[Scene: Gary, Hiroshi, and Daisuke are in a room that's bare except for
a computer monitor.]

Gary: Hey, everybody. Welcome to another installment of SHONEN SUNDAY
THEATER 3000. My silly cohorts and I have been locked in here by an
insane principal, in order that we might read fanfics and make clever
commentary on them.

Daisuke: Yeah, and for some reason he won't send us any lemons.

Hiroshi: Yeah, what's his problem?

Gary: As the name implies, this is supposed to be a weekly feature,
though list irregularities and my general laziness have gotten in the
way. [The computer screen activates.] Hey, the Principal is calling.

[Miss Hinako appears on screen.]

Hiroshi: Miss Hinako? Where's the Principal?

Hinako: He's stepped out for a moment. But he's left me, his assistant,
in charge. You naughty boys had better watch it!

Daisuke: Why? It's not like you can drain our ki through a computer
screen! HAHAHAHA!!!

Hiroshi: Yeah! We're safe! BWAHAHAHA!!

Hinako: HAPPO GOEN SATSU!!

[Gary, Hiroshi, and Daisuke's energy gets sucked out through the
monitor, and Hinako goes to full adult size.]

Gary: ... jerks. Why do I have to suffer because of you guys? ...

Hinako: Your story for today is "Kasumi's Little Secret". It's by
Anthony Woo <ajwoo@ucdavis.edu>, and its FFML archive number is 37169.

[fic comes on screen]

This is not a Lemon.

(Hiroshi & Daisuke sigh in disappointment)

 Nor is this a Darkfic.  I'm not sure what genre this
fits into but I'm absolutely sure that it's _not_ either of those.

Kasumi's Little Secret

Gary: What do you suppose her little secret is, guys?
Hiroshi: That she doesn't bathe.
Gary: Huh?
Hiroshi: I heard it on one of the rec.arts.anime groups. Go back and
read the "Battle at the Bathhouse" storyline. Where was Kasumi? Not at
the bathhouse!
Gary: That doesn't necessarily mean...
Hiroshi: Why do you think Happosai leaves her alone, huh?
Daisuke: Kasumi doesn't *need* to bathe. She's always perfectly clean.
Gary: Let's just read the fic...

Part 1:  Kasumi in the Dojo
A Ranma 1/2 FanFiction
Version 1.2

All characters are owned by Rumiko Takahashi.
Please don't sue me ; )

	It was a fairly normal Friday in Nerima.  Ranma was taking the
express route home courtesy of Akane's Hammerspace Airlines.  <Well,> he
thought as he crashed into the Tendo's pond, <This is one way to get home

Gary: That should be the Tendos' pond, since there's more than one
Tendo.

early.>
	Ranma-chan slogged out of the pond towards the house.  <I need
some hot water to change she ought as she passed the dojo and glanced in.

Hiroshi: She ought what?
Daisuke: She ought to skip the hot water. She looks better the way she
is!
Gary: He meant 'thought' instead of 'ought'. Also there should have been
a '>' after 'change'.

	Ranma went back to the dojo and looked in.  She hadn't been
imagining things.  Kasumi was there in her gi moving across the floor in
what looked, at first glance, like a slow, complex, and graceful dance.
<It's not just a dance,> Ranma thought as she watched in amazement.  She
recognized several of Kasumi movements as marital arts techniques, there

Hiroshi: Marital arts techniques?? I thought this wasn't going to be a
lemon!
Daisuke: Dummy! If this were a lemon, he'd have given explicit
descriptions!
Gary: Guys, it's supposed to be 'martial arts'.
Daisuke: AJ is competing with Keener for the Most Embarrassing Typo
award.

were a couple of simple kicks and several complex joint locks.   Ranma was
simply shocked.  He had never imagined _Kasumi_ engaging in martial arts.

Gary: I think that should be 'she'. That's how female Ranma has been
referred to up until now.
Hiroshi: You know, I *have* imagined Kasumi doing martial arts. But then
I've imangined a lot of things.
Daisuke: You sure it wasn't marital arts?

Ranma was curious too.

Gary: I think 'shocked' would already imply that Ranma was curious. The
point here is that Ranma was curious about the particular moves, so
maybe something like that could be said.

