This is a repost.  I sent this out a week ago just before the list died and
it was literally the last post I got before its death.  I suspect a lot of
people might not have gotten it....

Before someone asks, previous parts are on http://www.inetnow.net/~arromdee .

(I'm not completely happy with this chapter.  Rereading it, I find it to be a
bit rambling.  I may post a revision later on.)
-------------
What has gone before: Tendou Akane never existed in this history.  Ranma's
only fiancee is Ukyou, and Genma and Souun hate it.  The school still believes
Ranma to be a girl and Ukyou a boy.  Ryouga is Ranma's pet pig Charlotte,
and Shampoo is in China, forced to give up her deadly vendetta against Ranma.

                                    TENDOU 2/3
                                 by Ken Arromdee
                             Chapter 13: Head Games


    A Chinese girl on a bicycle rode around Nerima, tossing out handfuls of
fliers.  The fliers announced to the world that Yakudoku Herb Shop was now open,
something the girl also yelled in a loud cheerful voice at anyone who she
passed in the street.  "Special!  10 percent off with this flier!  Everything
from ginseng to rare medicines!  Some never seen in Japan before!"

    The girl rode away and into her shop, where an identical looking girl
dressed in a different costume waved to and greeted her.  "Hello, Pink!  How
do you think we'll do?"
    Pink waved back to her twin.  "Hi Link!  Everyone in the city knows about
us now!  We just have to wait until the customers start dribbling in."
    "Right... well, let's arrange everything for our grand opening tomorrow
afternoon," said Pink.  Here, help me get the stuff out of these boxes...."

    It took several hours for Pink and Link to unpack the boxes and put
the merchandise on the shelves.  But left behind in one box was a scrap of
paper, stained and torn.
    "Oh!" exclaimed Pink.  "That's that formula I stole from Shampoo's house.
It's supposed to grow hair.  If it really works, our shop could do very well
just selling hair growing medicine."
    "But we don't know if it works, Pink."
    "That's true.  How about this... let's make up a little and give it away.
Without promises.  We can find out from our customers if it really works.  If
it doesn't, well, no harm done."
    "That's a good idea.  We even have all the ingredients already!"

    Pink and Link mixed up one small bottle of the liquid and marked it
"Special!  Traditional Baldness Remedy!  Free Sample With Purchase!"  Followed
by, in smaller print, the name of the concoction in kanji: "Angry Hair Heaven".
They put the bottles by the cash register and waited for someone insane enough
to try it.

    Ten minutes after the store opened, the door chime rang and a girl walked
in.  "So this is the Yakudoku?  Ha ha ha ha ha hi hi hi hi...."  Black rose
petals swirled around her.
    "Hi Kodachi!" exclaimed Pink.  "We have a ten percent off special on
everything.  It's our grand opening sale."
    "Hello, Pink.  Hello, Link.  I was curious as to how your business is
doing.  Perhaps I might even purchase some paralysis powder, were you to have
the ingredients."
    Pink replied "It's just opened, but we're hoping it'll be very popular.
There, there's the powder you want.  Fresh off the vine."  She indicated a
tray full of packets stamped with skulls.  "Minimum lethality."
    Kodachi took three of them.  "Your store is very pleasing and your
knowledge of pharmecuticals is profound.  I may shop here regularly."
    "Our pleasure, Kodachi!  Anything else you're looking for?  Something for
your garden perhaps?  We'll deliver the seeds and have everything full size
in under ten minutes."
    Kodachi looked around.  "Oh, nothing, unless you have something useful for
revenge.  It shouldn't be lethal--Ryouga-sama wants me to cut down on that--
but it should look dangerous.  My brother's become too inured to the poisons I
place in his food.  I can no longer experiment on him and my inability would
be a detriment to my art unless I were to obtain something new."
    Link smiled.  This was almost a perfect chance.  "We have _just_ the
thing.  An experimental potion called the Angry Hair Heaven.  It's supposed to
grow hair on bald men.  You can try it on Tatewaki-san and report the result
to us, and it doesn't go in food, so he'd never suspect.  We'll even toss in
some Chinese roses free if you help us.  Just come back and tell us the
results."
    "He's not bald, Pink-san."
    "I'm Link!  And you don't have to try this out on a bald person.  It's
supposed to grow hair on anyone.  If he has hair, he'll just get... more."
    "Very well", said Kodachi firmly while Pink rang up her order.  "But if
Tatewaki is hurt by this in _any_ way...  remind me to thank you."  She took
the roses and her purchase, whistling as she blew the powder into their petals
to meld with their fragrance.

