[AMS] [UY] "AA Oni!" (1/5)
By Henry J. Cobb
$Id: aa_oni.txt,v 1.2 1997/06/13 06:46:06 hcobb Exp $
The AMS characters and situations are the creation of Kosuke Fujishima,
the UY characters and situations are the creation of Rumiko Takahashi,
no infringement of their copyrights is intended.
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"Ring!"
I wish those upperclassmen would get an answering machine, but I guess
they don't need one with underclassmen around.
"Hello, Nekomi Tech, Men's Dorm."
"Mr Keiichi Morisato?"
"Yes, how can I help you?"
"Good, you're at home, I'll be right over."
"What?"
"Click."
What was that all about? She sounds like a high-school girl. Who
could it be? Probably the younger sister of one of the dorm guys.
"Knock."
I stood up and started walking towards the door.
"Knock."
It's coming from behind me? From the window? I turned around, pulled
the curtains aside and stopped.
There was a blue-eyed, green-haired girl with horns and fangs in a
tiger-striped bikini hanging in mid-air outside my second story window.
Carefully I closed and rubbed my eyes, then looked again. She was still
there. She looked to be about sixteen, but a little well-developed for
her age. Something about her bearing, the way she hovered in mid-air,
suggested that she wasn't Japanese, at least not a traditional Japanese
girl.
I opened the window for a better look and she flew in.
"Mr Morisato?"
"Yes, uh?"
"I'm Lum", she pulled a card from her cleavage.
"Pleased to meet you."
The card read:
Lum Invader, extraterrestrial.
Sightings, abductions, invasions and vivisections.
1-555-666-4444.
"The truth is out there, but you'll never find it."
"I'm here to conquer your planet."
"Oh, well our leaders are in the Diet building, that-away. They
shouldn't be too hard to buy out. Everybody else does."
"But, we'll skip the invasion, if one Earthling can defeat our chosen
champion."
"Mr Momotaro isn't in right now, but you could leave a message."
"Of all the men, er people on Earth, our computer chose you. As the
challenged party you can choose the game."
Damn, the fate of the planet rests on my shoulders? I hope the chains
aren't too heavy. I'm no good at sports, except motorcycle racing and
they've probably got super alien motorcycles... Hey, I was pretty good
with chess in high school. "OK, chess. Send in your champion."
"I'm the champion. What's chess?"
"Uh... Here, read this." I handed her a well-worn chess book.
"OK", she sat cross legged, a few centimeters off the ground while she
read through the book. I looked all around her, there was no sign of
any wires or anything holding her up. If this is a gag by the
upperclassmen, they've outdone themselves.
She zipped through the book and finished it in five minutes, "OK,
where's the board?"
I pulled out my old set from highschool.
"You chose the game, so I play white." She announced and moved the
king's pawn two squares up.
Everytime I made a move, she responded instantly. I was beginning to
lose. She's very smart. How do I get myself into situations like this?
Wait, her style is very aggressive, maybe I can use that against her.
I sacrificed some pieces to setup my trap.
"Knight takes pawn", she's fallen for it!
"Bishop takes knight, checkmate!"
"Checkmate?" She looked up from the board, very startled.
"Yes."
"That's very sudden. You seem very certain of yourself, Mr Morisato."
"Well that's just how the situation developed." I put on my best smile,
my right hand behind my head. That card mentioned vivisections, I hope
she won't welch on the deal.
"Checkmate, that's very forward of you. Now, let's see my move is... I
can't move. My king is pinned by my own pieces. You win! That was
very clever. Yes, checkmate it is! To the victor go the spoils,
Darling!"
She hopped over the board and snuggled against me.
"Uh Lum--- what does the word ``Checkmate'' mean on your planet?"
"Why it's a marriage proposal of course Darling! And we take them very
seriously. I hope for your sake that you weren't toying with me."
The doorknob started to turn.
"Uh..."
Lum kissed me and I was too startled to move as the door opened and the
men of the dorm just stood there.
