Terence Fergusson (taf@isla-mia.demon.co.uk)
Ranma is copyright Rumiko Takahashi. Day of the Tentacle is
copyright Lucasarts. Any material used from either Ranma or Day of
the Tentacle are not of my own creation, and I take no credit for it.
Thank you for not suing me.
This fanfic - excepting those scenes, characters and other stuff that
belongs to the two aforementioned pieces of fiction (or in one case,
interactive fiction), plus any other anime, manga or general fiction
included in the story - is mine.
Story notes: /.../ designates thoughts...
_..._ designates stressed words...
Any other strange symbols _should_ be self-explanatory.
And now, the feature presentation... ^_^
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DING DONG!
From the back of the shared apartment, a young brunette skated
towards the door, and answered it. She looked outside, and brightened
at the sight of a small rodent on the doorstep. She turned to one of
her roommates, a stalwart young lad who had followed her in.
"Look, Ryoga," she said, "it's a hamster. Just what I need for
dissection lab tomorrow." She giggled slightly, turning a trained
pre-med eye on the poor hamster.
"Actually," said Ryoga, scratching his head, "I think I need that
for the team, Azusa. We've been looking for a new mascot ever since
the old one went missing... say, you wouldn't have had anything to do
with that, would ya?"
"Hands off that hamster!"
Ryoga and Azusa turned their attention from the door towards the
rear of the apartment, where a young man with large eyes and a pale
complexion entered. Azusa smirked. "Friend of yours, Hikaru?"
Hikaru Gosunkugi shook his head. "He belongs to Tatewaki Kuno, and
it looks like he's brought us a note." Sure enough, the small rodent
held up the piece of paper it was delivering. Hikaru picked up the
letter and shut the door. No one heard the pained little squeak as
the hamster sustained minor nose injuries.
"It's from my old friend Sasuke," said Hikaru. "He says Kodachi's
pet, Mr Turtle, has mutated into an insane genius, and Principal
Kuno's going to kill them both!" Ryoga's jaw dropped at the cruelty,
while Azusa's eyes widened at the thought of wasting a perfectly good
specimen. But neither of them were thinking about Mr Turtle.
Hikaru looked out of the apartment window into the dark, starry
night. "I thought I was free of the Principal and those crazy Kunos
forever." His expression slowly set with determination.
"But now, I know that I must go....
...back to the Mansion!"
===================================================================
D A Y O F T H E T U R T L E
Part 1 : "If It Wasn't For Those Meddling Kids...."
===================================================================
Within quarter of an hour, the trio were standing outside Kuno
mansion, dwarfed by the ominous structure before them. A dark gray
mist hovered just above the ground, and an eerie light shone upon
them.
Ryoga turned away from the burning wreckage of Hikaru's car, which
was having a brief and ultimately terminal affair with a nearby tree.
"Uh, Gos, perhaps we should have walked. I mean, it was only a few
blocks away...."
Hikaru waved away the suggestion. "We didn't have the time. We've
got to stop Principal Kuno!" With that, he hurried up the path,
towards the mansion itself.
Ryoga glanced over at Azusa, who merely shrugged and followed.
Ryoga gave up. /What was the worst that could happen,/ he thought.
He followed them in.
A few moments later, Azusa skated back down the path to help Ryoga
find his way back to the mansion.
They met inside the lobby. Apparently the Kuno mansion had
undergone a number of changes since Hikaru's last visit. To all
intents and purposes, the entire mansion seemed to have been
converted into a hotel. No one dared to comment on it though.
"Ok, We'll spread out, commando-style," said Hikaru, planning out
their next course of action. Since Sasuke was Hikaru's friend, Ryoga
and Azusa thought that Hikaru might as well take charge of the
operation.
"Ryoga, you secure the area behind the double doors. Azusa, you
take care of upstairs reconnaissance. I'll maintain Command H.Q.
here, in the lobby."
Of course, maybe "taking charge of the operation" wasn't the correct
phrase to apply to this situation.
"Uh, Gos," said Ryoga, "maintaining Command H.Q. doesn't sound like
a very useful role. 'Sides, you've been here before. You should have
more experience looking."
"Ah," replied Hikaru, slightly nervously, "but establishing a base
of operations is a... a very important part of any operation! I, uh,
can collaborate with what you find, and I can, um, search the
office," he cried, inspiration striking as he looked for more
excuses.
Azusa, impatient to get this over with, interrupted before Ryoga
could argue any further. "Just what are we supposed to be looking
for?" she asked.
"We need to find where the Principal is holding Mr Turtle," he
replied quickly, eager to change the subject.
"Mr Turtle's the alligator, right?" said Ryoga. Hikaru nodded.
Azusa started on the stairs, having trouble with the roller blades
she wore everywhere she went. "This better not take too long," she
called as she went up the stairs one at a time. "I've got an anatomy
final tomorrow."
"And I've got practice in the morning," Ryoga added as he
reluctantly left through the double doors towards what seemed to be
some kind of conference room. "And if I'm late one more time, Coach
says I'll have to stay out the next game...." He disappeared into
the adjoining room, his voice fading as the double doors shut slowly
behind him.
