Chapter 6: 

The Cook, The Student, Their Fianc� and His Letter
                    or
  Live From Ucchan's, It's Saturday Afternoon!

by Richard Lawson


Ukyo burst into her restaurant, ran up the stairs, and quickly changed
into her chef's outfit, dropping her bookbag in the process.  Why she
still went to school was a mystery to her.  She was doing fine with the
restaurant, when Konatsu wasn't trying one of his more... innovative
sales techniques.

She grinned as she ran behind the grill and began heating it up.  She
knew why, of course.  Ranma went to school, too.  Akane lived with him,
and there was nothing Ukyo could do about that.  But at least she could
continue to fight for him by being in his class and trying to be as nice
and sweet and friendly as possible and hoping the scales would fall from
his eyes and he'd see what a harridan Akane was and how terrific Ukyo
was and he'd finally confess his love to Ukyo and they'd get married and
it would be *so* great...

Ukyo finally ran out of mental breath and shook herself.  That all would
eventually happen.  For now, she had to get the shop ready.

"Konatsu!  Did you clean out the freezer like I asked?"

"Yes, Ukyo-sama.  Everything is ready.  Shall I open the shop?"

Ukyo looked around, making absolutely sure.  Konatsu's intentions were
always good, but sometimes his methods left a little to be desired. 
Everything seemed okay.  Her eye spied a pile of mail.  She picked it up
and sorted through it.  Invoice, invoice, you-
may-have-already-won, advertisement, junk... hmm.  Simple letter, no
return address, handwritten name.

Immediately alarm bells went off.  Something about strange letters...  

She tapped the letter against her chin, thinking.  Then she shrugged and
set the mail aside.  Something to deal with later.  Right now she had a
business to run.

***

Akane stalked home, furious.  Ranma was walking on the fence beside her,
an "I-know-you're-angry-but-it's-not-my-fault-so-I-don't-care" look on
his face.  That really infuriated her.  She fantasized about running him
through with a katana, and that made her feel better.

"Just what the hell were you and Ukyo doing anyway?"

Ranma sounded bored.  "Just like I told you.  Trying to figure out why
you had gone all gooey over that skater guy."

"I was *not* all gooey!"

"Then what were you doing there with him, hmm?"

Akane grit her teeth.  She actually had no idea how she'd gotten to the
restaurant, which made her even angrier.  Somehow, it all had to be
Ranma's fault.  "And what were *you* doing all dressed up?  It sure
looked to me like you were on a date with that... that... cook!"

Ranma shrugged.  "She wanted to help me figure out what your problem
was.  She's a nice girl, Akane, cut her some slack."

'Nice girl', indeed.  Akane fumed.  Ukyo was out to get Ranma for
herself, and would resort to whatever underhanded, sneaky thing she
could think of to get him for herself.  The woman had helped *destroy*
Ranma's house; couldn't Ranma see through her?

She suddenly turned around and started heading towards Ucchan's.  She
ignored Ranma's startled yelp and fantasized about running Ukyo through
with a sword, too.

***

Ukyo scooped up the okonomiyaki and sent it flying, where it landed
perfectly in the center of the police officer's plate.  He grinned and
bowed his head in appreciation before digging in.  Ukyo glowed; she was
the best okonomiyaki chef in the world.  No one 
could do the things she could with okonomiyaki.

Someone burst into the shop.  Someone who fairly glowed with anger. 
Ukyo was not at all surprised to learn who it was.  She gave her a
friendly smile, knowing that it would infuriate her further.  "Akane! 
Would you like to place an order?  I'm running a special..."

Akane stormed up to the counter.  "You stay away from him!"

Ukyo looked at her innocently.  "Stay away from who?"

"Him!"  Without turning, Akane pointed behind her to where a somewhat
embarrassed Ranma was entering the restaurant.

Ukyo kept the bulb at dim wattage.  "My fianc�?  Why should I stay away
from him?"

"He is not *your* fianc�!"

"Oh?  I seem to remember our fathers making an agreement.  No one else
wants him, do they?"

"I... he... they..."  Akane was spluttering, as usual trapped by her own
inability to admit any feelings for Ranma.

Ukyo grinned, savoring her victory.  She wanted Ranma, she wasn't afraid
to say it.  Akane *was* afraid, and was therefore giving Ukyo the inside
track.  All Akane could do was get angry, and all that did was help Ukyo
and hurt Akane.

