Hazards of Divinty
An Oh My God? Story
by
Brett Handy
Part 2 - Section B
"I'm sure you'll like your rooms", Eto commented as he
led us along the corridor, "They overlook the Royal
Gardens...".
He began to prattle on about how nice the gardens were
and I took the opportunity to examine our escorts. Eto seemed
honest enough, rather open and very friendly. The other
escort had been introduced as Parn and he seemed rather
troubled. I gave him a curious glance, "You look a little
troubled", I commented to him quietly, "Something wrong?".
He gave me an unfriendly stare, "You were rather rude to
Her Majesty", he replied, "I didn't like that".
I shrugged, "So far I'm not particularly impressed with
this country's hospitality either", I replied shortly.
"How dare you!", Parn said, placing a gauntleted hand on
my arm, "You speak without regard for station or rank!".
"Yup", I replied, smiling, "Rank and Station don't really
change a person's heart, if I've misjudged Her Majesty, I'll
apologise later".
Parn thought for a moment, one hand still on his sword,
"I still think you're being rather insolent", he chided me.
"Look mate", I said, noticing that Urd and Eto had turned
the corner ahead, "I have no desire to burn you down to a
little cinder, or run my sword through you, I'm a traveller
who just wants to go home".
Parn looked a me for a long moment and nodded, "I believe
you", he said, the he grinned, "But I don't want to have to
cut you limb from limb either, so how about a little more
courtesy for people?".
I grinned back and shook my head, "I must be tired if I'm
being that rude, I apologise", I extended my hand to him and
he shook it firmly.
I looked around for Urd and Eto, "Err.. I think we've
lost our companions", I observed.
"Oh don't worry", Parn said, "Eto was going to give you
two a grand tour". He scratched his head thoughtfully, "Well,
if you're tired I can just show you to your room", he
suggested.
I grinned, "That would be great", I replied, "That way I
get to use the bath without Urd bugging me".
He raised his eyebrow, "Oh?", he asked, "I wouldn't have
thought she'd be such a bother?".
I winked, "Don't get me wrong", I explained, "I love her
quite a lot, I just don't think we're ready for that yet".
He gave me a quizzical look, "You arn't married?", he
asked.
I shook my head, "Nope", I replied. We reached the set
of rooms that we'd been assigned and Parn led me into the
bedroom, "Well", he said, "There's only one bed....".
I shrugged, "Don't worry mate", I explained, "I've been
'just sleeping' with Urd for a month or so". He looked rather
confused and I shook my head, "It's too complex to explain", I
said, "We'll be fine".
Parn nodded, still confused, then he snapped his fingers,
"That's right", he said, "The two of you are invited to dinner
this evening, Her Majesty would like to welcome you two
properly".
"Right", I replied, "I'll tell Urd when she gets back".
After he left, I took the opportunity to take a bath and then
I sat down on a large sofa and waited for Urd to arrive.
About an hour later Urd finally walked into the room and
I grinned at her, "What the hell are you doing here?", she
demanded, "You made me go through that damn tour all by
myself!".
I grinned, "I took the express tour", I laughed, "The one
with only a tour of our room!".
She gave me a look that would have frozen water and
stomped off into the bedroom. "OH!", I called, "We're going
to dinner with the Princess tonight! Wear something
presentable!".
"PRESENTABLE!?!?!?!?", Urd called, "I'll give you
'presentable!'".
******
Urd sauntered into the room, her overly ornate dress,
causing her to stumble slightly, almost spoiling the effect.
Brett looked dazed, "You're beautiful", he said nervously.
Urd slimed sweetly, "How nice of you to notice", she
replied, stepping closer to him, straightening his shirt.
Brett was wearing his usual "uniform", a loose fitting blue
shirt and pants, that appeared to shimmer slightly.
"Err yeah", he mumbled. He offered Urd his arm and the
two of them walked to the door where a pair of guards were
waiting to take them to the royal dinner that had been
arranged.
