It's implausible to think such a thought... I quite clearly remember the teachings of a wise man of western origin... how did it go?.... Oh, yes, 'Men are warriors, and women are warrior's playthings' and 'when talking to women, take along your whip'... ah yes," he said fondly, "I still remember my western philosophy classes with much ache of heart... 'Nietzche' was the fellows' name, if I do remember correctly."
Ukyo did all that was possible to keep herself from stabbing Kuno with a spatula. She finally muttered, "Really?"
Kuno, meanwhile, kept on blabbing his discourse, "Why, of course, really, would I lie to you? Now that you do mention it, the latin root of the word also women to mind. You see, my dear Ukyo, 'man' derives from 'Homo Sapiens', and the vocal 'wo' is a despective adjective used in vulgar latin, meaning usually 'stupid' or 'useless'; thus became the word 'woman', or in other words 'stupid Homo Sapiens', or female.."
"Ack?!?!" Ukyo exclaimed, gasping in rage *Just where did this asshole get his education?*
Ah, I do remember the wise counsel my daddy used to give to my mother: 'If you want to avoid from getting whipped, obey men'. Oh, those were the times!"
Ukyo was definitely homicidal by now.
"I sincerely do not understand their inclination to go against the wishes of their masters. I mean, if women have been subservient to us for the last 50,000 years, why begin now, right, my little pet?"
Ukyo clenched her hands, counted to ten, verrrry slowly and then... sprang upon Kuno like a crazed wildcat, knocking him down to the floor. She held a spatula to his throat, looking murderously.
"My...my... aren't we a little playful today?" Kuno asked.
"Kuno... darling... I'd killed you if I weren't a lady," Ukyo said.
"Why don't you kiss me instead?" Kuno asked and immediately found himself surrounded by spatulas.
"I've had it buster... you shut your trap or I'll make you a woman!!!" Ukyo hissed.
"Now...now isn't that my job? Make you a woman...." Kuno said.before he was knocked senseless because a gigantic spatula fell over him.
*****
"Knock it off, Shampoo!"
The cute Amazon was still glomping on to him.
"Iye, Ranma. Shampoo love you!"
"In the name of Christ, what did I ever do to deserve this?" Ranma Saotome muttered under his breath.
He and Shampoo were walking along a broad, crowded street in some chinese city they had managed to bump into. They were attracting quite a number of stares, as Ranma was still wearing his armor pads on his arms and legs, along with some on his torse, and Shampoo was sticking to him like glue, with her ninja clothing still on, and trying to murder any woman who came within one meter of her prized Ranma.
"Shampoo," he hissed, "stop hurting other women!"
Shampoo answered, "They wish to take Ranma away from Shampoo. Shampoo no let them!"
"In the name of Christ, what did I ever do to deserve this?" he thought again.
Just as he said this a scrawny young man clothed in a simple shirt, pants, and a sword, jumped out of the crowd towards them.
"PRETTY LADY!" he yelled at Shampoo, with his arms outstretched, "Would you want to go on a date?"
Shampoo was taken by surprise. "Come on, Pretty Lady, date, date, date, yes?" he yelled as he tried to grab her.
"Aya! Don't touch Shampoo there, you Hentai! Shampoo only belong to Ranma!" Shampoo shrieked as she bopped him on the head. He quickly stood up, despite the heavy blow to his head, and kept on yelling, "Come on, pretty baby, go on a date with me!"
Ranma had reacted by now. He stood between them and angrily said, "Hey, Pal, she's with me! Get your grubby hands off of her!" The young man was about to respond some hentai answer when a single word yelled throughout the crowd put a sudden stop to him.
"CARROT!"
Carrot's face was filled with fear, and he gulped.
A beautiful pink-haired woman stepped out of the crowd dressed as a tantalizing SM queen.
"You know you shouldn't be flirting with other girls, Carrot," she said in a deep, sexy voice. She uncoiled a whip. Carrot was terrified, and tried to run the opposite way only to be stopped by a second red-haired woman, also dressed as an SM queen.
"Darling, how many times have I told you that I am the only woman for you? Now I will have to punish you!" she said as she too uncoiled a whip.
