Okay, get ready to hurl abuse at me. What follows is a bunch of
song parodies or lyric rewrites I've come up with over the last
month or so. You can find most or all of them on my web site,
<a href=www.geocities.com/Tokyo/9464/yinghome.htm>The Ying Anime Homepage</a>.
Most came about because of other parodies I've seen recently
("Shampoo"/"Strange Brew", "Bohemian Rhapsody"/"Streamlinean
Rhapsody", and some others). Quite a few are based on novelty
songs, so it helps to know those songs to get the jokes.
The first two are anti-Macek songs, the rest Ranma 1/2 parodies.
Criticize me if you must, flame me if you dare. ^_^
Dewa,
Shunsuke
PS: Be SURE you have a funny bone before reading these. ^_-
======================================================================
"Crazy Little Thing Called Dubs"
by Shunsuke Ichikawa (1997)
(sung to the tune of Queen's "Crazy Little Thing Called Love",
with all apologies due to the late Freddie Mercury)
This thing called "dubs"
I just can't stomach it
This thing called "dubs"
I just can't watch any of it
I ain't ready
Crazy little thing called "dubs"
This thing (this thing) called "dubs"
It plays (very badly)
In my VCR
It sucks, it's jive,
Stinks because it's a Streamline vid
I really hate it
Crazy little thing called "dubs"
I hate Carl Macek
He knows how to ruin a show
He drives me crazy
He hired Wendee Lee to play Yuri!
I just want to wring his neck
I gotta get Carl
Macek, get him,
And all his trash,
Take the tapes back,
Refund,
If I can't, I'll just overwrite
I'm never ready
For a crazy little thing called "dubs"
-solo-
Can't watch "Babel",
"Casshan", "Zillion"
"Golgo 13:
The Professional",
"Orguss"
Can't even watch my favorite
The "Dirty Pair"! (Heya, Svea!)
Crazy little thing called "dubs"
This thing called "dubs"
I just can't stomach it
This thing called "dubs"
I just can't watch any of it
I ain't ready
Crazy little thing called "dubs" (repeat and fade)
======================================================================
"The Otaku Song"
by Shunsuke Ichikawa (1997)
(Sung to the tune of "The Logical Song" by Supertramp)
When I was young, I could only watch Robotech,
Oh Carl Macek, it was pathetic, it made me sick
And all the kids in Japan, they'd be watching so happily,
Joyfully, not listening to Wendee Lee
But someone sent me some tapes, told me all about "fan subbing"
Not bad dubbing, oh English actors always flubbing
And then they showed me a world, made of anime and manga,
Ken'ichi Sonoda, Akira, Ah! Megami-sama!
But in stores on every shelf inside
The prices run too high
For such a poor student
Won't you please send fansubs off to me
I know I sound too cheap
But I can't afford to rent
Now watch what you want, even if they call you an "Otaku",
Deride you, make fun of you, or tease you
"Won't you sign up your name, we'd like to see you at the festival,"
The student's call, "We're holding it in the convention hall!"
But in stores on every shelf in side
The prices run too high
For such a poor student
Won't you please send fansubs off to me
I know I sound too cheap
But I can't even afford to rent
======================================================================
"Baka In The Mirror (Kagami no Naka no Baka)"
by Shunsuke Ichikawa (1997)
(Sung by Akane Tendou of "Ranma 1/2",
to the tune of "Kagami no naka no AKUTORESU (Actress in the mirror)",
from the anime series "Kimagure Orange Road")
I always end up sitting right beside you at the dinner table
When we all sit down together at night.
You saying you're not hungry - it smells like a lie.
Pretending I'm not bothered, I punch you out.
The dinner I made for you is going to waste;
The hard work I put in, you don't appreciate!
A-HA-HA
I know he's the baka in the mirror.
But I'm afraid of the reflection of him
And what it is he feels about me,
'Cause I love him.
But he's the baka in the mirror!
So many images of other iinazukes,
Ucchan, Kodachi, Shampoo-
You're breaking my heart!
In my bedroom I sit late at night lit by only a lamp,
And I hold close my little P-chan
Even though you and I, I know, we both feel the same way,
We can't bring ourselves to say we love each other.
I bet that you probably really just prefer me
To be an uncute and sexless tomboy!
A-HA-HA
Yes, he's the baka in the mirror.
I pretend it doesn't bother me
Though all my tears belie my own false words
'Cause I love him!
I know he's the baka in the mirror,
Yet somehow we are both to blame,
You pervert! Baka! Jerk!
You've broken my heart!
