A note of explaination: this is based on the show Mystery Science Theater 3000.  It's way to much to explain in a couple lines; I think you'll get the idea.  Anyway, let's get this over with, shall we?
================================
<Turn down your monitor (where applicable)>


<Pearl's van>

PEARL: Okay, in lieu of the usual movie, we've got a fanfic.  Our theory is-

<SOL>

MIKE: -that if you send us *mediocre* stuff, we'll be eternally grateful?

<van>

PEARL: No.  Actually, we were going to send you a *good* fanfic, like Obligations or Refugees.  <smiles>  But I like this better!  Okay, you're getting a new fanfic today, gentlemen.  It's not good, but it isn't in a class with Dr. Thinker or de la Cruz.

<SOL>

TOM: Mike!
CROW: No sweat, guys.  We can handle this, can't we?  We've been through every Marissa story, Red Zone Cuba, and even the bottomless pit of despair that was Artemis's Lover.  This oughta be a pice of cake!

<van>

PEARL: I'm not finished!  I realize that you might, by some fluke, survive.  But that's taken care of.  Bobo?
BOBO: Yes, well we've been looking back over our records, and we've noticed that all these fanfics were broken into manageable chunks.  Imagine if you hadn't escaped Artemis, or had to go through Enterprized in one sitting?
PEARL: Yes...so here's the deal.  You're going to read this one all the way through.  No commecial sign, no bathroom break, no nothing.  *Nobody* leaves until the end of the file.  Got it?

<SOL>

MIKE: Er, I suppose so, but-

<van>

PEARL: Good!  This is by Michelle Ramos, a 12-year-old who should be in school instead of writing!  Dimension 6, 141 kilobytes.  Read it and weep, Nelson!

<SOL>

ALL: 141kb!

<movie sign, cats and dogs living together, mass hysteria>
<Exeunt>

<7...6...5...4...3...2...1>
<Mike, Tom, and Crow saunter in>

CROW: Good one, Mike!
TOM: Get comfy, guys.

Hi! I'm Michelle, and this is my first fanfic for Sailor Moon.Yes, it's

TOM: Great, another first timer.
MIKE: Isn't Michelle the dub name for Michiru?
TOM: We'll know when Haruka shows up.
CROW: Oh yeah!

											pitiful, but hey, I tried!

CROW:  And a self-effacing first-timer, too!

I've had this story in my head for years, and it used to not be related to
Sailor Moon. But when the DIC Idiots finally did dubb the show, I fit it in. 

TOM: So, let me get this straight.  She has an idea for a story, but she waits for SM to be dubbed before writing it?
MIKE: That seems to be the size of it.
TOM: Shoot me.
MIKE: Settle down, we've only read four lines.

Now for your everyday, normal, boring disclaimers. Sailor Moon and all
related components belong to a nice Japanese lady, a really nice manga
company, a very nice toy company, some idiots(no offense) at DIC, and other
nice people. Tee Hee! As for the nice people who I made up, they are mine,

MIKE: Tom?
TOM: Yeah?
MIKE:  I'll get the gun for you.
TOM: Thanks.
CROW: Lots of nice people here.
MIKE: But not *good* people.
CROW: True, true.

mine, and nutin' but mine. Oh, did I forget to mention mine? Tee Hee! If

CROW: Guys, I'm getting bad vibes here.
TOM: Gee, thanks Rei!

this story has any similarities to any others' ideas, that is purely
coincidentle.

MIKE: Okay, just calm down.  It's just one typo.

(Some weird physicologist pops up- 'Notice how the subject is insanely
obsessed with the word 'nice.')

CROW: Notice how the reader is insanely obsessed with the word 'suicide.'
TOM: Or 'murder.'
CROW: Or 'killfile.'

I'll have a few meaningless points in here that could be humorous. You'll
know 'em.

MIKE: Thanks for telling us.  Really.  Nice to know when you're just reading filler.
TOM: Yeah, like that Mizuno the Senshi.  Wow, was there a plot in there?

I really, really, REALLY, hope you like this! If you don't, please don't try

TOM: -to hold back.  Tell me how you *really* feel!

to critizise me harshly, but I do encourage 'nice' little death threats! Tee

CROW:  Fine.  SHINE YO!

Hee!(No, I really don't laugh that stupid)

MIKE: I haven't seen too much to prove that.

Okay, now read!

MIKE: What do you think we've been doing so far, watching TV?

Dimension 6 Series

CROW: From the makers of the Bionic Six, the Six Million Dollar Man, 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue...

Part 1
By Michelle Ramos

TOM: Tab's sister.