    Kodachi entered the Tendou living room, looking for Ryouga.  "Is Ryouga
here?" she shouted.
    Ranma walked in, soaking wet (Kodachi figured she must have been bathing
at the time) and carrying her pet pig, who struggled in her arms upon seeing
Kodachi.  Obviously the little animal had a healthy respect for her, thought
Kodachi.  Ranma shook her head.  "Not _right_ now, but he may be upstairs.
Let me check.  And by the way, try to knock if the door is locked next time,
okay?"
    Kodachi saw Ranma open the bathroom door and throw Charlotte in without
peeking.  Ranma yelled to her pet "Hey, Charlotte, go see if Ryouga's in
there, okay?"  She must have trained that pig very well, because a moment
later, out popped Ryouga, wearing a towel.  Oddly, Ryouga-sama didn't seem
grateful to Ranma for her help.  Instead, he started to attack Ranma, grabbing
her by the neck.

    Ryouga threw a punch at Ranma.  "Ranma, why you...."
    "What's the matter?" asked Ranma as she deflected it.  "Yuta-chan did a
big favor by bringing you over to me at 4 in the morning.  You were lost."
    "You stuffed me in a pillowcase and went back to sleep!"
    "You can't have everything, Ryouga.  By the way, your girlfriend's here."
    Ryouga looked at Kodachi and waved.  Then, he screamed as his towel began
to fall, but fainted, falling forwards and thus hiding his private parts
before anything could be seen.

    Kodachi patiently waited until Ryouga recovered and got dressed while Ranma
explained to her.  Ranma was so nice to Ryouga, letting him shower in the
Tendou home after martial arts practice... just as long as she doesn't get
romantically interested in him.
    Ryouga came out of the restroom in his familiar travelling clothes.  "Hi
Kodachi!" he stammered.  Kodachi thought that that reaction was adorable.
"What...  what can I do for you?"
    "Oh, I just meant to tell you a plan that I have to forward my art.  I'm
sure you would be interested in hearing about it, Ryouga-sama."

    As Kodachi explained, Ryouga started to doze off, but he jerked himself
awake.  I have to be there for Kodachi and respect her hobbies even if I'm
not interested in them, he thought.  So he listened to Kodachi describe her
poison tests on Kunou, and occasionally said a polite word or asked a question
so as to feign interest.
    "Kodachi-san, you mean this Angry Hair Heaven grows hair on bald people?"
    "Hai..."  Kodachi launched into a long speech about how she was using
non-lethal experiments on Kunou and how it was fun to antagonize him.

    A nearby panda's eyes opened, wide.  "Growr growr", he said.
    Ranma nodded.  "Sounds like she said it grows hair.  Hey, old man, maybe
I should have picked up one for you when I was in China, eh?  Too bad you only
wanted a Dragon's Hair."
    "Growr?"  The panda hit Ranma with a sign and skipped out the door.

    A flier had been conveniently attached to the door, and blew off onto
Genma's face when he closed it.  Apparently someone had taped copies of it to
the walls and doors of most prominent locations in Nerima.  Genma followed the
map printed on it to the Yakudoku, and squeezed his furry way in through the
entrance.
    Pink stood up from her crouching position by a crate and took a martial
arts stance.  Link, behind the register, leaped over it and took a matching
stance by her side.  The panda gaped at them and held up his hands as if in
surrender.
    "No pets allowed!" announced the twins in unison.
    The panda quickly shook his head.
    "You're not a pet?" asked Pink and Link.
    The panda shook his head again.
    "You're a customer?"
    The panda nodded and pointed to the Angry Hair Heaven sign.
    "We're sorry.  We don't have any more of those.  They come with a purchase
anyway.  Do you have any money?"
    The panda reached down to where pants would be on a human and felt around
in its fur as if for a wallet.  It came up empty-pawed.
    "I see." said Pink and Link.  Pink threw a seed on the ground and Link
followed up with a glass of water.  The resulting vine grabbed the panda and
stuffed him back out the doorway.

