Received: (from list@localhost) by tendo-dojo.ranma.net (8.6.11/0.0.0)
id OAA23301; Mon, 2 Jun 1997 14:41:23 -0400
Resent-Date: Mon, 2 Jun 1997 14:19:55 -0400
Message-ID: <3393292C.7CEB@idt.net>
Date: Mon, 02 Jun 1997 13:12:28 -0700
From: James Allen <jallen9@idt.net> [Save Address]
Reply-To: jallen9@idt.net
X-Mailer: Mozilla 3.01C-IDT-v5 (Win16; U)
MIME-Version: 1.0
To: fanfic@fanfic.com
Content-Type: text/plain; charset=us-ascii; name="5KIND01.TXT"
Content-Transfer-Encoding: 7bit
Content-Disposition: inline; filename="5KIND01.TXT"
Resent-Message-ID: <"sO1pmB.A.cfF.K7wkz"@tendo-dojo>
Resent-From: fanfic@fanfic.com
X-Mailing-List: <fanfic@fanfic.com> archive/latest/37072
X-Loop: fanfic@fanfic.com
Precedence: list
Resent-Sender: fanfic-request@fanfic.com
Subject: [FFML] [FANFIC][R1/2][draft] 5 of a Kind Part 1
Well, it's time for... THE SUPER FREAK CRITIQUE!
Starring:
JJ Corley as...JJ Corley (Part-time would be Okatu)
Kevin Stott as...Ronin-san & Ronin-san-chan (don't ask, you'll live
longer) The helpful commentator
Guest Commentator:
Eric Schell as...APOCALYPSE (the entirely useless commentator co-star
wannabe)
[the theater is dark, and every thing is quiet. A lighter flares to
life, reveling two figures sitting in the exact middle of the theater.
The man who is smoking is thirty something, wearing a dark trench coat,
slacks and a T-shirt which says 'Welcome too hell, population: 2 & �`
The other is a younger guy - twenty or so - wearing glasses, a Heavy
German Military Green Jacket (GMGJ), green military pants,
and a shirt which proclaims 'I've seen the world; Now WHAT?!?`]
Man in trench coat: Lights!
[The lights come on, blinding them]
Man in GMGJ: He said lights, not Flash Bomb! Baka!
Man in trench coat: Well, ANYway; I'm JJ Corley, and this is my friend,
Ronin-san.
Ronin-san: Hey...
Corley: and THIS is...
Both: THE SUPER FREAK CRITIQUE!!!
Ronin: Yea, but where's that guest star no baka?
Corley: I dunno... Let's start, shall w...
[A portion of the south wall explodes]
APOCALYPSE: YOU SHALL NOT START WITHOUT ME! I AM... APOCALYPSE!
Ronin: Flee...
Corley: Screaming...
Ronin: Into...
Corley: The night!
APOCALYPSE: HARG,HARG,HARG, AND MERRY DEATHWISH TO YOU TOO.
-------Movie start-------
All Ranma characters obviously property of Rumiko Takahashi.
Many thanks to Rumiko-sensei for such a rich and entertaining universe.
Ranma 1/2
5 of a Kind [Part 1]
by Omnedon
jallen9@idt.net
Ranma walked into the livingroom at the Tendo house and stopped
abruptly,
the tension in the air was palpable. All four of his
APOCALYPSE: PALPABLE? WOULDN'T OBVIOUS, OR...
Ronin & Corley(R&C):No! IT WORKS!
APOCALYPSE: GEEZE...
fiancees were there,
looking at him, this made him nervous. Nabiki was there with her
ledger,
and the gleeful smile on her face was downright frightening.
Ronin: More like...
APOC: NO! IT WORKS!
"What's goin' on here?" Ranma asked tentatively.
Nabiki stood and approached Ranma.
"Well, I believe I may have come up with the solution to all of your
problems."
Ranma snorted, "Yeah, how much is it gonna cost me?"
"Ranma, why so defensive?" she chided as he flinched away from what was
meant to be a reassuring pat on the shoulder.
Corley: Ranma isn't THAT scared of her. She can't hurt him, ya know.
"..backed away.." would be better.
Ronin: Actually, I would put "..Suspiciously eyed what was supposed to
be a reassuring pat on the shoulder.."
"Actually," Nabiki continued, "everyone here has put together the money,
it won't cost you a single yen."
