*	*	*
	
	'I'm not going to let you put me under, you stupid poison!

MIKE: Actually, it's a SmartPoison.  New from Microsoft.
CROW: Who do you want to kill today?

										 Venus Crescent
Beam Smash!' Mina's crescent beam hit lady poison 

TOM: Oh, it gets a name now?

									in the arm. She screamed
in pain. Venus's chain was still holding so she tried to pull her down into
the other light.

CROW: Is there some kind of religious symbolism I'm missing?
MIKE: No.

	The light of death glowed with hunger as it changed from comforting yellow

TOM: Yeah, yellow always comforts me.

to deadly red and black. Mina pulled with all her might, it was working.

CROW: Whatever it is.

'Noo! You can't do this! It is impossible!'

MIKE: Obviously not.

	Mina yanked at the chain. A new power flowed through her.

TOM: The power of love?

										 'Oh yes I can! I
am Sailor Venus! And I'm not going to let any poison take me down! Aghhh!

CROW: I've heard better speeches.

Chain Electrify!!' The chain which gripped the poison suddenly turned into a
conduit of electricity coming from Mina.

TOM: <Bill Murray> Where do you think it's coming from?  The sky?

							 The poison nearly knocked out. 

MIKE: Direct objects.  Think about it, won't you?  Thank you.

												Mina
tugged one last time and the monster within her fell into the blackness of
death. It had now reached the depths of medicine Hell.

CROW: Now she knows what Carp's going through.

	Mina floated quickly to the light at the top of her subconscious, back to

TOM: -the light.  Come to the light...

Earth. The sickly mind of Mina collapsed, and made way for a healthy mind.

MIKE: Yes, we're working to build a better mind!  So pardon our dust.

Mina sat up. She looked at herself happily.

CROW: This is Mina, not Endymion.

							 Tubes were sticking out of her
arms only now. "Thank you, Jupiter. For lending me your power."

TOM: <falsetto> I'll pay you gas money, okay?

	"No problem, Venus."
	"Huh? Where'd that come from?" Mina did not get any time to ponder it, she

MIKE: -didn't go for pondering.

felt someone in danger. Someone close. She took the tubes out of her arms

CROW: -and died from fluid loss.

and got up. "Venus Star Power!" She transformed and ran out of the room.

TOM: Um-hm.

				*	*	*

	"Oh! GET OFF OF ME! Go away! Aghh! Help!" Amy struggled as the shadow kept
a pillow over Amy's face. It was trying to suffocate her.

MIKE: Well, I couldn't have guessed that.

									 It didn't have
anymore poison to kill her with.

CROW: That's the problem with poison.  Yeah, it works, but it's so expensive, and you run out so fast.

	"Hold it right there, you walking piece of crap! I am Sailor Venus! And in
the name of Amy, I'll punish you!"

TOM: Well, I knew Amy was a goddess, but I wasn't prepared to take it that far...

						 Mina pointed an accusing finger at the
dark shadow. It turned around in surprise. How could she have survived the
poison?

MIKE: A plot hole.  How else?

		 It shot out some black sticky stuff at her, trapping Venus. 

CROW: Trapping Venus.  Next on HBO.

												The
stuff wrapped around Mina, clamping her arms to her side and making her fall.

CROW: To her *side*?  She only has one of them?

	"Mina! Oh no! Not again!" A pillow went over Amy's face. 

MIKE: Another one?
TOM: Are there any petunias around here?
MIKE: No, but there's a sperm whale.

	Venus struggled with the black stuff surrounding her. "I call upon the
power of..." The monster payed no attention to her screams. Big mistake. Her
voice warped. "Jupiter!"

CROW: Um, ma'am, no sharing other people's powers on the all-you-can-blast Senshi Power plate...

				 That was not Mina's voice. It was... Lita's!

TOM: She's possessed!

Lightning struck, a blinding light flashed.

MIKE: <singing> It's Christmas at ground zero...