======================================================================
"Breakfast In Nerima"
by Shunsuke Ichikawa (1997)
(Sung by Ranma Saotome of "Ranma 1/2",
to the tune of "Breakfast in America" by Supertramp)
Take a look at my iinazuke
She's not the only one I got
Not much of an iinazuke
And "cute" for sure she is not
Become a girl because of water
(Pop took me to Jyusenkyo)
See the girls in Nerima
Hoping I don't see Mousse
I think he's got a screw loose...
Could we have Okonomiyaki
Kasumi-dear, Kasumi-dear?
They certainly do at Ucchan's,
Cos' of her spatulas in her bandolier
Why Happosai? Why Kodachi?
And always Tatewaki-kun!
Or Azusa, or Mikado
And now there's P-chan, too?
For me, trouble is nothing new...
Don't you look at my iinazuke
She's not the only one I got
Not much of an iinazuke
And "cute" for sure she is not
Become a girl because of water
(Pop took me to Jyusenkyo)
See the girls in Nerima
Hoping I don't see Mousse
I think he's got a screw loose...
======================================================================
"Can't Get There From Here"
by Shunsuke Ichikawa (1997)
(Sung by Ryouga Hibiki of "Ranma 1/2",
to the tune of "Can't Get There From Here" by R.E.M.)
When I change into P-chan
The world wants to swallow me whole
I'm Ryouga: 'good teeth', I'm
Not a pig or a boar!
I really need help with directions
Followed a map, now where do I go?
I'll get you get, Saotome!
Now just where is the Tendo home?
(I've been there, don't know the way)
Can't get there from here
(I've been there, don't know the way)
Can't get there from here
(I've been there, don't know the way)
Can't get there from here
(I've been there, don't know the way)
You don't really deserve Akane!
You have no right to be her fiance!
I'd challenge you to an man-to-man duel, Ranma,
If only I could find the Tendo-ke!
(I've been there, don't know the way)
Can't get there from here
(I've been there, don't know the way)
Can't get there from here
(I've been there, don't know the way)
Can't get there from here
(I've been there, don't know the way)
Shi shi hokoudan, depression bound
Breaking rocks, underground
The edge of seven bandanas going
round and round
Go on ahead Ranma,
you coward, run and hide -
Now, just where on Earth am I?
When I change into P-chan
The world wants to swallow me whole
I'll get you get, Saotome!
Now just where is the Tendo home?
(I've been there, don't know the way)
Can't get there from here
(I've been there, don't know the way)
Can't get there from here
(I've been there, don't know the way)
Can't get there from here
(I've been there, don't know the way)
(Oh, Akane!)
======================================================================
"I'll Cook For You"
by Shunsuke Ichikawa (1997)
(Sung by Ukyou Kuoji of "Ranma 1/2",
to the tune of "I'll Play For You" by Seals and Crofts)
I'll cook for you
I'll cook for you
I'll cook for you...
Tonight while the Ucchan's open,
And the griddle is still on - I'll cook for you
So many will be the dressings,
And so short will be the time - it'll take to do
Yes, I'll cook for you - one okonomiyaki or two?
You say I'm just your friend,
But I want to marry you in the end,
I'll always cook for you.
Chorus: Ran-chan, Ran-chan,
Won't you taste my secret sauce, now,
Ran-chan?
I want to live with you forever,
Don't you marry anyone else,
Make Akane set you free,
Now, Ran-chan,
Dear Ran-chan,
I love how you use your feet and use your hands!
These okonomiyaki we share together,
I will cook for you!
I had practiced for ten years and I had come a long long way,
To take revenge on you.
My life, like yours and Genma's, I had written off in many ways,
Then I heard from you:
"You're a girl? Ucchan, you're cute!",
And I really want today,
To be your "one and only" iinazuke,
I wish you'd taken me with you that day.
Chorus:
======================================================================
"I Feel So Good"
by Shunsuke Ichikawa (1997)
(Sung by Happosai of "Ranma 1/2",
to the tune of "I Feel So Good" by Richard Thompson)
I feel so good I'm gonna steal somebody's panties tonight
I feel so good I'm gonna glomp and feel a girl tonight
They put me in a cave for my deviant ways,
Ten years, 120 months, 3600 days,
Now I'm back on the streets at the Tendo-ke
And I feel so good
I feel so good
I feel so good I'm gonna feel up a girl tonight!
I feel so good I'm gonna steal some lingerie tonight
I feel so good I'm gonna make Ranma pay tonight
I'm old enough to know better, but too young to try
I see the young lovelies and I just have to cry
But I've got a bag full of prezzies and some more in my vest
I'll splash out some water and I'll glomp Ranko's chest!
And I feel so good
I feel so good
I feel so good I'm gonna feel up a girl tonight!
Soun and Genma will pay for the things they've done!
Now it's my turn, I'm gonna have some fun!
I feel so good I'm gonna feel up a girl tonight!