    Genma changed himself back and resolved to try again.  If he couldn't get
it from the store, he'd have to take it from the only person who he knew had
one: Kodachi.  What did that girl need experiments for when there were
suffering bald men around?

    Another man wandering around town was older, better at martial arts,
and certainly as bald.  Happosai had hidden in the house to peek at Ranma, but
what he got was not just a glimpse of breasts, but the key to a miracle!  If
he could get this amazing formula and it worked, he'd be able to get as close
to women as he wanted, since having hair would make him look much more
attractive....  well, that always _could_ happen, anyway.
    Happosai ran down the street, right past the panda.  Kodachi was walking
home, Ryouga at her side looking a little uneasy about the things he had to
watch just to keep his girlfriend company.  Happosai's eyes went to a bottle
in a small plastic bag, in turn held in Kodachi's hand.  Zooming and hopping
like Sonic the Hedgehog, he raced past Kodachi and tore the bag away, laughing
like a maniac as he ran into the distance.

    "Give that back!" shouted Kodachi.  "I promised Pink and Link that I would
be sure to test its effects for them, and the Black Rose of St. Hebereke
always keeps her promises."  She whispered to Ryouga "Help me, Ryouga-sama,
against that awful thief!"  Ryouga nodded, a little confused still but willing
to do anything for Kodachi, and ran after Happosai with her.  "Oh...", added
Kodachi, "that's not a laugh, Happosai.  This is a laugh.
HahahahahahahahahahahahaHAHAHA!"

    Genma, who was moving awfully fast for his bulk now that he had a reason
to run, had seen the theft and was chasing after Happosai.  Happosai looked
back when he heard the sound of someone chasing him, and quickly recognized
the form rushing at him.  It was none other than his ungrateful pupil, daring
to attack him for once in his lifetime.  Well, this had to be settled.
    Happosai faced Genma and concentrated on his ki.  His presence seemed to
loom over the street, and had a profound effect on Genma.  Genma looked up at
Happosai and paled, then bowed down, almost to the ground, and began to
apologize.  "Forgive me, old master, for my presumption.  I would never seek
to steal from you...."  Happosai raised his arms in triumph.  But then,
Genma ran forwards, grabbed the Angry Hair Heaven, and rounded a corner.
Not even his old master could block him from getting this, he thought!

    Ranma had heard about the new Chinese herb shop too, and wondered if they
had any Jyusenkyou cures.  It was a long shot, but it was worth a try and there
was an awful lot of strange magic that came from China....  Accompanied by
Ukyou (and both in their real genders, for once), he confidently approached
the shop and swung open the door.
    He immediately recognized the proprietors of the shop.  They were two
identical Chinese girls.  He greeted the one with red on her outfit, busy at
the register, and the one with blue, busy wiping up a spill, in order.  "Oh,
hi, Pink-san, Link-san".
    The girls spoke in unison.  "Do we know you?"  Oops, thought Ranma.
    Ukyou quickly spoke up.  "I don't think we've met, but we've heard so much
about your shop and that's how we know your names.  Anyway, we're just looking
for one particular item."  She playfully poked Ranma.  "Right?"
    "Uh, yeah" said Ranma.  "We're just wondering if you had some water from
Jyusenkyou.  Real Jyusenkyou water, that is.  Not the imitation kind."
    "Nope" answered Pink.  "Oh", she said in an aside to her sister,
"Link-chan, someone dropped a nikuman in the aisle over there.  Better go get
it before someone steps on it."

    As Pink approached the nikuman, it got up, revealing itself to be a
strange-looking person, like something out of a kid's cartoon, bearing a bald
head that only resembled a nikuman.  Ranma gaped.  "You're...  you're a nikuman
who fell into Jyusenkyou?"
    "Don't be silly" said Ukyou.  "I have a friend who cooks okonomiyaki and
looks like a spatula, but he's a human being.  Why can't someone look like a
nikuman?"
    "Maybe" replied Ranma, "but if he's human and just _happens_ to look like
a nikuman, then why does his robe say 'niku' on it?"