	Nina suddenly sat up from her bed. 'Not another nightmare,' she thought.

TOM: You mean Andrea Hui's writing?
ALL: Noooooo!
CROW: This is going to be something like 'So You Want to be a Sailor,' isn't it?
MIKE: The FSC post?
CROW: No, a cheap ripoff of the Wizard novels.

Ever since she had destroyed that enemy of hers named Droid, and been able
to get back to her normal life, she was a wreck. 'Going around killing

MIKE: Um, exactly when did this happen?
CROW: Right after the Vorlons left our galaxy forever.
MIKE: Oh.

monsters as my old life's identity really exhausted me.' She'd also been

TOM: Having hot flashes.  It was the damnedest thing...

having dreams, or more appropriatly visions, that weren't so hot. She'd

TOM: Oh.  My fault.

dreamt of a very much needed princess, a forgotten prince, and four
powerful, young girls who were in grave danger. And they would surely not
survive.

CROW <ominous>: For no-one could survive...the fanfic apocalypse.

				*	*	*	*	*
	It was a nice and sunny afternoon when four of the Sailor Scouts 

TOM: Great, she's using the dub timeline.  What's next, is she going to introduce herself as a senshi?
MIKE: Why doesn't it ever rain in fanfics?
TOM: Takes too much imagination.

												decided to

CROW: Perform seppeku.
MIKE: That's pretty dark.
CROW: Thanks.  And I haven't even read 'Bitter End!'

go shopping.Serena wasn't with them because she was on a date with Darien

MIKE: Actually, the author didn't feel like dealing with her.  But that's not important.

elsewhere. Luna hung out with the couple while poor little Artemis got stuck
with the four mall-crawling maniacs.

TOM <Artemis>:  Why me, God?  WHY ME!?!
CROW: You know, God spelled backwards is Dog.  That might explain it.

	"Oh, what a perfect day. Isn't it great to be out, Darien?"

Mike:  What?  But...I though Serena and Darien were somewhere else?

	"Yeah, it really is a nice day." The young couple started to lean in for
the kiss. Just before 
their lips met...

TOM: The net censors stepped in.
CROW: Damn Exon!  Doesn't he know when to quit?

	"Oh yuck. If I have to sit through this romantic mush any longer I'm going
to hurl."
	"Ohh, Luna! You ruined my moment!" Serena ranted.

TOM: Dipole?
MIKE: <singing> These are the moments...

	"Your moment? What about me?" Darien asked.

CROW <Darien>: I've got my moment all over my pants, if you get my drift!
MIKE: That's one.
CROW: Oh, you were thinking it too...

	"Sorry, Muffin, but a certain talking cat here just made a BIG mistake."
	"Hey, I can't help it if I hurl," Luna remarked. 

TOM: Um, I'd just like to point out that Luna is very unlikely to use a word like 'hurl.'  This is called 'botched characterization.'  Look for it often.  Thank you.

									Before Serena could reply
to this remark a loud noise startled them all. And then some disturbing
screams came from the other side of the lake.

CROW: They tried to beat them down with sticks, but the screams were too strong.
MIKE: I don't know, but I love the author's riveting use of imagery.

	"We'd better go check it out, there could be trouble," Luna commanded.
	"Right," said the couple in unision. They all started running towards the
problem.

CROW: Damn integrals!

				*	*	*	*	*
	"Sigh. What a day, huh Lita?" Mina asked.

CROW:  Now *there's* a line from a hentai fanfic.

	"Yup. Isn't that right, Amy? Amy?" Lita looked over to her and found her

TOM: Slowly, sensuously taking-
MIKE: TOM!

reading another book. Then Raye said, "Amy, can't you go a day, one single
day, without reading a book?"

CROW <falsetto>: We don't allow intelligence!  You're out of the Scouts!
TOM & MIKE: Conform...conform...conform...

	"Huh? Oh, I was too into this book, since I can't go a day without reading,
that I didn't hear you. What did you say?" Time for sweatdrops! Or
teardrops! Whatever!

TOM: Dear heavens.  She watches anime and doesn't know what you call a sweatdrop?

	"Uh, nevermind," Raye replied. Amy just said nothing and went back to

CROW: School.  It's juku time!

reading. Mina ignored her and said, "As I was saying, what a day, huh Lita?"

MIKE: And thus we come full circle.

	"Yup. Isn't that right... Raye?"
	"Uh huh. And we still have half the day more to go." Raye looked over to

CROW: The script.
TOM: They have a script?

Artemis mockingly who returned a frightened look. "Right, Artemis? Having fun?"
	"Oh yeah. Loads of fun," Artemis said flatly.