Ranma was curious now, but still wary. "Everone here? What about you?
What are you getting out of it?"
"I have contributed as well," Nabiki answered. "And although my
purposes
are different, I will get the same thing the others do."
Ronin: "..intentions..", that would also work.
While saying this, Nabiki guided Ranma to where she had been sitting,
and
indicated that he should be seated.
"We are going to make 4 clones of you so everybody can have one."
"WHAT?!" Ranma exploded as he leapt up from his chair.
APOC: THE JAPANESE DON'T USE CHAIRS. SCINCE THEY ARE IN THE LIVING ROOM
"..JUMPED UP FROM HIS PLACE AT THE TABLE.." WOULD WORK.
[R&C fall out of their booths, sprawling onto the floor.]
Ronin: Wonderful observation...*twich*!
Corley: Why didn't I spot that...*tweek*?
"What the hell
makes you even imagine that I would agree to this?"
Nabiki shoved the ledger at Ranma, its impact forcing him back into the
chair.
APOC: AGAIN, NO CHAIRS. "..BACK KNEELING NEXT TO THE TABLE.." MAYBE?
"That!" Nabiki rounded on him like a snake. "As it is, you - or
rather,
my copy of you - will have to work every day just to pay off what you
already owe me! If you live to a hundred and ten you should just about
get out of the red."
"So! I can pay it off without resorting to this crazy
scheme!"
"How?" Nabiki's tone was acid. "You're not running the Dojo now, and
yet
you manage to accumulate repair bills like snow. If you don't do
something
soon, your great-grandchildren are still going to be paying off your
bills!"
Ranma opened his mouth, but Nabiki cut him off.
"Look. If we take care of your distractions-" A nod of her head
indicated the collected fiancees.
Corley: iinazuke's are NOT distractions...
Ronin (rubbing the back of his head): Well, now... that depends on what
you're doing...Ho Ho!
[APOC beans Ronin a good one.]
APOC: HENTAI!
"Then you and Akane can run the Dojo."
Nabiki seemed to be amused with herself as she went on. "And you and I
can work on paying off some of your debt. And you and the rest of them
are free to go off and do whatever!"
Ronin: Being the fact that he'll be cloned, it won't be him. Unless it's
like that one theorem...
Corley: What's that, now?
Ronin: Well, if a clone is EXACTLY the same as the original, do they
share the same thoughts, feelings, emotions?
Corley: (stroking a fake beard) Intro-eesting, but lets not give the
author any Ideas...
"Shampoo take husband home!"
"Right!" Nabiki looked like she was suppressing the urge to cackle like
a
mad-scientist.
APOC: I NEVER SUPPRESS _THAT_ URGE!
BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAaa...(notices
R&C glaring at him)... Ahah hah...heh...
Corley: Can We...?
"It's perfect! Everybody gets what they want, nobody is
left out.
Everybody held their breath as Ranma seemed to be thinking it over. He
definately did not want to do this. But no matter how he looked at it,
there weren't any obvious flaws in the plan. There were still a few
questions...
"So, if there's gonna be 4 clones, who gets the original me?"
APOC: WHOEVER HAS THE MOST MONEY. SHE'D MAKE A MINT IF SHE SOLD KUNO A
CLONE OF RANMA-CHAN!
Ronin: Don't give the author _THAT_ idea...(shudders)
Nabiki breathed a sigh of relief, she knew that as long as she could
keep
him talking about it, she would eventually talk him in to it.
"We have discussed that matter. You will all be identical in form and
memory, none will be able to remember any fact to enable you to
truthfully
determine that you are, or are not, a clone."
Nabiki scanned the room before continuing.
"Several persons have expressed a desire to have the original Ranma.
Obviously it is impossible to satisfy everyone, so it was decided that
it
would be done completly at random." As random as money can buy, she
thought to herself.
APOC: SEE? TOLD YA.
Ranma paced as he thought about the 'solution' that had been handed to
him. Lessee... I get to be friends with Ukyou, and Akane can't
complain... I suppose I'll end up going to China with Shampoo, but at
least she won't be bothering me here anymore. I'll be married to
Kodachi... Umm... There will be 4 of me that she won't bother anymore!
All of the girls took a quick breath as Ranma smiled momentarily.