    The nikuman-man, along with three similar companions of his, all jumped
at Ranma.  Ranma considered their motions, and decided that they weren't very
practiced martial artists at all.  It would be easy to prevent any injury
from those weapons.  He kicked them, punched them, and threw them around,
without even getting a scratch.
    Then, the leader, the one whose clothes read "an", shouted a word and
they all snapped their scissors.  Ranma, still concentrating on protecting
his body, had not even realized their target: his pig tail, which snipped
neatly off.  The 'curry' one caught the pig tail and they all scampered away.

    Ranma's hair began to writhe as it grew in the absence of his substitute
Dragon's Hair.  Pink and Link stopped what they were doing to watch.
"You're..." said Pink.  Link finished the sentence.  "You're...  Kunou
Tatewaki?"  They both continued "Gomen, gomen!  It was supposed to be a
harmless prank, that's it!  We never expected something like this!  Please
don't attack us."
    Ranma spoke through the mass of hair that was making a mess of the store.
"I am NOT KUNOU!  What in the world are you talking about?"
    Ukyou took Ranma's wallet from his pocket and removed from it a folded
plastic bag containing several hairs.  She quickly reached near Ranma's head
and tied his hair with one of the hairs from the bag, then chopped off the
excess with a sharp spatula that she just happened to be carrying.  It wasn't
really a very good pigtail, but Ranma could braid it properly later; the
tremendous growth of hair, at least, had instantly stopped.

    "How could you possibly mistake me for that idiot!  I don't wear a kendo
robe, I don't carry a wooden sword, and I'm a much better martial artist!"
yelled Ranma.
    Ukyou tried to calm Ranma down.  "Ran-chan, they didn't mean it as an
insult...."
    Link agreed.  "That's right!" 
    Pink asked "You mean you're not Kunou Tatewaki?"
    "No!" answered Ranma.
    "And you didn't grow hair because your sister gave you the Angry Hair
Heaven?"
    "The what?  The problem with my hair has to do with some Dragon's Hair
soup I...  er...  accidentally ate once.  I don't even know what an Angry Hair
Heaven is."
    "It's a Chinese medicine!" explained Pink.
    Link continued.  "We gave it to Kodachi with her purchase so she could test
it on her brother for us!  It's a magic liquid that's supposed to grow hair
instantly!  What's Dragon's Hair soup?"

    "It's some mystical thing I ate in China when I was training in there a
while back." explained Ranma.  "Exactly why I ate it is a secret..."  (Ukyou
giggled) "... but I'll bet that that's what those nikuman people were after.
It grows hair on bald men and makes the hair of other men grow uncontrollably.
If you're one of those, the cure is to tie the hair together with a Dragon's
Hair until it wears off.  Those nikuman guys are probably trying to make soup
from my pigtail right now...."
    "You don't seem concerned.", said Pink.
    "No.  It's not going to work!  I got a little extra exercise and they
did it for nothing!  My hair's only tied by a substitute Dragon's Hair, and that
isn't good enough to work on bald men."

    Ukyou sniffed at the air.  "Mmm...  do I smell cooking?"
    "Naaah", said Ranma with deliberation after sniffing a bit.  "But I think
someone's trying to boil water."
    "You know, they did win a fight against you."
    "Wait a minute, you're right.  I'm going to get them...."
    Ukyou sighed.  "No, you don't have to...."  Of course, Ranma did have to.
Besides, she knew the feeling.

    Three of the four little men were standing around a pot, set up on the roof
of the Yakudoku.  They were all proud of themselves for their detective work,
having followed up on rumors about someone coming to China to look for a
Dragon's Hair and returning to Nerima satisfied.  And the mission to get it
from him was a complete success!  All the men sniffed at the soup, which
smelled a lot like boiling water, but sighed a hopeful "Ahhh..." anyway as
they bent down to take a sip.
    They tasted the soup and tried to feel their heads.  Eventually realizing
their arms were too short to reach the tops of their heads, they began to watch
each others' heads for signs of growth.
    The fourth, who had overheard most of the conversation in the shop from
hiding, joined the rest and rapidly chittered out an explanation.  The little
cartoon men slumped to the ground, disappointed but still hopeful, and ran
away, heading for any Kunou they could find.

