to the ffml:  If you're going to give me any response on this, and I know
you won't, but it doesn't hurt to ask, please send it to
yinyang@altered.com.  You may send it to the ffml also, but send it to my
address, if it isn't too much to ask. The reason is that I get kicked out
of the ffml often cuz of bounced messages. Thanks.



     [We see a small room in the Nekohanten. It is evening time in
     Nerima, and that room is lit by a single candle. Mousse is
     sitting on his futon, carrying something on his hands. Mousse is
     hunched over, and looks like he is having a conversation with
     someone.
     
Mousse:  What do you think . . . ?  Yeah, should I just give up?  I
mean, how many years have I been chasing her around?  Ten?
Fifteen?  Yeah, I lost count.  And nobody cares about my problems,
except you.  You're the only one who's willing to listen to my
problems.  I mean, I know she doesn't hate me; she just doesn't like
me, that's all. You think I'm wasting my time trying to catch her or
something? I don't know. I wonder what she's doing right now anyway?

     [We cut to the Tendo dojo. The Tendos and the Saotomes are about
     to have dinner. The shampoo crashes through the wall next to the
     front door on her bicycle. She is carrying those aluminum
     Chinese
     delivery box.]
     
Shampoo:  Ranma, I cook dinner for you.

Akane:  Shampoo, what are you doing here?  [to Ranma]  Did you invite
her?

Ranma:  No, she just came over here on here free will.

Shampoo:  So you eat, right Ranma?

Kasumi:  Yes, I prepared some fried rice.  Would you like to join?
[smiles]

Shampoo:  No, I mean Ranma eat my food. [turns to Ranma] Right Ranma?

Kasumi:  Oh, you won't be eating my dinner?

Ranma:  Uhhh . . . .

Akane:  Ranma!  You won't even eat my sister's cooking too! Stupid
stupid stupid!

     [Akane repeatedly beats Ranma on the head with a table.]

Shampoo:  Aiya, I save you from violent girl!

Akane [raises sleeve]:  What?  You call me violent?!  [raises fist]

Ranma:  Uh, Akane, I don't think you should fight her.

Akane:  What? Are you calling me weak? [punches Ranma through the
roof]

Shampoo:  Oh no, Ranma!  [chases after him]

Akane:  Stupid, he can have her.

Kasumi:  I guess I won't be setting his dinner after all.

     [Cut back to Mousse, still in his room.]
     
Mousse:  . . . . Probably looking for Ranma or something. Oh well,
I'll talk to you later.

     [Mousse puts down a teddy bear he was holding.]
     
Mousse [to the bear]:  See ya. [leaves]




     BILE STUDIO PRESENTS
     Pumpkin Dunking
     by Jang Choe
     
     
     
     
     
     [We cut out side of Mousse's room.  Mousse is serving some
     customers. It is very busy since it is dinner time, and Shampoo
     is not there to help them.]
     
Cologne:  Hey Mousse, get these for table eight!

Mousse [to the customers]:   Okay, so you wanted Chow mein and Sweet
and sour pork? And . . . [to cologne] All right, hold on for a sec!
[to the customers again] Okay, you said Lo mein and Sweet and Sour
chicken?

Customer:  No, Chow mein and Sweet and Sour pork. 

Mousse:  Oh yeah, sorry.

     [Mousse scribbles the order down and quickly goes to Cologne to
     takes the plates of food she put on the counter]
    
Mousse [cont.]:  You know, I think we should get some help here.

Cologne:  Fine, you can pay the hired help's salary then.

Mousse [sets tray filled with glasses of hot water on top of his
head]:  Never mind.

     [Mousse maneuvers through the tables and people and sets a glass
     of hot water to a customer. As he sets it down, he accidentally
     sprinkles them with a few drop of the hot water.]
     
Customer [jumps up]:  Damnit, that's hot!

Mousse [bows slightly, and a glass of hot water on his head falls
onto the customer]: Sorry . . . . oops.

     [The customer is drenched from the hot water spilled on him.]
          
Customer:  You idiot!

