If it's not too late to add to the "One Hour Challenge", 
here's another Ranma story. (No! Not again!)

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               Ranma 1/2: Telephone Terrorism
                 (or: Calling People Names)

                    by Shunsuke Ichikawa

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Hiroshi was in his bedroom, sitting talking to Daisuke on 
that Sunday morning.  Both boys were incredibly bored.

"Jeez, Daisuke, the one day off school in the week and it's 
raining cats and ducks outside."

Daisuke gave him an evil look.  "Not funny, man."  He 
stretched, yawned, and said "No point wasting the day, we 
might as well find somethin' to do.  Got any ideas?"

"Not a one," Hiroshi replied.

Both sat in silence, looking at the rain pelting the window.  

Daisuke slowly looked up at Hiroshi.  "How are you at 
impersonations?"

Hiroshi smiled, realizing what his friend was suggesting, 
reached for the telephone and dialed a number.  It rang.

"Neko-hanten-ya, how Shampoo help?"

"Yeah, you that noodle shop?" said Hiroshi in his best phony 
adult voice.  "I bought a bowl o' that stupid ramen you serve 
there.  Made me sick, I'm puking up hairballs.  What the f***'s 
the problem, you got a cat runnin' loose in the kitchen, ya 
stupid bimbo?"

"Shampoo not know wha-"

"Ahh, shut up, toots, your breasts are bigger than your brain.  
Gimme somebody intelligent to talk to."

Hiroshi heard a pause as Shampoo got her Great Grandmother on 
the phone.

"Who is this?  Who are you to speak to my great grandaughter 
in this way?"

"Ahh, what would you know, ya old crone.  I've seen tinfoil 
balls with less wrinkles on it than you.  I'll tell ya what, I 
called the restaurant association and the health inspector, an' 
they're gonna take your license, you old bag.  How's that 
sound?  Getting cat hair in the food, I'm sick like a dog.  
Goddamned witch!"

Hiroshi slammed down the receiver, and both boys laughed out 
loud for several minutes.

"Oh, boy, that's rich.  I'll try this time!" said Daisuke, 
reaching for the phone.

"Growf," answered a voice.

"What the hell is this?  Gimme the doctor, ya dumb panda!" 
yelled Daisuke.

"Dr. Tofu here, what seems to be the problem?"

"Problem?  PROBLEM?  You, ya dumb idiot!  I go in there to 
get my knee looked at, and you go and get all stupid just 
'cause some stupid bimbo named Kasumi shows up!  I can't 
walk now, you freakin' idiot!"

"Ka-Kasumi!!  I didn't know you had a bad knee?" 

"That's right, ya moron.  That's what I'm talking about, ya 
got no brains when that slag's around.  I'm letting the 
medical association know about this.  There ain't no way 
anybody's gonna go to you again, you dumb son of a bitch!"

Receiver on the hook, both boys were near tears with laughter.

"Hey!  I've got another one!" said Hiroshi, "This one's gonna 
kill ya!"

Daisuke sat in eager anticipation while Hiroshi dialed.

"Hello?"

"Hello, ma'am?  This is Nerima Police Station.  We got a report 
about some kid of yours named, uhh, Ramen?"

"You mean Ranma?  My son?!" she cried.

"Yeah, we got a report he's some kind of peeping tom, ma'am, we 
arrested him and he's down here waiting to be charged.  You're 
listed as his closest relative."

Nodoka was shocked.  "Charged?  A peeping tom."  She sounded 
very disappointed.  "That's not very manly behaviour, looking 
at girls like that."

"Sorry ma'am, that's not the problem, it was a boys' changing 
room." 

"WHAT?!?!?!?!" she screamed down the line, so loud Hiroshi 
almost dropped the phone.

"Yes, and it turns out he's a cross-dresser, too.  I'm afraid 
it looks really bad."

Nodoka's tears were audible, as was the sound of a long metal 
sword being drawn.

"If you want to come down and get your boy, he'll be processed 
in about an hour."

"Yes, officer, I uhh...thank you for the call."

"No problem, ma'am, we'll hold the little creep for you."

The boys were now laughing so hard they nearly wet themselves.

"Oh, god, that's funny!" cried Daisuke.  "Now let's try-"

Suddenly a loud noise was heard downstairs, just as Hiroshi's 
mother called up to him.  

"Son, there's some people here to see you, they're not very 
happy..."

Hiroshi and Daisuke looked at each other with puzzlement, but 
then fear as the door to the room burst open.

"YOU TWO!  How DARE you call us and speak to my grandchild like 
that!"

"B-b-b-but wh-what makes you th-think we did it?" cried Hiroshi 
as the two backed into a corner.

"GROWF! GROWL!" said Genma, then held up a sign, "Call Display!"

The boys cried out for a long time as a level of unspeakable 
violence was perpetrated upon them.

---

The rain had stopped by midday, and Hiroshi's mother went to the 
hospital later to look in on her son, along with all those who 
had put him there.

"Son, how could you do such a thing?  It was truly cruel of you. 
I thought I raised you better than that!  Do you just want to 
end up as some out-of-work bum, living with your mother when 
you're thirty?"  She cried into her hands.

Given Hiroshi's, and his roommate Daisuke's, condition of head 
to toe traction, he wasn't able to say much in reply besides a 
mumble.

"Hmph, well they got what they deserved," said Mousse, carrying 
a dripping umbrella, while he was totally dry.  "Treating my 
darling Sham-*quack*!"

Shampoo had dumped the flowers onto Mousse's head.  "Quiet, 
Mousse!"  She turned her attention to Hiroshi who garnered a 
look of great fear in his eyes.  "You get out, you be back in 
within week.  You no get away with this!"  She turned and 
stormed out, slapping the cast on Daisuke's leg as she left.

"OOOOOOOUUUUUCCCCCCCHHHHHHH!!!!!!!"

"That wasn't at all nice of you, you know.  Someone's feeling's 
could have really gotten hurt.  You wouldn't want someone calling 
your mother and saying such things, now, would you?"  Tofu's 
stern but not unforgiving voice made Hiroshi feel very low; 
Hiroshi shook his head, a tear coming from his eye.

"They have always been this evil," Cologne spoke to Hiroshi's 
mom as she and Genma left.  "You would do well to discipline 
these jaaku boys."

In a moment, the door opened.  Actually, it flew off it's hinges.

"WHERE ARE THOSE TWO MISCREANTS?" cried Mrs. Saotome, katana in 
hand.

"Oh no..." groaned an aching Hiroshi.

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END

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In case you're wondering, _yes_ I did steal the idea from 
the Jerky Boys.  (Like it wasn't freakin' obvious, ya stupid 
melonhead!)  

Also, 'jaaku' means evil, or wickedness, in Japanese. ^_^  I 
ran across the word in a J/E dictionary, and the idea sprung 
into my mind.  Other than the concept time, this took about 
50 minutes.

Write your opinions or flames on a Beatles' wig and send it 
someone who gives a damn.  ^_^  Comments and criticism _are_ 
welcome, though.

Ja,
Shunsuke



--
"Veni, vidi, vici."  ("Came, saw, conquered.")   - Julius Caesar
"Veni, vidi, visa."  ("Came, saw, purchased.")   - Julius, seize her!
"Veni, vidi, vomiti."  ("Came, saw, threw up.")  - Julius' seizure.