*	*	*	*	*
	
	Eddie sneaked into the East Tower. Mainly it was just a large cylinder

MIKE: In the East, of course.

													 like
room, typical castle tower, but with the additions Arche told him about it
was more like another little castle.

TOM: Minus the moat, dung, lack of air circulation devices, inner courtyard...

						 Guards were placed at every entry
point, so he had to scale the walls and climb in through a second story window.

CROW: No roaming senties, though.
MIKE: What are they guarding against?  A Python sketch?

	That took a lot to do, for the second story was incredibly high for this
building.

TOM: As opposed to other buildings, where the second floor was often in the basement.

		 Upon entering, Eddie found himself in a room with a computer

CROW: That always ruins the effect.
MIKE: Yeah, like those ATMs at the RenFest.

station. "Perfect," he whispered, "this just might tell me where the Head
Guard will be."

MIKE: Have you tried his office?

			 He stalked silently in the dark over to the console and
tried accessing information.

CROW: ftp://127.0.0.1...dammit, they said the alt.sex.stories archives were here!

	Be-beep. Access denied, displayed the screen. "Damn!"

TOM: Where's my cool warez?
CROW: Shouldn't that be in eLiTe caps?
TOM: Crow, there are some Evil(tm)s in the world even I dare not emulate.

										 He tried another way
to find it, access denied.

MIKE: 404 File not found.  Contact the author of the referring page...

				 "Hmm. Maybe I should find a way to contact
Valerie. I'm sure she's not dead like the others. She can figure out

CROW: -neat stuff.  Like the Pythagorean Theorem.

something." He worked on communicating instead.

TOM: With who?
CROW: The spirit realm.

				*	*	*	*	*

	They beamed down smack dab in the middle of the West Wing. Immediately, the

MIKE: Incorrect.  We need to know the pronoun reference, please?

six were shot at by the robot guards. And immediately the girls put up their

TOM: Inviso-shields!

shields

TOM: Dammit, how can I riff her if she hauls out cliches like pocket lint?

		 as Wesley jump kicked about three guys.

CROW: Yeah, I'm guessing the alcohol hit her neurons about now.

									 The three Sailor Scouts
transformed quickly and instantly unleashed their awesome powers.

MIKE: You sure that isn't LSD that's hitting her neurons?
TOM: Hits are definitely involved...

	Mars threw every last one of her Celestial discs at the fools 

TOM: Ship of Fools: the Sailor Mars story.

											while Mercury
attacked with her Ice Storm blasts. Mina and Jupiter totally trashed the

CROW: Why do you seek the dead among the living?

suckers with the Electrified Chain trick they had. Which surprised the Hell

MIKE: Hell.  A registered trademark of Sailor Pluto.

out of their comrades.

TOM: Da!

	Valerie made her great attacks as well. "FIRE KICK!" She leapt into the air

CROW: And kicked.  Will wonders ever cease?

and readied her foot to impact with one of the robots. It went on fire with
the speed and destroyed the guard on impact.

TOM: Along with her foot.

	Vanessa made a great big power ball and released it at one of her foes. He

MIKE: Caught it for the third out of the inning.

flew back into a wall but got right back up and attacked her. Meanwhile
Wesley was getting tired of the conventional way of kicking butt.

CROW: Dreaming?

											 So he
decided to throw in some powers.

TOM: The Warsaw Pact, to be exact.

	Wesley transformed. He turned into a Knight of Justice

<all laugh uproariously>

										 with the words of
"We are the Knights of Justice."

TOM: Ah, he uses the royal 'we.'
CROW: Pardon, but what in the seven hells is going on?
MIKE: The author's gone off the deep end.
CROW: Oh.

					 He wore black armor with a sword and
everything.

CROW: <stoner> It was awesome, dude!
TOM: You know how Laserblast was a great movie to watch stoned...?

		 He raised his hands up high and created a cold powerball similar
to Mercury's Ice Storm.

CROW: How dare you compare Wesley to Sailor Mercury like that?  You cad!

				 He flicked his arms down towards four guys and
brutally mutilated them by yelling "Weather Cold Blast!"

MIKE: That's the lamest attack name since Star Gentle Uterus, pal.

	Valerie was also getting fed up. So she decided to transform herself.

TOM: Into a fashion queen.

"Justice Power!!!" Black waves of energy surrounded her out of nowhere and

CROW: It's the Negaverse!

lightning struck. The guards tried to shoot the sphere in which Valerie had
been surrounded but the blasts just bounced right back to them. The black
dissipated and revealed a dangerous lookin' girl wearing black.

MIKE: Is it too late to ask precisely why they're fighting?
TOM: It's Black Lady!