 She was unaware of any kata that was performed as
slowly as Kasumi was moving.  Most kata's were best done slow if you were

Gary: katas; no apostrophe.

just beginning to learn it but Kasumi's movements were graceful and

Gary: just beginning to learn them

	Presently Kasumi finished her kata, bowed to the dojo, and turned

Daisuke: I suppose that's okay, but if the dojo bows back you should be
worried...

	"Yeah, yeah," she said waving her hand dismisively, "I'll be fine.

Gary: dismissively.

	"How'd you do that?" Ranma asked puzzled by her defeat.

Gary: asked,

	As the Ranma and Akane's fight made itself heard in the bathroom

Daisuke: 'The' Ranma? "There can be only one."
Gary: The 'the' shouldn't be there.

Kasumi sighed again.  <Some self control would help a little too,> she
thought, <Maybe, just maybe, I can train some of these things into him.>

Hiroshi: Don't bet on it!

	The sun was in the process of rising when Ranma's alarm went off.
Ranma's eyes cracked open as he peered out the window.  Instinctively he
reached out to pound the alarm into silence as he realized that the sun
had not yet risen.  <Why's my alarm goin' off at this time anyway?> he
asked himself as his fist began it's decent.  <It's not like I have t'get

Gary: 'its descent'

<Begin Flashback

Hiroshi: Why do people put these things? Don't they think we can tell
that it's a flashback?!?

	"Oh my," Kasumi said.  "Well since you have school and I am far
too busy once every one gets home...how about tomorrow morning?"

Gary: everyone (one word)

	"The things I put up with for martial arts trainin'," Ranma
grumbled as he made his way into the bathroom.  

Daisuke: He's training there? Must be martial arts potty training!
Gary: That was a cheap one.

	"Ranma no baka," she groaned as she flopped onto her back, and
tried to get back to sleep.  

HIroshi: Looks like this is gonna be one of those stories where this is
the only kind of line Akane gets.

	"Because it's part of your training Ranma-kun," Kasumi said.
Ranma was wearing his usual balck pants and red silk shirt; while Kasumi

Gary: black

was wearing her white karate-gi.  The two of them were standing on the
fence surrounding the Tendo residence, balancing on one leg.  Ranma was
constantly fidgiting, shifting from one stance to another.  Kasumi simply

Gary: fidgeting

	"Please stop asking questions Ranma-kun," Kasumi interrupted,
"just watch the sunrise."  Kasumi smiled as she remembered when someone
had said those exact same words to her.

Hiroshi: It was Nabiki. (Nabiki voice) Just watch the sunrise, while I
grab your wallet!
Daisuke: Nah, Nabiki's got a LITTLE more class than that.

	The first rays of the sun peeked above the horizon, pushing back
the darkness of the rapidly fading night.  Kasumi stood, enchanted by the
wonderful sight.  The light of the sun turned the sky from midnight blue
to a warm pink and it seemed to glow with life.  Slowly the pink faded
into a bright blue as the birds cried out their welcome to the new day,
their songs telling of the freedom of flight in that wonderous blue

Gary: 'wondrous'. This is a nice description, BTW.

	Ranma spent the next hour learning the first few techniques of the
most basic Tai-chi form that Kasumi knew.  <Basic she calls it!> Ranma

Daisuke: Would you prefer 'Fortran'?

thought afterwards, <hah!  Most Kempo katas I know are shorter and simpler
than that one!  And that's the _easiest_!  What am I getting myself
into?!>  Most of the time was spent watching Kasumi perform the kata and
asking questions about the techniques.  Some of them had seemed purely
ornamental but Kasumi had demonstrated how each technique could be used in
both attack and/or defense.  After Ranma had watched the entire kata,
Kasumi started teaching teaching him the beginnings of the form.  They

Hiroshi: 'teaching' there is repeated.
Daisuke: Pizza pizza!

stopped only when they heard Genma calling for Ranma.  Ranma's eyes had
widened in surprise as he said, "Oh boy!  I completely lost track of time!
Sorry, Kasumi, I gotta go!"  Kasumi had smiled as he raced out the door.
<Having a student is more stressful than I thought,> she sighed, <but if
Master Huang could teach me, than I can certainly teach Ranma.  After all,

Hiroshi: So it wasn't Tofu? There's a surprise.