Gosunkugi looked around, trying to figure out what to do. /Now,/
he thought, /if I know the Principal, he's probably holding them in
his secret lab. Question is, where's his secret lab?/
He paced backwards and forwards, musing on the problem.
Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock.
He mused a little more.
Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock.
He strode in circles, irritated at the lack of ideas.
Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock.
"Would you shut up!" he yelled at the nearby grandfather clock,
which continue to tick incessantly.
Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock.
"ARRRGGGGHHHH!!!!!" he shouted, pulling out one of his hammers, and
charging the offending antique. He smashed into it, pounding away at
the clock's outer casing.
Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock.
Hikaru finally slumped to the ground, exhausted from that display
of violence. The clock stood there resolutely, refusing to be
silenced.
Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock. Creeeaaak.
He looked up suddenly, and watched in amazement as the front of the
clock opened up to reveal a shaft disappearing straight down into
darkness. A secret passage.
"Wahey!" he cheered, clambering into the shaft. "This is all too
easy," he said to himself happily, before misjudging the gap and
banging his head against the upper part of the clock. With a dazed
expression on his face, he slid slowly down out of sight.
--**************--
Azusa skated happily down the long corridor, stopping every once
in a while to check on another hotel door. She came to a stop,
however, as she recognised a very familiar face.
"Ryoga? How'd you get upstairs?"
Ryoga scratched his head and looked back at her in confusion. "Am
I upstairs? I got lost," he admitted, embarrassed. "Seen any
alligators?" he asked, trying to change the subject.
It was Azusa's turn to look confused. "Um, what's an alligator?"
"Oh, jus' a large predatory reptile, brudda," replied a voice from
behind. They turned around to see a man wearing a large colourful
T-shirt and shorts. He wore dark mirrored sunglasses and had a lei
around his neck. However, on top of his head, was a palm tree. Not
a large one, but a palm tree nevertheless.
Neither Ryoga nor Azusa needed any more information to correctly
identify the former Principal of Furinkan High. The Principal
ignored them for the most part, turning instead towards a nearby
vending machine in the corridor.
"It be like da crcodile, 'cept it be havin' da shortah and broadah
snout, yeah," continued Principal Kuno, in his own unique way. "It
make de real good pet fo' my daughtah, 'til it be tryin' to take ovah
de world. Ha' to tie da keiki up in de basement."
"Good thing you told us that," said Azusa, a little airily.
"Yeah," Ryoga added. "Gosunkugi wanted us to set him and Sasuke
free."
"Good thin' you not be thinkin' so stupid, yeah! Only an idiot
Haole would be doin' such a thing," said the principal, as he dug
about in the pockets of his shorts, and inserted some change into the
vending machine.
Suddenly, he stopped in his tracks.
"Hey, you be waitin' a mo'. You didn' say Hikaru Gosunkugi,
did you brudda?"
--**************--
"Are you sure about this, Sasuke?"
"No... <OW!> I mean YES, YES!!"
Gosunkugi reached for the ropes, but then hesitated. "Sasuke,
what's that behind you?"
Sasuke's eyes darted from side to side, widened in fear. "No one,
Hik... <OUCH!> I mean nothing, Gos! Nothing. Not a thing."
Hikaru looked around, slightly suspiciously. It was a pity it was
so dark in here. Only a small window set near the ceiling provided
the slightest glimmer of light. "Say, where's that alligator you
wrote to me about?"
"Eezhay eehindbay eemay," whispered the ninja through his teeth.
Gosunkugi spun around. "What did you say, Sasuke?"
"Eezhay eehindbay eemay!" he repeated in frustration.
The former voodoo practitioner brightened. "Code, is it?! Why I
came top in our course on cracking codes in Computer Science. Did I
tell you I'm taking it for my major? Hang on a moment, let me work
it out...."
Sasuke almost screamed in frustration. He jostled about in his
bonds for a moment, but then stilled suddenly. "Uh, Gos," he said,
picking his words extremely carefully, "could you _PLEASE_ untie the
rope. Like, _NOW_?"
"Huh?" Gosunkugi looked up, and nodded absently. "Sure, Sasuke.
Now, eezhay... due to the proportion of e's in the sentence as
opposed to any other letter, that must translate directly onto e...."
He continued his "deciphering" as he walked over to the bound ninja,
and pulled open the knot with a simple tug. "Thanks," muttered
Sasuke, as he slumped to the ground.
"Yes," came an altogether more menacing voice. "Thank you, naive
human." A scaly claw streaked from the darkness, grabbing Hikaru by
his shirt, and pulling him up into the darkness. All that he could
make out in the limited light was a rather short and broad snout. He
closed his eyes, waiting for a world full of hurt.
There was silence. And then: "No. Too scrawny." Hikaru found
himself no longer supported by the scaled appendage, and bounced a
little as his butt hit the floor.
"I have no time for snacks at the moment anyway. I must finish
my plan to take over the world! OHOHOHOHOHOHOHO....!" The beast
lumbered off, laughing that laugh that reminded Gosunkugi so much
of roses... black roses.