     [The customer swings a punch and Mousse leans back to avoid,
     thus spilling more water onto another customer behind him.]

Customer2:  Goddamnit!  

     [Mousse turns and bows apologetically to the second customer,
     which dodges the first customer's punch. This time, he spills
     the entire tray full of the glasses. Mousse straightens up and
     hits the first customer on his nose with the back of his head.
     Mousse then grimaces in pain and accidentally spills all of the
     plates of food on customer2.
     
     Customer2 gets up angry and throws a punch at Mousse. Mousse
     dodges, and Customer2's punch accidentally connects with the
     first Customer. Customer1 gets pissed, picks up a clump of
     noddles and hurls it towards Mousse. Mousse dodges, and the
     noodles flies towards some other customer on the other side of
     the restaurant.]
    
Customer3 [gets nailed by the noodles]:  What the hell!?

     [Customer3 angrily picks up a clump of rice and throws it at
     some other guy.

     Then a food fight breaks loose.]
     
Mousse [calling Cologne]:  Hey ghoul, take a look at this!

     [Cologne comes out of the kitchen and is surprised. Everybody
     in the restaurant is hurling foods, breaking furniture, beating
     each other up, and other unfun stuff for Nekohanten.]
     
Cologne:  How did this happen?

Mousse:  I was just serving food till some asshole started throwing
stuff.

Cologne:  Which asshole was it?

Mousse:  I don't know, people in Nerima all look the same.

     [About an hour passes and we see a clear view of the whole
     restaurant. Everything is a mess, we see broken furniture, food
     splattered on the walls, holes in the ceiling, ect. We see two
     figures, Cologne and Mousse standing in silence.]
     
Cologne [hits Mousse with her cane]:  Don't just stand there, clean
up!

Mousse:  What?  Don't I get any help here?

Cologne:  Well, ask Shampoo when she comes back.

Mousse:  Why don't you help clean up?

Cologne:  I'm going to put up an ad in the local paper.  I think we
need a helping hand.

Mousse:  Thank God.  [gets a mop]

Cologne:  It's still coming out of your salary.

Mousse [grumble]:  Thank Satan. 

     [Mousse lazily starts cleaning up the place. Twenty minutes has
     passed and Mousse has managed to clean about half of the
     restaurant. Shampoo then comes in and looks around.]
     
Shampoo:  What did you do now, Mousse?

Mousse [noticing Shampoo]:  Shampoo!

     [Mousse runs towards but slips on a piece of food and falls
     face first in front of her.]
     
Shampoo:  Get up Mousse, you look stupider than usual.

     [Mousse gets up and hugs Shampoo tightly.]

Mousse:  I missed you, Shampoo.

Shampoo:  Mousse, I can't breath! [punches Mousse away, he crashes
into a table] 

Mousse:  Ouch . . . Shampoo, can you help me clean up?

Shampoo:  No, I in bad mood after what Akane do to me.  Clean up
yourself.

Mousse:  But that'll take forever!

Shampoo:  Not my problem. [leaves to her room]

Mousse:  Geeze, [sees Cologne coming back] Hey lost soul, why does
Shampoo ignore me?

Cologne:  Because she hates you. 

Mousse:  How can I get her to like me?

Cologne:  Defeat her in combat. Kill Ranma, force her or something.

Mousse:  But I don't want to do that, I want her to love me for the
way I am.

Cologne:  I don't know, you think I'm that Miyagi guy in that
American movie? Go ask someone who cares about your problems.  Now
shut up and clean.

     [A couple of hours passed and an exhausted Mousse craws into his
     dark room. With his remaining strength, he climbs up on his
     futon and lays there.]
     
Mousse:  Sigh, talk to someone who cares huh?  Who actually cares
about my problems anyway?  Maybe I can go to the Roppongi, get
drunk, and tell some call girl all about my problems. Nahh. [takes
out a huge knife from his sleeve] You're the only one I can talk to.

     [Mousse throws a lit match to the lone candle in his room. The
     match lights the candle, and Mousse throws a small dart to
     extinguish the flame on the match. Then Mousse yaws the knife
     and sees his reflection on the shiny blade.]

