Chapter 3:   An Error of Comedies
                      or 
         Wonderful Wednesday Wackiness


by  Blade


(Scene: the gates of the Tendo household. Two people start to walk
through simultaneously, and then stop to look at each other. One is none
other than Mikado, while the other is a cute girl, clad in a okonomiyaki
chef's outfit, with a white ribbon in her hair and a
rather...large...spatula across her back.)

Epsilon: Well, it didn't take long for you to get _her_ in.

Blade: <WHAM> Quiet, cretin! It's not your turn yet!

Epsilon: Yeah, yeah... (Anyway, the two look each other up and down for
a moment.)

Mikado: [Hmm...somewhat boyish, but definitely has a healthy beauty
about her...]

Ukyou: [Hmm...good-looking, judging by his clothes he's
loaded...probably one of Nabiki's "boyfriends".]

Mikado: How do you do, Miss...

Ukyou: (smiles) Ukyou. Ukyou Kuonji. And you are...

Mikado(oozing charm): My name, dear lady, is Mikado Sanzenin. May I say
that you are looking exceptionally...

Voice: AHHHHHH!!!! GET AWAY FROM ME!!! (Both blink and turn towards the
sound, just in time to see Ranma burst out the front door. A moment
later Akane emerges as well, her eyes polymorphed into hearts. Mikado's
jaw drops, while Ukyou just blinks.)

Akane: Darling! Come back!

Ranma: Cut it out already!

Mikado: D...d...dar...

Akane: (stops, notices Mikado) MICKEY-CHAN!!! (*GLOMP*) (Ranma skids to
a halt beside Ukyou, who is staring at the spectacle of Akane giving a
rather passionate hug to a...somewhat surprised Mikado. After a moment
she pulls back and stares into his eyes...the effect ruined only
slightly by Mikado's gasping for breath.)

Akane: Oh, Mikado...you can't _imagine_ how I've longed to see you
again!

Mikado: Err... *gasp* I see that you *wheeze* got my letter...

Akane: (starry eyed) Of COURSE I got it! And how thoughtful of you! (She
attempts another glomp, but Ranma thoughtfully spares Mikado's ribs by
stepping between the two and smashing in Mikado's nose, sending the
older boy staggering back. Ranma turns to Akane angrily.)

Ranma: Just whattaya you think you're *GLOMP* err...uhh...

Akane: Oh Ranma! Seeing you get jealous over me...I'm SO happy! 

Ranma: Hey, it's not that I'm jealous or nothin'...uhh...it's just...
(Suddenly, a hand falls on Ranma's shoulder and yanks him away from
Akane.)

Mikado(angrily): Just _what_ are you doing with my girlfriend, Saotome?

Ranma: Who's your girlfriend!? (Akane looks back and forth between the
two boys, her eyes wide.)

Akane: Ranma...Mickey-chan...how can I choose?

Ukyou: [I don't know what's going on, but...] Umm...I think you should
pick Mikado!

Akane: (looks at her) Ukyou...you really think so? (Ukyou nods
emphatically) I'm not sure...umm...wait, that's right! (smacks her hand
into her palm) I can see Ranma any time, but not Mikado! (she runs
forward and grabs Mikado's arm) C'mon, Mickey-chan, let's go!

Mikado: (smiles) Of course, my dear. But where to?

Akane: Hmm...oh, I'm hungry! Let's go to Chez Garcon! (she begins
dragging him off; over her shoulder) Thanks Ukyou, I owe you one!

Ukyou: (smiles) Don't mention it. (Meanwhile, Ranma recovers from his
state of shock and is moving to follow when Ukyou grabs his arm.)

Ranma: Hey, what're you doing, Ucchan?

Ukyou: If you go after her, Ranchan, she'll just glomp you again. Do you
want that?

Ranma: Errr...I guess you're right, but...

Ukyou: And besides, this buys us some time to find a cure.

Ranma: A cure?

Ukyou: Well yeah, unless Akane turned into Kunou all by herself...