"Morisato!"
I managed to get my lips away from Lum's to reply. "Uh, yes?"
"Morisato, do you remember what happens to one who violates a dorm
rule?"
"They get expelled?"
"You know the rule, no girls! And such a young one too, you should be
ashamed of yourself."
The gang had my things packed away in no time and we were bodily
expelled from the dorm. Lum didn't seem to mind, as long as I was
holding her.
I packed the motorcycle then turned to Lum, "I really don't know what
I'm going to do."
"I'm sure you'll find a place Darling."
I put my jacket on, for the ride in the spring air and looked back at
Lum. "Aren't you cold in that bikini?"
"Why no Darling."
"Uh, well could you do something about it? It's kind of flashy."
"I thought you Earthlings were modest? Very well, if it bothers you
that much." She reached behind her back.
"No wait! Stop!" I rummaged through my things and pulled out a
blanket, "Here, put this on, over that."
"It's not very fashionable Darling."
"Well, it's all I've got at the moment. Please?"
"OK Darling."
After riding around for a while, I hadn't found anyplace to stay. I
stopped at a park and got a pair of sodas from a machine. I offered her
one.
She opened her can then toasted, "To us Darling."
"You were really going to invade the Earth?"
"Why yes, we had an enormous battlefleet circling the planet."
"So why didn't the civil defense sirens go off?"
"They were under cloak Darling! We were going to hit you with complete
surprise, just as soon as I'd verified how weak you were. It was a very
close thing."
"So where is this battlefleet now?"
"Uh, they've moved on to menace the next planet. Don't worry Darling,
now that we've seen how tough you Earthlings are, your planet is
secure."
"That's a pity. They might have offered us accommodations."
"Well, I know a place we can stay Darling, just a bit to the west."
"Why didn't you say so earlier?"
"I just remembered it Darling."
We started out.
"OK Darling, take the next left go three blocks then turn right after
the Tofu hut."
"Lum, how long have you being observing the Earth?"
"Why I just got here Darling."
"OK, where do I turn next?"
"Uh, it's a bit to the west I think."
Lum's directions tended to be a bit more vague after that. I found
myself going the wrong way down an on-ramp in the dark when a pair of
headlights turned the corner.
I pulled right up to the side wall, but it wasn't enough. Suddenly, the
sidecar lifted just enough for the car to pass.
I pulled over to the side. "Lum, are you alright?"
"Just, just a little farther Darling. There's a temple one kilometer
further." At that point she fainted and it started to rain.
I pulled up to the temple under a constant downpour. Lum was still out
of it. I carried her inside and placed her on the floor, I took my
Jacket off and placed it under her head, then spread the blanket over
her.
I went back out into the rain to get my things and searched through the
box for something to help her. I finally found a hair dryer. "This
will warm her up!" I searched around, but couldn't find any electrical
outlets.
I came back and sat next to her. My vision started to waver, not a good
sign. I passed out.
A strange buzzing sound and an electrical tingling feeling woke me up.
The jacket was under my head and Lum was snuggled up next to me under
the blanket, snoring in my ear. An eerie electrical corona flowed over
her, in rhythm with her breathing. The light of predawn came through
the windows of the temple.
I must have snuck under the blanket with her last night. I hadn't
realised I was such a Hentai. Most girls wouldn't give me the time of
day, but one treats me nicely and look at what I do.
I tried to gently disentangle myself from her, but she woke up.
"Good morning Darling."
"Lum, I can uh explain."
"Thanks for saving me last night Darling." She kissed me on the cheek
and I quickly rolled out and onto my feet.
"OK Lum, where do we go now?"
"We can stay here Darling."
"Are you sure it's OK?"
"Yes."
"OK, I'll go get some basic things. Do you have anything else to wear?"
"Alright Darling, if it bothers you that much, I'll get some of my
things."
"Do you need me to take you anyplace?"
"No, that's OK, I can get it myself."
Henry J. Cobb hcobb@slip.net http://www.io.com/~hcobb