								 The monster yelled, it had never
been exposed to so much light. The black wrapping was electrocuted off.

TOM: In some vague unspecified manner.

	Now it was Mina's voice. "Venus Love Chain Encircle!" The chain wrapped
around the shadow. She tugged it away from Amy.

CROW: How Wonder Womanesque.

							 "Chain Electrocute!"
Electricity flowed through the chain conduit

MIKE: Conduit?
TOM: Star Trek technobabble is contagious.

								 and reached the monster. It
screamed out loud, and exploded into nothing.

CROW: Please God, just end it.  I'll be good, I swear!

	Amy was already sitting up, "Wow! Mina are you okay? Where'd all of that
power come from?"

TOM: Could it be...SATAN!?

	"Bye Mina!"

MIKE: Bye!

			 She jerked. A transparent being flowed out of her and vanished.
Venus collapsed.

TOM: And then everyone lives happily ever after?

				*	*	*
	
	Raye ran in. She came just in time to see Mina collapse. "Mina! How'd you

CROW: -collapse?

get here?" Raye looked up, "Amy, are you alright?"

MIKE: <falsetto>  No.  I'm all right.

	"Yes, thanks to Sailor Venus." She paused. "And Jupiter."

TOM: I'd like to thank all the planets that made this possible...

	Raye gasped. "I DO feel the remains of some kind of presence. Could it
really have been Lita?"

CROW: No.

	"No."

CROW: Wow, I'm two for two!

		 The two looked to Mina in Raye's arms.

MIKE: Uh-oh, wierd territory time again.

								 "It wasn't Lita. It was...
Jupiter. Not Lita."
	"What are you talking about? Lita WAS Jupiter!"

TOM: No, Lita was Sailor Jupiter, who drew upon the powers of Jupiter.  This is a contrast from the planet Jupiter, which is 1/4th the size of the sun, or the god Jupiter, who was a man.

	"No, I'm telling you... it was Jupiter. The real Jupiter," Venus countered.

CROW: Web-counter?
MIKE: You're really strecthing here, aren't you?

	"Well, whoever it was, she helped save my life. Thank you to them both,

TOM: Wherever they are!

Raye. Now, can someone please tell me what's going on?"

MIKE: Didn't she just explain it?

				*	*	*	*	*

	"Are you feelin' okay, Wes? You look kinda tired still,"

CROW: I can sympathize.

										 Vanessa asked.
	"I'm fine. I just have this splitting headache that won't go away."

TOM: And it's got this fanfic written all over it.

	"Ah. Poor baby. Do you wanna go see your mom? Maybe she could do
something," his girlfriend suggested.

MIKE: Like euthanasia.

	"Like Valerie said before; 'Let yourself feel real pain, so you can see the
real world.

<Crow and Mike start doing string bass noises>
TOM: This is the story of five girls picked to live in a suburb of Tokyo, to see what happens when people stop being polite, and start getting real.  The Real Scouts.

			 That's what will make you strong.' Not that I agree with her
exactly, but I'd better follow that advice or suspicions will rise again."

CROW: Among other things.

	"That's true. Well, then if you're not feeling so hot, I can..."

TOM: -strip.
MIKE: Guys, let's go hard across the finish line, okay?  You're better than this.

	Beep! Beep! Beep! Vanessa's communicator sounded. She took it out and

MIKE: -dashed it to the ground.

answered. "Guys, I've got the weirdest news!

CROW: Sailor Moon is on USA!  And they cut the Sailor Says!

							 You know how Torek is missing

>from the dead pile?"

TOM: That's a damned big pile, then.

	"Yeah," they answered.
	"Well it so happens, as this little info-cube shows, that Torek broke into

MIKE: Disco Fever!

Eddie's room, knocked him on the head, and took him to that other dimension!

CROW: Oh, that's no great trick.  They just used Dejanews and went to the previous parts of the story.