Akane... Well... I guess with the other fiancees satisfied we won't
fight about that anymore. I'll have to eat... But 4 of me won't!
Corley: Eat? Eat what...?
Ronin: Akane's cooking, perhaps?
Corley: Maybe so,... Maybe so...
APOC: DUH...
One corner of Ranma's mouth quirked up as he thought, and 3 of me will
even
enjoy it.
"I'll do it."
Nabiki's face fell, she had been expecting to take at least another half
hour to persuade Ranma. More if the others tried to help her...
APOC: RANMA WOULD NEVER GIVE IN _THAT_ EASILY. I PERSONALLY THINK IT
WOULD TAKE A LEAST AN HOUR, AND MUCH BEATINGS LATER TO PERSUADE HIM.
Corley: I would argue with that. Correct me if I'm wrong, but Ranma
isn't a fool. He can tell a good plan from a bad one. I think he just
doesn't want to fight about this iinazuke thing any more. And no, I'm
not ranting.
Both Shampoo and Kodachi were visibly excited, nearly bouncing around in
their chairs.
Ukyou's expression was pensive. There was something wrong with this,
but
she couldn't quite think of a reason to try and stop it.
Akane was smiling, but her body was rigid, upright in the chair.
APOC: NO CHAIRS, AND MORE NO CHAIRS! HARG!
She
finally had Ranma, and she would make sure he didn't go running off to
the
other fiancees. He would also get the Dojo in order and actually make
some money, with Nabiki having her copy in exchange for Ranma's debt...
APOC: WHAT WOULD NABIKI DO WITH A CLONE OF RANMA..?
Ronin: Cheap labor; Plus a Ranma-chan model that can't argue on who gets
pictures of her. What more could one... (inhales) Nev-ver mind.
Corley: STOP GIVING THE AUTHOR IDEAS!!!! Of course, you have a point,
BUT NEVER MIND THAT! The author is not writing a lemon, Ronin.
*** *** ***
Ranma woke up.
The ceiling looked unfamiliar, he could tell that he lay in some sort of
hospital bed.
Corley: "..unfamiliar; but he could tell that he was laying in.." A
little better perhaps?
Ranma remembered being told about the process. It involved technology
and
certain magical effects, and it took nearly 2 hours to explain the whole
proceedure. Ranma understood that one of him would enter, and a week
later 5 would leave. As far as all of the details in between...
He turned his head to one side. Wincing from a faint pain,
Corley:"..Wincing from a slight pain,.."
Ranma realized
that there was a square gauze bandage on the right side of his neck.
Turning further, more carefully this time, he could see a bed off to the
side. Ranma lay there, unconscious, monitors keeping a steady pace with
his vitals.
Over to the other side, Ranma heard one of the monitors increase in
pace.
He slowly turned to that side, and watched the second Ranma
Corley: "..He slowly turned to the left, and.."
over wake up
and begin to look around.
During the course of the next hour, the other 3 Ranmas awakened. Then
they were given an opportunity to bathe and a change of clothes. A
strained silence dominated as they were led out to a room where 2 rows
of
5 chairs each faced each other. They were told to sit on one side, a
few
Corley: "..one side; a few.."
moments later a door opened and the 5 different aspects of Ranma's
future
walked in.
Nabiki immediately sat in the center chair, Akane walked over and
carefully scrutinized each of the Ranmas, keeping her hands clasped
behind
her.
APOC: SOMEONE'S GONNA GET CLOBBERED, HARG OF DE HARD!
Kodachi danced excitedly around the room, pausing occasionally to reward
one of the Ranmas with a longing gaze. Shampoo rushed over and glomped
one of the Ranmas, before he could push her away, she darted off and
glomped onto another one. Keeping this up until she noticed Akane
scowling at her, Shampoo finally bounced over and sat down.
APOC: I DON'T THINK SHE WOULD STOP UNLESS SOMEONE PULLED HER OFF.
ESPECIALLY NOT IF AKANE WAS SCOWLING AT HER. SHAMPOO WOULDN'T GIVE A
RAT'S ASS.
Ukyou
casually looked each of them over before sitting down.
Akane and Ukyou finally sat down and everybody looked expectantly at
Nabiki.
"Well, here we are. At this point, the only difference between you, is
that one of woke up first, and so on. None of us even have that
knowledge."
"So what do we do now?" two of the Ranmas spoke up at once.
