Well, this is my final version of episode 1. I've already sent it to RAAC
but there's not telling how long it will take to get posted there. Since
I'm about to send out episode 2, I decided to go ahead and post this as
well. No actual story changes, just a little grammer and I made a couple
of the jokes more obvious (in true SPC fashion).
This is my first (posted) fanfic. C&C welcome, flames get introduced to
the amazing key of 'D'.
Thanks to:
H. Torrance Griffin. "X-Change Students" was one of the reasons I
got interested in Anime.
Christian Clark, aka TekkaKnight Warhammer. After conversing with
him about some of his own projects, I finally found the drive to put
this thing together.
All the other fanfic writers out there, from A to Zen! (Hope I
didn't miss anybody. :)
Samurai Pizza Cats: the Catatonic Saga
by Josh Green
(sort@bucket.ualr.edu)
Episode 1, version 1.10
'The Return of the Big Cheese'
*****
Disclaimer:
Samurai Pizza Cats is copyrighted by Sotsu Agency, Tatsunoko Production
Co, Ltd., Saban International Services, Inc., and Saban International
N.V., all rights reserved.
(Maybe Saban is good for _something_ after all?!)
This story is a work of fanfiction, and as such uses the characters
without permission and is not done for profit. This story is not meant
to encroach on the owner's rights, but is made exclusively for the
purpose of entertainment (hopefully). I respectfully ask that it only
be redistributed in the original format.
Notes:
This story takes place around 6 months after 'The Big Comet Caper', so
some of the characters and/or their relationships are altered. I plan
for this to be an on-going series of stories, but that will greatly
depend on my free time and response I get to this episode.
I apologize in advance for any references to other Anime, Sci-Fi, or
Cartoon series/movies, as well as the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy.
These works belong to their respective authors/creators.
Sorry about the format for those who don't like script-style. I tried
to do it in normal story-form, but couldn't get it to work the way I
wanted.
( ) = indicates author's notes or information
[ ] = indicates actions or descriptions
* * = indicates sound effects
< > = indicates thought
_ _ = indicates emphasis
*****
[Scene: a small plateau overlooking Little Tokyo. The sun is just
beginning to come up. Seymour Big Cheese and Jerry Atrick are facing
Little Tokyo, watching the sunrise. Little Tokyo appears to have been
completely rebuilt, since practically all the buildings were destroyed
at the end of the last episode.]
Narrator: Another day begins here in Little Tokyo.
[Seymour is wearing his normal red outfit, which looks a little worn.
His hands are clasped together with his fan (currently closed) in
between them.]
Seymour: [Looking starry-eyed] Oh, I just love these romantic sunsets,
don't you Jerry?
[Jerry's clothes also look a little ragged and he is leaning on his
small wooden cane.]
Jerry: [Tiredly] That's the sunrise, Boss.
Seymour: [Annoyed] Whatever.
Narrator: It seems that the villains from last season have finally
returned to Little Tokyo, to hatch some new scheme of
destruction in a poorly planned attempt to take over the city.
Jerry: Well, that's what happens when the producers can't afford to hire
a decent bad guy.
[Seymour strikes a pose, thrusting a clenched fist skyward, in which he
holds his fan (still closed).]
Seymour: Yes, but this time it's going to be different! [Fanatically]
I've learned from my past mistakes and have a new plan on how
to become Little Tokyo's Emperor. [Quietly] I've realized that
the giant robot bit was just too obvious and easily stopped.
What we need to do is create a power base inside the City
Council. [Raising his voice.] We will take over Little Tokyo
piece by piece, through bribes, blackmail, and other nasty
methods, until we have enough power to force the Council to
elect me the new Emperor! *HAHAHAHAHA!*
[As Seymour continues laughing, Jerry looks startled at this change in
plans.]
Jerry: [Surprised] You mean we aren't going to be using any giant
robots at all? <How will we get people to watch the show if
there's nothing to blow up?>
Seymour: [Stops laughing and turns to look at Jerry.] Well, of course
we will. How else do you expect us to take over the world
after we control Little Tokyo? [Jerry face-faults.]
Jerry: [Tiredly] I should have known.
[Seymour turns his attention back to Little Tokyo and happens to spot a
small, odd-looking pizza parlor. His stance becomes rigid and he balls
his hands into fists at his side.]
