Ah, what the heck. I've been thinking about writing this anyway.

Here's forty-five minutes worth of fanfic. (And distraction by soap 
opera while I was writing, to boot.)


  Kunou Tatewaki extracted himself from the dumpster in which he'd 
recently been planted by the wretched Ranma, and growled as he shook 
refuse from his noble personage. "SASUKE!" he bellowed.
  The diminuitive ninja leaped down from the roof of a nearby 
building, landing untidily on his face with a loud *splat*. Woozily 
picking himself up, he said, "You called, Tatewaki-sama?"
  Kunou nodded. "Indeed, good Sasuke. Men with needs must needs abide,
 and the scion of the house of Kunou has need to unravel the 
mysteries of the hideous black power which the foul demon Saotome 
holds over the vivacious Tendou Akane and the fiery osage no onna. It 
has struck me, much as a flash of blinding light would strike my 
retinas, that in order to defy the dark sorcery of the accursed 
Saotome, I must seek out that which imbued him with his fiendish 
power." Striking a dramatic pose, Kunou turned to his ninja and 
exclaimed, "Sasuke, I would know, post-haste, the whereabouts of 
Saotome Genma."
  Sasuke frowned. "Ranma's father?"
  "The knave has no honor, this is known far and wide. Indeed, I have 
heard tell of tales in which he sold his worthless son for food and 
double-crossed he whom he made the deal with. Verily, the wretch 
would betray his offspring at the merest hint of tantalizing morsel. 
Therefore, I would offer the glutton a feast far more than he 
deserves, in exchange for the secrets of the hideous places of evil 
they visited in their travels."
  Sasuke took a moment to digest all this. "Alright...I think he 
works at Tofu-sensei's clinic."
  "Then onward, to the clinic!" Kunou bellowed.

  Ranma 1/2: Arduous Journey

  Saotome Genma looked up as the door to the clinic opened. "Sign the 
guest register, and the sensei will be with you shortly," he muttered,
 then went back to his reading.
  "Actually, it is not the honorable sensei whom I have cause to 
visit upon this day, father of the most hated Saotome Ranma. It is 
you."
  Genma looked up. This was unusual. He squinted at the tall, kendo-
gi-clad boy in the doorway. "Ah, you're, um...you're that Kunou boy, 
right?"
  "Indeed I am the Blue Thunder of Fuurinkan High, Kunou Tatewaki."
  Genma set down his magazine and adjusted his glasses. "And what did 
you want to talk to me about?"
  Kunou strode into the room, accompanied by his midget ninja. 
"Saotome Genma, father of Saotome Ranma, I would speak with you of a 
matter most urgent to the scion of the house of Kunou. It woes me to 
acknowledge any defeat; however, I cannot deny that your offspring 
has, through his foul and dark treachery, repeatedly surpassed myself.
 I have come to the conclusion that his victories are being so 
achieved because of unspeakable dark power he uncovered while 
traveling in the darkest, most treacherous wilds of China. I would 
ask of you, to impart upon the ears of the great Blue Thunder the 
knowledge of which places were visited by yourself and your son in 
the foul depths of China."
  Genma frowned thoughtfully. "So...what you're asking is, where did 
my son and I go in China."
  Kunou facefaulted. "Indeed, that is what I said, is it not?"
  "Not in so many words," Genma muttered. More clearly, he said, "Ah, 
and why should I tell you anything? This is my son we're talking 
about here. You can't expect me to give away vital information like 
that without a good reason."
  Leaning closer, Kunou said, "Indeed, the reward would be...most 
desirable to one such as yourself."
  Genma raised an eyebrow. "Go on."
  "Should you choose to cooperate, I will instruct the Kunou family 
personal chefs to construct a feast even the kami themselves would 
salivate at the mere thought of, all in your honor."
  Genma's eyes lit up. "Sold."
 
  <The fool,> Kunou thought. <As predicted, the offer of tempting 
morsels has gained his utter obedience. And when the deed is done, it 
shall by my own dear sister and her wretched cuisines which shall end 
this wretch.>
  <Heh, what a deal,> Genma thought. <Of course, I'm not going to 
tell him anything useful. In fact...I know exactly what to do...>

  Genma retreived a brocheure from his gi, and handed it to Kunou. 
"This is the only place you need to go. This is the training ground 
that changed my son's life forever."
  Kunou's eyebrows raised as he took the brocheure, and glanced at it.
 "Training ground of cursed springs, Jyusenkyou, China..." Bowing to 
Genma, he said, "You will receive an invitation from my staff when 
the meal is prepared. And now, I must be off."
  "Have fun," Genma offered, grinning.

  "Sasuke, is the helicopter prepared?"
  "Hai, Tatewaki-sama," Sasuke said.
  "Very well. Off we go, to learn the nature of the foul Saotome's 
unspeakable sorcery. When next we meet, Saotome Ranma...you will 
perish!" Kunou laughed maniacally, and thunder and lightning 
punctuated his rant.

  ONE WEEK LATER

  "Urgh," Genma groaned. Kasumi placed another cold towel on his 
forehead. "Ara, Saotome-ojisan...what happened to you?"
  Genma grimaced as bile threatened to pour from his throat. His face 
was an unhealthy shade of puce. 
  "Yo pop, what happened to you?" Ranma asked as he looked at his 
technicolor father. Genma just groaned.
  "Ara...I'd better get Tofuu-sensei over here," Kasumi said.

  A little later, Ranma and Akane were walking to school. "Yo Akane," 
Ranma began, "You notice we haven't been attacked by Kunou all week?
"
  Akane frowned. "Yeah...it's not like Kunou-sempai to back off. And 
I haven't really seen him around, come to think of it."
  "Well," Ranma drawled, grinning. "Let's just hope it lasts. I'm 
sick and tired of that idiot."