    Before looking for the nikuman men, Ranma bought a bag of fresh Chinese
plums, which the Yakudoku had plenty of even though they were completely out
of season.  He handed Ukyou a few to eat, and tossed his own up in the air,
using the speed of martial arts to knock out the pits before he had to catch
them.
    Several of the pits landed in front of Genma.  He stepped on them and lost
his balance, feet flailing in the air, and landed on his back in an undignified
position.
    Kodachi used the opportunity to catch up, taking a shortcut by leaping
over building roofs.  She reached Genma and thrust a bouquet in his face, then
took the bottle back.  Ryouga, following her, began to speak, but Kodachi
raised a finger to his mouth.  "Ssssh, Ryouga-sama.  I'm putting my art to
good use to recover a stolen object, legitimately purchased."
    "No, Kodachi, I'm not complaining, I just wanted to point out those are
blue roses."

    When Ryouga and Kodachi had nearly reached the Kunou mansion, Happosai
landed in front of them.  "Now, hand it over.  You won't use that Angry Hair
Heaven properly.  It is fate for that bottle to find its use on the heads of
old martial arts masters."
    Kodachi's eyes narrowed, and she got a gleam of an idea.  Quickly turning
around, she grabbed a packet of her newly purchased paralysis powder, and also
removed her bra--that tight gymnastics uniform gave her perfect support
anyway, so she didn't need it.  (Ryouga fainted.  Must have breathed some of
the powder by mistake, thought Kodachi.)  Holding her breath herself, she
daintily spread a few pinches of powder onto the bra and threw it at Happosai.
    The old man grabbed at the bra and got a whiff of the powder, collapsing
like Ryo Saeba hit by a mallet.

    Kodachi spotted some more shiny objects, sort of like Happosai's head, in
the distance.  Shaking Ryouga awake, she told him "Watch this!"  She kicked
Happosai up and away, his head hitting the shiny objects, which careened
around the street, bouncing off buildings like pool balls, and all four
landing in various mailbox chutes, manholes, and other resting places.
"Hahahahahahaha...."

    "Oniisama...  are you there?"  shouted Kodachi at the front door.
    Kunou got up from his seat in front of his prized picture of Ranma, and
slid open the door.  "It is my perverted sister.  You of course may enter, but
I regret to remind you that I have developed immunity to your poisons."
    "I just wish you to test this chemical substance."
    Kunou considered.  He knew that he was too smart to be fooled by his
sister's trickery.  So she could not be tricking him right now, and she must
be hoping he would refuse the offer and make a fool of himself.  He took the
bottle from Kodachi, smiling about how he had outsmarted his sister again,
and read the instructions aloud.  "Angry Hair Heaven.  Pour on head."
    Four very angry nikuman-headed men all landed on Kunou simultaneously.
The blows to Kunou's head didn't affect him much, but Kunou's grip went slack
from the surprise, and the 'an' man got the bottle.

    Kodachi lashed out with her ribbon at all four.  The bottle fell into her
hand as she tied them up and threw them into the distance.  "Here, Midorigame-
kun...."  Then she laughed again.  "Hahahahahaha!"
    Ryouga knew that laugh.  "What's going to happen to them?" he asked.
    "Oh, nothing.  But I know Midorigame-kun thinks nikuman are delicious."
There were several screams from the direction of the pool.

    Kunou took the bottle from Kodachi again and followed the instructions,
pouring it on his head.  Kodachi casually began to take notes.  "Hmm,
nothing...."
    Kunou suddenly got an idea.  "Did you trick me, perverted sister?  I,
Tatewaki Kunou, will be greatly mad were I to discover that I have been fooled
again....  In fact, you must have.  You will never get away with this!  For
I, Kun..."

    At this time, four nikuman men wearing several bandages each jumped in,
dropping a stunned, beaten, alligator on the ground in mid-arc.  Also at this
time, Kunou's hair suddenly grew to over a yard long, his normal hair hanging
limp on the end of the sturdy new growth.  The nikuman men landed on top of 
Kunou's head at just the wrong time, and the hair speared them through and
through.
    Kunou laughed.  "Is that the best you can do, sister?  Your food bombs
were cancelled by your own hair poison!"  The hair began to loosen and fall
away.
    Ryouga explained.  "Those aren't food bombs.  They're nikuman men!"
    "The Blue Thunder of Furinkan cannot be fooled so easily!"
    "And they hurt Midorigame-kun!" exclaimed Kodachi.  "Look. Ryouga-sama,
at the bump on his head...."
    "How dare they hurt your pet!"  Ryouga uprooted a small tree and pounded
all four nikuman men into the ground.