Mousse:  What do you think?  Should I continue to chase after
Shampoo?  I know that she doesn't hate me, she just likes Ranma.
What should I do?  Yeah, I have no freaking idea either.  Look, I
have to go to sleep, I'm really tired.  Okay, well, thanks for
listening to me anyway. 

     [Mousse throws another small dart, which extinguishes the
     candle, and the room turns black.
     
     We cut to next morning. We see Mousse, in his boxers and
     tanktop, stretched out on his futon, sleeping loudly. Mousse's
     covers are kicked out and we still see his darts he threw stuck
     on the wall. Then his alarm clock rings and Mousse blindly
     smashes his glasses, picks up his alarm clock, and tries to wear
     it on his nose.]
     
Mousse [opens eyes]:  Huhn?  [tries to wear the clock again]  Shit,
it's the clock, I hate it when I do that. [tosses the clock aside and
gropes for his glasses] Ah, here's my glasses.

     [Mousse picks up his smashed glasses and wears it. We see that
     one of the lens is missing and the other is cracked. The frame
     is also crunched on the left side.]
     
Mousse [cont.]:  Geeze, I really hate it when I do that. Luckily, I
have an extra pair. 

     [Mousse digs into his robe and finds another pair. Then he picks
     up his clock and looks at it.]
     
Mousse [cont.]:  Twelve forty?!  Shit! Cologne will have another fit
because of this!  

     [Mousse picks up his cup filled with his tooth brush, comb, and
     tooth paste and runs towards his door.  As he opens his door, a
     female figure stands behind it. They meet face to face, and
     stand silent for a few seconds.]

Mousse [cont.]:  Shampoo?

Female:  EEEK!

Mousse:  Huh? You're not Shampoo!  [takes out a scimitar] Who are
you?!

     [Cologne pops Mousse on his head with her cane. Mousse makes a
     funny face and falls.]
     
Cologne:  You got to excuse him, he has no manners.

Mousse [gets up]:  What'd ya do that for ya soon to be worm food!?

Cologne:  This is our hired help. Keiko uhh, Ka ka ka . . . .

Keiko:  Katsujiniro.

Mousse:  Can't you Japanese get a name less than three syllables?

Keiko:  Nomo, Keiichi, Ranma, Ryu . . . .

Mousse:  Oh yeah? One syllable then!

Keiko:  I already said Ryu.

Mousse:  Oh yeah.

     [We cut to a full shot of Keiko.  She short black hair, a cute
     face, and a nice, small body. She's kinda like Akane but more
     mature.]

Cologne:  Anyway Mousse, why are you late?  You should've been up at
six!

Mousse:  Uh, I finished cleaning up at six-thirty.

Cologne:  Then why'd you go to sleep then? Hurry up and dress and
wait those customers!

     [Cologne points towards the restaurant. Mousse adjusts his
     glasses and takes a look. There are hordes of hungry people
     chanting, "we want food," while beating the chopsticks on the
     tables in unison.
     
     Meanwhile, Mousse taps his foot with the beat.]
     
Cologne: Hurry up!  [grabs and throws Mousse towards the bathroom.
She faces Keiko] Sorry, about that. Anyway, it's a good thing that
you can right now, because we're real busy this time of the day . . .
.
     
Keiko:  You're welcome. 

Cologne:  Now get you ass down there and serve them!

Keiko:  Ahhh, yes ma'am! [runs down]

     [We cut to a normal busy restaurant scene. There are people
     hollering for the waitress, and Shampoo and Keiko are having a
     hell of a time keeping up.]
     
Shampoo:  Where is that idiot?!

Cologne:  I don't know! [gives a plate of food] Here, this is for
table fifteen.

     [We cut to the bathroom. Mousse is all cleaned up and is ready.
     But he faces the mirror.]
     