Brett shifted uncomfortably, it seemed like wherever he
went he felt out of place. Glancing at the beautiful young
woman on his arm he shook his head in amazement, Urd could fit
in anywhere. He glanced at the guards, and grinned as he
noticed that their eyes had move sharply away from Urd when he
looked up.
A few moments later they arrived at the formal dining
room. The door swung open grandly, Brett and Urd moved slowly
into the room, taking in everything. The room was
magnificent, sculptures adorned the walls and the ceiling was
one huge mural. A long table was set in the middle of the
room and two places were left near one end.
"Looks like we're late", Brett whispered to Urd.
Urd noted the stir that their entrance had caused and
smiled back, "*Fashionably* late", she replied, "There's a
difference". Some servants ushered them to their seats, Brett
was surprised and a little apprehensive as he was seated
beside the elf-girl that he had seen earlier. The elf-girl
was dressed very similar to Urd, and in Brett's opinion was
*almost* as beautiful. A hush fell over the room as Eto
stood, and began a prayer of thanks for the meal.
After a few moments everyone began eating. Brett tried
to take his queues from Urd, who seemed totally at ease.
Attempting to relax he looked around the table noticing that
most of the men's attention was on Urd, much to the collective
disapproval of the ladies. Urd verbally sparred with several
young gentlemen, laughing politely at their jokes.
"It looks like your companion knows her way around a
royal court", commented the elf-girl.
Brett smiled thoughtfully, "Urd just manages to fit in
wherever she goes", he said ruefully.
"Unlike yourself?", the elf asked, smiling.
"Oh, you picked that?", Brett asked uneasily.
The elf laughed quietly, "My name is Deedlit", she
introduced herself.
Brett nodded, "I'm pleased to meet you", he replied.
"But a bit uncomfortable about it", Deedlit said, winking
suggestively.
"You're very preceptive", Brett replied, blushing
slightly under her gaze.
Deedlit smiled, "So what brings you to Lodoss?", she
asked.
Brett sighed, "We're travelling home", he replied.
"You don't sound too happy about that", Deedlit observed,
"Why is that?".
"Oh, don't get me wrong", Brett said hastily, "I want to
get home.. it's just that it's a very long trip.. and we're
not sure we'll even make it". Deedlit was distracted by the
young man on her other side and Brett resumed eating his
dinner.
A servant poured a glass of wine and Brett shook his
head, "I'll just have water thanks", he explained.
"Water?", the servant asked, looking confused.
"Water?!?", one of the almost-drunk knights across the
table from Brett exclaimed, "You don't look dirty! what do you
need water for?".
Brett gave him a smile, "Thanks, but I don't drink", he
replied.
The Knight laughed loudly, "Are you a priest or
something?!?!", he joked. One of the knight's companions
leered at Urd, "Of course he's not, look at the woman he's
with!".
Brett's gaze turned chilly, "What did you mean by that
comment?", he asked casually.
The Knight laughed, "Obviously a woman like *that*
wouldn't hang around with a priest", he snickered, making a
filthy gesture with one hand, the other knights laughed
rudely.
Deedlit pulled back sharply when she felt a strange surge
of energy from Brett. She wasn't the only one who noticed,
Eto grabbed his head in pain and Urd looked at Brett in shock,
"Brett! what are you doing?!??!?", Urd called quickly.
The drunken knights cowered back in fear as Brett's eyes
glowed a dull red colour and a strange aura began forming
around him, "So you think that's funny?!?!", Brett demanded in
a cold voice.
"N.. N... No.. ", one of the Knight stammered, "Of course
not My lord!".
Brett's mouth twisted into a savage grin, "Oh? I could
have sworn that you laughed earlier", he said, raising one
hand and pointing that the group of half-drunk/half-terrified
knights.
"Stop it now!", a firm voice ordered from the head
of the table.
Brett glanced at the figure of the Princess, "You're
correct", he said, "It's not these poor Knight's fault.. you
are their ruler, they are a reflection of you!".
