A Bubblegum Crisis/She-Hulk Crossover
Thank you Nightraven. I know this was above and beyond the call editing.
Kahm....stop laughing and get away from that keyboard!
Emerald Daze
Day 1
--------
By She-hulk
The tornado touched down briefly and deposited it's cargo before zipping
off to hijack others. Unfortunately it misjudged the distance and She-Hulk
fell two stories before hitting the ground. She landed with a loud boom and
sank into the page.
"Oh my head!" Jen peered out from her hole and surveyed the blank
surroundings. "Oh, for pity's sake! I've gotten here before the artists!"
She climbed out and dusted off her clothes. "Well. This is a change. Blue
jeans, tennis shoes and a comfortable sweater. Nothing revealing or in
bizarre colors." She frowned and looked around again. "I wonder what they're
planning. I bet some weird space alien shoots everything off before page
two, leaving me running around in my BVD's for the rest of the book!"
"Honestly! You'd think these guys would get a life!" She turned to the
left and froze. "Wait a minute! This isn't comic paper! It's a computer
screen! That's a word processing program! What the hell is..." A look of
utter surprise formed on Jen's face. "I can't say that. How did I say that?
The ACA wouldn't allow me to say that!" She looked around and spoke softly.
"God...Damn....Bastard....Son of a Bitch!"
Her mouth fell open and she shook her head. "All right, this one's the
clincher." She shot a fearful look at the sky as if the ACA Hand-of-God was
waiting for a reason to strike her down.
"Fuck." Jen closed her eyes and waited for the blast. It never came.
Horror washed over her as realized what this meant.
"I've been shanghaied into a Fan Fiction!"
@_@
Jen sat hunched in the middle of the page and refused to respond to
anything that happened around her. The author had tried several tactics;
dropping her into a raging ocean, tossing her into a stampede, letting her
loose on Rodeo drive with unlimited credit card balances. Nothing had worked.
A She-Hulk sized table and chair appeared beside her. The sweet smell of
capucinno wafted down to Jen and she winced. "That's not fair. You obviously
know that mocha's my favorite. You're taking advantage of omnipotent
knowledge and using it against me." She ignored the smell with difficulty.
The author sighed and decided to level with her. # Look, I know you're
upset, but you have to see the up side to this. At least you're back in
action again. Do you realize how long it's been since The Sensational
She-Hulk ended? #
Jen wrinkled her nose and thought. "I'm not sure. I vaguely remember
something called the Fantastic Force, but I thought that was a nightmare."
# It wasn't. Well, it was to everyone who was forced to read it. Come on,
I'm a true fan! I've been collecting your comics for years! Who better to
write a fan fiction about you? #
Jen got up and sat down at the table. She sipped the hot drink and shot a
sly look at the author. "Convince me."
A large screen appeared and began to flash images of what had been done to
her without her knowledge. Jennifer stared at the screen with growing horror
and finally let out a scream when she saw the XXX-rated fan fiction. Only
the author's influence kept the table from smashing to pieces under the
force of her blow. The cup splintered and disappeared, quickly replaced by
another.
"How could they do that?" She sank back down into her chair, depression
settling over her features. "They don't know me at All!"
# That's what I'm hoping to change. I don't write to a comic book list. I
write to an Anime list. # She frowned in confusion. # Anime people are
thinkers. They understand the subtlest aspects of humor, but can also
appreciate the outrageous slapstick. #
Video clips from various animes began to run. Ranma 1/2, Ah My Goddess!,
Tenchi Muyo, Lum and a dozen more. A hopeful expression began to form. #
Yes. You see what I'm getting at? I want to bring you into this world. You
and I could create some of the most entertaining fan fiction ever! #
"What about copyrights?"
# I hate to say this, but I would be more worried if I were writing about
the X-men. #
Jennifer sat quietly for a long minute, considering. "All right. But if we
get busted, I'm telling Marvel that you drugged me."
# Agreed. #
"Okay. Where do we start?" She watched the screen change and saw a large
blue robot maiming several police officers. "Blue robots and gratuitous
violence. A little dark, don't you think?"
# Actually, they're called boomers. This is the world of Bubblegum Crisis..
It's set in MegaTokyo in the year 2035. The only thing you need to know at
this point is that Genom and it's owner, Quincy are bad guys. There is a
mercenary group operating in the city, known as the Knight Sabers. They're
the good guys. Here is a list of their real names and addresses. #
Jen looked at the list and frowned. "Doesn't this violate the SIC?"
