After the fact disclaimer:   This story is not serious, ends abruptly,
and has no reason for existing except the one-hour challenge. I made it
up as I went along and didn't edit, and I think it may well be the
silliest thing I have ever written. I'm so sleepy I can't really see the
computer screen -- that will give you some idea of what you're in for.
Standard disclaimers apply -- 12:24 am -- posting now ...


	               Happosai in the House of Kuno
11:24 pm start

	The power to turn invisible made Happosai able to spy on any female,
anywhere.  Usually he didn't do it because it didn't satisfy that deep
longing in him to have his urges accepted. Somehow, someday, Happosai
would find that girl who really liked being suddenly groped by a
superhuman martial arts master who looked like a deformed marionette ...
and then ...
	Happosai was invisible now, though, as he squatted on the wall of the
Kuno estate.
	Meanwhile, in Cambodia, they were closing in on Pol Pot, an  event
likely leading to the death of Pol Pot. Good riddance, you genocidal
mother----er.
	Happosai squatted, watching as the Kuno family ninjas crept about the
place, doing yard work while remaining invisible to the eye of anyone
less observant than a martial arts master. Some of them were pretty
good. That one fellow was managing to stay unseen while operating a
riding lawnmower.
	But Happosai's prey was not in sight. His patience was exhausted.
Before you say, "He's a martial arts master and should have incredible
patience," I guess I should tell you that he had been waiting there for
36 hours already. No, this isn't true either, because he would never
wait so long, because why should he? His objective wasn't worth it when
Ranma-chan was easily accessible. But he could have waited 36 hours
before losing his patience if he'd had to, so there!
	Making a sound equivalent to "Ha ha hoo!" he allowed his invisibility
to lapse, bounded off the wall, off the head of a concealed ninja raking
leaves,off the head of another concealed ninja pulling weeds, and
through an open window on the third floor.
	He found himself inside a small room tastefully decorated with black
velvet paintings of Dirty Pair and Toshiro Mifune.  On a bedside table
about six inches high, next to a rolled-up sleeping mat, was a framed,
signed photograph of Clint Eastwood.
	A ninja's bedroom, Happosai realized. No underwear here. There was no
visible exit -- typical of a ninja's bedroom, again -- so, adjusting his
molecular structure, he walked through the wall opposite the window and
emerged in a low, dark hallway. It took him a minute to recover from
walking through the wall. When he did, he noticed a string of tripwires
running along the hall. "I'll just climb along the ceiling," he said,
but when he was about to jump up to it, he noticed a row of tripwires
there also.
	With quick but carefully measured leaps, he bounced from floor to
ceiling, avoiding all the tripwires. Now there  was an ironbound wooden
door in front of him. Noticing no traps, he pulled it open.

CCCCCCRRRRRREEEEEEEAAAAAAAKKKKKKKK!