Urd grabbed Brett's arm, "Stop this Brett", she ordered,
"You must not do this!".
Brett looked down at Urd's face and he shuddered
slightly, the fire leaving his eyes. He stumbled backwards
and shook his head, "What's wrong with me", he gasped.
Urd helped him to a chair as a crowd of Knights wearing
armour surrounded them in a rough circle. "Back off", Urd
ordered sharply to their leader, "It's your fault this is
happening to him!".
The Knights hesitated until a clear voice rang out over
the room, "Guards, return to your posts", the Princess ordered.
She walked around the table, followed by Eto and Slayn and
stopped a few paces from where Brett was sitting in a chair,
holding his head, "What is wrong with him?", she asked gently.
Eto stepped forward and gently placed a hand on Brett's
shoulder, he closed his eyes and concentrated for a moment,
"The feeling of evil is gone", he said in amazement.
Deedlit and Parn pushed their way through the crowd that
had gathered, Parn helped Brett to his feet, supporting him
under one shoulder, "Let's get them to their room", he
suggested, "We can figure it out then".
******
I awoke to the sound of voices from the next room.
Things had become disoriented after Parn had helped me from
the dining room and I had a vague feeling of unease.
"What exactly is he?", the Princess' voice echoed through
the room.
"A month ago I would have been able to answer you... but
now.. I just don't know", replied Urd's voice.
"But you are travelling with him", The Princess protested,
"and it appears that the two of you are...", she broke off
suddenly.
There was a low laugh from Urd, "We're good friends", she
admitted, "But... he's a little shy".
"I know what you mean", the Princess admitted, "I have the
same problem with a young man myself".
There was a long silence and I strained to listen. "We
are not from your world", Urd explained gently to the Princess,
"We're travellers from another universe".
"That verges on the unbelievable", the Princess replied,
"But I accept your explanation for the moment".
After another moment, Deedlit's voice entered the
conversation, "Brett mentioned that you were going home?", she
asked.
"Oh he did?", Urd asked, in a almost curt tone of voice,
"When was that?".
"During dinner", Deedlit answered easily, "He said that
it was going to be a dangerous journey".
Urd sighed, "He's right", she replied, "I don't know if
either of us will make it home, or even if we do, I don't know
what it will do to him".
"What do you mean", the Princess asked sharply, "is what
happened tonight part of that?".
"Yes", Urd said quietly, "If we can't find our home
soon... I'm afraid I'll lose him".
"Lose him?", Deedlit asked, "What do you mean?".
"Brett and I had an encounter with a demon about a year
ago", Urd said quietly, "When I found him the demon had
absorbed his powers and life force... the only way I could
save him was to return his life force, but I didn't know
exactly how much he had". Urd's voice broke and she sobbed
out the next sentence, "I had no time.. I divided the power in
the demon in two and gave half to Brett".
Deedlit gasped, "He's got a part of a demon's soul in
him!?!?", she asked in almost terror.
The Princess was also shocked, "But how did you manage to
effect a demon?", she asked.
Urd sighed, "That's something I haven't told you yet",
she said calmly, "Were we come from, I am a Goddess".
"A Goddess?", the Princess asked, a little catch in her
voice.
"Does that make Brett a God?", Deedlit asked.
"That's why the demon wanted Brett's powers", Urd
explained. There was an awkward silence in the room and I
unconsciously held my breath.
"So if Brett relaxes his guard, the demon comes out?",
Deedlit asked.
"Yes", Urd said shortly, "And it's getting worse, he
almost killed some of those soldiers outside of the city and
then tonight after one of those Knights upset him..".
"I take it that he doesn't lose him temper often?", the
Princess asked.
"No", Urd said firmly, "he's one of the most gentle,
caring people I know... I've only seen him fight in self-
defence, and certainly never over someone insulting him".
Deedlit cleared her throat, "Actually", she said
delicately, "The Knight was insulting you".
There was silence as Urd digested the news, "So he was
defending my honour?", she asked ruefully, "I should have
guessed".