Now why would he do a thing like that?" An info-cube is a small little cube

TOM: I was expecting a sphere, but hey, you're the author.

about the size of a dice. It's like a camera

MIKE: A room?
TOM: Quiet, you Latin freak.

							 and displays events that it
records. Eddie happened to be using one before Torek got to him and left it on.

CROW: And thus comes to a close another episode of Plot Convenience Theater 3000.

	"I don't know, but I have a feeling we're going to have to go there,"

TOM: Missouri?

Vanessa said.
	"But it's too dangerous. It's only the three of us now

MIKE: <singing> Ju-ust the three of us.

									 and who knows what
we'll face when we get there?" Wesley added.

TOM: Not the author!

	Outside Wesley's quarters, Dr. Crusher, his mom,

CROW: Imagine that.

									 overhears part of their
conversation. "What are they up too?" she whispers to herself. She continues

MIKE: Meanwhile, we've suddenly gone to the present tense...

to listen before deciding to pass up checking on Wesley.
	"Correction. The six of us now. Remember the Sailor Scouts?" Valerie  reminded.

TOM: The three that are left, that is.

	"We can't risk them!" Wesley argued. "They're too important!"
	"Not anymore,"

CROW: Yep, being replaced by Cutey Honey F would tend to obviate any importance they might have had.

			 Vanessa said, "their leaders are gone for the moment. Maybe
even forever.

MIKE: Who cares about the established fact of Crystal Tokyo?

			 But they're not going to just sit there and wait for the world
to be taken over.

TOM: Actually, they are.

			 They're going to want to try to find their princess and
bring her home."
	"Agreed," Val said, "but of course, we'll need a plan."

CROW: <Jet Wolf> A *cunning* plan.
MIKE: Where'd you learn to imitate her?
CROW: Oh, if you only knew half the stuff I can do...

	Wesley sighed. "I give up. You win. Shall we work on that plan?"

TOM: 9?  From outer space?

			*	*	*	*	*

	Hours later the remaining Sailor Scouts were called on Earth.

ALL: As it is in Heaven.

											 As soon as
they heard the plan,

CROW: Marshall?

				 they jumped at the idea of getting their future King
and Queen back.

MIKE: Long live the monarchy!  Down with democracy!

			 It was decided that they'd tell their families they'd sleep
over at someone else's house, say Lita's.

TOM: Hell, they might as well take it over!
CROW: Be glad One Shot isn't writing, or we'd be getting a *lot* more details about the sleepover.

							 No one knew about Lita's death
yet, the Scouts had decided to talk about it when other people missed her.

CROW: Which wouldn't be for a long time.
MIKE: "Yeah, I'm Lita's old boyfriend.  I just wanted to come over and apologize to her for everything I done to her.  Is she in?"

As for school, they thought she was sick.

TOM: Nary a call home, though.

	"Now, where did they want us to meet them again?" Raye asked.

CROW: At the docks.  At midnight.  Come alone.

	"I told you Raye, in the deserted part of the docks," Amy answered,

CROW: Now this is getting eerie.

irritated. Lately Amy had been a very nasty person.

MIKE: Tonight on UPN: Ami's had it up to here with bad fanfic writers, and she's taking out the trash!  La Femme Mercury, after a very special Christmas episode of Xena: Warrior Princess.

								 She'd been on edge and
it seemed like she was too sleepy or something. Though no one could tell,

TOM: Especially not the author.

Amy was taking Lita's death, Serena's disappearance, and way too powerful
enemies existing too hard.

CROW: What?  Heaven forbid any of them ever fold under pressure!  Then they'd be *human*!

	"Geese,

MIKE: Where?
TOM: Where's Hegerat when you need her?
MIKE: Huh?

			 just making sure." Raye was getting irritated herself as they
walked down the street. But that was only natural for her.

CROW: Must have been through a spin in the Bitch Transformer.

	They arrived at the docks at 5:57.