TOM: Sounds like us.

	Just then, a beeping was heard. It was Raye's 

MIKE: Pager.  She had a hot deal in West Juuban to close.  5 kilos of street grade crack.

									communicator. She took it out
and answered the call. "Yes?"

CROW: <Raye> Yes, we're open 9-5.  No, we don't do freebies.  3000 yen per youma.  Thanks.

	"Raye, you guys have to get over here! We need you!"
	"Serena, what's wrong?"

TOM: <*mega*falsetto> DARIEN DOESN'T LIKE ME!!!

	"Ahh!" the scream was heard over the communicator. Just then Luna spoke.
"Girls, you must transform and get to the lake! There's big trouble!"

MIKE: Timmy's fallen down the well again?  Oh bother.

	"What is it, Luna?" Amy asked, now fully alert.

TOM: What, she wasn't before?

	"No time. Just come!" The communicator had static on the screen then beeped
out.

CROW: Yo, beep out!
MIKE: Methinks there was something there the author didn't want us to see...

	"Well, what are we waiting for? JUPITER STAR POWER!"

MIKE: Unfortunately, Jupiter Star Power doesn't deliver.
TOM: And it doesn't take American Express.

	"VENUS!"
	"MARS!"
	"MERCURY!"

TOM: I'll take planets for $400, Alex.

	"STAR POWER!" the girls yelled together. They did the usual transformation,
and ran off towards the lake.

CROW: Whose name really isn't important.
MIKE: Or location.
TOM: Or appearance.

				*	*	*	*	*
	Meanwhile, Tuxedo Mask got thrown against a really hard tree. Sailor Moon

TOM: Cheered, then did a victory dance.

screamed and ran over to him while Luna finished the conversation on the
communicator.

CROW: How'd she operate it?  Did she use special telekinesis or something?
TOM: Nice to see Usagi's matured so well.
CROW: Um, exactly when is this taking place?

	What had thrown the Cape Boy to this nice hard tree was 

MIKE: Divine providence.

										not a very pretty
sight. No surprise there. It was a seven foot tall monster with big blue
wings, an ugly face, and green, scaly skin that wrapped its body so tightly
it was like how tight an old bathing suit would be. Especially when that
suit is two sizes too small. 

TOM: Oh, for crying out loud, there's no point unless you put *Ami* in the swimsuit!

	What was the surprise, though, was that this guy wasn't your ordinary

CROW: -stock character trotted out by another unoriginal fanfic writer who has no grasp of the 	finer points of creative writing?

Negaverse garbage with super-powers. He was completely different than the
Negaverse morons. He was more skilled and more powerful. The guy could sense
your weakness and fear just by smelling you.

MIKE:  I think showers help with that.

	And that's just what he did. 

TOM: Took a shower?

						Which resulted with a certain man in a cape
meeting a tree, the hard way. The monster predicted every attack Tuxedo Mask
made

CROW: Well, seeing as he only has one, it shouldn't be that hard, should it?
MIKE: This writer doesn't like Kamen too much, does she?  I mean, she's only mentioned him ramming into the tree three times.

	 and did some nasty bruisin'. Sailor Moon didn't have much luck either.

MIKE: You know, it's the riveting dialogue that makes this story for me.

Every move she made was counter-attacked and her butt got kicked.

<Tom just shakes his head>

	Luckily, the calvary arrived.(cue Tuxedo Mask guitar music) "Hey, that's
not the right music!" Raye shouted.

TOM: Now when the characters start sniping at the author, things are really bad...

	"The author must be trying to mock us," Lita figured.

MIKE: Um, no.  That's our job.

	"Um, excuse me, author person?" Amy asked me.
	"Who me? Yeah?"

CROW: Right, we have an author insertion.  Fire at will!
TOM: Actually, it isn't so bad to insert yourself as author unless it's a hentai fic...
MIKE:  TOM!  That's two!

	"I think you're confusing us with the wrong guy," Mina informed.

MIKE: Minako, perhaps?
TOM: No, she means a different series.
MIKE: Oh, like Pretty Sammy?
TOM: Or Rayearth.
CROW: Or Cutey Honey.
MIKE & TOM: What?!?
CROW: Look it up.

	"Oh, sorry. Cue some Sailor music," I said.

<all begin to hum a medley of tunes from HMS Pinafore>

	"Better. 

TOM: The soundtrack to this story didn't sell very well, did it?

			Now, I am Sailor Mars and I will vanquish you, monster." She did

CROW:  What?  No silly speech?

her finger pointing while the monster looked fairly confused.

TOM: <monster> What?  No silly speech?

