This is a *damn goofy* little fic. Be forewarned....
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A Wish for Batman
A goofy crossover fic by Chris Jones
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Batman sat a at sterile bench, carefully picking the
remnants of a shattered claw out of a gash in his arm. He
grunted, accidentally jabbing the wound a little with the
forceps. It had been a *long* night, and if the events of this
evening were any indication, tomorrow night would be even
longer.
He sighed and began to butterfly the gash.
After making sure the wound was clean and disinfected, he
wandered over to the command console near the front of the
cave, and pushed the intercom button.
"Alfred?"
"Yes, Master Wayne?"
"Is Dick still up?"
"I'm certain he is, sir."
"Why don't you ask him what he wants on a pizza."
"I'm sorry sir, but Dick's gone out with young Miss
Gordon. I however, would be happy to share a pizza with you,
sir."
Batman raised one eyebrow.
"My favorite toppings are pineapple and anchovies, sir."
Batman shook his head, and thought darkly about the odd
habits of the British.
"I'll call for delivery, Alfred. Would you meet the boy
at the gate?"
"Certainly, sir."
As Batman pushed the off switch on the intercom, he
accidentally knocked over a glass he had been drinking from
earlier in the afternoon.
*Careless of me,* he thought. *I should have taken it
back to the kitchen, or had Alfred clean in here.*
He lifted his cowl and looked down at the shattered glass
disgustedly. Oh, well. First things first. I'll get this
ordered, and go up stairs and get a broom.*
He picked up the phone.
"*zzz beeeep* Thank you for calling Domino's Pizza. Our
regular hours are Ten A.M to One A.M. Please call back."
Well if they were closed... "Hello, Pizza Planet."
"Yes, I'd like to order a couple pizzas, please."
"I'm sorry, but we closed an hour ago. *click*"
Bruce Wayne sneered at the phone. "Fine. I didn't want
Pizza Planet, anyway. Let's see, ah, Gumby's Pizza is open 24
hours.
He quickly tapped the number into the touch-tone pad.
A pleasant female voice answered in Japanese. "Moshi-
Moshi. You have reached the goddess helpline, Tokyo branch.
Please hold, and you will be visited for a wish consultation."
Wayne's first thought was, *Now how on earth did I dial
Tokyo?* His second was *Wish consultation?* He noticed the dim
overhead lights reflected in the shards of broken glass. Then,
he saw the glowing points of light flowing out of the shards.
A stiff breeze picked up in the Bat-Cave. Some of the
loose papers on the console began to flutter in the wind.
The flow of light from the broken glass picked up and
began to swirl. Bemused, Wayne stared openmouthed as the light
began to coalesce into two amorphous shapes. Soon, they became
too bright to look at directly. Wayne shielded his eyes with
his gloved arm, doing his best to try to see what was
happening.
When the light faded, two figures stood before him. The
first was a tall Japanese man. He was wearing a light red silk
blouse that seemed to flow around him in a non-existent wind.
His pants were black, in the same material. His shoulder length
hair was pulled into a braided ponytail. He had a cocky, almost
challenging expression that was made just a bit sinister by the
three silver marks on his forehead. The marks were arranged in
a trident pattern, and glowing slightly in the dim light of the
Bat-Cave.
The second appeared to be a Japanese school girl. She was
kneeling in front of Wayne, in the traditional 'receiving'
pose.
She rose to her full height, which was still a good foot
and a half shorter than his own, even though she was levitating
several inches.
*Levitating? What the--?*
She was wearing what looked like a combination between a
typical Japanese school uniform and something out of a fantasy
magazine. Strips of ribbon and fabric moved of their own
volition around her short, pleated skirt. Gold bangles spun
around her wrists and ankles, sparkling with their own light.
Her short blouse seemed buffet from below, by the same
invisible wind that was moving the rest of her costume. While
she was very short, even for a Japanese woman, it left little
doubt in Wayne's mind that she was physically mature.
He hair was cut short, but in a loose, feminine style.
She had a single, blue mark on her forehead in contrast to the
man behind her, but had another on either cheekbone. It gave
her an exotic, if unusual look. Across her back, she carried a
worn, pitted iron sledgehammer.
