[Ranma] "No Need for Ranma!" (6/?)

By Henry J. Cobb

$Id: no_need_for_ranma6.txt,v 1.6 1997/06/16 04:36:50 hcobb Exp hcobb $



The Ranma 1/2 characters and situations are the creation of Rumiko

Takahashi.  No infringement of her copyrights is intended.



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I am Ukyou Kuonji, master of the school of Anything Goes Martial Arts.



My beloved Ran-chan jumped from the cart to go back for me when we were

five, so I took his place when he was lost at the age of ten during the

Cat Fist training.



My subterfuge got a lot easier after my recent pilgrimage to the

Nanniichuan.



With Genma's assistance, I am attempting to fulfill Ranma's pledge to be

a man to his mother and Genma's promise to Soun to join their families.



Unfortunately all three of the Tendo sisters, my junior high buddy

Ryouga Hibiki and Shampoo the amazon warrior have all put claims on me.



I had knocked Shampoo into the Maoniichuan back in China and her feline

form has been adopted by Akane, under the name of Murasaki.



But now Akane has lost her cat in the mall.



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"How did this happen?"  I asked Akane.



"She was stolen."  "There were witnesses."  Two girls following Akane said.



"I put Murasaki down for a second and she vanished", Akane said, "When I

went back she was gone and I heard that some other girl had taken her."



"OK, we'll put out an APB for a white housecat with purple trim.  There

can't be too many of them like that one", I pointed at a short girl who

was holding Shampoo's cat form.  Shampoo seemed to be stunned.



"Murasaki!"  Akane ran towards the other girl, who turned away from

Akane and held Shampoo protectively.



"No, don't you dare touch my Charlotte."



Akane turned back to me, "Is it true Ranma?  Is it really her cat?"



"No, that is not her cat.  Just look at the bump on Murasaki's head."



"Murasaki!  What happened to you?"



Shampoo seemed to come to at this and exploded into action, clawing at

the girl's face, then she jumped away and was caught by Akane.



Shampoo continued to growl at the other girl while Akane gently petted

her.



The other girl took her hands from her face and pointed at Akane.  "I

challenge you!"



"I'm sorry, but I try not to fight smaller people."



"A fight?  How crude.  I challenge you to a skating match!"



"Skating?"



"When you lose you'll give me back my Charlotte!"



"Azusa, you've gotten mixed up in something again?"  A tall, rather

handsome boy entered the Ramen shop.



"I challenged her to a skating match for my Charlotte."



"Oh, is that all", The boy leaned down towards Akane, "I'm sorry that my

partner has caused you such trouble.  By way of an apology", He bent

down even further to attempt a kiss Akane's cheek.



Akane looked like she was about to explode.  I threw a fish roll at his

cheek to get him to back away, while he was still alive.



"I have accepted your challenge.  The match will be pair skating at our

school, Kolkhoz high, one week from today."  He held up the fish roll.



"Kolkhoz high?  Now I remember!"



"Huh?"  Akane turned to one of the girls who had accompanied her into

the shop.



"They're the Golden Pair.  The regional skating champions of Kolkhoz

high!"



"I'm Azusa Shiratori."



"And I'm Mikado Sanzenin."



"This is your last chance to back down and hand me back my cat."



"Me back down?"  Akane fumed, "You're the thief!  Just look what you did

to my cat."



"Fine, we'll see you then."



After the pair left, Akane turned back to me, "Ranma, do you know how to

skate?"



"How hard can it be?"



"I'll teach you Ranma!"  Ryouga beamed.



When had Ryouga learned to skate?  For an instant I had an image of

Ryouga skating on an endless plain of ice under the Aurora Borealis as

he was chased by a herd of Polar Bears.



That evening I sat on the roof of the Tendo house to meditate.



I heard the bathroom window open and a lithe figure gracefully swung

onto the roof.  It was Shampoo in one of Akane's jogging outfits.



"Where are you going?"  I asked her.



She spun around, "Shampoo go, teach Azusa."