	Ever heard of Chun Li? From Street Fighter? Well 

TOM: -this is just a cheap ripoff.  Sorry.

									her skirt, if you could
call it that,

CROW: What little there was of it.

			 was like hers with two long slits at the sides for easy

MIKE: -removal.

movement. She wore a golden belt with a red oval in the middle representing
her planet. 

TOM: Wasn't it destroyed?  Or was it some other planet.  So much destruction, I'm losing track.

		On that belt rested a chakram, a big flat disc similar to a
frisbee, nut 

ALL: Nut?!?

			deadlier when thrown. She also had a mean looking whip. 

MIKE: Crow?
CROW: I'm sorry, I've exhausted all my S&M jokes.

												On her
back rested a sword ready for anything.

TOM: Can we say 'Space Sword?'

       Her top wasn't connected to her skirt, revealing most or her middle

CROW: -lamella.

section. The top covered her pretty well, if you know what I mean, 

MIKE: For a proper anime fanfic, this means "in a pinch it covers the nipples.'

											but was
still showy enough to turn a guy on.

TOM: Oh, that's where the budget for scenery went.  It went to wardrobe.

						 The shoulders were covered in the short
sleeves like a Sailor suit's. This suit might seem skimpy, but it was

CROW: -downright drafty.

designed for easy movement.
	Finally, back to the fight.

MIKE: There's a fight going on?
TOM: How could we forget...?

						 Valerie raised a glowing fist and it became

MIKE: -the Fist of God!
CROW: So, is that Fist of God in your pocket, or are you just glad to see me?

surrounded in a fireball. She threw it at two robots and it hit them both,
expanding in size on the way. They blew up. She kicked others' butts,

TOM: See page A4 for details.

literally, and punched them hard in many places.

CROW: And lo, the Lord DID deliver up the wicked peoples into the HANDS of His champions, and there was MUCH rejoicing, for on that day were twenty thousand SLAIN in the name of the most high LORD.

	Vanessa had already transformed into Jupiter

MIKE: Did we get the abridged version of this in some way?  The jumpcuts are horrible.

								 and was electrocuting a guard

TOM: It's fun!

when she noticed a weak spot in its upper chest. "Hey guys!" she yelled over
the battle, "I found their weak point! Hit the upper chests!!"

TOM: And of course, no-one else noticed this...

										 She yelled as
her power destroyed yet another guard.
	"Mars Firebird Strike!"

CROW: Um, you mean Pontiac.  Happy to help.

					 The flaming bird attacked another robot.
	"Venus Meteor Shower!" A lot of power directed at a mean looking dude.

MIKE: Shaft?

													 The
power doubled at the words of, "Jupiter Power Meteor! Attack!" (Pretty
stupid, right?)

TOM: It's nice when they do the riffing for us, isn't it?

			 That really scared the Hell out of everyone but the robots.

CROW: Including herself.

	One robot remained now. And the six intruders stood in front of him in a
line.

MIKE: Ah, so now we're back to 19th century strategy.

	 The girls' power had depleted quite a bit. So had Wesley's but he
volunteered to get rid of the last one anyway. "As a prince, I authorize

TOM: Your expense account.

your trip to Robot Hell. 

TOM: Brother, we're already there.

				Have fun!" He grinned. He began to form huge

CROW: Abcesses.

icicles with his hands at his side. They powered up with energy and
sharpened their points.

MIKE: On frozen whetstones.

				 "Crystalline Ice!!! Freeeeeze!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

TOM: I still say Patrick Stewart would have done a better job.

The pointy objects were thrown at the last guy and impacted into his system.
Robot blood poured from each wound as it fell to the ground.

CROW: What kind of loser robot has blood?

	The six sighed.

MIKE: When the Dark comes rising, Six shall turn it back...

				 It was over, for now.

TOM: And forever, if you know what's good for you.

								 Suddenly a voice broke in,

CROW: Don't let this happen to you.  ADT.  We're home even when you're not!

												 "Didn't
your mother ever teach you not to play with sharp objects, little prince?"

MIKE: Ah, mon petit prince, vous n'etes pas tres...aw forget it.

													 A
young girl appeared.

TOM: Sailor Earth?
CROW: Sailor Sun?
MIKE: Sailor Newbie?

				 She wore a suit that only a warrior would wear.

CROW: A sailor-suit, then.

Obviously, this kid was sent to take care of them. She floated above and
ahead of them in mid-air.

TOM: Oh, super suit, mid-air, unspeakable arrogance?  It must be Marissa.

	"I don't think it would matter when your mom was at war," Wesley answered.

MIKE: Your momma wears army boots!

	Okay peoples, that was Part 7 of the many past and future parts in the

TOM: Future?
ALL: Nooooooooooooo!

story of Dimension 6. I hope you liked it

CROW: Hopes are made to be crushed.

							 because I certainly thought it was

MIKE: Crappy?
TOM: Putrid?
CROW: Boring?
MIKE: Lackluster?
TOM: Awful?
CROW: Horrible?

odd.