"Wayne-San?" she asked in a high pitched, accented voice.
He started, still being in most of his Bat-man armor. He
thought briefly about covering the emblem on the chest, but the
two had already been staring at him for more than a minute.
"What... What can I help you with?"
The pigtailed man smirked and the girl held her tiny,
almond colored hands out to him.
"It is I who would help you, Wayne-San," She replied in
heavily accented English. "I am Akane, goddess of fire, muse to
those who destroy to create. My domain is Chaos. Through me,
you may receive any one wish. What do you desire, Wayne-San?"
*This must be one of Alfred's jokes,* Wayne thought. *or
some hideous plot by one of my enemies.*
"I assure you, Dark Knight, that there is no deception."
*She read my mind!*
Akane nodded and smiled demurely.
"This must be some kind of mistake," Wayne muttered. "I
only wanted to order a pizza."
Akane smiled knowingly. "Pizza? Is that your desire?"
The pigtailed youth's stomach grumbled noisily.
The goddess reached back and clocked him one on the
forehead, hissing in rapid-fire Japanese. Wayne's Japanese
wasn't as good as it used to be, but he did pick out the young
man's name, and that he was a complete embarrassment in such a
serious situation.
Akane turned back to him, an apologetic look plain in her
eyes.
"You must forgive my *associate*. He often makes an ass
of himself."
"Kawaii-kunee..." Wayne heard the youth mutter. He raised
an eyebrow.
Akane's expression cooled twenty degrees, along with the
temperature in the cave.
The youth continued muttering in hushed Japanese. "Why
anyone would ever want to marry that tomboy is beyond me..."
Wayne rather wisely decided, as Akane began to heft her
sledgehammer, to change the subject.
"What is this about wishes? Is this some kind of joke?"
Forgetting the insult, Akane shook her head. "Anything
you desire is possible through me. Once you choose, I will
submit your request to the Heavens for approval."
Wayne looked at her with a thoughtful expression. *He* of
all people never expected to open a genie bottle. He found that
he couldn't doubt the girl's claim that she was a goddess. If
nothing else, the challenging expression in her eyes since her
altercation with the pigtailed youth gave her away. Wayne had
seen the expression thousands of times before in his
corporation. New executives, given real authority for the first
time along with real expectations often wore it as they
adjusted to W.E.'s policies. The people under them often
suffered when their authorities were challenged or their roles
questioned.
If he was any judge of character, and Bruce Wayne liked
to think he was, this young goddess was *very* new to her job,
and not the least bit comfortable with its auspices. The man,
Ranma, was her supervisor? brother? He remembered the youth's
statement about marriage. From the almost protective stance he
held over the girl, Wayne assumed that he was likely her lover
or even husband.
More importantly, if she could read his mind, did she
just hear what he was thinking?
Closing his eyes from the rapidly shifting expression of
the goddess, Wayne considered the question before him.
"I really have anything that a man could want. A mansion,
cars, yachts, jets, a powerful, successful corporation. What
can I wish for that I don't already have?"
Her expression softened and an almost pitying expression
crossed her face. "Is that all you have made room in your life
for, possessions?"
"I have Alfred and Dick. I have many friends and an
active social life."
Akane shook her finger. "Is this the social life where
all your friends think of you as nothing but a dumb, eccentric,
rich man. Why do you hide, Wayne-san? Do you think that they
will be repulsed by all this?" She gestured round to the high
tech interior of the Batcave, the Batmobile and his armour.
Wayne laughed. It was a sad, hollow sound. "Many of them
would like to see the 'Batman' locked up."
"For all the good you do? Even in Japan, we have heard of
the black cowled mystery who saved the life of the Prime
Minister."
Wayne coughed. "Didn't he resign last week."
Ranma spoke in stilted English "Yeah! Who thought old man
like young girl? Big laugh all over Tokyo."
Wayne remembered reading about the sex scandal the
previous week. He rather wondered if Ranma's opinion on the
situation was shared by his country-... men...? gods...?
*Whatever...*
"Ranma is something in between, Wayne-san." Akane
clarified his thoughts. Wayne was growing quite uncomfortable
with the goddess' abilities.