# The Secret Identity Code can be bypassed in a fan fic to save time and
needless explanations. # Jen didn't see the author cross her fingers.
"If you say so. What's the plot?" There was a long silence. "Uh, excuse
me? The plot?"
A large swirling vortex began to form beside She-Hulk and she looked from
it to the author. "Wait a minute! Don't you think you should tell me what
I'm supposed to be doing in this world?" She began to slide into the story.
# I don't know yet! #
"What! You bitc-!" The vortex closed and the author sighed in relief.
# I'd better hurry, she'll be landing soon. #
^_^
Nene stood staring into the depths of her refrigerator. She couldn't
decide on chicken or-.
Wind gusted through her apartment, hurling papers and debris about. Nene
rushed into the living room in time to see a large hole open in the ceiling.
The vortex swirled darkly and Nene ducked behind the sofa, peeking around
it's edge. A large form fell from the center and crashed onto her floor. The
whole apartment vibrated from the force and Nene flinched. As the wind began
to die down, she risked a quick look.
Jen shot an evil look at the ceiling and muttered darkly, "I'm going to
kill you."
Nene stared at the large green woman sitting in her living room floor and
let out a scream.
Jen's head whipped around and she spotted a tiny girl hiding behind a
small couch. She smiled reassuringly and waved. "It's all right. I'm one of
the good guys."
Nene heard the gaijin words, but didn't understand them. She spoke quickly
in Japanese. "Nihongo ga dekimasu ka?"
"What did you say?"
Nene frowned at the incomprehensible phrase. "Nan to osshaimashita ka?"
Jennifer groaned when she realized the problem. "You dropped me in the
middle of Japan without thinking about the language barrier?"
# Sorry. Give me a minute. #
Another vortex swirled into place beside Jen. A small woman with green
hair and horns stepped out. She was dressed in brief battle armor and was
carrying a huge sword. She looked at She-Hulk and sighed. Jen watched in
amazement as she leaned forward and kissed her. She felt a strange tingle
and shook her head slightly. The green-haired woman spoke to the author.
"You owe me for this."
# I know. #
"You know what I want?"
# Yes, yes. Outlanders II: Hardcore All Night. Maybe I'll let your
namesake help. #
"Oh no! Not her! She'd kill us all off before we got to have any fun. Just
let me know when you've got the time." She stepped back into the vortex and
paused. She looked She-Hulk over from head to toe and grinned mischievously.
"You can bring her along if you like. I'd love to see Botia's reaction to
that body."
# I'll do that, could be fun. #
She waved and slipped through the hole.
Nene blinked and looked at the tall green woman. "Uh...hello?"
Jennifer stared down at the redhead and realized that she could understand
her. "Thank goodness! I don't know what she did, but I can understand you
now. My name's Jennifer Walters, also known as She-Hulk." Nene continued to
stare at her. "I'm here to help?"
0_0
Nene poured Jen another cup of coffee and shook her head. "You mean she
just dropped you here and didn't tell you why?" Jen shook her head and
awkwardly held the small cup. Apparently Japan was a small country in many
ways.
"I think I'm supposed to just hang around with these Knight Saber people
and see what develops."
Nene choked on her coffee and began to cough. She-Hulk started to pat her
on the back, but thought better of it. She handed Nene a napkin and drew out
her list of names. "I've got the list, but I need a map of the city."
"A list!" Nene's voice was high and panicked. She snatched the paper from
Jen's hand and stared down at it in horror. "You're not supposed to have
this! Do you know how much trouble you can get in?"
Jen frowned at the author and assumed an innocent expression. "No, I
didn't know. The author gave it to me, is that a problem?"
"A problem?! It's a direct violation!" Nene looked at her suspiciously.
"You haven't looked at this have you?" Jen shrugged. "Oh boy! Silia's going
to pitch a fit. Nobody knows who we...I mean who the Knight Sabers are,
except for two incidental characters who nobody would believe anyway!"
Jennifer sighed and wondered how long this would continue. The ringing of
the door bell answered her question and she rolled her eyes at the cliché.
"If it's a rampaging boomer, then I'm out of here!"