TOM: And twelve seconds.
MIKE: Pacific Daylight Time.

							 The rondesvous

MIKE: It's a foreign word.  Cut her some slack.

										 point was just a little
bit farther but with some of these workers around,

CROW: Damn Mexicans!

								 they'd have to sneak past
quietly. "Honestly," Amy said, "I don't know why they picked the deserted
docks as a beam out point."

TOM: Yeah, they're beaming out all right...*permanently*.
MIKE: Senshi beam in, but they don't beam out.

	"That's probably because it's safer here. There shouldn't be any people
around since its deserted," Raye countered.

CROW: Except for the workers mentioned four lines ago.

	"Whatever," Amy snapped. Through all of this Mina remained eerily silent

MIKE: Then again, when does she *ever* say anything?

though Raye and Amy didn't notice. The two bickered on.

TOM: Bicker on, senshi.

									 Mina started to look
a little unhealthy and made a face.

MIKE: She didn't like it and threw it away.

						 She almost stopped walking but didn't
when the pain resided. The others didn't notice.

CROW: This is like Manos, but the scenes are less relevant to the plot.

	They arrived at the meeting point at 6:00 and waited. At 6:01 a portal

TOM: -of Lynx for Win95 was downloaded.
CROW: It ran in a DOS box, though.

appeared and the last two Leodonians left stepped through. "Did anyone see

MIKE: -what I see?
BOTS: I see!  I see!

you?" Wesley asked.
	"No. Let's get on with it," Raye expressed.

CROW: Ramos, for God's sake, repeating a speaking verb isn't going to kill you!

	"First we go to Dome City II and tell you guys the plan.

TOM: I thought they already heard the plan?

										 Then, we move in.

CROW: But we have to have a link to the Geocities home page.

Alright?" Valerie explained.
	"Forget the plan, let's just go get our leaders and come back here!" Amy
nearly screamed.

	"Amy what's gotten into you?!

MIKE: Where did your commas go?!

						 You're so impulsive all of a sudden!" Raye
yelled.
	"Well maybe I want to get this whole thing over with as soon as possible!
I've got a lot of studying to do!" she yelled back.

TOM: And once again a hack makes hash out of Ami's character.
CROW: You're just noticing this?

	Raye screamed at her, "I really don't think this is because of studying!"

MIKE: Apparently someone thought this would be more original than a Usagi/Rei tonguewar.

	Wesley and his sister looked at each other. They were all definitely
changing way out of their characters.

TOM: Finally, *somebody* in this fanfic with sense!

						 "Ladies maybe we should get this over
with, huh?" Wes interrupted.

CROW & TOM: <falsetto> SHUT UP!

	Valerie reopened the portal which had closed itself before and motioned the
girls to go in.

MIKE: Freudian symbolism, anyone?

			 Mina walked in without a word. Raye stuck her nose in the
air and followed. "Hmpf." Amy angrily went in too. 
	Val looked to her brother and said, "Something's wrong. From what I can
remember on an observation report, Amy was supposed to be this cool-headed
brainiac who'd never make an impulsive decision. 

CROW: You take that back!  YOU TAKE THAT BACK!
MIKE: Quite the otaku, aren't we?
CROW: Yeah, what about it?

								And Mina should be babbling
her head off with gossip about now." She paused.

TOM: Well, it's kind of hard to gossip when one of your best friends is dead and two others are missing.

	"What about Raye?"

TOM: What can I say?  It's a shame.

	"Oh, she's fine. That's how she normally acts, with a temper."

CROW: Like tempered steel.

	"Hmm. I guess we'll have to watch them then. But if they go wrong and mess
up the plan, don't come cryin' to me about it. You and V wanted them to come
along."

MIKE: And you're going to clean up after them!

	"Yeah, yeah, yeah. But watch, I'LL be the one who's right." They entered
the portal and began one of their famous little quarrels.

CROW: Famous?
TOM: That's ego for you...

(continued)