"As you grow older you shall see more like him. For all
the sureness you project, you are still uncertain?"
Wayne shook his head. "Shouldn't this go to someone else?
Someone who deserves it? Maybe someone who could actually use
it?"
Akane bowed her head sadly. "There are very few *capable*
of receiving a wish from a goddess, Wayne-san. You are such a
man. If you were to refuse your wish... it would not be the
first time, and will not be the last.
"I ask you to consider carefully before you make any
decision. The wish is yours to make--" Akane's voice dropped to
a whisper. "--Or discard. It is your decision."
"I...I must have time to think."
"Hai, Wayne-san." Akane's smile returned. "I know that
you will choose correctly."
Wayne leaned back in his chair and exhaled sharply. "I
told my butler that I would order a pizza. Do you want
anything?"
Ranma's poked his head around Akane's shoulder. "You
say... Pizza?"
* * *
After Alfred had been introduced to his 'guests', and
Ranma made an impressive display of appetite, the apparently
divine youth challenged Wayne to spar.
"Always want to fight super-hero. See if any good. You
train against best martial artist in Japan, yes?"
Wayne agreed to the fight and was soon clad in his
workout gi. Ranma changed his clothes (He didn't ask how) and
was clad in a cotton version of his silk clothes. He had
discarded his shoes, and was waiting boredly in the mansion's
workout room when Wayne arrived.
"I'm ready when ever you're ready."
Ranma smirked from behind his folded arms. "Ready."
Wayne bowed from the waist, but Ranma only returned it
with a slight nod. He still held his cocky, informal stance,
but Wayne could see a slight tensing of his elbows and knees
that informed him that the youth was ready for *anything* he
might throw at him.
Wayne was suddenly certain that he could be facing his
first formal defeat in over a decade.
He opted for a straight forward attack to start, a simple
punch and block combination. Instead of countering the punch,
as Wayne expected, Ranma simply bent away from the strike.
Wayne turned, and kicked for the young man's shins, but
Ranma hopped over the kick.
*He's much faster than me.* Wayne changed his tactics so
that the emphasis of his attacks lied on misdirection. Ranma
was drawn into them, but still managed to dodge each of them
handily.
"Good. Usually work with cape and armor, right?"
Wayne nodded as he directed another punch at Ranma's
face.
"Good for robber, no good with real martial artist."
"In my line of work, I have to fight as much on the--
*ugh*," Wayne grimaced as Ranma dodged a combination that he
was *sure* would connect. "--Psychological level as the
physical. Criminals are *very* superstitious, so I use the
image of a bat."
Ranma nodded, and started his first punch. It came at
Wayne faster than he could ever hope to block, but only touched
his chest lightly. Wayne could tell that the youth was testing
out his defenses, and he had just failed, horribly.
"Musabetsu-kokoutu use enemy weakness against. You win
battle before battle start. Good." He ducked another punch.
"Raise arm against attack if no counter. You get hit too much.
Like this."
Ranma threw another one of his lightning fast punches. It
came full strength this time, but somehow Wayne managed to
block. He realized he was learning more about fighting than
since he returned to Gotham from Asia.
His forearm was left aching from the blow, but he
suddenly relished the opportunity to train with what was, in
his opinion, the finest martial artist he had ever met.
"How did you get so fast? Is it a special ability?"
"Hah! Train with Oyaji since four years old. Train all
over Japan, China. Train with bakemono obaba, train with hentai
panty thief, train with Ryouga..."
Wayne didn't know why, but the youth shuddered at the
mention of that name. He actually managed to get a punch in,
but Ranma shrugged it off like a mosquito bite.
"...And slow-girl, Akane, still hammer me any time she
want. So keep training."
Wayne laughed at the thought of the small girl who was
currently inspecting his art collection laying a finger on the
powerful martial artist in front of him.
"You're kidding right?"
Sadly, Ranma shook his head. "Violent otembo..."
"If you don't mind my asking, how did you and she--"
"LOOONG story. Take up many manga."
Wayne laughed again. Ranma caught him upside the ribs for
the lapse in his defense.
"Actually, I was referring to your status. You seem to
take to it rather well, but it's pretty apparent the young lady
is new to her job.