Seymour: *Grrrrr.* [Seymour's body begins to glow red.] It's all the
fault of the Pizza Cats that I haven't already taken control
of Little Tokyo. [Red lightning is now covering most of his
body.]
Jerry: [Panicking] Boss! You can't explode yet, we've just barely
begun the show!
Seymour: Oh yeah, just try and stop me, Coppers!
[Seymour explodes into a fireball which fills the screen. As the smoke
clears, we see the now-blackened duo slumped on the ground.]
Jerry: I think it's time for your medication again.
[Seymour sits up, opens his fan and puts it in front of his face.
Unfortunately, (since we can see his face again) the fan is completely
burned and the ashes fall away.]
Seymour: Oh! I'm sorry, Mommy! I didn't mean to ruin my new party
dress!
Jerry: *Sigh.* <He's not been the same since we almost destroyed the
city with that comet.>
*****
[Flashback: Seymour Big Cheese and Jerry Atrick are on a small raft in
the middle of the ocean. Jerry is sitting peacefully on the raft,
drinking tea, while Seymour dances and struts around, as if he's on
stage.]
Jerry Voice-Over: I thought that once we got out of the city, Cheesy
would be alright.
Seymour: [Smiling widely] Look at me, Ma! I'm on a float! Hurray!
I'll finally get the attention that I deserve!
Jerry: *Sigh.* I already explained to you that we are escaping from
the Police and the Pizza Cats, not riding in a parade.
Jerry VO: But he was obviously too far gone, the stress from almost
killing everyone finally made him mad. And things just kept
getting worse.
[Seymour is now dressed in a school girl's outfit (including mini-skirt)
and wearing a curly, red wig.]
Seymour: [Singing (or at least what he considers singing).] Tomorrow!
Tomorrow! I'll love ya, tomorrow! You're only a day away!
Jerry: [Covering his ears (or where is ears would be if he had any).]
Please, Master! You'll scare away all the fish! Then, what will
we have for supper?
Seymour: Who needs to worry about food when you have natural talent like
mine? My fans will shower me with all the mouth-watering
entrees my heart desires!
[Seymour imagines himself surrounded by a throng of people, all throwing
heaping plates of various foods down before him, such as sushi,
teriyaki chicken, spaghetti, hamburgers, and _pizza_.]
Seymour: *Grrrrr.* [Starts glowing.] Those darn Pizza Cats even
interfere with my raving imaginations! [Steam comes out of his
ears.] *Grrrrr...*
Jerry: [Sweatdrops] Boss! Don't get mad now, you'll destroy the raft!
[Seymour explodes, then we see a charred Seymour Big Cheese and Jerry
Atrick flying through the air.]
Jerry: [Still flying] Well, at least we didn't sink along with the raft.
Jerry VO: Lucky for us, we didn't sink after landing in the ocean
either.
[Seymour and Jerry crash on the beach of a small island. They both lie
still for a few seconds, in the craters from their impact, but are
no longer charred from the explosion.]
Jerry: [Painfully] Well, that could have been worse.
[Seymour jumps up and looks around quickly, spotting a small sign
sticking out of the sand. He walks over and looks at it.]
Seymour: [Quietly] I think it is worse. [Reading] Welcome to Extras'
Island. I hope you enjoy your stay, but please be careful of
the carnivorous plants and creatures. Love, Princess Vi.
Jerry: [Eyes bugging out] Extras' Island? I heard this place is even
worse than Prisoner Island. Not only do people never come back
from here, but they're forgotten as well!
Seymour: [Grinning] I think I smell an opportunity here. [Taps his
ever-present fan against his nose.]
Jerry: What? Do you plan to call all of the outlaws and lawyers that
were sent here together so that you can form a powerful and
unstoppable gang that is absolutely loyal to you?
Seymour: No! [Hits Jerry on the head with his fan.] Don't be silly.
The people here must be starved for entertainment. This is the
perfect spot to start my new stage career! [Jerry face-
faults.] *HAHAHAHAHA!*
Jerry VO: It's a good thing there was a Doctor on the island who was
able to give Cheesy some medicine. His story about being
banished by an 8-year old Princess Vi after refusing to give
her a lollipop didn't sound right for some reason, which has
been bothering me.
[End Flashback.]
*****
[Scene: at the overlook again. Seymour Big Cheese and Jerry Atrick are
back to normal, having brushed off the ashes from Seymour's earlier
explosion. Seymour is sitting peacefully for once, facing away from
the city and looking like he is concentrating on something. Jerry is
sitting nearby.]