Akane continued spluttering, while Ukyo watched her with a friendly
smile.  This, Ukyo decided, was working out very well.

***

Ranma watched as Akane continued to make an idiot out of herself in
front of Ukyo.  He also watched Ukyo bait Akane, which he didn't much
care for either.  He decided he was going to run away to America and
wander around the Old West looking for his half-brother.  Or anyone with
a little common sense.

His eyes moved around the restaurant while he waited for his two
'official' fianc�es to finish arguing.  He fervently hoped that he
wouldn't find an unofficial fianc� or two or ten hiding somewhere.

His eye rested on a letter atop a pile of mail.  It looked familiar. 
Frowning, he walked up to the counter, reached in front of Ukyo, and
picked it up.  He opened the letter and began to read it.

"Hey, Ranchan, that's mine!"  "Stop that, Ranma, that's rude!"

The two women grabbed the letter out of his hand at once.

Each holding on to the letter, they glared at each other.

"This is my letter, Akane.  Let it go!"

"Yeah, right, like anyone writes to *you*, Ukyo."

Ukyo flinched slightly.  "It's my property, Akane.  Do you want me to
call the police?"

"Call whoever you like, I don't care!"

Ranma watched the fight with interest.  They each had taken a great deal
of interest in holding the letter all of a sudden.  "C'mon, what's the
big deal over a stupid letter?  I mean, it might only be junk mail,
after all."

The two women stared at him for a second.  Then they looked down at the
letter and began to read it.

As Ranma watched, their expressions softened.  Akane sighed gently, a
smile appearing on her face.  Ukyo gave a little shriek of joy and began
to cry.  They leaned into each other across the counter, wrapping their
arms around each other as they read the letter.

Finally Ukyo lifted her eyes.  "That's the most beautiful thing I've
ever read, Ranchan."

Akane looked up as well.  Ranma was startled at how pretty her face
was.  "I... can't tell you how much... you've touched my heart, Ranma."

They each began to move towards him, but were brought short by the fact
that they were each holding onto the letter from different sides of the
counter.

They turned to look at each other, and their expressions grew ugly. 
"This is *my* letter, Akane."  Ukyo's voice was soft with menace.

"Ranma obviously wrote it to *me*.  He could never feel that way about
*you*.  Give me the letter or die, Ukyo."

Ukyo gave her a hard smile while she reached for one of the throwing
spatulas she had strapped around her.

Ranma decided enough was enough.  This letter had caused too much
trouble already, if - as he suspected - it was the same letter Akane had
received earlier.  He snatched it out of their hands.  "All right, break
it up."

As he thought would happen, they immediately began to blink, as if
waking up from a dream.  They looked around, confused.  Which is just as
well, Ranma thought as he looked down at the letter.  This damn thing
had caused too much...

Sometimes, in a seldom-used corner of Ranma's mind, a voice cries out
and tries to tell Ranma when he is about to do something incredibly
stupid.  The voice begs and moans and tears its hair out in frustration,
for it *knows* it could make Ranma's life *much* better if he would only
listen to it once in a while.  Despite repeated past failures, it
desperately tried to get Ranma's attention.  As Ranma began to read the
letter despite its best efforts, the voice decided enough was enough. 
It locked itself away and promised never to speak again until Ranma came
to it on his hands and knees, begging to have a normal life.  In the
meantime, it amused itself by writing stories about how different
Ranma's life would have been if he had only listened to the wise and
wonderful voice of reason.

***

Akane looked around confused.  What had just happened?  She had begun
reading the letter, and then...

She looked over at Ukyo, who seemed similarly confused.  Ukyo was
looking at the throwing spatula she had in her hand, as if wondering how
it had gotten there.

A kind of moan made them both look at Ranma.  He was reading the letter,
and his eyes were wide and moist.  His mouth was open and he was
breathing heavily.  After a moment, he folded the letter and put it
inside his shirt.

His eyes locked on Akane, and the grin that covered his face immediately
indicated that the lights were on but no one was home.

"Akane-chan."  Ranma took a step towards her.  "I never knew... I never
saw... you're beautiful."

Akane's mouth dropped open.  Her heart started beating rapidly.  At the
same time, another part of her brain was wondering what horrible thing
Ranma was up to now.

