All right, after reading the SM/Price is Right crossover,
possibly one of the most un-SM SM stories ever, I decided
to copy it, in a way. That way being the Sailor Senshi go 
on an American game show. Am I nuts? Have I lost it? Yeah, but
that's beside the point. This fanfic is mostly Sailormooon,
with pointless Ranma 1/2 and Marmalade Boy cameos. And 
now, without further ado, for you hungrily waiting...or 
dreading...fans is:

THE SAILOR SENSHI GO ON FAMILY FEUD
by: Marie Kelly

[The Family Feud theme music plays.]

Announcer: And now, without further ado, Mr. Host!

Guy in Audience: Mr. Host? Doesn't the guy have a
name?

Girl in Audience (who looks surprisingly like the
author.): Hey, be quiet. The au--announcer hasn't
seen Family Feud in a long time--though it used to
be the, um, announcer's favorite game show. Give
the guy a break. Though I think his name is Ray
Something-or-other. 

Mr. Host: Now, let's bring out our contestants! 
Coming from Tokyo, Japan, the Champions for the
past six hundred weeks are the Outers!

[Massive applause, and Marie drops dead from seeing 
her idol, Haruka-sama. However, she has to finish
this fanfic, and so quickly comes back to life.]

Mr. Host: Heading the Outers is the fabulous Meiou
Setsuna! So, Setsuna, you want to be a fashion 
designer, am I right?

Sestuna: Yeah, it's a dream of mine. But I make a
pretty good living controlling time.

Mr. Host: Hahahahahaahaha!!!! How do you do that?

Setsuna: With this. [Setsuna takes out big key, and
wacks Mr. Host with it.]

Mr. Host: All right, why don't the rest of you 
introduce yourselves?

Haruka: You know me. I'm Tenoh Haruka, wealthy race
car driver, pianist, and idol of the author.

Michiru: I am Kaioh Michiru, gentle violinist,
swimmer, and girlfriend of the idol of the author.

Rabid Christian Fundamentalist: SINNER! YOU'LL BURN
IN HELL!!!!

Haruka: What? Arrgh! Who let that jerk in here? 

[Haruka looks threateningly into the audience. The
girl who looks a lot like the author gulps, wondering
what to do. She looks around, and spies a Chinese man
without glasses. She smiles, points to the 
fundamentalist, and speaks.]

Girl who looks a lot like the author [pointing to
fundamentalist]: HELLO, RANMA!

Chinese Man, aka Mousse: Ranma! I will fight you for
the lovely Shampoo! [GWLALLTA pushes the two out,
thus ending the pointless Ranma 1/2 addition for this
fanfic.]

Mr. Host: Who's next?

Hotaru: Hello, I'm Tomoe--[Hotaru, who appears very weak,
suddenly grabs her chest and falls down.]

Haruka: Not again.

Michiru: It's not like she has heart attacks that ofen.
She usually just collapses off a cliff, and hurls to
her doom. We must make certain she doesn't go near any
more cliffs.

Haruka: Check.

[Siren sounds and an ambulance drives in. A thousand
paramedics jump out, though only two ever do anything.]

Paremedic 1: Give me the paddles, stat!

[Paramedic 2 hands Paramedic 1 the paddles, and P1 puts
them on Hotaru's chest. Her body convulses, but nothing
else happens.]

P1: Oh, no! Give me 32 ccs of chloroflouridehydromonosodium-
glutimatesupercalifragalisticexpialidociousacillin!

P2: What are you talking about?

P1: Beats the heck out of me. I'm just an extra on ER.

P2: Hey, me too!

[The Paramedics leave.]

Mr. Host: Ummm...

Hotaru [weakly]: Don't worry. I'm all right. My
name is...is...Tomoe Hotaru.

Mr. Host: And now, the challengers, the Inners!

[Mild cheering, though naturally not as much as
was for the Outers.]

Mr. Host: Now, you all introduce yourselves. 

Aino Minako: I am Aino Minako, the best Family
Feuder in all of Japan! Hahahaahahahahaahahahaha!!!!

Setsuna: She does appear to have a laugh that is
more annoying than Esmeraude's. 