Jerry: <And unfortunately Cheesy is still having violent mood swings.
At least he seems to be giving his ideas more thought.>
Seymour: [Speaking too softly for Jerry to hear.] Oh, pig-tailed girl,
I love you so! But, Akane, your spirit speaks to me as a
lightning bolt from the gods! [Loudly] How shall I ever
decide?!
Jerry: [Sweatdrops from this unexpected outburst.] <Now, if I could
only decide whether him thinking is a good thing or not.>
Narrator: And now that we know what the villains are up to, let us turn
our attention to the stars of...
Jerry: [Interrupting] Hey! How come I had to do the voice-over for
that flashback scene? Where have you been?
Narrator: The producers are still over-budget from all the special
effects in the last episode and since I get paid scale,
they're trying to cut down my air-time.
Jerry: And another thing, how come _we_ aren't considered the stars?
Narrator: Because the show isn't named after you, that's why! Now,
where was I? Oh, yes... And now that we know what the
villains are up to, let us turn our attention to the stars
of our show, the _Samurai Pizza Cats_!
*****
[Scene: outside of the Pizza Cats' headquarters, which is a three-
story, building painted mostly white with red roofing. An odd, very
large revolver appears to have been installed in the roof of the
building, the barrel of which is a covered passageway of some sort,
ending in a digital clock (the time is 12:15pm). The signs hanging from
the building read 'Pizza Cats & Friends'. There is also a speaker
mounted on one corner of the first-level roofing. (Overall, it's very
similar to the HQ in previous episodes, just somewhat larger and the
launching tube's 'barrel' is wider.)]
[A slow zoom on the building is done for a few seconds, then the scene
changes.]
[Scene: inside the Pizza Cats' pizza parlor. There are a large number
of tables, most of which have people sitting at them. There is a long
line of people in front of the counter, where Francine is hastily taking
orders. Polly Esther is bringing the pizzas out of the kitchen and
placing them on the counter, where Speedy Cerviche and Good Bird (1)
pick the pizzas up to quickly deliver them to the tables.]
[All of the characters are wearing their normal clothes (in other words,
their armor covered by aprons), but Good Bird's armor is now a lighter
shade of green than previously.]
Narrator: After the Big Cheese left Little Tokyo, business boomed for
the Pizza Cats, since people were no longer afraid of being
attacked by giant robots when they went out to eat. After
rebuilding the pizza parlor (which was destroyed during the
comet incident, like most of the buildings in Little Tokyo),
the Pizza Cats decided to hire Bad Bird...
Good Bird: [Interrupting] That's _Good_ Bird, you twit!
Narrator: Right! The Pizza Cats hired _Good_ Bird and Carla to help out
with the increasing amount of customers.
Speedy: [Stopping to catch his breath.] If you ask me, we have too
many customers.
Good Bird: [Stops near Speedy.] [Angrily] Quit complaining! It's
better to have too many than too few. [Happily] Besides, you
heard the Narrator, we wouldn't be working together if
business wasn't doing so well.
Speedy: Well, that's true.
Polly: [Angrily] Will you two get back to work! It's hard enough to
keep the customers happy with Guido out making a delivery, but
you have to start making small-talk as well!
Speedy & Good Bird: [Panicking] Of course, right away!
[As Polly goes back into the kitchen, Speedy and Good Bird continue
chatting as they begin carrying the pizzas to the waiting customers.]
Good Bird: So, are you going on another date with Polly soon?
Speedy: [Keeping his voice low, so Polly won't hear.] Well, I was
thinking of asking her if she wanted to go out this weekend, but
she seems to be in a bit of a mood right now.
Good Bird: If you ask me, she's always in a bit of a mood.
Speedy: Hey!
Good Bird: [Continuing before Speedy can start an argument.] Just
kidding! Actually, I was thinking of asking out Carla this
weekend. Maybe we could make it a double date.
Speedy: Yeah! That's a good idea. Now if we can get Polly and Carla to
go along with it...
[Scene: the Pizza Cats' kitchen. There is a complex-looking computer
system with a large video screen mounted inside one of the walls, with a
keyboard resting on a shelf below. A secretarial-type chair has been
placed in front of the screen. The wall facing the dining room has a
small window in it that allows Francine to pass the orders back. The
wall opposite the dining room is filled with four large ovens,
side-by-side. Carla is busy putting a pizza into one of the ovens when
Polly walks in the room.]
