Date: Tue, 01 Jul 1997 12:53:10 -0600
From: Jeremy Parish <ejp95w@timon.acu.edu> 
Reply-To: ejp95w@timon.acu.edu
To: fanfiction mailing list <fanfic@fanfic.com>
Subject: [FFML] [FFML] [RANMA] [FANFIC] Procrastination

Well, this has been sitting on my hard drive for about half a year,
but I've finally worked up enough nerve to send it. Yeah, it's my
first fanfic, and yes, it's a Ranma fic. C&C welcome, and if you hate
it, be sure to let me know, so that I don't waste anyone's time
writing more of these. Disclaimers and such follow the story. Enjoy, I
hope.

+++++++++

Procrastination A Ranma 1/2 fanfic by Jeremy Parish
(ejp95w@timon.acu.edu)

+++++++++

	
I really liked the viewpoint the story is told; it was a refreshing
change (at first I thought it was a self-insertion fic). The explanation
of the Ranmaverse, and how everything was built up, all from Yuka's
viewpoint , was interesting, though I must say it felt it was a tad too
long in some places- a little too descriptive and slow-moving here and
there. Hearing things from a new perspective was cool, but hearing a lot
of things I already know, from whatever perspective, kinda gets a little
tedious after several paragraphs. What did strike me as curious was that
the story was more of a home-baked story with Ranma as a sidedish than
the other way around, which I find to be the status quo. 
	
The girl-perspective thing was also kinda weird. Especially when I knew
it was coming from a guy. It really felt as if it was told by a woman.
	
I'd also like to comment that the way the amount of reflection on Yuka's
part outweighs her actual telling of the events in the story made me
feel like I was  reading a diary. Not that that makes it bad- it's just
an impression I got. 
	
There was only one little thing which bugged me a bit: Football practice
in Tokyo? From what little I know about Japan, football doesn't strike
me as a popular sport there (I could be wrong, though. I don't know what
sports are big there).
	
I must commend you on your writing style; it looks very good (better
than mine, at any rate). If you are writing further fanfics (which you
should), one from Sazuke's point (for example) of view might prove
interesting...

Luis Majluf