TOM: You could say that.

	 Kinda. I hope the last fight was okay, I made myself get into the

CROW: Ambulance.  They say they'll help me get better...

violent mood with some awesome industrial music from Descent II's

MIKE: Dear god.

soundtrack. It's a computer game in the U.S. God is it cool!

TOM: Not really, no.

										 By the way,
E-Mail me!!!!!!!!

CROW: Fine, I'll just subscribe you to a couple dozen binaries lists...

	E-Mail me now! <eoramos@ix.netcom.com>

MIKE: Remember it well, people.

	Don't think somebody else will! I know for a fact you'll do that. But don't!

CROW: Come near me!

MIKE: Okay guys, it's over.  Let's retreat.
<they exit the theater>
<1...2...3...4...5...6...7>
<The front desk at the SOL.  Mike and the bots are hanging around with icepacks to their heads>

MIKE: Okay, so there was the comment about...okay, carry the three...okay.  Here's the tally.  Tom, you've got 20 timeouts, and Crow...I just hope you've got nothing planned for the next few hundred years.

CROW: Great.

MIKE: But take heart!  We took the worst Pearl could throw at us-

TOM: -um, actually, it was only moderately bad.  The spelling was actually decent.

MIKE: Anyway, close to the worst, for 141 nonstop kilobytes of terror, and we survived!

BOTS: Yea.

MIKE: You guys are no fun.  What do you think, ma'am?

<Pearl's van>

PEARL: Oh, don't think you've gotten away with something grand, Nelson.  My agents are everywhere, and soon the Worst Fanfic Ever(tm) will be found, and you *will* read it.

<SOL>

TOM: We're shaking in our boots.  Really.

<Van>

PEARL: Good!  Then I'll send you the next one.  Tell me, have you heard of someone named LeVar Bouyer?

<SOL>
<a collection of cries of terror, punctuated by gunshots and screams>

<Van>

PEARL: I'll take that as a yes.

<roll credits>

========================================


Well. (why do I always begin my notes with 'well?'  Anyway, blame for this stems directly from Victor Naqvi and Jon Carp.  They asked me if I was going to MST an SM story (since I'd done two MSTings previously), and kept at it until I capitulated.  Continuity has never really counted in MST3K, but put it sometime after episode #811 (Parts: The Clonus Horror).

This is probably my last MSTing for awhile; I'm trying to get rid of projects now, not take on new ones.  Three fanfics at one time is enough for me.  Pearl's little stinger about Bouyer fanfics shouldn't be construed as a teaser for a future project, unless someone else wants to take on the Character Sketches.

Anyway, profuse disclaimers.  Mystery Science Theater 3000 and its related characters and situations are trademarks of and (c) 1997 by Best Brains, Inc. All rights reserved.  Furthermore, Sailor Moon and *its* related characters are owned by Naoko Takeuchi, Kodanasha, Toei, and a cast of thousands.  In any case, neither is mine.  The same goes for Ranma 1/2, Tenchi Muyo, and a pile of other anime series I happened to mention.  Most of the names I mentioned are real, and used without permission.  I don't think they'll mind (I didn't steal any characters, after all).  Finally, this should not be seen as an attack on Michelle Ramos.  Michelle, if you haven't called the police yet, you should know that you spell a lot better than most 12-year-olds.  This is all in good, clean, fun, and again is not a personal attack.  If you see it as one, that's your call.

Comments, flames, etc, can be sent to levar@smart.net (preferred) or lbouyer@geocities.com.  Other stuff I've done is at http://www.geocities.com/Tokyo/Flats/1648.  And now our song is done.



(and as a bonus to the FFML crowd: there were so many stingers here, I couldn't decide.  Which one do you like best?)

"Get them on the beds... Now!" she ordered.

	Huh?

								 People were lying recklessly
about. Some were dead. Others were crying like Hell. Some were just sitting
there looking dazed and confused.

	"Oh my," Vanessa said as she scanned the injury filled room.

"Well hey you two. You're not gettin' soft on me are you?"

	"Ow. What was that all about?" she asked herself.

	"Aghhh! No please! Stop this pain!"

It descended upward to the light of Earth.

LeVar Bouyer -wondering if this will singlehandedly bring the list crashing down
levar@smart.net -or- 	Homepage: http://www.smart.net/~levar/index.html
lbouyer@geocities.com	Fanfics: http://www.geocities.com/Tokyo/Flats/1648
Current projects:  Allegro Moderato/Allegro Energico, SM fanfic reviews-be patient! The Journal Entries of Tsukino Usagi, et al, Bishoujo Senshi Sailor Orion 100-117
(Braves vs. Orioles, 13-15 June.  Orioles rock!)