======================================================================
"Kunou's Overture"
by Shunsuke Ichikawa (1997)
(Sung to the tune of "Fool's Overture" by Supertramp)
Everybody knows how embarrassing it can be,
While everybody's laughing at the boy who's scalp they see,
Shorn of hair every time,
Poor Kunou, so easy to find,
"Too late," Blue Thunder cried,
His hairline shrinking, no part to divide
Called the boy a fool, shorn of all his hair,
At the school kids would laugh, 'til his bokken struck the air,
Oh, though the words cut deep,
He would not cry, except in his sleep,
No friends, he's all alone,
Except Nabiki to lead him off home
So you tell me that your hair is hard to grow,
Well, I know, I know, I know,
And you tell me it's fault of the school's Kouchou,
Well, I know, I know, I know
Can you hear what he's saying?
Can you fathom the words that he's spraying?
"WHERE IS THAT CURSED COWARD SAOTOME?
HE HOLDS CAPTIVE THE PIG-TAILED GIRL AND THE FAIR AKANE!"
Attacked Ranma for his trespasses,
Will Kunou wake up in time for his classes?
"GIVE IT UP," said Ranma, as Kunou's vision's hazy,
"I DON'T WANT TO MARRY AKANE, AND YOUR SISTER'S CRAZY!"
======================================================================
"Tie My Ranma Down"
by Shunsuke Ichikawa (1997)
(Sung by Kodachi Kunou of "Ranma 1/2",
to the tune of "Tie Your Mother Down" by Queen)
Get my spiking club
Get my pig-tailed love
Get my lover good and married
Got my leotard on,
Got my hoop and ribbon,
I've gotta get rid of all those other hussies
Your father says you don't,
Akane says you won't,
They'd better step aside,
The Black Rose isn't losing out this time
Tie my Ranma down,
Tie my Ranma down,
Lock that panda out of doors,
I don't need it nosing around
Tie my Ranma down,
Tie my Ranma down,
Give me your sweet sweet love tonight
"Uchi no naka? Kodachi no baka!"
That's all I ever get from your
Iinazuke, in fact I don't think I'll ever hear
A single little civil word at the Tendo-ke
But you know I always win the fight,
We will make out tonight,
I've got my sweetheart's hand,
Paralysis powder put a stop to all that
Sniping and grousing
Tie my Ranma down,
Tie my Ranma down,
Send Akane swimming like a brick
That's alright
Tie my Ranma down,
Tie my Ranma down,
I know someday you will be mine!
Ukyou and Shampoo will plague you until you die
Why don't you understand I'm the love you can't deny?
======================================================================
"Bone Doctor"
by Shunsuke Ichikawa (1997)
(Sung by Ranma Saotome of "Ranma 1/2",
to the tune of "Witch Doctor" by David Seville)
I called the bone doctor he told me what to do
I called the bone doctor he told me what to do
I told the bone doctor, I said you were uncute
Tofu said
Chorus:
Shi shi Hokoudan, Mouko Takabisha and Hiryu Shoten Ha
Shi shi Hokoudan, Mouko Takabisha, Hiryu Shoten Ha
I called the bone doctor he told me what to say
I called the bone doctor he told me what to say
I told the bone doctor, I had said "Marry you? No way!"
Tofu said
Chorus:
Shi shi Hokoudan, Mouko Takabisha and Hiryu Shoten Ha
Shi shi Hokoudan, Mouko Takabisha, Hiryu Shoten Ha
I called the bone doctor he told me what to do
I called the bone doctor he told me what to do
I told the bone doctor, "Baka jerk!" I heard from you
Tofu said
Chorus:
Shi shi Hokoudan, Mouko Takabisha and Hiryu Shoten Ha
Shi shi Hokoudan, Mouko Takabisha, Hiryu Shoten Ha
======================================================================
"Chinese Duck"
by Shunsuke Ichikawa (1997)
(Sung by Mousse of "Ranma 1/2",
to the tune of "Disco Duck", by Rick Dees)
Went to a dojo the other night
To challenge a Kendoist to a fight
Saw Shampoo looking so sweet
Weapons hidden beneath my pleats
All of a sudden I begin to change
I was in the koi pond, acting strange
Flapping my arms and beginning to cluck
Look at me - I'm a Chinese Duck!
(spoken in a Donald Duck voice)
Hey, Ranma, I challenge you to a duel!
I will win Shampoo's hand from you! Ha ha ha!
Chorus:
Chinese, Chinese Duck,
Chinese, Chinese Duck,
Weapons tucked,
Feathers plucked,
Chinese,
Chinese
I couldn't fight that half-female fool
Thrown in cold water by some old ghoul
So I changed back to try my luck
But look - Jyusenkyo made me the...