Ranma laughed and told him a story he wasn't sure he
believed.
Apparently, the girl's mother was a goddess as well, but
never told her husband or three daughters. Somehow, she died in
a car accident when the oldest girl was nine. A few years after
his father had engaged him to Akane, three of the girls' divine
cousins came calling to properly train the three girls, along
with a young man that had been promoted to the level of 'God-
Man'.
Ranma explained that he also had that qualification, and
what it meant. These God-Men were supposedly supposed to be
human, yet immortal at the same time. It was their duty to lead
humanity through a great cataclysm, and into the next stage of
their evolution.
This was only what Wayne got from Ranma's broken English,
however.
"So all of these God-Men have a curse?"
"No, just me. Ryouga has curse too, be he no count."
Wayne managed to duck a quick jab to his face. "What is
this curse?"
"Nyaniichaun. Hard to explain. I show you later." Ranma
swept Wayne's feet out from under him, but Wayne managed to
roll back to his feet.
Wayne took a step back, and fell into a defensive pose.
"I think we both know where this is going, Ranma. If I were a
serious opponent for you, what would you use to defeat me?"
"Chikshu... I was having fun... You good opponent. Make
good fighter if train right. Have to fight you with weapons
sometime."
Wayne smiled. "I *will* train in the new techniques you
have shown me, Sensei. I have learned much this evening."
Ranma grimaced, but nodded. "Watch... Try block."
Wayne firmed up his stance and prepared for the worst.
"KACHUU-TENSHIN-HAMIGURIKEN!"
*Roasted chestnut fist?* Wayne was taken aback as the
youth's arms began to blur. He tried to block, but the youth
was tagging him with inhuman, incredible speed. Wayne fell,
stinging, but unhurt against the onslaught.
"If learn, speed can defeat almost all enemy."
Wayne sat up. "A mortal can *learn* that?"
"Learn when sixteen. Taught by slow old lady. You have
potential, so learn."
Wayne nodded numbly.
* * *
"Have you decided Wayne-san?"
If only he could. There were so many different things he
could wish for... so many that wouldn't make a difference.
The Joker could be sane...
Harvey Dent could be healed of his horrible maiming...
Dick could actually be in for curfew for once...
Wayne started at the realization. Dick's parents could
still be alive.
The possibilities crashed down on him like a wave. His
*own* parents could still be alive.
Suddenly, the wish took on a whole new meaning. If he
could truly have any thing he wanted...
He almost blurted it out. A guilty flush crept up his
face as his mind filled with shame. Who was *he* to use his
wish in such a selfish manner.
"Yes, I have decided."
Akane nodded, respectfully, "You must say 'I wish'"
Ranma stared at him, awaiting his wish. Alfred, standing
well behind Akane, only shrugged.
"I wish... I wish for my life's work. I want this city to
be safe place to live. I don't want the people to have to fear
riding the subway, or walking to work, or that some maniac is
going to escape from Arkham and go on a killing spree. I
want... I want the same thing that happened to my parents,
never to happen again."
Akane placed her hands together, as if in prayer. "Are
you sure that this is the wish you want, Wayne-san?"
"Yes. It really is the only thing I could wish for." That
didn't mean it hurt any less. It didn't mean that he could have
what he *really* wanted. Alfred smiled at him in silent
approval. Somehow, it didn't ease the fresh ache inside him.
Akane started glowing. The marks on her face flared red,
and then the same blinding white that heralded her arrival. She
turned her face to the heavens, and a spear of white flared up
from her forehead through the roof of the cave.
Wayne found that he had to hold his ears, to keep the
sharp tone that accompanied the goddess' power. A miniature
tornado began swirling through the cave, centered on Akane.
Alfred was forced to take cover behind a control panel, and he
was thrown against the wall. He noted with some desperate
amusement as he struggled to breath in the incredible gale that
Ranma merely stood his ground a few feet away from the goddess
as his clothes and pigtail whipped around behind his head.
Suddenly, it was over. He and Alfred were both standing
as if they hadn't been knocked down.
Akane dimmed back down to reality, and Wayne could see
that now, instead of the intricate outfit she had been wearing,
she was clothed in the long blue skirt and jacket that he
recognized as a typical Japanese school uniform.