Ronin: There goes my same thought theorem.
Corley: Not really, Maybe they were just motivated to speak up more.
Besides, they did say the same thing at the same time.
Ronin: Whatever...
Nabiki continued. "There was some concern about the selection process,
and also ensuring that the selection is... final." A pause and a
glance
at Akane. "The decision has already been made, you each have a
different
tattoo--"
"Hey, you never said anything about any tattoo!" the center Ranma
blurted
out. There were noises of agreement from the other 4.
Ronin: OH NO! WHAT'LL WE DO! WE'RE MARKED FOR LIFE!!!
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!
APOC: HEY! THAT'S MY LINE!
"It was done while you slept, so that until you pull that bandage off
you
won't know who you go with." Nabiki grinned. "Besides, I thought it
would be nice not to have to endure getting the tattoo."
APOC: WOW! A CARING NABIKI. WELL, KINDA.
Ranma didn't seem to be satisfied with that answer, but none of them
said
anything.
"Besides, it is too late to do anything now. You, on the end, take off
that bandage and let's see who you belong to."
All eyes turned to where Nabiki pointed, Ranma squirmed in his seat.
"I want a mirror, I want to see it too."
"Just pull it off and get it over with!" Akane stood up and took a few
steps forward.
"Akane." Nabiki spoke sharply, causing Akane to stop short, then her
voice softened. "This can't exactly be an easy experience for Ranma,
besides, we don't know which one you get to beat up yet." Akane
glowered
at Nabiki's smirk as she sat down.
The mirror was brought and all eyes were on Ranma as he began to work at
the tape holding the bandage. He pulled one side of the bandage free
and
used the mirror to peek under.
Ranma went pale and the mirror fell to the floor, Ranma sitting next to
him reached over and pulled aside the gauze.
"YES!! It's the Black Rose!" Ranma slapped his stunned double on the
shoulder. "I feel for ya man, but I can't say I would wanna be in
your-"
APOC: THAT'S A _LITTLE_ TOO CRUEL FOR RANMA.
"Ranma-sama!" Kodachi landed in Ranma's lap and began to hug and kiss
him
as he sat there numb. Then she abruptly stood and started to drag him
away.
The remaining 4 Ranma's congratulated each other on escaping Kodachi's
grasp for all time.
"Shampoo want to find husband now, Ranma pull bandage."
Picking up the discarded mirror, Ranma worked at his bandage and pulled
it
free. The Yen symbol inscribed underneath could only mean one thing...
"Nabiki, I guess I am yours."
"Go home, wait in my room. When I get there, I'll tell you about your
sleeping arrangements and where you will be working tomorrow." The
matter
was apparently settled as Nabiki didn't wait for acknowledgement, merely
gazed expectantly at the next Ranma.
Ronin: Slave trader Nabiki doll, only 523 yen!
"Good luck," said Ranma as he handed the mirror to the next in line and
left.
Ranma sighed as he took the mirror. He worked at one side and looked
under the bandage, the Chinese symbol that he found there revealed his
fate. Oh well, he thought, I suppose I'll find out what this means
eventually. At least it wasn't a picture of a c- c- Naw, I won't go
there...
"Sham-"<GLOMP>
APOC: TO CHINA WITH YOU BOY!
Ranma struggled for a moment, until he remembered that he would be
Shampoo's husband now. He relaxed slightly, and after a while awkwardly
put his arms around Shampoo.
Akane watched this with only vague interest. The hussy got hers, she
should just take him away already, Akane thought. She was carefully
watching the Ranmas various reactions. The stunned disbelief and
obvious
relief displayed when the Black Rose was revealed were perfectly
understandable.
Ronin: Of course it's understandable. We are talking about KODACHI here.
Ya know, That Ranma-k will want to kill him self.
Corley: He doesn't have to. If he doesn't pay attention to what he's
eating, he'll poison himself.
Akane hadn't paid much attention when Nabiki's Yen was
revealed, she grinned slightly, I hope you like 16 hour days. She was
sure she saw a slight shudder as Shampoo's Chinese script came up, this
she found amusing, but the fact that the last two hadn't reacted
irritated her, but she wasn't sure why.
"Ahem! You can go home now." said Akane, her tone sharp as Shampoo took
full advantage of her first opportunity to kiss Ranma with the violent
tomboy not able to do a thing about it.
