Now wouldn't you feel gyped if I didn't post this now? Warning, theres a
glaring inconsistancy...I swear I'll fix it one day.
Characters by me. Honest, I didn't steal them from Takahashi, she gave
them to me for Christmas last year.
Matthew Trotter, Spelling by hukd on fonix.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
Escape From Nerima
--------------------------
Part six: Day Two, Take Two
--------------------------
I don't know you
but, I think I hate you
your the reason for my misery
-Green Day
--------------------------
Whatever it was it was soft, warm and yielding. It didn't feel much
like his(squish, squish, correction: her) pillow. (wait a minute, squish
squish. Uh, oh). Ranma opened one eye. Yes, that was definitely a breast
pressed against the side of her face. Swallowing hard, Ranma forced
herself to look up. Yes, that was Akane all right. Soft, warm and
yielding, they weren't words Ranma had thought she'd ever use to describe
Akane. They did a good job for her breasts though. (Hello, Ranma. This
is your brain speaking. Its time to wake up and smell the cleavage.) It
occurred to Ranma, just before she fainted, that waking up in bed with
Akane was just a bit out of the ordinary[1].
----------------
[1] Especially since this wasn't that kind of story.
-----------------
Later . . .
Ranma woke up with his face pressed against something soft, warm and
yielding. It didn't feel mush like his(squish, squish, correction: her)
pillow. (wait a minute, squish squish. Uh, oh). Ranma opened one
eye. She was in bed with Akane. Hmmm...that's...UrK She was in bed with
Akane?! (Hello, Ranma. This is your brain speaking. Its time to faint
now.)
-----------------
Even later . . .
Ranma woke up to someone breathing against his(wait a minute, I feel
like I've been through this before. Squish, squish, it figures. Her)
cheek. Her guess was this could not possibly be a good thing. She
opened one eye. Just Akane. (Oh, Ranma. I hate to keep interrupting,
but this is your brain again. I just thought you ought to know that your
sleeping with Akane.) Good night folks.
-----------------
Much later . . .
Ranma opened her eyes, she was in bed with Akane. Ranma closed her
eyes and faded back into uncontiousnes.
-----------------
Much much later . . .
Ranma woke up with her face pressed against something hard. She
wasn't very surprised by this. It coincided with the "I just fell off
the bed" theory. The IJFOTB theory had been developed after the falling
onto something hard incident. Normally the falling on something hard
incident would have prompted a period of wakefulness, but Ranma didn't
let something as trivial as that stand in the way of a good nap. Now
however there was the feeling of cold. That coupled with a lack of
blankets helped Ranma struggle up to contiousnes. Ranma opened one eye.
Contiousnes needed to remember to vacuum under the bed. Ranma stood up
blinking the last remnants of sleep from her eyes and wondering why the
author had gone to the big long novel descriptions for everything.
Ranma briefly considered crawling back into bed, but Akane was sleeping
in it.(She looks so peaceful) Ranma noticed a second bed in the
room(where the hell am I), but Nabiki was sleeping in it(I wonder which
one I was sleeping in). Only one thing left to do if you can't go back
to bed, eat breakfast. Then again Ranma still wasn't sure where she
was. There was something at the back of her mind(pssst, Ranma its me,
your brain. Guess what. You were either in bed with Nabiki or Akane
last night.) Hmmmmm...this could have some interesting ramifications....
Warning: Brainscape has caused a General Intelligence fault. You may
choose to close this thought process or Brain 95 can crash it for you.
Ranma blinked for a little while as his(who am I fooling, her) train
of thought went head on into a crowded passenger train. Lesee, She was
in a bedroom with two beds. Akane was in one, Nabiki was in the other.
She had been sleeping in one of those beds. Using logic[1], she guessed
that Kasumi had probably slept in the other bed. That meant that she had
probably slept with Akane by majority rule. Then again, Akane could have
let her sleep with her just because they were legitimately engaged now.
Or they could be on a big family vacation to the mountains, and Ranma's
mother could be along, and there were only two rooms with three beds, and
that meant she and Akane had slept together because there was no one else
for her to sleep with, and it would be kinda suspicious for her to want
to sleep alone. That seemed pretty unlikely . . . yeah, that made it the
logical choice all right...
----------------
[1] Well, Ranma logic.