Nene blinked as the large, out-of-control boomer disappeared, leaving
Priss standing in front of her door. Priss looked down at herself and tried
to remember how she'd gotten here. She shrugged, "Hi. Have I forgotten a
meeting?"
Nene pulled her inside and Priss headed for the kitchen. She picked up the
coffee pot and was pouring herself a cup when she became aware of the large
green woman sitting at Nene's table. Jen reached out slowly and tipped the
coffee pot upright to keep Priss from burning herself. Priss placed the pot
on the counter with deliberate care and turned to Nene.
"Is there something you'd like to tell me?"
^.o
Priss slammed back the sake and stared at Nene's visitor. At seven feet
tall, she towered over them and Priss felt like the guy in that old fairy
tale, whats-his-name, Guyvor or Guliver. Nene was waving a piece of paper
around and predicting dire consequences. Jennifer didn't appear too worried.
"Look, I understand what you're saying, but it's too late now. I already
know about you, Priss, Linna, and Silia. I know about the Lady 633 and I
know about Priss' sister. So can we just get this-"
Priss cup hit the table with a snap. "What sister? I don't have a sister.
I was an only child!" Her voice was growing steadily in volume and Jen
winced. She retrieved the paper from Nene and read the bottom line again.
"Whoops! Sorry....wrong anime." She turned to the author. "Can't you keep
your stories straight!?"
# Sorry! It slipped out. #
"Well, just don't let it happen again. Now, as I was saying. I think we
should just proceed with things as they stand. There's nothing else we can
do now." Jennifer sighed and looked down at her two companions. "I suppose
you both drive tiny cars, don't you?"
-.-
Priss dew a card and laid down four, then discarded. Nene snapped up the
three of clubs and laid down five cards. She discarded and Jen played her
queen on Priss' jack, drew a card and then discarded it. Jen sighed deeply.
"I wonder when she'll remember we're here?"
# I'm awake. Just give me a minute to catch up. #
"By the time that happens the story will be over." Her smirk changed to a
look of alarm as the room began to shake. "Whoa! OK! I'm sorry!" The room
stopped shaking.
# I haven't had my coffee yet, so don't start with me! #
"Jeez! You got up on the wrong side of the bed!"
o.-
She-Hulk laughed as she rounded a corner and accelerated out of the turn.
She'd been thrilled to discover that Priss, not only rode a motorcycle, but
that it was one of the largest bikes ever made. Priss was clinging to her
back as it had seemed impractical the other way round.
"This thing is great! What'd you say it was called again?" She-Hulk
shouted over the sound of the engine.
Priss' reply was muffled, but Jen heard. "The Highway Star!"
They were heading for the Lady 633 building, so they could inform Silia of
the strange developments that were developing.
"Oh that's really literate!"
# Shut up. Caffeine hasn't kicked in yet. #
Jen slowed for a light and watched in amazement as one of the pedestrians
crossing if front of her seemed to explode. The cloth and flesh flew away
and revealed a boomer.
Priss cursed as it began to stalk towards them. "Let's get out of here!"
"But there are people in danger!"
"Tough! We can't handle this without weapons."
She-Hulk climbed off the bike and turned to Priss. "I can't leave people
in trouble. It's rule number 4 of the Super Hero Code. Go get help, I'll
keep that thing busy." Priss shook her head at Jen's foolishness and took
off. She-Hulk started to push up the sleeves of her sweater, but they
weren't there. She looked down at herself in wonder. Her street clothes had
been replaced by some kind of body armor. It was dark blue, form-fitting and
Jen realized that it didn't restrict her movements. A large rifle was
strapped to her back. "This looks great, but why do I need it? I'm
practically invulnerable, remember?"
# You've never fought boomers before. #
She pulled the rifle off and tossed it away. "I don't need that thing and
I don't like them."
# Fine. Your funer-I mean your choice. #
The blast caught her squarely and Jen was knocked across the street and
through three buildings before she finally came to a halt. She staggered to
her feet, holding her head. A trickle of green blood ran down the side of
her face. "I'm bleeding! I'm not supposed to bleed! You never said anything
about this!"
# Oh. Forgot the helmet. #
Jen grabbed the visored helmet that appeared and shoved it on. "The last
time I was bleeding, it was part of a six book story arc that had everyone
on the edge of their seats. The whole world wondered if I would survive. Now
you just forget a piece of equipment and I'm hurt? What kind of world is
this?"