Still a little in shock, Hikaru reached down and shook the bundle
on the floor, never taking his eyes off the stairs the monster had
taken. "Sasuke," he said, nervously, "Sasuke?"
"Hmmm," groaned the bundle.
"That wouldn't have been...."
"Yeah. Miss Kodachi's pet. Uh, I'm sorry I got you into this,
Gos. I mean, he forced me to write the note, and all the things he
was saying he was going to do.... I couldn't take it, Gos! You were
the only person I could think of that could help!"
"What about Ranma?"
"Uh... I tried him first," Sasuke admitted, "but the hamster said
that he wasn't in Nerima."
"The hamster?" Gosunkugi asked, slightly incredulous.
"Never mind," said Sasuke, embarrassed.
"And all that about taking over the world?"
"Uh, Mr Turtle seems to take a lot after Miss Kodachi. I'd better
try and stop him." Sasuke got to his feet unsteadily, but managed to
strike a heroic pose. "Never fear, Gos! I'm sure to succeed!" And
before Hikaru could argue, the ninja leapt for the small window,
squeezing through the open gap.
Hikaru winced as a muffled crash was heard from the other side of
the window. "Oh well," he said to himself. "What possible harm
could one insane mutant alligator do?"
--**************--
Article found in "The Tokyo Herald", later next day:
RAMEN SHORTAGE HITS NERIMA
Ramen noodles all over the Nerima district have disappeared
overnight. Chinese restaurants everywhere opened their stores this
morning to find all their stocks of ramen had vanished.
One of the lucky few to keep hold of their ramen was the
Nekohanten. One of the employees bravely defended their food storage
from an unknown intruder.
"Saotome has gone too far," commented the employee. "Trying to
steal my shampoo in the middle of the night! The casanova! Ranma
Saotome, PREPARE TO DIE!!"
Police are baffled as to what anyone would want with that much
ramen, as well as, apparently, a bottle of shampoo.
Insiders say that a Saotome involvement is "a possibility."
However, they do admit that both Ranma Saotome and Akane Tendo, both
long time catalysts for strange happenings, were no where near Nerima
last night, being away at University.
Ramen shortages are expected to continue throughout the rest of the
week until stocks can be brought in.
--**************--
"HEY BOY! Goddamn, what have you done, you meddlin' keiki?!"
The lights snapped on, and Hikaru blinked away spots. With the
basement now illuminated, a more detailed description could now be
attained. It seemed almost like a rundown cellar, except of course
for a few minor differences.
For example, the huge "SLUDGE-O-MATIC" machine that was busy
pumping toxic waste outside for no immediately apparent reason.
The rest of the secret lab was concentrated in a large area on the
other side of the "SLUDGE-O-MATIC", where a massive contraption
sat, housed in what looked like a Robin Reliant to all intents and
purposes.
Between Hikaru and the aforementioned contraption, stood a man
wearing a colourful shirt and a lei, with a palm tree on his head.
Further description is a waste of space, especially since Gosunkugi
recognised the man on sight.
"P-P-Principal Kuno," he stuttered, "what are you doing here?"
"Do you realise what you gone an' be doing? Now, dat big goddamn
reptile is free to use his mutant powers to take ovah de world,
yeah!"
"Uh, oops," supplied Hikaru, helpfully.
"Now I gone be havin' no choice, brudda! I havta turn off da
SLUDGE-O-MATIC machin' an' prevent da toxic mutathingy from enterin'
da river, yeah!"
"But, Mr Kuno, isn't it a little late for that?" Hikaru replied,
his brilliant deduction skills coming to the fore. He was rewarded
by a whap around the head.
"Of course it is, boy! Dat's while I'll havta do it... yesterday!
To da time machin'!"
--**************--
"This is all your fault, Hikaru Gosunkugi," grumbled Azusa.
"Uh, Mr Kuno, couldn't you just send Gos?" Ryoga looked about
a little suspiciously at the small booth he was currently standing
in, which looked a little too much like a PortaLoo for his own
comfort. It even had a toilet inside it. Uncomfortable was not the
word. The Principal had called these booths "Chronojohns". It was a
name that did little to relieve any of their fears.
"No, kiddies!" replied the Principal, who was standing next to a
large lever that was protruding out of the Robin Reliant. "With all
of you goin', da chances of one of you makin' it alive is a lot
greatah, yeah!"
"Um," Hikaru said nervously, "has any people ever been hurt in
these things?"
"Of course not!" replied the Principal indignantly. The kids
brightened at that pronouncement. "Dis be da first time I be tryin'
it on people," he finished.
The shock and fear on the kids' faces had to be seen to be believed.
"Mr Kuno...," said Azusa, her voice a little unsteady.
"No more questions, kiddies! It's time to...."
"But Mr Kuno!" insisted Azusa.
"What is it now?"
"I have to go to the little girl's room."
"Oh."
Terence Fergusson
-- Student of Advanced Murphodynamics
-- Stranded in an Anime-free College