Ranma's clothes had gone back to something similar to
what he had sparred in. Wayne got the impression that fashion
was a very minor concern to the martial artist.
Then, as he noticed Alfred looking around in awe, Wayne
realized that the Batcave had changed. It wasn't nearly so...
dark?
Instead of the sparse lighting that he usually preferred,
there were large halogen globes spaced evenly, hanging from the
steep roof of cave.
There were also... decorations? Along with the usual
computer benches and workstations, there were potted shrubs and
planters arranged tastefully around the walking and working
areas.
"Are you surprised, Wayne-san?" Akane smirked at him with
a mischievous expression.
"W-who designed all this? Is this your doing?"
Ranma guffawed. "HAH! Tomboy make room look like bomb
blast if make. Don't eat cooking, either!"
Akane produced her sledge out of nowhere, and simply
pounded Ranma into a quivering lump.
She turned back to Wayne. "You designed this, of course.
The plans are in your computer if you would like to refresh
your memory."
"B-but..."
Akane shushed him with a finger across her lips. "Why
should a warrior of light live in darkness when he has to fight
in darkness, especially when he has so much to live for?"
"Master Bruce, I should see what else had changed."
Alfred pointed towards the rest of the mansion. Wayne nodded,
and sent his butler up the stairwell to the house. As he opened
the door, a slender black cat rubbed past his legs and trotted
down into the cave.
"Meow?"
Ranma jumped up from his indisposition, and lighted on
one of the hanging stalagmites. (Somebody help me with this
one. Which hangs, and which rises up from the floor?)
"N-n-n-neko!!!!"
Akane growled, sending a withering glance up at the
martial artist. Wayne stared suspiciously, but picked up the
cat as it rubbed up against his legs.
"I know you... Isis?"
"Purrrrrrr...."
"Is Selena in trouble?"
"Purrrrrrr...."
"I can take care of myself, handsome. Who are our...
guests?"
Wayne looked up at the voice. It was coming from a tall,
leggy blonde dressed in a conservative dress suit.
"Selena?" Bruce stared in shock as the woman strode down
the stairs. Nervously, he glanced over at Akane, who was
whispering into Ranma's ear. Ranma looked back at her dubiously
and pointed at Selena.
"Her?" He whispered loudly enough for everyone in the
cave to hear. Akane nodded.
"Good, Lord, Bruce! I thought that this was supposed to
be a secret. Why don't you invite Lois Lane down here?" Selena
glared in disapproval at the youths.
A lifetime of thinking on his feet gave him the answer he
needed. "They... assisted me when I rescued the Japanese Prime
Minister."
She looked down at Akane, speculatively. "So just how
much do you know?"
Akane affected a partial knowledge of English as she
bowed to the taller woman. "Hai... know most everything, Neko-
onna-san."
Selena raised her eyebrows. "Were having a talk later,
Bruce." She turned and walked back up the stairs. "You weren't
up all night again, were you?"
Wayne could only shake his head.
"I've got such a worthless husband. You--" She pointed to
Akane and Ranma, "--should beat this one into shape before he
gives you the same kind of grief. Out all night, chasing
criminals, Traveling to all parts of the globe to chase down
terrorists, picking away in here 'at his life's work', so he
says. It would be too much to bear if I didn't enjoy it so
much, too." She smirked and skipped through the doorway. "Oh,
and Brucie... come upstairs when you're done giving the grand
tour. I've got a surprise for you."
Wayne fell back into his chair, slack-jawed. The cat laid
down to doze in his lap. "I'm... *married*... to Selena Kyle?"
Ranma bent over one of the workstations and nervously
picked up a feline shaped mask.
Akane nodded. "Selena *Wayne*. You've been fighting
international crime together since the police commissioner's
crime initiative passed two years ago."
"But that was voted down..."
Akane shook her head. "It passed with a narrow margin,
and now there are several thousand more police officers on the
streets, as well as programs to curb gang violence and 'The
criminally insane' as it is worded in the document."
A much shorter blonde woman ran down into the Bat-cave.
"Mistah Wayne! Mistah Wayne!"
"Harlequin?" He whispered under his breath.