# Get used to it. Everyone bleeds in the BGC world. Except maybe Nene. #
The boomer hurled a chunk of rubble at her and she leapt out of the way.
Jen watched the digital readout that appeared on the lens of her visor and
frowned. "This thing's got weak spots all over it! Isn't this cheating?"
# No! The boomers are mass produced and malfunction so regularly that the
Knight Sabers destroy several a week. They've developed their equipment to
this point to save time. Just trash the boomer and stop questioning me. #
Jen shrugged and ran nimbly through the spread of lasers the boomer was
firing at her. She flipped forward and landed in front of the boomer, who
tried to retreat. She-Hulk grabbed it's head and twisted it cleanly off. As
the boomer hit the ground she saw four armored figures appear. Jen dropped
the boomer's head and moved into a fighting stance. Priss' voice came over a
radio inside of her helmet.
"She-Hulk?" She was pretty sure that was who it was, as there wasn't many
other seven foot tall people running around Japan. Priss wondered where
she'd picked up the cool armor.
Jen pulled off her helmet and smiled at the Knight Sabers. "Sorry, I
didn't know you guys were into the body armor thing." She frowned at the
author, who merely shrugged. "I sort of started without you. Hope you don't
mind?"
Silia stepped forward and spoke. "No, the demonstration of your abilities
was quite...fascinating. Nene has told me of your plot problem. I think I
can help. Shall we discuss it over lunch?"
0.0
Priss punched the air and shouted, "Yes!"
Silia smiled at her reaction and refilled Jen's wine glass. "I thought you
might like that idea." She looked at Jennifer and raised a brow in question.
"Will you help us?"
There are times when an offer is just too good to refuse and this was one
of them. "Of course. I wouldn't miss it for the world!" She raised her glass
and they five women toasted to the success of their plan.
:p
Silia finished the adjustments to She-Hulk's armor as Linna ran over the
layout of the building again.
"...so there's not really much known about the upper levels. We'll just
have to wing it once we're inside." Linna sighed and Nene clapped her on the
back as she passed.
"Don't worry so much! You'll get wrinkles!" Linna stuck her tongue out at
her, but Nene just laughed and began to run the pre-battle checks to her
hard suit. Priss lit a cigarette and started to check her own suit, humming
under her breath as she worked.
Jennifer watched the easy camaraderie that exited between the women and
felt a twinge of envy. She missed Weezi. She directed a thought to the
author. (How 'bout bringing her into this? I could use a side kick again.)
# Weezi retired to the Bahamas with your father. I don't think she'll be
leaving anytime soon. #
(Damn.) Jen smiled at the curse. Nice to be able to react like a normal
person. Silia touched her arm and brought her back to the present.
"Are you all right?"
"Yeah. Just thinking about my old partner." She shook off her somber mood
and focused on the small gun mount that was now affixed to her left arm. "I
don't do guns. Why bother?"
"That's a tranquilizer gun for any humans that we find inside." Silia
looked around at her team and knew they were as ready as they ever would be.
"Let's go."
*-*
The Knightwing hovered over the roof of Genom tower, distracting the
security as the Knight Sabers began their ground assault. The first ring of
security was the boomer guards and they fell quickly. She-Hulk tossed a
decapitated boomer at it's companions and watched in satisfaction as all
four were crushed against the reinforced walls. Priss took out two more with
her rail gun and split a third in half with her energy blade as she ran
past. The humans inside had fled quickly and the team was spared the worry
of casualties.
Nene checked the terminal on the ground floor and radio Silia. "It's no
good, Silia. This computer is part of a closed system. We need an open
terminal." Silia ordered her to follow Linna and keep low. Without Nene,
their chances fell from slim to none.
Silia watched Priss and She-Hulk carve a path to the next level and
radioed Linna. "Get ready to move." Linna waved in acknowledgment and waited
for her chance.
Jen faced the large door and planted her feet firmly. She gripped her
hands together and raised them over her head. With an incredible burst of
strength, she struck the door. Priss grinned as the door exploded inward,
taking out the half dozen boomers that were behind it.
Silia signaled Linna and began to lay down cover fire as more boomers
emerged. Linna threaded her way through the chaos, careful to keep Nene with
her.