"Ah hah," Happosai said. "I feel  better now. Shouldn't have eaten so
much sukiyaki."  The door opened silently. He stepped through and found
himself standing on a ledge.  Across the room from him there was another
door. Beneath him  was a pit filled with spikes that, to his trained
eye, were coated with rattlesnake venom. He also noticed at a glance
that the spikes would explode if gripped firmly, and would shoot upward
as soon as anyone touched the door on the far side.
	"I can't say I like the architecture, heh heh," said Happosai. He
pulled a happodairiken out of his pocket and threw it at the door across
from him. This blew the door open, causing all the spikes to fire
upward, strike the ceiling, and blow a hole in it. He jumped through the
hole in the ceiling and climbed into the hallway there, which was  wider
and better lit. After walking along this hallway for a while he reached
a dead end with a door on either side. He listened at the door on his
left and heard hula music playing in stereo. He listened at the door on
his right and heard, "Which one? I love them both, I cannot choose! O!
Cursed fate!"
	"Heh, guess I turned in the wrong direction," Happosai said. He went
along the hall the other way, leaping over the hole. His path was
blocked, however, by a ninja, a fellow about Happosai's size with
buckteeth like a rabbit.
	"You shall not pass," said the ninja.
	Happosai pulled out a happodairiken.
	"On second thought, go ahead," the ninja said. "Can I escort you
somewhere, sir?"
	"Yes," Happosai said. "Escort me to Kodachi Kuno's bedroom, I want to
steal some of her underwear. Heh heh."
	"Oh, I wouldn't do that," Satsuke said. "Mistress Kodachi's underwear
is very stylish, indeed, not that I'd wear it myself of course. But it
has all sorts of poisons in it. She's immune to the poisons, you see,
but the ninjas who do the laundry just drop like flies. You can't
imagine how glad I am that I'm a personal bodyguard and messenger boy,
and I don't do the laundry. Of course..."
	Happosai was already in the corridor beyond him, proceeding with his
search for Kodachi's bedroom.
	"Hm, I wonder where he went," Satsuke said. "Ah, well." As he was
walking  along the corridor, a piano fell on him. As he crawled out from
beneath it, spitting out black and white keys, a ton of useless old 
TRS-80 computers fell on him, and then a red double-decker bus, which
had been in London, England until the author of this one-hour fiction
required it, fell on top of the computers. As Satsuke crawled out from
under this, the ground opened beneath him, dropping him into a
subterranean chamber where there was room for several other heavy things
to fall on him.
	"I guess this is what happens to characters who weren't invented by
Rumiko Takahashi," Satsuke said, watching the space overhead warily. A
railway car full of radioactive 8-track tapes, three Plymouth Reliant K
cars with defective engines, and a decommissioned Soviet minesweeper
were descending toward him.

11:57 pm still going

	Happosai arrived outside Kodachi's bedroom. Now was his golden moment.
He knew it was Kodachi's bedroom because there was a wooden alligator on
the door with the word  "Kodachi" painted on it in Cyrillic characters,
and a strong smell of rose petals came from the other side. He crept
into the room. Kodachi was there, wearing her leotard, practicing with
clubs.
	"Ha he ho hoo hoo,"  Happosai said. "Since this isn't a lemon, I've
only come to pilfer your underwear."
	"Wait,"  Kodachi said. "I have a better idea."

The next day Ranma and Akane were racing to school when nothing happened
to them, because I can't think of anything.  As they were entering the
ground of Furinkan High, lightning flashed overhead, and the sky was
filled with a boom of righteous thunder, and an indignant Tatewaki Kuno
appeared in their path, brandishing a katana with the words "Blue
Thunder" engraved in the blade.
	"Saotome!" he cried. "I require your aid. Help me or die!"
	"Yeah, yeah, yeah," Ranma said. "What is it, Kuno? We're going to be
late for class."
	Akane pulled out a mallet, looked at it curiously, unsure what she
would do with such a useless thing, and threw it off into the distance.
	Somewhere off in the distance, Satsuke was riding his tricycle to the
photo shop on an errand for his master when a mallet came out of nowhere
and struck him on the head.
	"You must remove your odious mentor from my hereditary estate!"  Kuno
shrieked. "The perverted cretin is closeted in a room with my dear
sister. Leave with me now, or face my wrath!"
	After a lot of wrangling, Ranma and Akane went with Kuno to his
household. Kuno deactivated the traps and led the unhappy couple to
Kodachi's door, which was locked.
	"Hiryu shoten hai!" (or however you spell that) Ranma shouted, and blew
the door apart.
	Happosai was sitting naked on the floor across from a fully clothed
Kodachi. Both were smoking cigars and holding a few pasteboard cards.
Those parts of Happosai that no one would ever want to see were obscured
by a large black rose-shaped ashtray directly in front of him. His
clothing was piled behind Kodachi.
	"What the...?" Ranma shouted. "You're..."
	"Hello, Ranma darling," Kodachi said. "Yes, we're playing strip poker."
	"I'm not leaving until I get my clothes back!" Happosai grated.
	"I'd be glad to deal you in," Kodachi said.

	"AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!" was  Ranma's reply.

	12:13 am.
	12:18 am.

The end


P.S. You may be asking, why didn't Happosai use his martial arts powers
to cheat? He did, but he still lost.

The end again.