Ranma: (frowns) Right, but what could have done it?

Ukyou: Hmm...well, were you there when it happened?

Ranma: Yeah...it was just after I gave her that letter... (blinks) You
know, now that I think about it, the same thing happened when I gave her
the letter yesterday!

Ukyou: A letter? Did it come from Shampoo or something?

Ranma: Nah...the first one was from Kunou, and this one was from that
jerk Mikado.

Ukyou: You sure they weren't the same?

Ranma: Uhh...well, I dunno, but I guess they could have been...

Ukyou: (thinks for a moment) Well, there's only way to find out.

Ranma: Howzat?

Ukyou: If they're going out, we'll have to keep an eye on them and see
what happens with Akane. Maybe we can figure out what's doing it,
whether it's the letter or something else.

Ranma: (brightens) That's a great idea! (suddenly frowns) But how are we
gonna do it without them noticing? If Akane sees me...

Ukyou: (smiles) That's simple, Ranchan!

Ranma: It is?

Tarou: She meant that it was simple to people whose IQ is above the
single digits, fem-boy. You might not qualify. (Ukyou and Ranma do a
doubletake.)

Ranma: W-what're _YOU_ doing here?

Tarou: Making my obligatory cameo in one of Blade's fanfics, of course.
Now if you'll excuse me, I have some...business with Happousai. (he
walks into the dojo)

Ukyou: (stares for a moment, then shrugs) Weird day...anyway, I've got a
plan. All we have to do is...go on a date!

Ranma: Huh?

Tarou: (from inside the doorway) Brilliant observation, fem-boy!

Ranma: (yells back) Shut up, you jerk!

Ukyou: Ignore him, Ranchan... (frowns) Who _is_ he, anyway?

Ranma: Ah, nobody important. Anyway, what do you mean about a date?

Ukyou: Well, all we have to do is...pretend...we're on a date, and then
we follow them where they go, and thus we'll look right in place! Just
make sure Akane can't accidentally spot you, and there's no problem,
right?

Ranma: (after a moment he nods) Yeah, I guess that makes sense. (starts
to walk up the road) Well, let's...

Ukyou: Wait a minute, Ranchan!

Ranma: (turns back) Huh? 

Ukyou: You can't go like that! I mean, look at you! (Ranma blinks and
looks down at himself.)

Ranma: What's wrong with me?

Ukyou: (sigh) Ranchan, Chez Garcon is a classy place. You walk into it
like that, and they'll toss you out for sure. Why don't you get cleaned
up and dressed, and I'll meet you there in half an hour? 

Ranma: (looks dubious) If you say so...

Ukyou: Don't forget to get some money too. Who knows how many places
they'll go?

Ranma: (winces as he walks back to the dojo) Yeah, sure...

Ukyou: See you in half an hour! (Ranma walks inside; after a moment,
Ukyou grins and pumps her fists) YES! (she walks back up the road,
humming to herself)

********

(Scene: a posh, French-style restaurant, early evening. Mikado and Akane
walk up to the doorman, an immaculately dressed man with thin lips and a
rather overlong nose.)

Doorman: Do you have an invitation, monsieur?

Mikado: Certainly, my good man. (He pulls a slip from his breast pocket
and hands it to the doorman, who after glancing at it waves them
through. Pan over a few metres to an alley, where we see Mousse peering
through his thick glasses at the couple.)

Mousse: [So, Akane Tendo has been affected by the letter. Well, I'll
just have to make sure I get it.] (smiles) [It may not be legal for me
to use it, but the law doesn't say anything about getting Ranma
infatuated with someone else...] (He walks around the corner and up to
the doorman, who takes in his somewhat unusual apparel with a sniff.)

Doorman: May I have your reservation?

Mousse: Of course! I think it's right here... (As he feigns looking for
a pocket, he inconspicuously drops an egg from one of his sleeves. As
the egg hits the ground it explodes, releasing a cloud of smoke. We hear
coughing for a moment, and then the smoke clears and the doorman looks
around. Mousse is nowhere to be seen. On the other side of the street,
we see Shampoo peering through a bush.)