Akane smiled, and shook her head.
"Mistah Wayne, we jus' got a fax from Ahkam. The Jokah's
up fuh parole, but they wanna get youse's *and* Batman's
approval before they realease him!" The poor woman was nearly
frantic. "How ah we gonna do that? I mean you and Batman can't
show up at the same time... I guess you could dress Dick up
again! Oh, but Dick's out with Bah-bara again today! What'll we
do?!?!"
Wayne hesitantly patted the woman on the shoulder. "I'm
certain we'll do something... Harley..."
She looked up, nervously, "You sure, Mistah Wayne? I
mean, if--"
More confidently, he turned her around and sent her back
up the stairs. "I'm sure."
The woman ran back up the stairs and slammed the doors
behind her. Again, Wayne fell back into his seat. "How...?"
Akane pointed to the file folder lying next to his arm.
"Quinn-san completed rehabilitation after working with the
Joker after you saved her life from a fall. She's been working
as your personal secretary ever since."
"The woman has a Ph.D. in psychology." Wayne shook his
head.
Akane nodded and explained. "She dislikes spending time
with people like the Joker. After her experience, people with
psychological problems disturb her deeply. She's studying for a
second degree in political science. You have helped her more
than a team of psychiatrists and therapists ever could."
"This is so different..."
Akane nodded. "The Ultimate Force has ensured your wish."
Alfred poked his head into the cave. "Master Bruce! You
should come up here at once!" He was pale, and panting as if he
had been running.
"What's wrong, Alfred? You look like you've seen a
ghost!" Wayne tried to stop the butler, but he had already
closed the door.
Wayne looked back at Ranma and Akane, who were only
mischievously smirking. Not being able to take his eyes off of
them, he ran up the stairs.
Alfred was busy, straightening his uniform. He led Wayne
into the front parlor.
Wayne's breath caught, at the sight that awaited him
there. A large shouldered man with grey hair and a woman, about
the same age were waiting there. They both had several
suitcases, and were wearing tropical clothes. Selena was with
them, smiling broadly back at her confused husband.
Wayne struggled to stay on his feet, as the sixty year
old wrapped his arms around his shoulders in a fierce embrace.
Tears started to course down his face. He buried his face in
the older man's shoulder and tried not to sob like a small
child.
"It's been too long, Son. Surely the incredible Bruce
Wayne can afford to spend a weekend in Hawaii every once in a
while to visit his parents."
Only Alfred, who was also doing his best to keep the
wetness out of his eyes, knew why Bruce Wayne broke down and
cried like a school boy as his father embraced him.
* * *
"He got what he wanted, right?"
"Yes, Ranma. Even though he wished for what he thought he
had to, he still got what he wanted. That's what we do."
"Okay, I understand that. I still don't get what happened
with the blonde lady. I mean, a girl like her doin' the super-
hero bit? An uncute, violent girl like you, sure, but her?
*WHAM*
"kawaii-kunee..."
* * *
End.
Notes:
1) How did Akane get to be a goddess?
The premise.... (Which is a completely silly fic idea I had a little
while back.)
The Sisters Tendou have, at some time in the past, discovered
that their dearly departed mother was a Goddess. Having inherited
their mother's status, Akane, Nabiki and Kasumi are contacted by
their cousins, Skuld, Belldandy and Urd, and inducted into the
Goddes office.
Ranma and Keiichi are promoted to 'God-men', which are immortal,
yet have no special powers.
2) Have you seen the new Batman movie yet?
It was a true tribute to the '60's Adam West Batman.
3) What is Akane's medium of Travel?
Broken Glass. Didn't you notice when Bruce Wayne dropped the drinking
glass.
4) What are Nabiki and Kasumi the goddess' of?
Chance and Order, respectively. Ie:
Akane: Chaos - Muse of Destruction.
Nabiki: Chance - Muse of Risk.
Kasumi: Order - Muse of Healing.
This is an idea for another time. If anyone wants to, feel free to
build on it.
I'll be lying down now.
Chris
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Chris Jones hamster@arn.net
The Hamster House of Animation http://users.arn.net/~hamster
The Ranma 1/2 Gallery http://www.geocities.com/tokyo/6413
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