Carla: [Looking through the window in the dining room.] It looks like
Good Bird and Speedy are up to something.
Polly: [Smirking] Probably planning a double date for us.
Carla: Well, we have to let them think they come up with ideas on their
own every now and then, don't we?
[Polly and Carla start giggling.]
*****
[Scene: an ancient, two-story apartment building with a sign
proclaiming 'Maison Ikkoku'. (2)]
[Suddenly, Guido Anchovis pops out of the apartment building, carrying a
wad of bills. With a panicked expression on his face, he runs down the
walk of the apartment and continues down the street. Several blocks
away, he slows down and counts his money.]
Guido: Drat! No tip. Oh well, I'm just glad to get out of there in one
piece. Those people were weird.
[Guido sees a large man in a trenchcoat and sunglasses 'sneaking'
towards a building (that means, he's tip-toeing and constantly looking
around to see if he's being watched). He apparently decides that he's
safe and quickly opens the door to the building, zips in, and just as
quickly shuts the door behind him.]
Guido: *Hmmm...* Now what would a person wearing a trenchcoat and
sunglasses be doing in this part of town?
[Guido moves into an alley beside the building and spots a stack of
boxes set conveniently below a window. Hopping onto the boxes, he
peers into what is apparently a run-down store. He sees three shadows
inside the building, close together. Attempting to lift the window up,
he finds that it is miraculously unlocked and he listens in on the
conversation taking place inside.]
Off-Screen Voice: Don't worry, sir. I'll be able to take care of anyone
who attempts to interfere.
Off-Screen Seymour: Good. Al Dente has been a thorn in my side for too
long, it's time to pluck him out. *HAHAHAHAHA!*
Guido: [Eyes widening as he recognizes the voice.] <That's the Big
Cheese! I thought he was gone for good!>
Off-Screen Jerry: OK, we'll be waiting for you to bring him back here.
But remember, we don't want the Pizza Cats to know
where we are, so make sure they don't follow you.
Guido: [Eyes narrow as he recognizes a second voice.] <So, Jerry Atrick
is still with him as well.>
OS Voice: Right. This will be easy, especially for someone of my
caliber.
[Footsteps echo and Guido sees the larger of the three shadows move
away. Jumping down from his perch, Guido peaks around the corner, just
as the large man in trenchcoat and sunglasses comes out of the building.
The man suddenly jumps onto a nearby roof-top and starts rapidly
bouncing towards Little Tokyo's Palace.]
Guido: [Surprised] Yikes! That guy can move! [Normally] I'd better get
back to headquarters and let the others know about this.
[Guido boosts himself to a roof-top and hovers along the ridgepole,
going in the direction of the Pizza Cats' HQ.]
*****
[Scene: the Pizza Cats' kitchen. Polly Esther and Carla are present. A
ringing emits from the computer console. Polly walks over and punches a
button next to the screen, which lights up and displays the face of Big
Al Dente.]
Polly: Hi, Big Al. What's up?
Big Al: I wanted you and the rest of the Pizza Cats to come by my office
so that we could talk about some rumors that I've been hearing
lately.
Polly: Rumors? What kind of rumors, Big Al? [Fluttering her eyelashes]
Got a new sweetheart that you haven't told us about yet?
[Carla giggles in the background.]
Big Al: [Sweatdrops and becomes nervous] No, nothing of the sort!
[Continues normally] The rumors have to do with a new syndicate
that may be moving into Little Tokyo. I want to fill you in on
what I've heard so far.
Polly: We're on it, Big Al. See you in your office in a few.
[Polly presses the button next to the screen again and the video shuts
off.]
Polly: [Calling into the dining room] Hey! Big Al wants us to meet him
in his office.
[Francine, Speedy Cerviche, and Good Bird enter the kitchen.]
Francine: Well, at least he waited until the lunch rush was over.
Speedy: I wonder what he wants now? Not more of his weird rumors, I
hope?
Polly: [Slowly] Actually, I think it is. [Determined] But it's
important to go, Speedy. The rumors might actually be true...
[Faintly] this time.
Good Bird: The guy's just nervous because there hasn't been any major
crime since the Big Cheese left.
[Francine walks over and sits down in front of the computer.]
Francine: [Sweetly] Well, whenever you decide to go, I'm ready.