Shampoo: [Stupid Mousse...he trying to mess up Akane's date!] 

Voice: Excuse me, but could you tell me the way to the Tendo Dojo?

(Shampoo jumps with a cry of "Aiya", and spins to face Ryouga.)

Ryouga: I'm sorry, did I scare...oh, it's you. (Shampoo smiles evilly.)

Shampoo: Oh Ryouga, you just in time!

Ryouga: Uh...I am?

Shampoo: Yes, Shampoo _so_ hungry, want to go to restaurant...you take
Shampoo?

Ryouga: (steps back nervously) Umm...err...I don't think...

Shampoo: (tears fill her eyes) Ryouga, you...you hate Shampoo so much?
(she turns away) Shampoo just want go restaurant, and Ranma no can go...
(Ryouga looks at the apparently heartbroken girl for a moment, wracked
with indecision.)

Ryouga: Err...Shampoo?

Shampoo: (slight catch) Yes, what is?

Ryouga: [I swear I'll get you for this, Ranma.] (grimaces) I...I guess I
could, but only if you promise not to tell Akane, alright?

Shampoo: Oh, Ryouga! (jumps up, happily) No worries! Shampoo no tell
Akane!

Ryouga(nervously): And it's just going in to eat, right?

Shampoo: (laughs) Of course. What else you do in restaurant?

Ryouga: (sighs) Uhh...alright, then.

Shampoo: (smiles) You no regret this, Ryouga. (they walk across the
street) [Letter get taken away eventually...but not before Shampoo happy
marry Ranma!] (The doorman was still looking for Mousse, but he stops as
he sees the two coming. Dusting himself off, he regains his composure as
the two reach him.)

Doorman(haughty): Your reservation? (Shampoo casually grabs the front of
his shirt, lifts him up with one hand and presses him against the wall.
She pulls back one fist.)

Shampoo: Shampoo have reserve right here. Want closer look?

Doorman: (sweatdrop) Umm...no, that'll be fine...

Shampoo: Good. (She drops him and her and Ryouga walk in. The doorman
picks himself up, visibly pale. As he looks up, Ukyou and Ranma walk
towards the restaurant. She is outfitted in a pretty blue dress (still
wearing her spatula of course), while he's in a dark grey suit. Both
look faintly uncomfortable, but Ranma is too busy scrutinizing the
restaurant to mind, and Ukyou is simply too happy to care.)

Doorman: (eyes Ukyou's spatula for a moment) Err...go on in.

Ranma: (absently) Thanks. [Geez, thinkin' of the jerk Mikado and
Akane...even _she_ don't deserve that.]

Ukyou: [Don't you worry, Ranchan...by the time this evening is over,
you'll be having such a good time you won't care _who_ Akane goes out
with.] (The two of them walk into the restaurant...)

                                   To Be Continued...


Author's Note: Ohaiyo! My name is Chris McNeil, though I'm better known
by my net name, Blade. I am co-author of several series' with Epsilon
(Ran Wars, Ranma: Curse of Darkness, Ranma: The Kyoto Chronicles, and
Ukyou: Affairs of the Heart), as well as sole author of a few GRITfics
and several other fanfics which are in various stages of completion. I
am moderately (in)famous around rec.arts.anime.misc/fandom for being a
Viz-supporter, a veteran GRITer, a fansub-basher, a Ranma-hater, an
Ukyou and Pantyhose Tarou-lover, and overall an extremely opinionated
pain in the neck who knows too much about the series for his own good.
Debate with me at your own risk. ^_- For a look at my fanfics (not to
mention the Church of Ukyou, Tarou's Shrine, and about a gazillion of my
not-available-anywhere-else manga scans), you can check out my friend
Kuno's website at www.wizard.net/~deva. If you want to talk with me, I
can be reached, for the time being, at chmcneil@upei.ca. 

Jya ne!