"I'm so lucky we're engaged."  Ranma took another step towards her.  "I
can't wait for us to be married.  You'll make a wonderful mother."

"Ranma!"  This shocked her to the core of her being.  Because she didn't
know how else to react, she slapped him.  Hard.

His head was knocked to the side, where his gaze fell on Ukyo. 
"Ucchan!"  He took a step towards her.  "You're sweet and helpful and
wonderful... I'm so lucky you're my fianc�."

Ukyo blushed.  "Ranchan... I... you..."  Suddenly her eyes narrowed. 
"What about Akane?"

Ranma looked at Akane, then back at Ukyo.  His head moved back and forth
as he considered each of them, his neck seeming having acquired the
resiliency of elastic as it bobbed his head to and fro.  "I... I cannot
decide."

Suddenly, he flung his arms open.  "I MUST HAVE YOU BOTH!"  He rushed
forward.

A combination of female feet sent Ranma flying through the roof.  As he
approached escape velocity, the words "my beloveds!" came floating down
into the restaurant.

Akane lowered her leg and turned towards Ukyo just as she was lowering
hers.  Akane could see the shock she felt reflected on Ukyo's face.

Akane swallowed.  "Something's wrong with him."

Ukyo nodded.  She crossed her arms and tapped her nose with her
forefinger.  "I... I think it's that letter.  Ranchan said that you
started acting strangely when you received a letter.  I think we were
affected by it too, just now.  When Ranchan read it, he started acting
weird."

Akane chewed her lip thoughtfully.  "You think that whoever reads that
letter falls in love with the person - or persons - who gave it to him
or her."

"Not just fall in love.  Become obsessed with."

"Kinda like that brooch."

"Or the fishing rod."

"Or those pills from the bracelet."

"Or Passion Spice."

"What's Passion Spice?"

"Oh, uh, never mind.  A recipe I got from Australia."  Ukyo shook her
head slightly.  "So, what do we do?"

"I don't know.  Pound him until he comes to his senses?"  Akane smiled
in anticipation.

"That won't work."  Ukyo thought some more.  "You know, it seems that
the spell was broken when the letter was taken from whoever was under
its influence."

That made Akane slightly uneasy.  "But... won't that make who takes it
fall in love with Ranma?"  Even as that thought sickened her, she
flirted with the idea of volunteering for the job.

Ukyo shook her head.  "I think that as long as we don't read it we'll be
unaffected."

Akane nodded, relieved and disappointed all at once.  "Okay.  Let's find
him, quick."

Ukyo nodded back.  "Konatsu!"  She leapt over the counter.  "Watch the
store.  I'll be back in a while."

Konatsu went behind the grill.  "Yes, Ukyo-sama."

Together, Ukyo and Akane ran through the door.

The police officer finished his okonomiyaki and turned to face Konatsu. 
"Does this kind of thing happen often here?"

Konatsu nodded.  "Almost daily."

The officer smiled.  He put down a generous tip.  "See you tomorrow."

Konatsu smiled and bowed.  "Tomorrow, Officer."

***

Ranma landed with a... well can you guess what he landed with?  It
wasn't with a *thud*.  Or a *crunch*.  It doesn't take much experience
with the Ranmaverse to realize that Ranma almost always lands with a
*splash*.

Ranma surged to the surface of the pond and shook her head.  What had
just happened?  She had no idea.

She struggled out of the pond, frowned, reached inside her shirt, and
pulled out a koi.  It wriggled frantically.  She examined it for a
second, then tossed it back into the pond.

She walked into the house, wondering how she had arrived here.  Most
likely Akane.  It was almost always Akane.  Uncute tomboy that she was.

The doorbell rang.  Ranma looked around, then shrugged.  May as well
answer it.

***

Tatewaki Kuno slightly adjusted his gi.  He was wearing his finest garb
and held a bouquet of red roses.  Time to discover which of his loves
had finally discovered within herself the unbound devotion that Tatewaki
so richly deserved.  He rang the doorbell again.

~*~

To Be Concluded...


-Richard
sterman@sprynet.com

|-------------------------------------------------------|
| All of my fanfics can be found on my fanfic web page: |
| http://home.sprynet.com/sprynet/sterman/fanfic.htm    |
|-------------------------------------------------------|