Speedy: Right! Let's just get this over with.
[Francine starts punching buttons on the keyboard and the display lights
itself up, showing a map of Little Tokyo. Three of the ovens open and
their interiors slide down, revealing long chutes. Speedy, Polly, and
Good Bird swing themselves feet-first down the chutes. Francine punches
some more buttons and a rumbling is heard as a pair of cross-hairs
center over the Palace.]
Francine: I don't know why they insisted on me using this autolaunch
program. It's not like they were actually _injured_ when my
aim was off.
[Scene: outside the Pizza Cat's HQ. The gun has been raised and is now
aimed at the Palace. The clock folds downward, turning into a ramp.
Francine's voice comes over the outside speaker.]
Francine: Polly, Speedy, and Good Bird are off to right wrongs.
So you shouldn't keep them waiting, please move along.
Since crossing the white line, is hazardous at best,
Please take this moment, to move backward and then rest.
[A plume of white smoke bursts from the end of the barrel, followed by a
plume of red smoke, and finally a plume of green smoke. Two dogs stand
nearby, watching as the Pizza Cats launch.]
Son: There they go again.
Mother: Well, I suppose it was only a matter of time until some silly
fanfic writer decided to continue this series.
Son: At least we're employed again.
Mother: [Giving a smile to the camera and being excessively cheerful.]
_Silly_ fanfic writer? Did I say that? I meant wonderful,
kind, intelli-
Narrator: [Interrupting] Enough already. The writer wants to get back
to the story.
Mother: Well, he could have ended this scene a lot sooner.
Son: That's what happens when he writes until two o'clock in the
morning.
*****
[Scene: Big Al Dente's office inside the Palace. Big Al is sitting at
a low table, studying some papers that are spread on top.]
[One of the walls explodes, and the Pizza Cats unceremoniously enter,
landing in a heap in front of Big Al.]
Speedy: [Painfully] Let me guess, Francine was the one who programmed
the computer?
Polly: I wouldn't be surprised at all.
Big Al: Well, now that you're here, there are a number of rumors
circulating that I want you to look into.
[Speedy, Polly, and Good Bird sit upright and give their attention to
Big Al.]
Big Al: If you can check some of the seedier parts of town and see if
anything is going on like these rumors describe, we might be
able to stop this syndicate before it becomes a problem.
Speedy: What is this syndicate you're talking about, anyway?
Big Al: Besides the rumors of what they're planning to do in town, all
I've heard about it is that it's called the 'Dragon Dynasty.'
Good Bird: The 'Dragon Dynasty?!' I've heard of them, but I thought
they only operated in China. (3) What would they be doing
here?
Big Al: That's what I want you to fi-
[A second wall explodes, the dust obscuring the Pizza Cats' vision.
When the dust settles, they see the large man wearing a trenchcoat and
sunglasses standing over an unconscious Big Al.]
Man: I am surprised to find you here, but it is just as well. I can
finish you off now and not have to worry about hunting you down
later.
Speedy: Don't think were that easy to beat! We just look tougher than
we are!
Polly: [Sarcastically] Yeah, you tell 'em, Speedy.
Man: *HA!* You're fools if you think you can stand up to the awesome
might of Bruno, master of the Baby-Sitting School of Sumo
Wrestling! (4)
[The man throws off his trenchcoat and glasses, revealing a bull with
red skin and large horns wearing what appears to be a giant diaper.]
Speedy, Polly, & Good Bird: You've got to be kidding!
Bruno: Baby-Sitting Ultimate Technique! Happy Baby Bottle Blast!!!
[Bruno pulls a huge baby bottle out of no-where and proceeds to squirt
Speedy, Polly, and Good Bird with it. The force of the liquid sends
them flying out of the hole they entered through and plummeting toward
the ground. Bruno casually picks up Big Al and bounds out of his hole,
back to the old store.]
*****
[Scene: the Pizza Cats' dining room. Francine is at the counter,
working with an abacus. Guido Anchovis rushes in and goes up to
Francine.]
Guido: [Frantically] Where is everybody? We've got to get over to the
Palace.
Francine: They've already left. [Curious] But how did you know Big Al
wanted to meet in his office?
Guido: They're already with Big Al? [Francine nods her head.] *Sigh.*
[Relieved] That's good. I heard a conversation between the Big
Cheese and some goon of his; they were planning to kidnap Big Al!