======================================================================
"Mr. Tendo"
by Shunsuke Ichikawa (1997)
(Sung by Ranma Saotome of "Ranma 1/2",
to the tune of "Mr. Custer" by Larry Verne)
They were sure of matrimony
The fathers of the families
As they looked on
But from the rear
A voice was heard
A trembling voice came loud and clear
Over the wedding song
"What am I doing here?!"
Please, Mr. Tendo, I don't wanna go
Listen, Mr. Tendo, I don't wanna go
I had a dream last night
About my wedding night
I said "Masaka!"
Akane swung her mallet and screamed "BAKA!"
Please, Mr. Tendo, I don't wanna go
(spoken)
No...
Look at them wedding guests out there, they're violent.
An' there's a fiance in every row.
Hey, Kuno duck your head!
Nope, you're a little bit late on that one, Kuno-sempai.
Ooh, I bet that smarts...
They were sure of matrimony
The fathers of the families
As they looked on
Again from the rear
A voice was heard
That same 'fraid voice came loud and clear
Over the wedding song
"What am I doing here?!"
Please, Mr. Tendo, I don't wanna go
Listen, Mr. Tendo, please don't make me go
With a tomboy you arranged me
That I don't wanna marry
"Kekkon?" I said, "No way!"
"I won't marry someone who's kawaiikunee!"
Please, Mr. Tendo, I don't wanna go
======================================================================
"Ranma v. The Uncute Tomboy"
by Shunsuke Ichikawa (1997)
(Sung to the tune of "Snoopy v. The Red Baron", by The Royal Guardsmen)
In the Tokyo district of Nerima-ku,
Lived a girl who all the boys wanted to be married to,
Everyday, fightin' an' bangin', set on 'destroy',
The screaming sound of an uncute tomboy.
>From Nerima district, this tomboy came,
Akane "The Hammer" Tendo was her name,
Eighty boys tried and eighty boys cried,
As they lay in a heap at Furinkan High.
Ten, twenty, thirty, forty, fifty or more,
The uncute tomboy was running up the score
Eighty boys fell fighting in that fray
Of the Kawaiikunee Tomboy of Tendo-ke
In the nick of time, a hero arose
An aquatransexual wearing Chinese clothes
He was forced to be her iinazuke,
But Akane struck him down "That pervert? No way!"
Ten, twenty, thirty, forty, fifty or more,
The uncute tomboy was running up the score
Eighty boys fell fighting in that fray
Of the Kawaiikunee Tomboy of Tendo-ke
Now Soun and Genma had sworn they'd join their families
They arranged their two children to be married
Akane challenged "That pervert!" to an honorable fight
While Ranma laughed at her, she got him in her sights
Soun and Genma tried everything, but they'd run out of tricks
Soon the families' fathers were in a fix
Akane swung once, and she swung twice
And that "Baka jerk!" was spinning out of sight
Ten, twenty, thirty, forty, fifty or more,
The uncute tomboy was running up the score
Eighty boys fell fighting in that fray
Of the Kawaiikunee Tomboy of Tendo-ke
======================================================================
"Okaasama, Otousama"
by Shunsuke Ichikawa (1997)
(Sung by Ranma Saotome of "Ranma 1/2",
to the tune of "Hello Muddah, Hello Faddah" by Alan Sherman)
Okaasama, Otousama,
Here I am at Ryugenzawa,
This whole forest is big and scary,
All the creatures are 10 feet tall and hairy.
The Water of Life comes from a spring,
And it does some amazing things.
It keeps Shinnosuke from dying quicker,
And no food poisoning from eating Akane's dinner!
>From the village I bought some maps,
They didn't mention monster traps,
They didn't mention Shinnosuke,
Or a tomboy who is kawaikunee.
Now I hope you don't get touchy,
But Akane's fighting the Orochi.
You remember Ryouga Hibiki?
We're about to organize a searching party.
Take me home, Chichi to Haha,
Take me home, I hate Ryugenzawa,
Now I'm saving Akane, or she
Might get eaten by the Orochi
Take me home, no more iinazukees,
I won't call her 'kawaiikunee',
I can't let Akane stay,
She might fall in love with Shinnosuke.
Okaasama, oyaji,
How are Kasumi and Nabiki?
Let me come home, if you miss me,
I would even let Kodachi hug and kiss me.
Wait a minute, Shinnosuke's not ailing,
Akane's smiling, no mallets flailing,
We're holding hands, walking together,
Chichi to Haha, kindly disregard this letter!
======================================================================
--
"Veni, vidi, vici." ("Came, saw, conquered.") - Julius Caesar
"Veni, vidi, visa." ("Came, saw, purchased.") - Julius, seize her!
"Veni, vidi, vomiti." ("Came, saw, threw up.") - Julius' seizure.