The young man panicked and ran away into the crowd, only to be pursued by the red-haired woman. The first one turned to Ranma and Shampoo and said, "Sorry about this," only to start pursuing Carrot and join the fray.
Ranma and Shampoo just blinked.
"Pretty crazy people in this town," Shampoo said.
"Yeah. Let's get the hell outta here before any of them return," Ranma said, and with that they mixed themselves into the crowd again and disappeared out of sight.
*****
The night was getting old, yet the two figures were still chatting amiably.
"You're sure you want to go with this, Akane?"
The two of them had been chatting for hours now.
"Yes, I am resolved to do this."
They were quite comfortable with each other.
"But it's... it's so dangerous."
And were good friends.
She smiled an evil grin, "For them, sure it is!"
Ryouga had been thinking all night. More so than what he often did while on the road, which was a lot. He had fallen in love with her. Each time he had gazed at her eyes, peered at her silhouette, he had fallen into sweet ecstasy. He had made his mind. He would go on with her, and never part her company, even if it meant death. To hell with his home- he could always make a new one, couldn't he?
"Akane... I, I.... I want to tell you something."
"Yes, Ryouga?"
"I'd like to acompany you on your quest. To help you."
She looked at him questioningly, "Really? You'd be willing to risk your life to help me finish this wild goose chase?"
He nodded.
"And what about your responsibilities?"
"I don't have any- no family, no home *not any that I can find at any rate, that is*- I'm the Wandering Swordsman, remember?"
She smiled a huge smile back at him, "Oh, Ryouga, thank you! You're such a great friend!"
She approached him and shyly kissed him on the cheek. Ryouga's body fell yet again, with blood erupting from his nose. As his head hit the ground his last conscious thoughts were "If I get more of these throughout the trip it will definitely be worth it!"
*****
Two figures were talking in the dark. This time, though, they were not around a campfire, and definitely not in the countryside. These particular figures were hunched together sitting at a table in a dark corner of some nondescript bar somewhere in a city. One was a dark-haired young man clad in armor- the other a purple haired chinese tart dressed in a ninja outfit.
"So you got the location of the legendary SoulEdge Sword from an old man selling maps on a street corner?!?!"
"You no shout Shampoo! Shampoo think Ranma would not talk so much if Ranma considered he got map pretty much same way." She harrumphed.
"Hey, it wasn't my fault! Besides, I bought it in an alley, the guy looked reputable, and I couldn't speak crap worth the language, so how could I have guessed that he was going to rip me off?" Ranma shot back.
"Husband not much bright. Probably drink too much wine in Shermaly." Shampoo responded.
"GERMANY! I've told you it's Germany! G-e-r-m-a-n-y!"
"So sorry. But don't have such strange names in my village."
Ranma calmed down a bit. "Yeah. Whatever. By the way, where did you say your village is?"
"It is a chinese village somewhat far from here, South of Big Ko Rock."
"South of what? Of, forget it," he said, "Wait a minute- didn't you say that ninja was a _japanese_ technique?"
"Yes. But that not mean it can not be used out of Japan, no?"
"So we both almost got killed for nothing, just because we both were stupid enough to buy the same fake map?" he asked.
"Hai!" she answered.
"Oh man, this isn't my day..." Ranma said.
"Husband want a backrub?" Shampoo purred.
"No. And PLEASE stop calling me husband! I've told you I'm not going to marry you!"
"That is what you say now. But later you marry Shampoo. You see."
"Whatever," he muttered, "I don't even know why I let you tag along in the first place."
"Because husband is too heavy with armor to outrun lithe and gimble Shampoo!" she answered smartly.
"Oh, please don't remember me that..."
"Tsk, tsk. Husband is too slow. Maybe where you come from all people fight with heavy armor, but here no. Ranma need to be quick. Husband is very good, yes, but can not do much against quick, lethal warrior. Have to find a way to fight quick, or Husband's big sword might not save Husband for long..."
"If it might not save me for long, then how did I kill all those guards back there in the temple? Huh? You're not going to tell me they weren't all bad, now, are you?"