	"Neither do I," she said turning back to watch the sunrise.  This
had become a dayly ritual for the two of them as they stood up on the

Gary: daily

fence.  Ranma would come up with a reason why they were standing on the
fence watching the sunrise and Kasumi would tell him that he was wrong.
Ranma's answers ranged from the simple to the bizzare.  Today was one of

Gary: bizarre

his more mundane answers; once he suggested that she was trying to improve
his posture, Kasumi almost fell off the fence laughing that morning.
Often Ranma would get so caught up in his pondering of the problem that he
would stop fidgiting and stand still for the entire exercise.  He was so

Gary: fidgeting

	"So what _are_ you trainin' by standin' up here?" Ranma asked.
	"Patence Ranma," she said with a smile, "when you figure it out

Gary: Patience
Hiroshi: That's the answer to the question too, I think. Figures Ranma
wouldn't get it.

	"You want me to tell you what I'm supposed to do?" he asked.
	"No," Kasumi responed, "I want you to follow me as I do it."

Gary: responded

	"Then let's begin," she said.  Kasumi watched Ranma out of the
corner of her eye as they moved through the form.  This particular form
came naturally to her, it was the first one that Sifu Huang had taught her

Hiroshi: What's a 'Sifu'?
Gary: A master craftsman, an experienced worker. I've always seen it as
"Shifu". Anyway, presumably it indicates a martial arts master.

	"Ranma, what happens when you punch a rock?"
	"It breaks," he said, confusion evident on his face, "but what-"
	"Now what happens when you punch water?" Kasumi interrupted.
	"Not much, I get a little wet but that's it," he said, still
confused, "but what-"

Hiroshi: Now what happens when you punch out after work?
Daisuke: Uh, Hiroshi, that wasn't a very good joke.
Hiroshi: Sorry, I couldn't think of a better PUNCH line!

	"Exactly," Kasumi said with a smile, "now do the form again,
slowly."  Ranma began again, but it was a repition of when they were

Gary: repetition

me,> she thought as she glanced at her watch.  <It looks like breakfast'll
be late again,> she thought as she dashed into the house, <I hope no one's
in the bathroom yet.  It would be tough to explain what I'm doing in a gi
without revealing that I _didn't_ give up martial arts like everyone
thought.>  Kasumi breathed a sigh of relief as she closed the door of the
empty bathroom.  <It's a good thing I put a set of my normal clothes in
here before Ranma's lessons, otherwise I'd really be in trouble.>

Daisuke: Yeah, but what if someone finds her clothes there with her not
in them? What will they think?

Thanx for listening to me rant and rave.

Hiroshi: Why is he saying that? This was a really nice story, even
though we never got to see them doing marital arts...
Gary: This is his sig. I think he came up with it during the big debate
on RAAC over 'Bitter End'.


[fic ends; we see Hiroshi and Daisuke staring at the computer screen] 

Daisuke: This is cool!

[Gary looks at the screen, which is showing a picture of a sunset]

Gary: Hey, what're you guys doing?

Hiroshi: Quiet, just look at it.

Gary: What about it? It's a screen saver. What's the point?

Daisuke: When you figure it out, you won't need to do it anymore.

Gary: I don't need to do it at all, you guys. [moves the mouse] Hey,
what's this? You guys were reading another fic?

Hiroshi: Yeah. Chris Jones' "Kasumi's OTHER Little Secret".

Gary: Let me see... heh heh... yeah, that IS pretty cool! I never
suspected... Anyway, I guess that's all for this week.

Hinako: What about the address?

Daisuke: Oh yeah. Send your comments on this, and any requests for fics
you'd like to see us do, to kleppe@execpc.com . And don't forget to send
synopses of any fics you post to the list to Mark Doherty
<mdoherty@mailbox.uq.edu.au>. We'll be using Mark's list to pick fics to
do, hopefully every week. Thanks, Mark!

Gary: Until next time...


Gary Kleppe
kleppe@execpc.com, Home page http://www.execpc.com/~kleppe
My fanfics and the FFML map are on my comics/manga page,
       http://www.execpc.com/~kleppe/comics