-----------------
The world was a cold and lonely place. It was a lot colder than it was
lonely today though. Ryoga tried to remember which part of Tokyo had a
snow capped mountain in it. It was probably just on the outskirts. That
meant that since he had walked over it he was headed back to the center
of town. Ranma was practically his. Ranma was going to pay for thi..s...
hmmm. . . now that he thought about it Ryoga wasn't sure what Ranma had
done this time. Thrown him in a lake? No, that was a couple of months
back. Beat him up in front of Akane? Could be...nah, he'd quit
attacking Ranma if he was near Akane. Called him pig-boy again? Ryoga
hoped not, he'd hate to have walked over a mountain over some stupid name
calling. That was probably it. It was always something stupid like
that! Damn Ranma, making him walk over a mountain! Ranma was always
making him do stupid things. Well, today was the day he was going to
beat Ranma into a quivering mass of flesh and bone, spitting teeth into
the .... (Damn. Must be colder than I thought.) Ryoga spotted the small
inn lying at the bottom of the mountain. It seemed a likely place to get
directions and a warm glass of some spirits.[1]
Ryoga decided that it might not hurt to say sit in the resort lobby, out
of the cold, for a little while...say four or five hours...
----------------
[1] It also seemed pretty likely that the author shouldn't read the Wheel
Of Time books while writing a fanfic.
-----------------
Kuno was sitting at a table drinking coffee and eating a biscuit. She
wasn't going to join him, but he motioned her over. Well, if he started
making passes at her, she'd knock him through the roof.
"I see the lovely Akane is not in your presence this morning pig tailed
girl."
"She's sleeping."
"I feel I should warn you..."
"I'm ready any time you are Kuno!"
"I am sorry, my pig tailed goddess, it is not to be. My heart belongs
to another now."
Ranma took a minute to work that one out, oh yeah, Nabiki. "Yeah,
well she's still asleep too."
"Yes, I was aware of that. In fact her sister, your cousin I believe,
informed me of this a short time ago. Still, I digress, I was going to
warn you that my dear sister is looking for Ranma. She seems to be sure
that the beautiful Akane and yourself are hiding him."
"Great. What's with your sister?"
"She has endured much in her life. She is seeking someone to give her
the love and attention that she has not had from her father. She is a
very lonely girl."
Ranma could feel a tightness in her chest. She had never really
thought that there might be a good reason that Kodachi acted the way she
did. Great, now she was going to feel bad about not going out with
Kodachi, as if Ukyou and Shampoo weren't enough.
"Good morning, Ranko. Would you like me to get some breakfast for you?"
"Oh, hi, Kasumi. Shouldn't there be a waitress?"
"She called in sick this morning, so I'm helping out. Apparently there
is a cold going around."
Trust Kasumi to want to work on her vacation, "Well,..."
"Good morning, Akane, would you like some breakfast?"
"Sure, Kasumi. What's on the menu?"
"Well, all we could find was some cereal and dehydrated milk."
"We?"
"Mrs. Saotome and myself."
"Wait a minute!"
"What is it, Ranko?"
"How did Kuno get coffee and a biscuit?"
"Oh my. It must be an inconsistency in the fanfic."
<poof>Kuno gave her a hard look and then poured half his glass of
rehydrated milk over the bowl of cereal, "Thank you, pig tailed girl."
"I guess I'll have cereal and dehydrated milk."
"Wait a minute!"
"What is it, Ranko?"
"Shouldn't the cook be able to fix our breakfast?"
<poof>"Ah, your beauty is only off set by your wits, pig tailed girl."
"I suppose he could, except that he hasn't come in today. He called
in sick with a cold."
<poof>"Oh joy."
"What is this? Does everybody have a cold?"
"At least none of us has a cold, Ranko."
"Oh yeah? Sbeag bor youselb Agane."
"Oh my, not you too Nabiki!"
"Oh, blease. Jus brig me someding warm."
"We could warm up some dehydrated milk..."
The door burst open with a tremendous crash...well, a loud bang
anyway. The man framed in the doorway scowled at the room as the icy
wind howled in the door around him.
"WHERES FURINKEN HIGH. . ...school...?"
-----------------
Ryoga wasn't really accustomed to the manners thing. It had always
seemed like something you saved for those special occasions. Like when
you were trying to talk to Akane with out passing out. You could just
bully your way through the rest of life. Well, normally. Sometimes,
however, you discovered why it never hurt to be polite and courteous all
the time. Like when you threw open the door of what you thought was a
mountain resort on the outskirts of Tokyo and discovered that it was the
Tendo dojo[1]. There was only one explanation. There had been a
cataclysm between the time he was last in Tokyo and now. This wasn't the
outskirts of Tokyo, it was right in the heart of Nerima![2]
"Close the door, you cretin!!!"