Ronin: WAhoo! Alright! Go girl go!
[Corley upends his coke on Ronin-san. Enter Ronin-san-chan]
Ronin-san-chan: Hey! I just had this dry cleaned! Corley no baka hentai!
Corley: Serves ya right. Deal. Where did you get your curse anyway?
Ronin-chan: I'll tell ya later. Now watch!
"We might as well both do it together," the next Ranma said as he stood
up, "as soon as one is shown, the other will be obvious." Turning to
face the last of his remaining copies, he silently mouthed, "Okonomiyaki
or..."
They both stood facing each other, Akane and Ukyou approached and stood
on
either side of the pair. With one corner worked up, each grabbed the
other's bandage, and with a nod, pulled.
Akane watched carefully. The small outline of a spatula indicated that
it
was Ukyou's Ranma that breathed a sigh of relief. And her Ranma looked,
well, disappointed.
"BAKA! What does that look on your face mean? You wanted to go with
her
all along didn't you!" Akane shrieked at point blank range.
"No! That's not it at all."
"Then what was it? Tell me!"
"W- Well..." Ranma stammered. "Just before we pulled them off, I was
thinking about okonomiyaki and..."
"And...? Go on." Akane tapped her foot.
"And... I was thinking about how he would be eating okonomiyaki and I
wouldbeeatingyourcooking," the last was mumbled and Akane's foot stopped
abruptly.
"What was that you said?" Akane's voice was low and dangerous. Both
Ukyou
and her Ranma moved back a few steps.
"I said I was stuck with that gunk you refer to as cook-"<WHAM!>
"Predictable," Ranma said as he looked out his counterpart's exit hole.
Akane rounded on him and jabbed her finger into his chest.
"Wipe that smile off your face! If it weren't for this clone thing, YOU
would still be mine! But I don't care anymore, you can go off with your
bimbo and-"
APOC: A _LITTLE_ TOO STRONG OF WORDAGE THERE, MISSY...
"Hey!" Ukyou stepped up, one hand half raised towards her battle
spatula.
Akane went to a defensive stance and glared defiantly at her.
"ENOUGH ALREADY! I do not want to pay for any MORE repairs to this
hospital!"
Everyone looked over at Nabiki's outburst. Then Akane gave one last
hostile glance towards Ukyou and stormed out of the room.
*** *** ***
Constructive criticism and comments are welcome. Flames will earn a
swift
poke at that kawaii little garbage can icon.
Ronin-chan: Well, this isn't EXACTLY a flame.
Corley: I thought it was very good in plot, but the last bit left me
hanging... Why would Saying that you're stuck with Akane's cooking and
being pounded through a wall be predictable to another Ranma? Maybe
Ukyou should say that.
My other file (I will have more soon, really I will) is archived at
http://idt.net/~jallen9/Ranma.html and Ridgewolfe, Superdude, and
Slashtooth have fics there as well.
Parts 2 (and beyond) if written, will explore the different lives of the
Ranmas. Right off I can say that nRanma will be the best prospect for a
stable life, work may be boring, but it is stable. uRanma should have a
decent time of it, although I am not sure yet exactly what will happen
to
sRanma. Everybody feels sorry for kRanma, and we all know that aRanma
will only lose a small percentage of his frequent-flyer-miles. ;)
Ronin-chan: I wonder, do they each have the original curse?
If so, I hope Kodachi doesn't splash Ranma any time soon. The Kuno house
hold would be a mess.
Corley: Where DID you get your curse?
Ronin-chan: K-mart. They were having a blue light special an the
Jusenkuyo aisle. No, I wondered into some fan-fic and the author gave me
this curse for intruding. Became good bud's with the main character
though, So I guess it was worth it. STOP ME! I'm RANTING again!
APOC: ALL IN ALL, I THINK THIS STORY DESERVES A 10+ ON THE MOVIE SCALE.
AHH, WELL, I'M OFF! SEE YA RONIN!
Ronin-chan: Bye A! Don't forget to write!
Corley: And so ends the first SUPER FREAK CRITIQUE. Who's the guest for
next time?
Ronin-chan: Some guy named Magus; so See ya!
---Finis---
---------------------------------------------------------
Get Your *Web-Based* Free Email at http://www.hotmail.com
---------------------------------------------------------