    Tracking the nikuman men to the Kunou mansion, Ranma and Ukyou were greeted
by an astonishing sight.  One alligator on its back.  Four nikuman lying on
the ground...  oh wait, those must be the nikuman-men.  Only their heads were
sticking out.  And Kunou, alternately mad and laughing, with a strange design
on his head....
    "Hey, Ukyou, mind if I borrow a spatula?"
    "Sure."  Ukyou removed one from her magazine and handed it to Ranma.
    Ranma leaped onto the nikuman-men's heads, playing whack-a-mole and
knocking them all the way into the ground whenever one popped its head out of
the dirt.  But while he had the chance, he copied the design from Kunou's head
onto the flat surface of the spatula.  It did seem to be fading in the light,
and after all something as strange as that might be useful someday.  He left
with Ukyou.  After all, he'd beaten the nikuman-men, and anything else was
Kunou's and Ryouga's business....

    Kunou, having stopped laughing, swung his wooden sword at Kodachi.  His
bald head instantly grew more than a yard of hair again, which this time got
caught in the screen door.
    Kodachi, realizing what was going on, tickled Kunou with a bouquet.  He
started to laugh, and all the hair fell out.
    Kunou yelled again.  "I'm bald, perverted sister!  It is as if our father
were still around!  The Blue Thunder of Furinkan cannot command proper respect
in this condition, and I can never forgive you for it!"  This time, nothing
more happened; the formula had worn off.

    "Wait!" shouted two voices in unison.  Pink and Link ran up to Kunou.
"We would like to do an exper...  that is, we'd like to try a cure.  We found
this on top of our roof."  They showed Kunou a bowl of soup.
    "That looks and smells like inexpertly boiled soup that is but water."
    "No, it's not.  You see, it's only a substitute Dragon's Hair and doesn't
work on bald people.  But what does it do to people who aren't bald naturally,
but just don't have hair right at the moment?  We'd like to discover what.
Here, drink it down."
    Pink and Link upended the soup pot and poured the liquid down Kunou's
throat without giving him a chance to object.  He choked and gagged, but the
hair on his head instantly grew to its normal length and stopped.  Pink turned
to her sister.  "Hey, you were right!"

    Kodachi handed Pink her notes and all three hugged.  "This was fun." said
Kodachi while Ryouga watched.  "Experiment on him any time."
    "Very enlightening", replied the twins.  "But it seems the Angry Hair
Heaven isn't much practical use after all...."

    Ukyou looked over the drawing that Ranma had copied onto the spatula.
"Looks like a map of some kind, Ranma.  See, 'Furinkan Entrance'."
    "I don't see anything."
    Ukyou turned the spatula around in Ranma's hands.  "You're looking at it
upside down, Ran-chan."
    "Oh.  But why would there be a treasure map to Furinkan High on Kunou's
head?"
    "I don't know.  But I want to see!  We can go together."
    "Ucchan, you're not even supposed to be in the building.  You're not a
student."
    "Oh, no, Ran-chan!  My school has to close down in a week because they're
rezoning the land.  So come this Monday, I'll be going to Furinkan with
you."
    "I'm...  uh, it'll be nice to have you around!"
    Ukyou smiled at Ranma.  "Well, let's go."

    They snuck into the school after dark and followed the map.  It led to an
abandoned, darkened, room, clearly not used in years, where a coconut hung
on a string, incongruently suspended from the ceiling.
    Ranma struck the coconut with his fist and it broke.  There was a slip
of paper inside.
    Ukyou picked it up and read it.  "'Exemption Slip from Furinkan High
Hair Cutting Policy.'  Some treasure."
    Ranma shrugged.  "It _was_ on the back of Kunou's head.  Do you think
the nikuman men arranged this?  As a joke?"
    "Probably", answered Ukyou.  "After all, you've already had two completely
unrelated problems having to do with hair.  The odds must be astronomical
against their being a third one."