Ryoga didn't even think about it before his hand moved. It was one of
those involuntary actions that your brain pulled off before you could
think better of it.[3] Ryoga blinked. Where the? Worse than listening
to someone that calls you a cretin, was, of course, forgetting to go in
before you closed the door. Damn. Now he really looked stupid. And in
front of Akane! This was Ranma's fault. He wouldn't have even come here
if it weren't for his burning need for vengeance! (burning need for
vengeance?) Ryoga decided to have another try at going into the resort,
er, dojo.
This time he could use a more appropriate greeting, but should he use
'Ranma, prepare to die', or 'I am your destroyer, die foul one'? The
latter seemed like something facetious that the author might have him
say for the amusement of the readers, so Ryoga decided to stick with
the old tried and true. Ryoga again threw the door open, "RAN...."
She was there. He had forgotten her. He was good at forgetting
things. People were almost as easy as directions. Just seeing her
brought back memories he had forgotten since grade school. Since Ranma
ran away! Suddenly all the old forgotten memories came back to him. The
time he had gone to Ranma's for a fight to the death. They had ended up
watching TV and eating the cookies she made for them. And when they had
agreed to fight in the back yard, they had ended up calling it of for a
lunch break. It wasn't that they suddenly became friends...it was just,
she was the type of person that you wanted to please. Unfortunately she
thought that they were best friends.
"Ryoga? Ryoga Hibiki?"
Ryoga tried to laugh disarmingly, it didn't work, "H.h...hello, Mrs.
Saotome."
"What are you doing way out here, Ryoga?"
"I was, uh, I...I was looking for Ranma."
"Will you clod de door!"
----------------
[1] OK, if it wasn't the Tendo dojo, it was doing a good con job. You
just didn't get Akane, Nabiki, Kasumi, Ranma, and Kuno anywhere else.[5]
[2] Damn cataclysms sneaking up on people like that. Not like back in
the good old days where you got a bit of the fire in the sky thing to
let you know the end of the world was nigh....
[3] Like leaning on the white hot stove top while your talking.[4]
[4] And no thats not why I type so slow.
[5] besides school.[6]
[6] and vacations gone bad.[7]
[7] and kidnapped by princes.
-----------------
Ranma didn't look real good. She was pale and sweating. Actually so
was Ryoga. That probably meant they were both hiding something. And
where did Mrs. Saotome know Ryoga from?
"ranko."
"huh?"
"why do you and ryoga look so guilty?"
"wh..whh..what do you mean?"
"look at ryoga, doesn't he look guilty?"
"well, yeah, i guess so."
"that's how you look. now what are you hiding?"
"um, its just..."
"yes?"
"my mom thinks me and ryoga are best friends."
"and your telling me your not?"
"aw man, why me? akane, my mom just had this way of making me and
ryoga act like friends. every time we tried to have a fight at my house
my mom would show up and bake us cookies or something. then we'd end up
sitting on the porch eating cookies and talking about stuff. that's why
we were going to fight behind ryoga's place. we both figured there was
no way my mom would go by there. then ryoga went and got lost, the idiot..."
Akane couldn't believe that after what Ranma had just told her she
still wanted to pretend like Ryoga wasn't her friend. They were both
idiots for fighting all the time. Akane punched Ranma in the ribs, she was
going on about what an idiot Ryoga was. As if she was any better.
"i thought you hadn't been home since you were two."
"uh...its kinda hard to explain. see, pop wanted me to grow up to be
a strong martial artist. he didn't want my mom to spoil the training by
mothering me a whole bunch."
"you call that an explanation?"
"i wasn't done yet, dummy."
Akane gave serious consideration to punching Ranma's lights
out...She'd be done then.
"pop came to an agreement with mom. as long as he let me go to
school, he could train me however he wanted."
"i thought he agreed to sepuku."
"uh...he did. he made me train all the time, and any time i had time
off from school we went on training journeys. that wasn't good enough
for my old man though. he thought my mom was still trying to mother me,
so he decided to camp in the backyard and cook our own meals."
"that's the stupidest thing i've ever heard."
"that's what mom thought too. that was when she made him promise to
make me a man and all that junk."
"so when was that?"
"i guess it was when I was about four."
"FOUR?! uh i mean four?"
"yeah. that's why I hardly know my mom."
"i thought she used to bake you cookies."
"she did, that was the worst part. pop would get really mad if he
found out mom had been mothering me. that's why we went to jusenkyo, it
was training and a way to get away from mom over the break."
There was nothing to say...she had always thought Ranma had a happy
family life...this was like the evil universe version of everything she
had come to believe[3]...
Mrs. Saotome was asking Ryoga if he'd seen Ranma and Genma. She asked
him to tell them to come home and see her. Ryoga was looking at Ranma.