Floor after floor they fought their way up. Priss and She-Hulk leading the
way, Linna and Nene in the middle and Silia guarding the flank. As they
continued to climb, Jen began to wonder if there was a top to this place.
The wall in front of her exploded and she stared at the huge boomer that
was rapidly advancing on them. It was over thirteen feet tall and was red.
Jen smiled and rushed to met it. "Hot Damn! A real challenge at last!"
The boomer back-handed her and sent her crashing through several offices.
Priss yelled at her over the radio and was amazed to hear Jennifer laughing!
"I'm fine, Priss. Thanks for asking. You go on ahead, I'll care of this
little guy." Priss shook her head in disbelief as She-Hulk charged the
boomer again. This time she leapt into the air and landed behind him. She
wrapped her arms around the boomer and began to squeeze with all of her
considerable strength. Priss turned and destroyed three boomers, then
started for the next level. As Nene slipped through the door she looked back
in time to see the boomer separate into two pieces.
Tossing the boomer halves away, Jen ran to catch up with Silia. She waved
cheerfully and Silia wondered how she had wound up with someone who was more
reckless than Priss.
"That was an advanced boomer, Jennifer. They're highly dangerous." Her
tone was patient.
"He wasn't so tough."
"He didn't have to be. They carry a 'spoil sport' bomb. It activates when
the brain is destroyed. If you'd ripped his head off like the others then we
wouldn't be having this conversation and this level would have a very large
hole in it." The silence that followed told Silia that she'd made her point.
Priss shoved Nene behind a pile of debris and cursed. Three advanced
boomers had cornered them and she could see more coming. "Damn I wish I had
a cannon! Silia? We've run into a little trouble up here. Do you think you
can hurry?"
Silia raced up the stairs and burst through the doors in time to see Priss
slammed into a wall. "Priss!" She activated her energy blade and began to
slice her way to Priss' side. She-Hulk tossed desks, chairs, steel beams and
anything else she could tear lose at the boomers who were trying to reach
them. She saw Silia drag Priss to her feet and start to pull her out of the
room. "Silia! Take the others up to the next level. Get as far away from my
position as possible, understand?"
Silia did understand. "No! You don't know what you're saying!"
"Sure I do. You've got one minute to find cover and then I'm going to
start my reenactment of the French Revolution!" She began to knock the
boomers back with a steel girder, but they would just get up again. Jen saw
more red boomers advancing. "Now!"
Silia led the others from the room and didn't look back.
# Hang on a second. #
"What! Where are you going?"
# I smell chocolate. Something's cooking. #
"You're leaving me hanging while you go get chocolate?!"
# Just keep counting, I'll be back in a minute. #
She-Hulk counted as she dodged blasts and knocked down boomers. As she
reached one she said a quick prayer and began to knock the heads from the
boomers surrounding her. Her last thought as they exploded was that she
really hoped this wasn't a dark fic.
Silia felt the building shake and watched the floor in front off them
disappear. The sound was filtered by their helmets and that bothered her.
They should hear the death of their team mate. Nene was crying and Priss was
cursing Jennifer.
"You God damn hotshot! I'm supposed to pull the stupid grand standing
stunts!" Her arm was hanging useless at her side, the armor broken away.
"You meddling bitch! It's not even your fight!" Her words were hard, but it
was all show. Priss was glad that her helmet hid her face.
Silia knew they couldn't stay here and she ordered the others to move out.
They reached the next level in silence and Nene logged on to the computer.
The data that scrolled over the screen was what they'd been looking for and
her voice was subdued. "I'm in. I've uploaded the virus. In three minutes,
all of Genom's hidden files and secret documents will be erased. Anything
with a security protection." She was, of course, copying the files before
they were destroyed. Genom's secrets would be no more and they would lose
years of research.
The program finished and Nene disengaged from the terminal. They had
completed their mission. As they left the room, Nene stopped and carved out
the Knight Sabers signature on the wall with her laser. Under it she wrote
something else.
Silia looked at She-Hulk's name and nodded at Nene. "It's time to go."
They made they're way back down, destroying any stray boomers they ran
across and finally reached the ground floor. The blast had blown through all
of the floors below and they passed the crater without speaking.