Haruka: Yeah. Normally I'd ask 'who's Esmeraude',
seeing as how we've never fought her, but I don't
feel like doing it now, and since I don't feel like
it, I won't do it. After all, am I not the wonderful
Tenoh Haruka, idol of all those with taste?

GWLALLTA: YES!!!!! I LOVE YOU, HARUKA-SAMA!!!!

Mr. Host: Next. [thinking: Hey, when this show goes
off the air I can always make a living as a receptionist
in a doctor's office.]

Mizuno Ami: Hello, sir. I am Mizuno Ami. 

Usagi: She has an IQ of 300! She's a genius!

Mr. Host: Really?

Ami [blushing]: I study a bit.

Usagi: I'm Tsukino Usagi, and I love bunnies
but hate carrots! I'm also the nicest girl in
the entire world.

Koshikawa Miki: Hey! I have that title!

[Miki and Usagi get into a pointless fight, beat
each other to a pulp, and then Miki leaves.]

Kino Makoto: Hi! I'm Kino Makoto, but you can
call me Mako-chan. 

Mr. Host: All right, Mako-chan. Tell us a little 
about yourself.

[Mako gets a dreamy look in her eyes.

Mako [thinking]: Wow, he looks just like senpai. 
[Out loud.] I like cooking and cleaning, and if you
don't agree I'm great I'll give ya a free nose job,
got that, pal?

Mr. Host: Uh...yeah. Next.

Hino Rei: I am Hino Rei, Shinto Shrine Maiden.

Usagi [whispering]: Psst. Hey, Rei, you got any more
of that manga I found when Makoto went out on her
"date"?

Rei [blushing furiously: Usagi no baka! Don't mention
those out loud!

Usagi: Why not, Rei-chan?

[Unable to think of an answer, Rei does something far more
mature. She sticks her tongue out at Usagi. Usagi replies
in kind, and soon they are engaged in a battle to see
who can stick out their tongue the longest. It ends
when Setsuna bonks them both on the head with her time
key staff thingy.]

Guy in Audience: Hey, there's one more person on the 
Inners side!

GIAWLALLTA: Oh, be quiet!

Mr. Host: Now, let's start the Feud!!!

[Setsuna and Minako go up and shake hands and do that 
standard, boring stuff.]

Mr. Host: I ask you a question that has been asked 100
people, and you have to find the most popular answer. 
Top 5 Answers are on the board. Here it is: What it the 
most popular merchandising item nowadays? 

Minako [slapping buzzer]: Sailor V items! Sailor V
items...Sailor V chocolate drink...Sailor V shaving
cream...Sailor V lunchboxes...Sailor V pencils...
Sailor V wines! All the Sailor V stuff you can think
of! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!
[Minako smiles brightly.]

Toothpaste Guy: See! Told you getting her as a spokesperson
was a work of genius!

Mr. Host: Survey Says!

[The Survey Said it was the last, with only one person
having said it.]

Minako: Whaaa---? [Minako looks crestfallen.]

Rei: Minako, were you involved in this survey?

Minako: Uh, who, me? Where would you ever get an
idea like that? [Minako giggles guiltily.]

Setsuna: It is Sailorpluto's Youth Creams, Mr. Host.

Mr. Host: Survey Says!

[The Survey said it was #1, of course. Smiling confidently,
Setsuna returned to her place, winking at a man in the
audience.]

Man in Audience, aka Mamoru: [thinking] Don't do that, 
Setsuna! Usagi's here. If she knows we're going together,
I'll have to listen to her whine!

Mr. Host: Haruka?

Haruka: Sailoruranus's Excercise Equipment.

[Survey said it was #4. Haruka growls, determined to
seek revenge on those who put her so low.]

Michiru: Sailorneptune's Pools and Spas.

[Survey said it was #3.]

Hotaru [gasping weakly]: I....I'd...say [huff huff]...
Sailorsaturn's [She struggles to remain upright]
Healing Herbs and Potions. [Hotaru collapses, breathing
heavily].

Mr. Host: SURVEY SAYS!

[Survey Said it was #2, thus ending Round 1. The Outers
smile confidently, and the Inners frown. There's a bunch
of commercials, and then Round 2. Haruka and Usagi come
up.]

Haruka [thinking]: I'll let ya get this one, sweetie. Let's
see how good you and your little friends do. Ha-ha. [Out
loud.] So, you doing anything this weekend?