"Of course not. Some even mediocre-good. But winning easy for you when fighting in close quarters of temple halls,and guards have no space to evade big sword. But fight outside, and story be different."
"Uhm, yeah, whatever. We'll take care of that when it comes. Right now I'd like to know where the SoulEdge is located."
Shampoo thought for a minute, "Hhhmmm... Shampoo know of three places where it might be- or where might get information. One is atop sacred mount of Lai-Ting. It is rumored a wise sage who knows it all lives there. Second option is Cursed Springs of Ju-sen-kyo. Shampoo have heard many legends of weird stuff which come from springs. Also of knowledgeable guide who live there, and know all about the area. The third option is my great-grandmother. She very wise woman- know a lot about ancient lore and weaponry. She live in Amazon vilage north of here. If still alive."
"You mean you don't know if she's still alive?"
"Shampoo left Amazon village few years ago to come to other village, where they teach how to become ninja. Shampoo's village was women-dominated, and there was no way no become ninja there. That is why Shampoo have to travel so much to become ninja. But great-grandmother is very strong woman- I'm sure she still alive. So, honorable husband, where do we go?"
Ranma closed his eyes and thought. After a while he said, "Let's decide tomorrow. Right now I just want to rest- I'm dead beat." He stood up, "let's go to sleep- I already rented lodgings"
Shampoo's face lit up automatically, "Haiya! Husband want to do Art of the Pillow even before wedding? Yatta! Yosh!" she said excitedly.
"Wait a sec- no one said anything about any art of anything- I got us SEPARATE rooms."
Shampoo's face fell. "Don't put that sad face and let's go up; I'm tired and want to sleep!" he said as he guided Shampoo up the stairs of the establishment to the second floor of the building, where the rooms were rented.
************************
Idiot's (<--that's me) Notes
If you have read so far: Congratulations! I didn't think you'd make it.
You must have noticed that it is a very rough draft; as such, it has rough language (I think I sweared much more than what I needed to- I have a dirty mouth, I guess), passages which intend to be humorous but may not have that effect, and several holes in the story line. Please forgive me.
The really stupid, uninteligible passage about the SM queens and the hentai which Ranma and Shampoo encounter was (supposedly) from Bakuretsu (Sorcerer) Hunters. I know it sucks, and probably most people don't know about, so I'll probably take it out. I just had to include something related to that after a major dosage of the show.
Ryouga's Kuno-like line about Akane (the "monumental alabaster" bit) was a rip-off from Shakespeare. I know that's not how Ryouga talks, but I just couldn't resist.
Historical accuracy is pretty good when describing the history of the Souledge, yet I wouldn't bet a penny on the historical accuracy of whatever else that might be mentioned.
To Female Readers: Please don't linch me due to Kuno's dialogue. I did have a joly old time writing it up (even though my co-writer Jennifer didn't agree much with it), but nothing is really meant in serious. Besides, what do inferior women know about that? (Just joking...)
The "the-god-hephaestus-sent-me-on-a-holy-mission-to-destroy-souledge" plot device is copied right off the SoulEdge game. Sorry, Namco.
There's also a big boo-boo about Shampoo's vocab. At one time she goes around saying japanese expressions- "Yatta!" ('It's done' or something like that) and "Yosh!" ('good'). I did it because I didn't know any chinese expressions. If anyone could help me with this I'd be truly grateful...
Same thing goes for the "The Art of the Pillow" (I didn't make it up- that's what the Japanese call it. Though I'm not exactly sure that's the way it is translated into English.)...
Sorry about the corny "El Zorro" Pun.
PLEASE WRITE TO US TELLING US YOUR IMPRESSIONS, IDEAS, GRIPES, FEEDBACK, ETC. ETC. ETC.
"Ranma 1/2" and characters are property of Rumiko Takahashi.
"SoulEdge" and characters are property of Namco.
Everything else is a creation of our demented minds.
Please don't rip us off, and please don't sue us...
Luis Majluf <pentiun-pro@amauta.rcp.net.pe> (other addy's off-line)
Jennifer Yi <98jen@amersol.edu.pe> (off-line for a few days)