Francine: [Surprised] The Big Cheese is back in Little Tokyo?
Guido: I'm afraid so.
Francine: In that case, they might need your help. Let's get you
launched.
[Scene: outside of the Pizza Cats' HQ. The launch tube raises and
turns into position.]
Francine: No time to chat, no room for rhyme.
Cover your ears, it's blast off time.
[A blue plume a smoke erupts from the barrel, signaling Guido's
departure.]
*****
[Scene: above Little Tokyo. Guido Anchovis is sailing through the air,
almost to the Palace. He looks down and spots the others laying in a
heap. Guido manages to land safely in Big Al's office (primarily
because there isn't a wall for him to hit) and then jumps down to the
ground.]
Guido: What happened to you?
Speedy: [Still dizzy from the fall.] We got beat up.
Polly: [Angrily] And by a big baby, if you can believe that.
Good Bird: Worst of all, Big Al's been kidnapped!
Guido: No problem! I know where he's been taken.
Speedy, Polly, & Good Bird: Where?!
Guido: The Big Cheese is back and I heard him ordering some goon to
kidnap Big Al. They're hiding in an unused storefront.
Speedy: Well, that goon is one tough cookie.
Polly: [Still angry] I can't wait for a re-match.
Guido: OK. Follow me, guys!
[Guido jumps to the roof-tops and takes off toward the Big Cheese's
hideout with the others following close behind.]
*****
[Scene: inside the store where the Big Cheese and gang is hiding out.
The interior is mostly dark, but it's obvious that the store used to
sell Western-type bedding, since there are a few old mattresses and
pillows scattered about the room. Big Al Dente has been tied to a chair
and is currently gagged. Bruno stands off to one side and Jerry Atrick
is sitting comfortably on the floor. A bright lamp (like used in
McDonald's) has been placed to shine on Big Al and Seymour Big Cheese is
currently grilling him.]
Seymour: [Hurriedly, not waiting for answers.] Where's the secret lab?
What's the combination to the Princess' locker? Who stole my
potato chips? Why aren't you answering any of my questions?!
Jerry: It could have something to do with the gag you put on him.
Seymour: [To Jerry] You stay out of this! [To Big Al, while shaking his
closed fan in Big Al's face.] I'll see you fried for this
impertinence!
Big Al: <Well, it won't take much longer if he doesn't turn off this
spotlight.>
[Suddenly, the lamp goes out and the room is momentarily thrown into
total darkness.]
Seymour: [Panicking] What's going on?!
[Queue entrance music. A spotlight comes from no-where to shine on Good
Bird, standing on a rafter above the Big Cheese.]
Good Bird: We're pulling the plug on your operation!
Jerry: Hey! You're supposed to be on our side!
Good Bird: Not anymore, I got a better offer.
[A second spotlight turns on, revealing Guido Anchovis, complete with
umbrella, standing on a rafter across from Good Bird.]
Guido: That's right, the good guys can always win a person over from
evil.
[Another spotlight lights up Polly Esther, standing on a rather between
the other two and playing her flute.]
Polly: [Stops playing] That's because we give friendship and
[blows kiss] love!
[Speedy Cerviche is illuminated by a final spotlight. The Pizza Cats
are each standing on a rafter, one to a side, surrounding the Big
Cheese.]
Speedy: But now it's time for justice! En garde!
Seymour: [Collapsing to his knees.] *WAAAAA!!!* They're doing it to me
again!
Bruno: [Stepping into the center of the room.] Well, if you think
you're ready to take me, go ahead!
Speedy: Alright, but you're asking for it.
[Speedy, Guido, and Good Bird pull out their swords and lunge at Bruno.
Bruno steps down _hard_ on the floor and one of the planks bends upward,
smashing into Speedy. Speedy is thrown up and smashes through the roof.
Bruno then pulls a diaper (with green fumes leaking from it) out of
no-where and throws it at Guido. Guido dodges the diaper, but as it
goes by, he smells the fumes, his eyes widen, and he passes out. Bruno
uses another giant baby bottle (like earlier) and sends a spray at Good
Bird.]
Good Bird: [As he dodges the milk.] *HA!* That trick will only work
once on me!
[Good Bird gets near Bruno and is about to swing his sword when Bruno
simply snatches him up in a crushing hug.]
Good Bird: *ARRGH!* Somebody help! I'm being hugged to death!