	"You're not Sailor Mars, she looks much more different than you." He paused
and thought more, then the monster said, "This must be one of your tricks to
confuse me."

MIKE: It's working.
TOM: I think Tor Johnson would be great for this role.

	"What are you talking about?" Mars asked.

CROW: Shaft!

	"Bring out the Princess, now!

ALL: Give us Barabbas!

					 I won't wait any longer for her to come," he

CROW: Can't hold his moment, eh?
MIKE: That's two for you, too!

said in his scraggly voice.

TOM: It's Shaggy!
MIKE: With Chibi-Usa as Scrappy-Doo!
TOM: Dear God, I can imagine that...

	"But I'm right here!" Sailor Moon blurted out.
	"You're not her. The aura dosen't match. Enough of this! You will die!" 

MIKE: Hmph.  Hasn't seen the rest of R, has he?

												He
started to form some sparkling green energy in his hands.

CROW:  Or it might have been blue.  I'll let you know once I pin it down.

	"Mercury Bubbles Blast!" A foggy mist spread throughout the area.

TOM: Due to the low-pressure system.

	"Mars! Celestial Fire Surround!" Six flaming red discs flew towards the now
blinded monster.

MIKE: And missed.

	"Jupiter Thunderclaps!"

MIKE: Not a word, Crow.  Not one.

	"Venus Meteor!"

TOM: No, Venus is a planet.  Pleiades is a meteor *shower*.  Get it straight.
CROW: Have you quite finished plugging the author's fanfics yet?
TOM: I'll let you know.

	"Zap!"

TOM: Ouch!

	"Shower!"

CROW: None too subtle about B.O., are they?

	An elecric green disc hit the monster accompanied by a shower of meteors.

TOM:  It did some really cool stuff.  I'd tell you about it, but that requires the use of 	detail.

All attacks stunned him long enough so that Sailor Moon could finish him
off. Think she did? 

MIKE: Yes.  It's her job.

				Think again. 

MIKE: If only writers did so.

						He started to make energy in his hands
again and formed a kind of green powerball. 

TOM <announcer>: Tonight's Powerball numbers are 32, 04, 08, 43, 11, and the bonus is 22!

								He concentrated and it split
into six separate little energy spheres. He threw each one with amazing
speed at each Sailor and Tuxedo Mask.

MIKE: Really amazing speed.  If I told it to you, you'd be amazed.

	Cape Boy and Venus were encased in some kind of Jaedite-style crystal. 

TOM: FOR CRYING OUT LOUD, *YOU'RE* THE AUTHOR!  IF YOU'RE NOT SURE, THEN INVENT DETAILS TO BE SURE!!!
MIKE:  I apologize, folks.  Tom's been reading too many Dr. Thinker stories.
CROW: Well, it could be Ratliff...
MIKE: The dust is a bit too thick on that joke, my friend...
CROW: Well, it's like a fine wine...

													When
a powerball hit Jupiter, it exploded into water and trapped her in a clear
water-tank, shorting out her eletricity and preventing breathing. 

CROW: Water'll do that to you.
TOM: 'Eletricity?'
MIKE: Watch the spelling flames...

											Mercury's
and Mars's powers were activated and they unwillingly attacked each other.

TOM: In some unspecified manner.
CROW: Wait, I read a fanfic like that...

Mercury went up in flames while Mars was frozen alive. 

MIKE: Remember, they aren't real, so they can't have feelings.  So don't waste time on 	characterization or emotions or anything.

										Sailor Moon got
captured in a black sphere that blocked out all oxygen from the outside.

CROW: But the oxygen already inside would last awhile.

	As each of these attacks drained their energy, the monster failed to
remember the two cats watching.

TOM: Then again, they had the fighting usefulness of eggplants, so it doesn't matter, does it?

	
	Yeah, I know it's short. That's how things might be in the other parts.

MIKE: Hopefully they'll be shorter.
CROW: To the point of nonexistence.

Guess what. I wrote this down first to make sure I didn't mess it up. 

CROW: Shame it didn't work.

												I
wrote 50 pages and I'm probably not even halfway done! Wow. Anyways, tell me
what you think. 

MIKE: <making ok symbol with his hand> It stinks!

			I like death threats but don't swear, I could get in
trouble, you too, if my dad sees it. 

CROW: <stands> Bring the old man on!  I can take him!
MIKE: Settle down, Crow.
CROW: Sorry. <sits>

						I don't think he'd take too kindly to
swears in a 12 year old's mailbox. 

TOM: Nude pics of Sailor Mars, however...
MIKE: Now, now, Oscar didn't write this, and he's at the ripe old age of 13.

(continued)