Usagi: Uh...uh...

Michiru [rolling eyes]: Oh, Haruka.

Haruka [leaning forward and putting her hand over Usagi's]:
If you're not doing anything, maybe you and I could do
something...you're such a cute girl, I'd love to get to
know you better.

Usagi: Ummm...er...I have my Mamo-chan.

Haruka: So? What he doesn't know won't kill him. Come on,
cutie. Have some fun with me. 

Usagi: Ummmm...ummm...I'm busy. I have to, er, take care
of my--

Mr. Host: Hey, I'm supposed to do the ridiculous flirting!
Question is: Name the best senshi.

Usagi:--bunny rabbits. 

Mr. Host: Bunny Rabbits! Survey Says!

{BZZZZZ!!!! Survey Said Zero.]

Mr. Host: Haruka?

Haruka: Ha-ha. Let her have it. She's so cute, and looks
so happy. Remember, I'm free tonight, sweet thing. 
[Haruka winks at Usagi, and they return to their seats.]

Mr. Host: Mako-chan?

Makoto [dreamily]: Senpai...

Mr. Host: Survey Says!

[BZZZZ!!!!!]

Mr. Host: I'm sorry, Sailorsenpai didn't make it on this
list. Minako?

Annoying Guy in Audience: Hey, it's Ami's turn! She already
went!

GWLALLTA: Aw, shuddup!

Minako: Sailor V!

[BZZZZ! Sailor V didn't even make the survey. Minako is 
infuriated, jumps up, and takes out chainsaw. She revs it 
up.]

Minako: BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Minako runs off, laughing insanely. She is followed by her
old friends in white coats, who want to give her a jacket that
lets her hug herself.]

Mr. Host: Sorry, Inners! You had your chance. Now it's the
Outers. 

Hotaru: The...ow...Outer...S...sss....enshi.

Michiru: The Outer Senshi.

Haruka: The Outer Senshi.

Mr. Host: Setsuna?

Setsuna: The Outer Senshi.

Mr. Host: SURVEY SAYS!!!

[Survey Said it was #1, with a full hundred percent
of the people saying it. The Outers smile confidently.]

Mr. Host: All right. We've reached the Final Round. A
person from each team will play lightning round! The Losers
get to choose each player. Choose well.

Ami: I'll play. I haven't done much in this fanfic so
far. I mean....I want to help my team win. Yeah, that's 
it.

Mr. Host: Fine: And which one of them.

Rei: The Special Guest.

Everybody: THE SPECIAL GUEST!!!

[The Special Guest appears. She is small and annoyingly 
cute.]

Everybody: Chibi-Chibi!

Chibi-Chibi: Chibi.

Michiru: She's sweet.

Haruka: Yeah...too sweet! Sugary sweet! My teeth! My poor 
teeth! They're getting cavities! Get her away! My teeth are 
rotting and falling out! Help! Help! Mmmmph! [Haruka is 
unable to talk properly, as she is now toothless. She merely 
frowns, glad she is fabulously wealthy and can afford surgical 
replacement teeth so she won't have to have dentures.]

[Well, due to a bit of laziness on my part, I won't even
bother to do a script of questions and answers. Needless
to say, it was all about large stuff, and Chibi-Chibi
kept saying what she always says. Ami gives 
intelligent answers.]

Mr. Host: Wow! What a turnover! Due to the power of the
Final Round, for the first time, the Outers have been 
unseated! The new champions are....THE INNERS!!!!

[The Inners cheer, and the Outers look shocked. Michiru
removes a mirror, and catches the light. She shoots a
stream of light into Mr. Host's eye, blinding him, and nods 
to Haruka. Haruka runs up, graps him from behind, and puts 
a sword up against his throat.]

Haruka [who has miraculously regained her teeth]: Is
that right?

Hotaru takes out staff with sickle at the end, whirls it 
above her head--still panting for air--and stops it less 
than an inch before Mr. Host's face. She says nothing, 
but stares at him silently.]

Mr. Host: Umm...oops! I read the teleprompter wrong! Silly
me! The winners...and still champions...are the Outers!

[The Outers smile confidently, glad that they have won
...again.]



THE END