This is suppose to be a spoof of everything. But, in particular, a spoof of
the massive # of Ranma fics out there and the growing # of self-insertion
fics. C&C is not needed. But, it wouldn't hurt.
WARNING: SELF-INSERTION FIC AHEAD. PROCEED WITH CAUTION.
[INSERT RANMA 1/2 TITLE OF CHOICE]
A SMARTASS PRODUCTION
It was another bright and clear day in Nerima...
"AURGHHSS!!! Not _Another_ Ranma fic!!!" A voice screams, which seems to
originate from everywhere. "How many more can there be? Hmmm... That's
strange. I don't remember that swirling void of emptiness being there
before. Uh oh... UMPH... OHHH... UHHH... BLUHHH... EEEP... OUCH..." The
voice now seems to come from behind a lonely bush. "Damn, that smart." The
voice pauses for a second. "Ok? Where am I? What happened? Why the hell am
I behind a bush?" A figure steps out from behind the bush and into view. A
large neon sign with the word "AUTHOR" floats above him. "Hmmm... looks
familiar. But, I can't place my finger on it." He lifted up his finger, and
looked at it. "Wait! I know. I must be in Nerima. That would explain that
strange odor."
"RANMA NO BAKA!!!" A voice echoes.
"Yep, that confirms it."
A boy in Chinese garb runs hastily towards the, followed by a girl with a
large mallet. The author sticks his foot out as the boy passes in front of
him.
"AHHHH!!!" The boy shouts as his face meets the ground. "What happened?"
"I tripped you." replies the author. "I'm surprised a great martial artist
like you would actually _fall_ for that!"
"Hey?" the boy picks himself up. "Who are... wait a minute. Your a fanfic
author."
"Why... yes. How could you tell?"
The boy points up to the sign.
"Opps, heh heh." The author grabs the sign and throws it off into the distance.
At this moment, the girl catches up with the two men. About ready to bash
the mallet into the boy's head, she notices he has a guest. "Excuse me, who
are you?"
"I'm your general run-of-the-mill fanfic author."
"ANOTHER ONE!?! Why can't you people just leave us alone?"
"We enjoy ruining your lives. It makes our lives seem all the much better."
"Hey, Akane," the boy whispered into the girls ear. "Perhaps if we try to
feed him some of your cooking, he'll kill himself trying to avoid being
poisoned."
"RANMA NO BAKA!!!" The girl drives her mallet into the boy's face.
"Please please," interrupts the author. "Why must you animates always say
'no baka' instead of 'you idiot' or something. It's dumb. 99.9 percent of
what you say is in English. But 'you idiot' is always in Japanese. And it's
not even very good Japanese."
"Hey," responds Akane. "You guys are the ones doing the writing. If we had
a choice, we would have everything in Japanese."
"Yeah, and speaking of writing," Ranma adds. "Why are you writing yourself
into this fic?"
"What?" The author replies dumbfounded. "I'm not doing any writing. I'm...
OH SH_T!!!"
"Nani?" Akane and Ranma ask in unison.
"My alter ego in real life is writing me into his fic. His _Ranma_ fic. The
FFML is not going to be to happy about this. And please, English only!"
"Gomen," says Ranma sarcastically. The author gives him a dirty look.
"This isn't a lemon is it?" Asks Akane.
"God! I hope not! At least not with you."
Akane bashes the author into the ground with her mallet, which seems to
have grown in size. "What is that _suppose_ to mean."
"Nothing," the author garbles out. "I just thought you were... uh..." The
author pauses.
"Were what?" inquires Akane.
"Umm... Saving yourself. You know, for that special someone."
"Hey, wait a minute..." interrupts Ranma. "I don't understand. You aren't
writing this?"
"Well, yes and no. You see, I am only a manifestation of my real self, who
is right now controlling all of us through his keyboard. I am just as
powerless as you two are."
"So, what you are saying is that you are a depiction of your real self in
this nonexistent world as a plot apparatus to construe a way of
dispensating your emotions in a non-physical way."
The Author and Akane look confounded.
"What did I just say?"
"Oh boy." remarks the author. "That was totally OOC. I must be getting
sleepy. I think this fic is coming to a close."
"But it's so short," complains Akane. "You haven't even had any real cool
fight scenes."
"Maybe I'll continue this later."
"I hope not. This was one of the stupid fics I have ever been in."
"Don't hurt his feelings, Ranma."
"His feelings? HIS FEELINGS? Doesn't anyone see _I_ have feelings too?"
"Um..." breaks the author. "I think this would be a good place to stop."
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Al right. This piece is temporally finished. I'll reopen it later and make
it more complete. I wrote this cause I was bored, and couldn't sleep, and
wanted to do something. Now I am depressed. This, like all my writing, did
not turn out the way I wanted. I originally wanted set out to make fun of
the massive # of Ranma fics out there. But, I didn't even get to mention
that. (I think I am going to cry.)
I know this is a load of crap. But, so am I. It all works out. If you
haven't been able to tell yet, I haven't read over this. (I am afraid too.)
This piece is a complete mess. In fact, this peice may be so bad, it is
beyond C&C. But, send 'em anyway if you can.
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Dustin Goeller (MeStinkBAD; Would someone giv'me a real nick-name? PLEASE?)
e-mail:stinky@azstarnet.com <---- Send Flames Hear, Not To ML or Girlfriend.
Web Page:Get real! Me make a web page? Yea, whatever...
(For the two of you who can't read this,
---- '' ----- __--- \ / this is my first name written in katakana.
| | / | / Why? Cause I felt like wasting space!
-- / /\ ------- / Maybe I should replace it with the
/ / \ | / kanji for bakamon. But, I don't know
/ / \ | / if my mother would be too happy about
that...)
P.S. Pay no attention to this signature. Pretend you never saw it... And
thanks for atleast taking some time to read this garbage!
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