"You would dishonor Akane and me so?"



"What Ranma mean?"



"How would you feel if a friend of yours took care of somebody you had a

challenge with?"



"Shampoo no like that."



"And how do you think Akane would feel?"



"Is no fair!  Ranma no know what like, have curse."



"I can imagine."



Shampoo sat down and leaned against me.  I put a hand on her shoulder to

comfort her.  She turned to look at me.



"Shampoo help train Akane.  Akane win then Shampoo teach Azusa!"



"That's the spirit."



Another window opened and somebody began to climb out a window as

Shampoo quietly dropped over the other side.



Akane poked her head over the roof, "Ranma, what'you doing?"



"Thinking."



"I thought I heard you talking to somebody."



"Oh, that was just your cat."



"Did she look OK?  She ran off so suddenly."



"Physically I think she's fine, but she still seems to have her fur

ruffled from this afternoon."



"I hope she'll come back soon.  I'm worried about her."



"Next time I see her I'll tell her that."



I heard the side door quietly open.  Only one resident would bother

being stealthy.  Best to give her a chance to get back to Akane's room.



"Akane, do you have time for practice now?"



"I've got some homework, but it can wait."



"Then get up here."



"On the roof?  Why not the dojo?"



"I think you're ready to try a slightly longer fall."



"Oh."



I couched Akane though a series of stretching exercises to limber up.

She didn't seem to notice when I heard the door to her room open and

close, but not catch.  Shampoo must have entered in her cat form.



"OK, do it like this", I jumped off of the roof and went from knees

slightly bent to a full squat as I landed, "Are you ready?"  I turned

back to look up at her.



"No."



"OK, jump, then go limp and I'll catch you.  Next time you'll do the

jump on your own."



"Yii!"  She jumped, but with eyes closed.  I had to rush to grab her.



"Ranma, why is jumping from heights so important?"



"My school specializes in mid-air attack.  Imagine the power of a

waterfall, it's all powered by gravity.  I can pack a heck of impact at

the bottom of a twenty foot fall, if I don't miss.  Really, it's more

that I need against a human being."



"Then why do you do it?"



I considered telling her about the monsters from Jusenkyou then, but

she'd probably consider me to be one of them.  Best to let it wait,

until we've settled down.  I'll just insist on bathing separately for

the next decade or two.  She was waiting for an answer.  "It's good to

have the reserve, it gives me flexibility."



On Monday, we actually got Ryouga through a full day at school.



Afterwards, we stopped by his house and dug up two pairs of skates, then

we went back to the Tendo residence to get Akane's things.



Shampoo was waiting there.



"What are you doing in my skating outfit?"  Akane asked.



"Shampoo teach Akane combat skating.  Akane hurry and change."



"I've got to change too.  You two wait here please."  I took Akane's

hand and pulled her up the stairs.



"What is going on here Ranma?"  Akane whispered to me.



"You seem to have a new friend."



At the mall, Ryouga helped me stay upright, while Shampoo showed Akane

some advanced techniques.



"Is double-axe spin",  Shampoo swung Akane around at the end of their

clasped hands then took to the air herself when Akane regained her

footing to demonstrate a chopping motion with her extended blades.



I was beginning to get the hang of it.  It was mostly just keeping my

balance on a thin support, like a fence.  I was having a problem with

the getting started and stopped bit.



Akane and Shampoo approached in a rolling leapfrog maneuver, each

tossing the other over her as they skated forwards.



"Ranma, why is everybody staring?"



Akane was right, the other skaters had moved off to the edges of the

rink and had stopped to look.



"Well, it could be that you and Shampoo are using techniques never

before seen in Japan."



"Is lake that freeze at edge of village.  We practice every winter, in

case of attack."



"...Or it might be that we have two boys and two girls skating.  Perhaps

we'd best change partners for a bit?"



"Is good idea",  Shampoo grabbed me and zoomed down the rink.



"Are you trying to make Akane jealous?"



"Ranma no fun!"  Shampoo tossed me six meters into the air.