There was a knock on the outer door and a servant
apologised for interrupting. The Princess had some duties to
attend to, so she and deedlit bid farewell to Urd. I heard
the door close and Urd threw a bolt across it. A few moments
later the door to my room opened and I quickly shut my eyes
and feigned sleep. Urd walked around the room, checking the
curtains and then sat gently on the bed beside me.
"You shouldn't worry so much about me, my love", she
whispered, brushing some of my hair from my face gently.
I opened one eye, "And you don't worry about me?", I
asked.
Urd jumped slightly as she realised I was awake, "I've
got to be more careful", she said, "I never can tell when
you're awake".
I sat up slightly so I could look her in the eye, "I
always worry about you Urd", I said gently, "I worry about
everyone I love". Urd leaned forward and I kissed her gently,
she hugged me and kissed me back, pushing me so that I was
laid back on the bed.
Then she pulled back suddenly, "Are you all right?", she
asked, "You collapsed after we got you back here.. I don't
want to...".
"You don't?", I interrupted her, "Since when?".
Urd gave me a steady look, "I'm serious Brett", she said,
"If you're still uncomfortable about this...". In response I
pulled her back down and kissed her firmly.
******
Urd awoke feeling warm and comfortable, Brett had one arm
around her and she was snuggled against his side. She sighed,
realising that last night wasn't a dream, and an almost giddy
feeling swept over her as she realised that she'd finally
succeeded in her goal. Rubbing her hands over his bare chest,
she thought back over the evening. She'd described Brett as
'gentle and caring' to the Princess and Elf and she had been
right in more ways than she'd thought.
She kissed him on the ear, then on the cheek, by the time
she reached his lips he was awake. He kissed her back running
one hand over her shoulders. "Morning lover", Urd purred.
Brett blushed slightly and smiled, "Good morning Urd", he
replied a little awkwardly.
She pulled off the bed covers and pinned Brett's arms
back on the bed, "What's wrong?", she asked playfully,
"Something's worrying you".
Brett smiled up at her thoughtfully, "I guess I was
wondering where we stand now", he admitted, "I've never been
in this kind of relationship before... ".
Urd thumped Brett on the chest, "You think too much", she
said firmly, "Don't think for a while, ok?". She leant down
and kissed him seriously.
And hour or so passed, before Brett spoke up, "So where
do we go from here?", he asked, as he brushed out Urd's long
flowing hair.
"Where do you want to go?", Urd asked, leaning back so
that he could brush out a particularly knotted section.
Brett was silent for a long moment, "I love you", he said
quietly, "I want to go home, but I don't want things to change
when we get there".
Urd grabbed the brush in mid-stroke, "So I suppose you
want to go off and get married or something?", she asked in an
half-sarcastic tone, with her back to him.
He looked at her with a hurt expression on his face,
"Would that be so horrible?", he asked quietly.
"That depends", Urd said calmly, "Did you just offer to marry me?".
Brett sighed, "I guess it was", he admitted.
Urd turned around slowly and looked at Brett carefully,
"You'll have to do better than that!", she said teasingly,
striking a haughty pose, she shook out her hair, "Afterall, I
*am* the Goddess of the Past".
Brett smiled at her and dropped to one knee, "My Lady",
he said grandly, "I would be greatly honoured if you would
consent to be my bride, I have little to offer... except my
undying devotion and obedience..".
Urd laughed and grabbed the front of Brett's shirt,
pulling him up to his feet, "Of course I'll marry you", she
said with tears in her eyes, "But we'll have to wait until we get home".
Brett hugged her tightly, "I love you", he said simply.
******
I walked along the corridors of the palace with a broad
smile on my face, I couldn't help it, I felt like I was on top
of the world. Urd had said yes! it was like a great weight
was lifted from my chest, I'd finally asked her and she'd said
yes! Resisting the urge to jump for joy I composed my face to
a more serious expression as we entered the royal throneroom.