He looked like he wanted to say something[1], but thought better of
it[2]. Ranma just looked miserable. She was getting to be pretty good
at that.
----------------
[1] Ryoga really wanted to say, "There's Ranma! Look at him he's a girl!!!"
[2] Ryoga had a grasp on the usual out come of putting Ranma in danger
like that. If he told Mrs. Saotome that Ranma was behind her, somehow
he'd end up going off with Ranma to search for Jusenkyo, and the
fabled Nanichiwan. And they'd have incredible adventures and lots of
fun. But Ryoga was burning with vengeance, so he decided to pass
on the male bonding fanfic side story.
[3] Among the really lame excuses for why things are the way they are, will
not be, Akane is actually in a parallel universe where the entire crew[4]
are actually evil clones of themselves.
[4] Did I say crew? I meant cast. Honest.
[5] Say, what is footnote 3 doing before 1 & 2?
[6] It got caught up in the Borg warp field.
-----------------
Nabiki pulled the blanket tighter around her and wondered what she had
done to deserve a cold while on vacation. She watched Kasumi wave good
bye to Ranma, Akane and Ryoga as they went out side to play. She wished
she could go. She knew that Kasumi would never go play if there wasn't
someone to drag her along. Akane would never get her to go because Ranma
was there to be her company. Nabiki knew she was the only person in the
family who could talk Kasumi into having some fun, and she was stuck
inside this vacation. It figured.
"Nabiki Tendo, I occurs to me as I sit here gazing upon your
countenance, that you might feel a bit downcast at the abandonment by your
sibling. Perchance you would wish my company on this lonesome day?"
Tatewaki. He just couldn't resist blathering. Still, he was better
company than no one at all, "Sure, Guno baby. I god nodding bedder do do."
"Perhaps we could take this occasion to discuss your sudden
appearance here, as it comes as a bit of a surprise after your refusal to
join me on this same vacation."
"Ids a log sdory."
"Your voice is a symphony, your countenance a masterpiece in beauty.
Speak and I will sit enraptured by your presence."
Nabiki felt a blush creeping up her neck. It was stupid. How could
she feel so embarrassed by Tatewaki praising her. She knew if she didn't
start talking he would, and she wasn't sure whether she was going to
kiss him or kill him. This had to be how Akane felt...except Ranma had a
tendency to make the choice easier on her.
"Ogey, Guno baby, I'll dell you whad habbend..."
-----------------
Ryoga stared at her with his mouth open. He blinked a couple of
times, and then glanced over at Akane. Leaning close he whispered, "i
... i thought it was just my imagination... but i fell in a river
yesterday..."
"you mean?"
"that's right, Ranma. we finally know who the real man is."
Ranma landed face first in the snow. How could Ryoga get turned back
to a guy like that. I just wasn't fair. She squeezed a handful of snow
into a tight ball.
"EAT SNOW PIG BOY!!!!"
The snow ball hit him right in the face. He hadn't been expecting
that! Ha, some man he was. She could see him grabbing a handful of
snow. What an idiot, she wasn't about to fall for that.
When Ryoga threw the snow ball Ranma did a back flip, catching the
snowball with the edge of her foot. The snowball exploded, showering
Ryoga with powder.
"What a lame attack. And you call yourself a man..."<SHPUCK>
The unidentified flying snowball caught Ranma on her temple, spraying
her whole face and neck with snow.
"RAN...ko, quit picking on Ryoga!!"
Damn! Akane always took Ryoga's side. Ranma shook the snow out of
her hair and dodged Ryoga's next snowball. So, it was going to be gang
up on Ranma day huh. Well, she'd show them. She ducked Akane's next
shot and scooped up some snow. She packed it as hard as she could. So,
Akane (sidestep) wanted to play snowball war (duck), well then it was
going (jump) to be a war all right. Ranma threw the snowball, it flew
true and strait. It was going to bean Akane right in the bridge of the
nose. Akane put up a hand and . .CAUGHT THE SNOWBALL?!?!?!?!??
"I thought you'd be more of a challenge Ranko."
Even Ryoga was staring at Akane. It figured Akane would have a secret
talent for snowball fights. She never had a secret talent for anything
feminine. It was always something really stupid. Still, it was kinda
cool. Not many people had a fiancée that was good in a snowball
fight...uh...that is ...not that...(duck)
"Ohhohohohoho"<SHPUCK>"ho...What is the meaning of this affront, Akane
Tendo?! If it is a challenge then I accept, you deviant girl! Prepare
for the attack of the Storm Of Snow!!!"