[Seeing a lapse in the action, Jerry sneaks over to the Big Cheese and
pulls him up.]
Jerry: [Quietly] I think it's time to leave.
Seymour: *HAHAHA!* Yes, yes! He who fights and runs away, has the
greater part of valor! *HAHAHA!*
[Jerry pulls Seymour to a back exit and they slip away.]
[Polly, who has been watching the fight in hopes of seeing some weakness
in Bruno, has been getting more angry as her friends get pummeled.
Finally, she can take it no more.]
Polly: [Angrily] That's it! You need a diaper change!
Bruno: [Absently tossing Good Bird into a wall, who falls unconscious.]
So, a girl with spirit. I like that.
Polly: [Angrily] You won't like it when I'm through with you, buster!
[Polly grabs a sheet laying nearby and jumps onto one of the spring
mattresses, which propels her upward. Before Bruno can react, Polly
comes down on him and a few seconds later, his whole body is wrapped in
a giant diaper. As Bruno struggles, trying to free himself of the
sheet, Polly takes a few steps back.]
Polly: And now it's nap time!
[Polly uses her short sword and flute to draw a glowing heart in the
air, then launches the heart at Bruno, which knocks him out. Polly goes
over and frees Big Al.]
Big Al: Good work, Polly!
Polly: [Noticing the absence of Seymour and Jerry.] Yeah, but it looks
like the Big Cheese got away again.
Big Al: Don't worry, we'll get him next time!
[Just then, Speedy crashes back through the roof and both Guido and Good
Bird are coming back around also. Once they regain their wits, they
stare at the unconscious Bruno.]
Speedy: How'd you do _that_, Polly?
Polly: Face it, Speedy. Girls are just better at some things. (5)
Speedy: [With his hand behind his head.] *Hehehe!* I suppose that's
true.
Polly: Yup, I'd say I wrapped this up pretty well.
[Everyone except Polly face-faults.]
*****
[Scene: a bridge over a small river that flows through Little Tokyo.
Speedy Cerviche, Polly Esther, Good Bird, Carla, and Guido Anchovis are
standing at the rail, looking out over the water.]
Narrator: Once again, the fighter for love and justice has- oops, wrong
show. Once again, the Samurai Pizza Cats have proven their
worth and Little Tokyo can sleep soundly.
[Lucille walks up and stops next to Guido.]
Lucille: Guido?
Guido: [Turning to look at Lucille.] Oh! Hi, Lucille! Want to join
us?
Lucille: Actually, I have something better in mind. How about we go out
to eat somewhere this weekend?
Guido: [Eyes become large] E-eat? As in d-dinner? L-like a d-date?
[Lucille nods her head.]
Polly: [Whispers to Speedy] What's the matter with Guido? He usually
likes female attention.
Speedy: [Whispers back] I think it's the first time a _girl_ has asked
_him_ out. [Chuckles.]
Guido: S-sure, that would be g-great.
Good Bird: I know! We can make it a triple date!
Speedy: [Tiredly] Oh, boy. Why do I have a bad feeling about this?
*****
Speedy: Next time on Samurai Pizza Cats, the Catatonic Saga!
Narrator: How much trouble can a simple triple date cause? Quite a bit
if you're the Samurai Pizza Cats! The Big Cheese is up to his
not-so-old nasty tricks and it's up to the Pizza Cats to save
the day once again. But will the Pizza Cats be able to handle
10 tons of marshmallow fluff? Will Speedy discover the
Ultimate Question? Will the writer ever get some
well-deserved sleep? Find out, on the next hopefully exciting
episode of the _Catatonic Saga_!!!
*****
End notes:
(1) Good Bird is not a cat, but he is now considered to be a member of
the Samurai Pizza Cats. So, when I refer to the Pizza Cats, Good
Bird will be included as well. (I didn't want to write Pizza Cats
and Crow, yeesh!)
(2) I don't know if the Ikkoku-kan has a sign out front or not, I just
put this in as another Blatant Anime Reference (tm).
(3) For geographical purposes, I assume that Little Tokyo is in Japan. I
may 'make up' other city names to correspond to real places if I
need them. 'Little Hong Kong', maybe?
(4) Apologies to Sumo wrestlers, this isn't how I actually see them, I'm
just being silly.
(5) Again, I don't mean anything by this, it's just for humor.
P.S. Just be glad I didn't write the _fight_ scenes at 2am. They're
silly enough as is, I think.