Mousse:  This is it, don't foul up and make yourself look stupid in
front of Shampoo. You can do it, cuz you're supercool.  [goes to
leave, but turns back to the mirror] I like ya, always have, [points
to the mirror] always will. [leaves]

     [We cut back to the restaurant. We see three college guys
     sitting
     around a table. They seem to be discussing about stuff. They are
     Kei, Rei, and Mei.]
     
Kei:  Anyway, there used be this old clock tower where I lived. And
it had a nice open space at the bottom. So it was normal for families
to go under the clock tower and have a picnic on a hot day and shit.

Rei:  Yeah?

Kei:  Anyway, the clock on that tower never worked, cuz the city was
too damn lazy to fix the damn thing.

Mei:  That reminds me of the time I called--

Kei:  Shut up, this is my story.  Anyway, on the top of the clock
tower, there was a fairly large hole where you know, animals can get
it and shit. So these pigeons started to go into that hole. We knew
about it, but we didn't give a fuck. Hell, we didn't care, we thought
they had nest or something in there. 

Rei:  Uh huh.

Kei:  But we found out that those damn birds used that clock tower as
their own shit house. Whenever those damn birds felt like taking a
dump, they'll go to the clock tower to drop the load. Now, that's
pretty fuckin' weird that birds will actually do that. 

Mei:  The wonders of nature.

Kei:  So anyway, the damn birds been doing that over the years right?
And we didn't know what the fuck was happening. Then this certain day
came. It was a typical summer day, a bunch of young couples
and families sat under it and had their little picnic right? Normal
as fuck. Then they heard some strange noises from above.

     [Mei starts laughing as he already anticipates what's going to
     happen.]
     
Kei:  So the peoples like, "what the fuck?"  They ignore it and go
on with their business. Then a lone pigeon flies in and they hear
more noises. So they're like "what the fuck" again. Then the whole
ceiling above them gives, and a ton of pigeon shit pours down on
those unfortunate people.

Rei:  Hoooly shit.

     [Mei cracks up.]
     
Mei:  HAHAH, that's funny shit! HAHAHA!

Rei:  Were you there?

Kei:  Hell no. I heard it from one of my friends.  So I went over and
checked it out. Oh man, that place stunk like hell. And some
important looking people told us to get lost like there was a leak in
the plant or something.

Rei:  Oh man, that's pretty wild. So what happened after that?

Kei:  Well, they rebuilt that clock tower, and it works fine now. But
there IS a new hole, with pigeons going in. And those dumb fucks are
still having the picnic under there.

Mei:  HAHAHHAHA! I gotta be there when that thing drops its load
again.

Kei:  Pretty fucked up. [notices Mousse carrying a bunch of trays]
Hey, that's the muther fucker that caused our food fight!

Rei:  Yeah, there's the fucker! [gets up] HEY FUCKHOLE!

     [Mousse looks at their direction.]
     
Mousse:  You talking to me?

Rei:  YEAH, I'M TALKING TO YOU, YOU MOTHERFUCKER!

Mousse:  What do you want?

Kei [gets up]:  WE'RE GONNA MESS YOU UP, DAIRANGER STYLE!

Mousse:  DAI who?
    
    [The crowd becomes dead silent, including Keiko, Cologne, and
    Shampoo.]
    
Mei:  FUCK YOU COCKSUCKER! WE'RE GONNA BUSTS YOUR BRAINS DAIRANGER
STYLE!

Mousse:  Excuse me?

Kei:  YOU CAUSED THAT FOOD FIGHT BETWEEN US THREE, YOU MOTHERFUCKER!
WE'RE HERE TO GIVE YOU SOME SHIT!

Rei:  YEAH, THEN WE'RE GONNA MAKE YOU EAT OUR SHIT!  EAT SHIT, YOU
COCKSMOKER!

Mousse [takes out a teddy bear]:  This is it, this is my chance to
impress Shampoo, wish me luck, Jo. [puts the bear away] So, you guys
want to give me some *SHIT* huh?

Kei:  Yeah, some SHIT! [knocks the tables away that is in their
general area] Come on! Hey, guys, I'll handle him. You can have
whatever is left of him.