A faint rumble caused the Knight Sabers to turn and they saw the mass of
debris in the crater begin to shift. A green hand poked through as it shoved
a large chunk of concrete away. Silia and Linna were in the crater in
seconds, digging furiously. Jennifer's head popped up and she began to
cough. They pulled her out of the crater and stared at her in amazement. Her
armor had been blown away and her inner soft suit was in shreds. She was
bleeding from a few small cuts, but otherwise seemed to be fine. "Hi.
(cough) Miss me? (cough cough)"
Priss threw an exasperated look at the author. "This is BGC, you know? You
could have killed her."
Jen stared at Priss in shock. "You wanted me to die?"
"Not die exactly, but you won't be staying in this world, so why not go
out with a bang?" It seemed logical to Priss, but then she was suicidal
anyway.
# Sorry. I'd rather not have everyone writing me nasty comments. #
"It does take the drama out of the scene though." Linna's expression was
thoughtful.
Silia agreed. "The whole series is full of angst. Her survival isn't very
poignant, is it?"
She-Hulk climbed to her feet and looked at the author. "The story is
finished, right? So why don't you zap me out of here before they decide to
correct the situation?"
# I think you're right. #
The vortex appeared and Jennifer waved as she stepped inside. "Bye bye,
guys. It's been...weird."
: )
Jennifer landed in the chair beside the table and sighed in relief. She
was back in her street clothes and a hot cup was waiting for her. "I could
get used to this. However, I don't think the futuristic techno stuff is for
me. How about something a little less hazardous next time?"
# Danger is part of the game. It would be pretty boring without it. #
"And if I refuse to cooperate?"
The room swirled and Jennifer found herself lying on a large bed. She was
naked and shackled spread-eagled. She strained to break free, but the
restraints held her easily. A low laugh came from the dark shadows of the
room and she watched in horror as two women stepped into the light. The
black leather outfits and the long bull whip one was holding told her more
than she wanted to know. "All right! I agree! Danger is my life! Just get me
out of here!"
One of the women held up a hand in protest. "You can't just drop this
gorgeous body in on us and then yank it away! We want to play!" The whip
snaked out and stung Jennifer on the thigh as she disappeared.
"Ouch!" She-Hulk rubbed the spot on her leg and scowled at the author.
"Where the hell was that? I thought you said anime was for people who could
think."
# It is. And some people think about sex. #
"Great." She remembered the green haired girl again. "Wait a minute! You
told that girl with horns that you would bring me to her world. Something
about 'Hardcore all night' That didn't mean what I think it did, did it?"
# Maybe. #
" No way! You said you were going to write good material for me! Not XXX
stuff like those other nuts! Are you backing out on our deal?"
# Actually I said that I would write your character the way it should be
written. I never said I wouldn't drop you into a hentai world. #
"Hentai?"
# Means 'abnormally' in Japanese, but is used to classify some adult
anime. Don't worry, unless Kahm gets in a hurry, you won't fall into one of
those for awhile. Even then it will be short. I should warn you though... #
"What?!"
# My partner, who writes under the name of Kahm, is a little strange
sometimes. I have been terribly corrupted by her, but at least I don't
torture my characters the way she does. Just make sure that I'm the
person writing before you agree to anything and you'll be fine. #
"Hey! That's right. I don't know who you are." She shook her head in
disbelief. "Good grief! You could be Byrne! Or worse yet, Eury!" She stared
at the top of the page, trying to see the beginning of the story. She could
just make out the letters.
"What! You have the nerve to call yourself by my name!?! How dare you?"
She grabbed for the sides of the screen and was blown back as she hit the
force field. Jennifer sat up and ran her hands over her arms, trying to rub
away the tingling feeling. "What was that?"
# A level 12 force shield. Did you think that I would bring you into my
computer without installing some safety measures? #
"When I find a way around your little wall, I'm going to feed you your
lungs!"
The room swirled again and once again Jen found herself shackled to the
bed. The two women were still there. Shibaru looked at Utsu and smiled.
The frantic shouts of help were ignored as the author ran the spell
checker over the story and checked for grammar errors. Kahm passed by and
heard the yelling. "What's up?"
"Just a little disquiet in the ranks. I'm afraid I snagged the twins for a
few minutes. I'll put them back when I've made my point."
"No problem. You given anymore thought to that La Blue Girl/ She-Hulk
crossover?"
"Actually I wanted to talk to you about that....."