"My Lord Handy, The God of Destiny", the herald announced
me. I gave a look of surprise to the herald and he shrugged
apologetically. Walking self-consciously across the room, I
bowed to the Princess and got the shock of my life when she bowed
back. This created a stir around the room and a low mutter
from some of the nobles attending.
"Lord Handy", the Princess said grandly, "We wish you luck
on your journey and I wish you every happiness". She had a
glint in her eye and I realised that Urd must have told her
about our engagement.
"Thank you your majesty", I replied, grinning sheepishly.
"My Lord", came a voice from behind me, I looked around
to see Parn and Deedlit waiting for me, "We would be honoured
to travel with you".
I smiled carefully, "Thank you but...", I was cut off mid
speech, by the appearance of Urd.
Urd walked into the room and smiled at Parn, "We would be
happy to have you come along", she said to Parn.
"We would?", I asked her quietly. Urd elbowed me gently
and I shrugged, "Fair enough", I allowed, "Good to have you
along", I said to Parn.
We bid farewell to the Princess and walked through the main
hall. "You should know better than to argue with your
fiancee", Parn whispered to me, "Hasn't she 'trained' you
yet?".
There was the hollow sound of metal striking metal and
Parn winced as Deedlit 'accidentally' banged him in the side
with her sword, "Oh, I'm so sorry dear", she said, smiling
sweetly.
I gave him a sympathetic smile, "You too huh?", I asked
at his nod I sighed, "My condolences...". Then I noticed
Urd's glare, "I mean congratulations", I amended hastily.
After a short walk we arrived at the stables, to find five
horses waiting for us, four riding horses and a pack horse.
"Where's the seatbelt?", I asked nervously as I climbed
into the saddle.
Urd laughed, "I thought you were from the 'Outback'", she
called.
I gave her a flat stare, "I'm from Brisbane *City*", I
replied, "I've been on a horse *once* in my life! and that was
enough.. I preferred walking". We started out at a slow pace,
to allow me to get used to the horse (and him to me) and after
an hour or so I was starting to get the hang of it. Following
the tracking device was easy enough, it was pointing south.
That evening when we made camp I found myself in a rather
large amount of pain. Gingerly, I lay down on in the tent I
was sharing with Urd and quickly rolled onto my stomach, "Now
I know what 'saddle sores' are", I complained.
Urd teasingly poked at my backside, "I can't heal you"
she said as I jumped, "If I do it'll mean that you'll be just
as sore tomorrow night". I groaned and Urd looked at me
thoughtfully, "I know how to take your mind off it", she said
in a low voice.
The next morning I was still sore and dreaded getting
back into the saddle again. Urd walked over and placed her
hand on my shoulder, whispering a spell that would dull the
pain. I sat down on the horse carefully, "Why didn't you just
cast that last night?", I asked.
"Well", Urd said, smiling sweetly, "I had other things on
my mind".
******
We'd been travelling several days when a low rumbling began.
Brett and Urd exchanged concerned glances as the ground began to
shake violently. The horses startled momentarily, but the
shaking subsided and rumbling dropped off.
"What the bloody hell was that?", Brett asked, looking over
at Parn who had a grave expression on his face.
"It was what's left of Marmo", Parn said quietly, "After the
destruction of the Temple of Cardis the island sank into the sea
and a volcano sprang up in it's place".
Brett noticed a wisp of smoke rising from the horizon and
examined the tracking device he was carrying, "We appear to be
heading directly towards it", he noted.
Deedlit looked concerned, "You do not want to go there", she
warned, "It is a dreadful place, filled with the souls of those
who died in the War, monsters roam unhindered".
Urd grimaced, "I could think of better vacation spots", she
allowed, "But if we're ever to get home, we have to use the
portal there". The discussion ended as another tremor shook the ground.
They started off again, at a quick trot. That evening Brett and
Urd were relaxing near the fire and they noticed Parn and Deedlit
slip off into the trees together.
Urd smirked at Brett, "Young love", she said, "How
touching".