Rei:  Sure, but leave us the good parts though.

     [Mousse walks up to Kei and they starts going at it. Kei throws
     rapid punches which Mousse blocks them all. Mousse fakes a kick
     and Kei backs away a little. Then they stop, but they are still
     in their fighting stance.]
     
Kei:  Hey, you know martial arts.

Mousse:  Hey, you too.

Kei:  Of course, amateur boxing champ. Won several Karate tournaments
too.

     [Kei and Mousse go at it again. Kei is the one that is
     attacking, while Mousse dodges and blocks all of his attacks
     effortlessly.]
     
Kei:  Hey, you're good.

     [Kei throws barrages of punches again, Mousse again lifelessly
     dodges and blocks them all. Suddenly, Mousse sees a punch
     coming, so he blocks but then feels a sharp pain on his forearm
     where he blocked.  Mousse hops back and rubs his forearm in
     pain.]
     
Mousse:  What the hell?!

     [Kei takes off his jacked to reveal he has two shinais hidden in
     his sleeve.]
     
Kei:  Like my hidden weapon technique? I made it up. [swings the
shinais around, showing off his skills]

     [Mousse puts on his serious face and walks up to Kei. Kei
     attacks with his shinais and Mousse blocks them all. Kei jumps
     back, and Mousse looks at him in a cool fighting stance, his
     arms seemed not to be hurt.]
     
Kei:  What the?

     [The shinais breaks into pieces and Kei's mouth drops to the
     floor. Mousse walks towards him and Kei throws some kicks and
     punches again. Mousse dodges them and punches Kei in the gut.
     Then he uppercuts Kei. Kei flies about six feet in the air and
     the back of his heads lands on the edge of a table as he comes
     down.  Mousse walks over and looks at him. Kei is knocked
     out with his tongue hanging out.]
    
Mousse:  You're right, I am good.

     [Rei and Mei looks at their defeated friend.]
     
Mousse:  You're turn to give me shit?

Rei:  Uh no. That guy was the only one that could fight. Heh hehe.

     [Rei and Mei drags Kei out. The restaurant instantly becomes
     normal.
     
     Mousse looks around and sees Cologne cooking and Shampoo serving
     the customers.]
     
Mousse:  Doesn't anyone care about what I did? [picks up a broken
piece of the shinai]  I know that you do though. [stuffs that piece
into his robe]

Cologne:  What are you doing Mousse?! Hurry up and do your job!

Mousse:  Okay ya ghoul!

Keiko [dreamy]:  Wow, he's incredible . . . .

     [We cut to the streets of Nerima. We see Mousse carrying a
     shopping bag full of groceries.]
     
Mousse:  I thought I made some impression to Shampoo, but she didn't
even seem to care! Oh man, what does it take to make her like me?  I
know that you don't know either, but you have any suggestions?  Any
at all?

Random Woman:  Honey, that strange man is talking to his coconut.

Random Woman's Husband:  Ignore him honey, he's one of those martial
arts uniform wearing freaks in this city.

     [Mousse arrives at Nekohanten and sees Shampoo in the kitchen,
     cooking up some stuff.]
   
Mousse:  Hey Shampoo, where should I put these?

Shampoo:  Shut up Mousse, I try making passion spice for Ranma. You
make me lose concentration!

Mousse:  I'll just set them at the counter.

Shampoo:  Yeah yeah.

     [Mousse goes to his room.]
     
Mousse:  Passion spice. Didn't she try that already? And why a spice?
I mean, does she really, I mean really really wanna get Ranma be her
lover? Sheesh.

     [Mousse opens the door to his room, and his eyes open wide in
     surprise.]
     
Mousse:  Is . . . is this my room?

     [Mousse adjust his glasses and checks the door and his location
     again.]
     
Mousse:  Yeah . . . .

     [We cut to a full shot of the room. It is squeaky clean compared
     to what we saw earlier. There is even a lamp and everything.]
     