  There was a buzz of low conversation emanating from the courtyard 
of Fuurinkan High. 
  "Hey...who's that girl?" Daisuke asked, prodding Hiroshi in the 
elbow. 
  "Hmm? Wow...she's cute. Wonder who she is?" Hiroshi mused.
  "Hey, doesn't she look a little familiar?" Sayuri asked Yuka, who 
shrugged. 
  "Looks like she practices Kendo," Yuka observed.
  The girl in question looked rather bedraggled and indignant. She 
had rather noble features, and slightly disshevelled strawberry-blond 
hair. Her dark eyes scanned the crowd somewhat nervously, with 
undertones of rage and humiliation. She wore a kendo gi and hakama 
which were entirely too large for her, belted with rope at the waist. 
A white t-shirt under the tunic of the gi did little to disguise her 
feminine attributes. Over one shoulder she held a bokken.
  One of the boys from the kendo club approached her, leering 
appreciatively. "Hey cutie, I've never seen you around before."
  The girl made no comment.
  "I see you study kendo," he continued. "I'm pretty good, need some 
pointers?" He moved to put an arm around her.
  That was a mistake.
  "UNHAND ME, SCOUNDREL!" the girl bellowed, which was a rather 
remarkable feat considering her soprano voice. "Have you no decency?
"
  "Who needs decency?" The boy chuckled.
  "Methinks you need a lesson in manners, knave!" And suddenly her 
bokken blurred into motion.
  A few seconds later, the hapless boy was thrown across the 
courtyard, covered in welts. He groaned once before passing out.
  Everyone backed away from her nervously.
  "Wow, she'll get along great with Akane," Sayuri observed.

  Ranma and Akane were met by their friends at the school gates. "Hey 
Ranma! Akane! You'll never believe this!"
  "Hmm? What's up guys?" Ranma asked.
  Akane's friend Sayuri reported, "There's a new girl here. A 
kendoist. She's good...better than Kunou!"
  "Really?" Akane asked. "I hope he doesn't notice her."
  Then the girls got a little nervous. "Umm..and she's looking for 
Ranma."
  Akane growled, and pulled a mallet out of hammerspace. "RANMA! HOW 
DARE YOU! AGAIN! ooooooh!"
  "HEY! What's your problem? I don't know nothin' about it, Akane!"
  "Likely STORY, Ranma!"
  Suddenly, there was a crash of thunder and a bolt of lightning. 
Everyone eyed the cloudless sky warily.
  "Saotome. So, at last, the miserable wretch reveals himself. Like 
the worm which crawls out from under a rock, like the serpent that 
offered the apple, the vile temptor...the vile temptress...the 
scoundrel who has made a complete mockery of me, time and time again..
.and now you are guilty of the most heinous and grievance offense. 
Saotome Ranma, today is the day you meet your final reward!"
  Ranma studied the ranting, bokken-weilding girl standing before him.
 He blinked, several times.
  "Kunou?"
  Everyone stared at Ranma.
  Akane dropped her mallet, and stared at the girl. She squinted, 
then her eyes widened. "Oh my god...it IS Kunou, isn't it?"
  Kunou-chan snarled. "ENOUGH! I will have my REVENGE upon thee, 
Saotome!"
  She charged.
  Ranma found himself hard pressed to defend against the onslaught of 
bokken strikes. "Kunou...what the hell did you go to Jyusenkyou for?
"
  "To find out the secret behind your foul sorcery. I certainly 
learned more than I wanted to."
  "So...you fell in Nyanniichuan?"
  "At last the wool is removed from mine eyes. You were the pigtailed 
girl all along."
  "So finally you wise up."
  "Silence! Die, trickster!"
  The battle raged on, and Ranma was getting nicked badly. None of 
the blows carried Kunou's usual force, but his speed was incredible. 
<The curse made him faster too,> Ranma realized. <I gotta find a way 
around that...of course!> 
  "Akane, get me some cold water!"
  Akane blinked. She'd been transfixed by the fight, the shock of 
Kunou's curse, and the fact that Ranma was getting injured. Then she 
processed the request, and knew what Ranma was doing. "Hai!" she 
called, looking for any cold water.
  
  Ranma tried to clear some space between himself and Kunou-chan. He 
scowled. This was getting serious.
  Suddenly, Akane shouted, "Ranma! Here!" And there was a splash.
  Now a red-headed female, Ranma-chan adjusted her belt and smirked. 
"Okay Kunou...round two."
  Kunou-chan snarled, and charged. Her bokken blurred into motion 
faster than the eye could follow. Ranma-chan's hands also began to 
blur. 
  After a moment, the two broke apart. Ranma-chan grinned. "The 
improved speed ain't gonna help you now, Kunou. I'm faster than you.
"
  Kunou-chan roared (again, an impressive feat for a soprano) and 
charged again. "Saotome, you will PAY FOR MY SUFFERING!!"
  Ranma-chan scowled. "Aw man, why do they ALWAYS blame ME when they 
go to Jyusenkyou and get cursed?" Leaping into the air, Ranma-chan 
somersaulted over Kunou-chan's head, kicking her twice in the back of 
the skull as she went. Turning, she launched into her kachuu tenshin 
amaguriken technique, and pounded Kunou-chan in the kidneys. "That...
didn't hurt..." Kunou-chan grunted. Then she fell.
  "Lousy jerk," Ranma-chan spat on Kunou-chan, and walked away.

____

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"If it looks like a duck, and walks like a duck, and quacks like a 
duck...pour hot water on it."
Ryodachi Kouma
"The Eternal Lost Lurker"
squn29a@prodigy.com
http://pages.prodigy.com/EtLostLurker