Zenki wrote:

Ranma 1/2: Lonely at Heart
Rough Draft of a Lemonfic
by Michael Chen

My first, and hopefully my last lemon for a long time.  This is a
quickie, so there are no chapters.

Well....Let me begin by saying you've got a lot of guts to not only
write a lemon like this but post it to the FFML as well.  It was nicely
done with some minor errors easily corrected.  The major flaw that
jumped out at me was this....

"Ranko!  Watch your language.  It's not right for a girl to
speak like that."  Nodoka shook her head reprovingly at Ranko,
who didn't seem to cherish being called a girl.

Kasumi was an efficient hostess, and she had managed to
produce a steaming pot of tea.  "Why don't you have a seat in the
living room?  Want some tea?  I think Father is here, and you can
ask him about Ranma."  

That should be *Ranko*.  That's the only major flaw I could see. 


I'm almost afraid to admit this but I liked it, not only because of the
sex scene, which was tastefully done, but because the story flowed
fairly well. If it hadn't, I would be MSTing it as we speak.  ;)

No doubt, there will be people who will be angry about this and
hopefully there won't be another 100+ message discussion on the subject
as there was for certain other lemon stories.  Or at the very least, I
hope it's done privately so we don't have to wade through a sea of spam
on the list....  

This story may also encourage someone else to write a Soun/Daughter or
Genma/Soun's daughter lemon, which if such a lemon must be written,
hopefully will be as good and tasteful as this one.  

I say tasteful because I've seen a lot worse lemons than this one, the
ones written by Oscar come to mind, many Star Trek lemons, the old anime
Lemon List collection (I'm saving them for MSTing.) and a Totaro lemon
that will permentnantly destroy your childlike innocence and scar you
for life.  

(It's amazing what you find when you're searching for MSTable fics)

There's even room for a sequel to this, which I'll understand completely
if you don't do.  I'm tempted to write it myself, just to see if I could
wrap everything up neatly in 10-15 pages or so.  Possibly ending with
Ranma's suicide, a confession, Nabiki blowing the whistle, etc, etc....  

How will everyone take Ranma's affair with his mother?  Not well I
suspect....Still, it would be one hell of a challege.  

Sincerely,

Megane 6.7