Mousse:  Woah, who did this? [sees a letter on a pine sole cleaned
desk] Hmmm? A letter!  [picks it up and reads it]  "You were very
cool today. I loved how you handled those jerks."  Wow! [sniffs the
envelope] Perfume! [takes out Jo, his teddy bear] Good news, Shampoo
really likes me! She really does! Oh the happiness! Since Shampoo
likes me, I don't need YOU anymore! [throws the teddy bear out the
window] I'm so happy! Shampoo!

     [Mousse bounces out and hugs Shampoo from behind. Shampoo is
     surprised and dumps a whole container full of tsetse flies into
     the pot.]
     
Mousse [cont.]:  Oh Shampoo, I didn't know how much you liked me!

Shampoo:  MOUSSE! YOU RUINED MY PASSION SPICE!

Mousse:  Shampoo, we don't need passion spice to hold out love
together.

     [Shampoo punches Mousse hard through the roof.]
     
Shampoo:  This for Ranma! Go buy me new ingredients! I hate you
MOUSSE!

Mousse:  Okaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! [lands somewhere]

     [We cut back to Mousse's room. Mousse is bruised up and is
     holding his teddy bear again. This time its arm is missing and
     there is a tire mark across its body.]
     
Mousse [cont.]:  Yeah, I should known better to think Shampoo would
like me. I'm sorry that I threw you out the window. It was pretty
lucky that I found you before that dog tried to rape you. [takes out
his knife]  Of course, I would still had you to talk to. [turns to
Jo] But I would never leave you, you know that. Shampoo must really
hate me, sending me that mail to give me hope. Boy she is mean, ain't
she?

     [We cut out side of the Nekohanten. A loud, hard-rock music is
     heard and we see Rei and Mei strutting up to the front of the
     restaurant. Rei takes off his jacket like a bad ass and hands it
     to Mei. Mei then gives Rei a can of beer. Rei takes two gulps
     and spits out the second gulp. Then, he hands the can of beer
     back to Mei.]
     
Rei: LET'S KICK SOME ASS! YEAH!

     [Rei throws some wild punches in the air, stops and nods
     swaggers like he's some badass.]
     
Mousse [pops his head out the second floor window]:  What do you guys
want? Oh, it's you guys, you guys still want to give me shit?!

     [The music stops and the duo looks up.]
     
Rei:  Uh no. HEHEHHE sorry, we won't bother your restaurant again.
Bye! 

Mousse:  Geeze, fucking bastards. And what's with that music? So loud
and incomprehensible.

     [They run off. Mousse shakes his head and goes back to his room,
     you can hear songs from a Chinese opera filling his room. Mousse
     closes his door and turns on his lamp. Then he hears a knock, so
     he opens the door and sees Keiko behind the door.]
     
Mousse:  Hey Shampoo.

Keiko:  No, it's me, Keiko. Remember?

Mousse:  Huh? Oh yeah, hey. What's up?

Keiko [blushing]:  Umm, I have something for you. [gives Mousse a
letter and runs away embarrassed]

Mousse: What's this? [takes a sniff of the perfume] Hey, this is the
same perfume from that letter Shampoo gave me earlier. [opens the
letter and reads it] "Dear Mousse, I really like you, and hope we can
go on a date tomorrow or something." [puts the letter down] Did you
hear that Jo? She DOES like me! Shampoo does like me! She's just shy
to admit it. That's why she let that Kei or somethingrather girl to
send me this letter. And look, she even wants to date me! WOO HOO! 

     [Mousse jumps up in joy holding the single arm of the teddy
     bear, JO, and the screen freezes.]
     
-fin

Notes: This was inspired by a lot of stuff. The main plot was from a
movie I never even seen before.  Oh, something similar to that pigeon
story really happened at my town.
Comments and flames to: yinyang@altered.com






--

Comic Book Guy:  Are you the creator of Hi and Lois? Because you're making
me laugh. That drawing is worth exactly 750 dollars American.

Bart:  It's valuable huh?

Comic Book Guy: Ooh, your powers of deduction are exceptional, I simply
can't allow you to waste them here when there is so many crimes from
unsolved dispairing moment. Go go, for the good of the city!