I tucked into a ball to balance my roll then straightened out to pick my

landing.



I was heading right towards the golden pair.



"Look out!"



Mikado moved causally away, but Azusa stood and stared.



"Skit. Skit. Skit. Thump!"  I was unable to stop when I hit the ice and

so plowed into Azusa, knocking her over and winding up on top of her.



"My, you're forwards."



"Uh, sorry about this."



"Shampoo so sorry.  Azusa get away from Ranma!"



"I haven't seen you before.  I'm sure I'd remember such a cute girl",

Mikado leaned down to kiss Shampoo's hand, but she flung him away with a

flick of her wrist.  He did a spin in midair then landed gracefully ten

meters away.



"Ranma!  What are you doing with that girl?"  Akane scooped me up.



"What are doing with Ranma?"  Ryouga turned from Azusa to Akane, "Hey,

don't push Ranma around like that!"



"Save your flirting for later Mikado", Azusa got back to her feet,

"Please clear the rink, it's time to practice the assault of the hundred

foes."



A motley crew of skaters, in hockey goalie uniforms numbered 1 to 100,

including hockey sticks, started out onto the ice.



The four of us went to stand at the edge of the ice, next to the

refreshment area, Shampoo to my left, Akane to my right, Ryouga next to

her.



As the hundred foes attacked the golden pair, a little kid leaned over

the wall.  "Gee, that's neat.  Oops!"  He spilled his soda onto Shampoo,

who transformed into her cat form, but the kid didn't see, as he was

watching the combat.  Akane also seemed to be distracted.



I snatched Shampoo up in one hand, her outfit in the other.  Now, I just

needed to get some hot water, perhaps in the restroom, before anybody

noticed.



"Shampoo do you know the counter for that move?"  Akane turned to us,

"Say, what's that in your hand?"



"Oh, here's your cat."



"Murasaki?  What are you doing here?  And you're soaked too.  Ick, it's

soda?  I'll go wash you off."



"Uh, I can handle that."



"Ranma..."  Ryouga had skated around to my other side, "What are you

doing with Shampoo's skating outfit?"



"Well, uh, I thought I'd try it on, to feel what it's like to dress like

a real girl for once."



"Ranma!"  Akane was so distracted that she didn't notice Azusa skating

up on her.



"Charlotte, mommy's got a present for you!"  Azusa snatched the cat away

and locked a collar onto her.



"Rwwwr!"  Shampoo attacked Azusa's face again and leaped away to Akane's

arms.



"Don't worry Murasaki, I'll get that off of you in a moment.  It's

locked!"



"If you want it off you'll have to win our match!"  Azusa held up a key

which she slipped into her bodice.



"Oh no you don't!"  I caught Azusa with my left arm and reached for her

cleavage with my right hand.



"Eeeek!"



"Well, maybe some other time."



On the way home, Akane remembered something,  "Ranma, is Shampoo running

around naked right now?"



"Uh no, when she handed me the skating clothes she was in a fur outfit.

I think she picked it up in China.  Speaking of attire, that collar

looks very tight, it certainly wouldn't fit on anything bigger than a

cat.  Does your father have some tin snips I could use?"



"Yes, I think so."



"Good, I'll get that collar off and give your cat a bath when we get

back."



"I thought you hated cats?"



"Well, when it's your cat, it's OK."



A little later, Shampoo sat in the tub, my back was turned to her.



"Azusa will die!"



"Look, everybody's going to die sooner or later.  Does it really have to

be now?  The last thing we need is a murder investigation.  At the very

least you'd get deported."



"Police no deport Akane's cat."



"Ranma, have you finished washing my cat?"  Akane asked from the other

room.



"In just a second", I then whispered to Shampoo, "Then stay her cat and

stay out of trouble for the moment.  For my sake please?"



"For now, for Ranma, yes."



I walked out of the bathroom, toweling off the cat.  "Here you go Akane."



	Henry J. Cobb	hcobb@slip.net          http://www.io.com/~hcobb