Brett grinned back at her, "If I remember my legends
correctly", he said, "Deedlit is probably several hundred years
old... she's an Elf remember?".
"So?", she asked, "I'm sure that Parn won't have any
complaints, being picked up by an old lady".
Brett smiled innocently, "You're older than I am you know",
he commented.
Urd frowned, "So?", she asked.
Brett grinned, "Does that mean I can call you an 'old lady'",
he asked.
Urd stood abruptly so that she was profiled by the light,
and struck a pose, "You really think that's appropriate?", she asked
in a low voice.
Brett gulped nervously, "Errr... ummm", he said
unintelligently.
Urd walked forward, slowly tracing the curves of her lips
with her fingers, "Well?", she asked, her lips inches from Brett's.
There was a rustling from the bushes and Parn rushed back
towards the fire, followed by a dishevelled looking Deedlit,
"Monsters!", Parn shouted, grabbing up his sword. He tossed a
sword to Deedlit and the two of them stood back to back in the
middle of the clearing. Urd and Brett jumped up, Brett picked
up his sword and unsheathed it slowly, "Where?", he asked.
A moment later five ugly-looking humanoids burst into the
clearing, followed by several hulking shapes. "YAA!!!", Parn
shouted, charging forward. Deedlit moved forward beside him, her
sword held low.
Urd and Brett exchanged a nod and the two of them began
chanting a series of spells. Parn slashed the throat of one of
the Kobolds, it's blood washing over his sword and arm, a moment
later it's body fell to the ground, lifeless. Deedlit blocked a blow
meant for Parn and slashed the knees of the attacker, forcing it
to the ground. A few seconds later, a pair of lighting bolts
smashed into the remaining Kobolds, one brilliant blue, the other jet
black.
The Kobolds hit by the blue bolt convulsed a few times,
before dropping to the ground, their bodies burned. The ones hit by the
black one simply ceased to exist, they were burned down to
cinders. Parn and Deedlit gulped nervously and turned around to look at
Brett and Urd. Brett was cursing loudly, looking at his hand,
which was wreathed in black flames.
"I can't seem to stop the other force from being used!", he
spat, "I never meant to use that much power!".
The trolls hesitated as their allies were dealt with and
realised that they were better off attacking what they thought
were mages. Four of them rushed forward, while the others kept
Deedlit and Parn busy.
Urd chanted another spell and the lead troll suddenly found
himself caught in some kind of quicksand, he bellowed in
frustration. The following three split up so that two of them
headed for Urd, while the other went after Brett.
Brett's eyes suddenly glazed over and he spoke to the troll
confronting him in a guttural language. The troll stopped in
confusion and looked around for it's companions (but they were
busy banging on Urd's forcefield). It looked back at it's prey, which
was speaking to it in it's own tongue.
"You will obey me!", Brett ordered harshly, "You will obey
your master!!".
The troll shuddered in sudden recoginition and dropped to one
knee, "Master", it gibbered, "I am your servant!".
******
Urd finished dealing with 'her' trolls and looked back to
see what had happened with Brett. He was gone. She blinked in
confusion. She saw that Deedlit and Parn had dealt with the
other trolls and hurried over to them.
"Where's Brett?", she demanded, "Did either of you see what
happened to him?".
Parn was puffing heavily and nursing a cut on his shoulder,
he shook his head, "No, I was too busy trying to stay alive", he
gasped.
Deedlit was leaning heavily against Parn and she simply
shook her head. "BRETT!!", Urd called, "Where are you!?!?". There
was no response and Urd attempted a detection spell. She screamed
in pain suddenly. Parn caught her before she could hit the ground
and he laid her down gently.
"What happened?", Deedlit asked gently.
Urd's eyes flickered open, "Brett", she whispered, "He's not
there any more... the presence was... *evil*".
Deedlit and Parn exchanged a glance, "Could you sense
anything else?", Parn asked seriously.
"Just a name", Urd replied, "Phalarus".
******