...and now for something completely different.
Matthew Trotter, WARNING:Strong sence of humor required
May not be suitable for the easily offened
This product was rushed through testing and may
still cause unspeakable side effects
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...ew SinnerBurst Gum, with Amphetamine crystals you can see!
<close up of a piece of sugar coated gum> Warning: not for Narcs. Also
available in new Barbiturate flavor.
Matthew Trotter
Presents
<scene opens over a dark and gloomy city. Smoke billows from old
decaying factory chimneys in the background.> Just when you thought it
was over, the phenomena that won't die returns to the big screen again.
<A cheesy looking model car with way too many fins and spoilers blasts by
in an incredible display of sped up footage> Batman Again! This time
its not for family, or love...this time, its just for the money! <Cheesy
looking Batman walks out followed by an even cheesier looking Robin,
sporting the CodPiece SuperMaX. They run toward the camera, as they go
by Robin bumps the camera over.> Batman Again! See the legend one more
time! Please.
A Who Would Take Credit For This Production
<Scene changes to a laundry room. A man is standing next to a basket of
cloths. The man's eyes are glazed, and he seems to be staring out into
space. On the drier is a box labeled "Fried".>New Fried, its a bleach and
a Cocaine derivative. Gentler on your cloths while still giving them
that "snorting good" aroma that you've come to expect from Fried.
ooooooooooooo
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oo oo
sssss pppppp oo 11111 000000 oo ttttttttttttt
ss s p p oo 11 11 00 00 oo tt
sss pppppp oo 11 11 00 00 oo tt
sss p oo 11 00 00 oo tt
s ss p oo 11 00 00 oo tt
sssss p oo 11 00 00 oo tt
oo 1111111111 000000 oo
oo oo
oo ooooooooooooo oo
ooooooooooo
<scene opens on a men's locker room. Two beefy looking guys are standing
next to an open locker.>
Guy1: Joe, do you ever get that not so fresh feeling?
Joe: NO!!! WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU FRANK!!!!
<soothing music swells as the two guys start to beat the hell out of
each other> Do you ever feel like all the men you meet might be gay? Do
you worry that other people might think your gay? It might be because
your not secure in your sexuality, but its probably because your dick is
so small you might be mistaken for a woman. Here at Homophobes Anonymous
we can help. We have a two week program with a couple of week end follow
ups. <Scene changes to show the two guys again, this time Joe is wearing
a fishnet halter top and a pair of black leather hot pants.>
Frank: Joe, do you ever get that not so fresh feeling?
Joe: Ooooh, do I ever girl friend...
<Scene changes to some evil looking neon background with some cracked
out pattern scrawled on it. A dark gray ten in a circle fades in.> You
are now entering the ten spot.<Spot lights begin to circle the ten, and
cheesy disco music starts to play.> Today in the ten spot is everyone's
favorite high schooler, Daria. This week, Daria finally gets accepted
into the foreign exchange program. Look out Japan, here comes America's
sweet heart. <Scene changes to show a row of lockers. Some really killer
music starts playing. Its so killer the network almost banned it as
part of its campaign to play only low grade crap, but somehow it slipped
by. Daria walks in to the scene. She looks strangely out of place.
Er...make that even more out of place than usual. Ranma rushes by her
followed by Akane and Ukyo and Shampoo and Kodachi and Ryoga and um... oh
yeah, Kuno. The scene switches to a typical Furinken High scene,
students yammering at each other and running around the class room.
Daria sits alone on the front row looking sedentary. As Kuno approaches
the music is faded back as to make the following dialog comprehensible.>
Kuno: Ah, it is I, the great Tatewaki Kuno, who doth address thee, waif.
Pay heed my words that on falling from these divine lips they
shall not be spoken again. I would address thee on the issue of
thy skill in penmanship...
Daria: Let me guess, you want me to write your term paper, right?
<The scene switches to show Daria and Nabiki standing in a hall, they
appear to be discussing something as Britany walks over.>
Britany: Can you believe they accepted me into the foreign exchange program?
Daria: It certainly confirms my suspicion that they picked the
applications out of a hat.
Nabiki: Its a small world after all.
<The scene freeze frames.> Coming up next, right after Road Rules. This
week Road Rules visits Jusenkiyo China. <The scene switches to
Jusenkyo. An RV pulls up and a bunch of trendy losers hop out. They
immediately begin ignoring the tour guide. The tour guide doesn't seem
too concerned, he just keeps fanning himself with a large wad of bills.>
This has been a presentation of the Matthew TrotterVision network and The
Fanfic mailing list. May they forgive me for it soon...