Kodachi. Oh goody. At least she wasn't going to chase her around and
get Akane all mad...not ... not that she cared if Akane was all mad or
anything...
Kodachi threw a snowball at Akane. At. It was such a variable word.
The snowball went wide by about a foot and slammed into the trunk of a tree.
"That was an..." Akane looked up at the creaking sound above her,
"a.tt...ack..."<WHUMP>
All the snow fell out of the tree branches right into Akane's up
turned face. That had to be cold. A snowball in the face was bad
enough, but a tree full. Ranma couldn't stop laughing. It was just too
good. Akane standing there . . . <SHPUCKSHPUCKSHPUCKSHPUCKSHPUCKSHPUCK>
OK, it wasn't quite six snowballs funny.
"RAN...uh...Ranko! How dare you laugh at Akane! I'll bury you, you
little"<SHPUCK>
"Can it, Pigly Wigly"
"Now, where is my Ranma you bad girl?"
"Ranma's not here, you idiot!"
Ranma hadn't ever noticed how fast Kodachi was, until she stepped
forward and dropped the snowball down the front of her shirt. Speaking
of cold...THAT was cold. Oh man, was that ever cold. She had always
hated to get snow down her shirt as a guy, well as a girl there was just
more to get cold...
"YOU LITTLE"<SHPUCK>
"Your fighting me RAN...Ranko."
"That's it, Pig Boy! Your dead meat!"
-----------------
Tatewaki picked up the tray. Nabiki's sister, Kasumi, had finally
found the key to the food storage closets. She and Ranma's mother were
making lunch now. He had a bowl of chicken noodle soup for Nabiki and a
glass of tea for himself. It had been a long time since he had been
forced to do things like get his own lunch, or carry food. Sasuke had
always been there to do that. It was odd, but going to get Nabiki's
lunch felt good. Doing something for her. Not like empty praise, this
was something. It was not a diamond, or anything as grandiose as that,
but it felt like it was worth just as much. It was a new feeling for
him.
"I see Gasumi foud de gey."
"Indeed. She informed me that the manager had it. He was apparently
late to work today owing to a cold of some sort. It seems the gods play
jokes on us. Are you ready to consume some lunch now?"
"You're deading me lige a princess again."
"Ah, Nabiki Tendo, your dreams are far smaller than you believe if
this is your idea of the treatment of a princess. If I were to treat you
as a princess you would be in a bed dragged down by the fire at great
cost. You would be wrapped in the finest, warmest wool my money could
afford. You would not want for anything. There would be servants at
your beck and call. The finest doctor in the world would be flown in to
care for you and see you into health again. I treat you as a sick
friend. Let me care for you, Nabiki."
He watched her cheeks color, and for a moment she looked very innocent
and young. Then the old Nabiki returned, "I don'd no whad do say. I
guess I'm nod supposed do say anyding."
"You can say whatever feels right to your heart. Now open your mouth."
"Guno you are nod going do..."
He put a spoonful of soup in her mouth. She looked at him, it was a
hard look to read. Was it angry? What was she thinking?
"Is dis how you deed an princess?"
"No, Nabiki. This I reserve for the woman I love."
She stared at him. It was amazement on her face. There was not a
trace of anything else. He looked. She was just staring into his face.
His eyes. Finally, she opened her mouth again...
-----------------
Ryoga shivered and wished he could stay mad at Ranma. It was the
stupidest fight they had ever had. It was dumber then the bread thing.
It was dumber than any of the fights they had had because someone got
embarrassed in front of Akane. It was just stupid. Worse yet they both
knew it. By far worse than that was the fact that they had been caught
by Ranma's mother. A lovers quarrel. UGH!!!! Now she thought that he was
Ranko's boy friend. UUUGGGHHHH!!!! So here they were, wrapped in a
blanket by the fire. Out of the corner of his eye he could see Akane's
sister smirking at them. At least that meant Ranma would never live this
down, then again he might not either....
"after this we never, ever, ever, talk about this again."
"agreed."
"we gotta quit fighting on this vacation."
"why, aren't you man enough to take it?"
"do you want my mom to make us kiss and make up?"
"your right. no more fighting."
"it was kinda fun..."
"until we fell in the lake."
"heh. yeah, that was pretty stupid of me to go out that far."
"yeah. i guess i shouldn't have jump kicked at you..."
"how did my mom get akane and kodachi to take a bath together?"
"they were probably in shock. uh, is akane, i mean..."
"i'd forgotten about that...aw man, i hope not."
-----------------
"Akane Tendo, why are you looking at me like that?"
<SPLOOSH>