At 07:13 PM 5/29/97 GMT, Gary Kleppe wrote:

First a note for the Hentai among us: This story deals (in part) with
Ukyo's search for companionship and sexual fulfillment. Think about that
and look at the title. ;-)

  Does Ukyou prefer smooth-handled or ribbed spatulas? 

  But semiseriously, 

This story did such a great job of setting up a totally plausible
situation where they *could* have had sex, and it just turns out that
they didn't. I keep wondering what would have happened if they *had*
done it.

That for me would have made a more interesting story. Not (just) because
I'm a hentai; I've read more than enough pointless lemons, thank you. I
just think it would have been fascinatingly intense drama to show how
the characters would have reacted in this situation. Would Ranma and
Ukyo both believe each other when they said that it was unintentional?
How would Ranma and Akane, and their families, deal with it when the
truth came out? How would baby Nouma being in the picture change or
complicate things?

  I was also disappointed by R. Lawson's failure to deliver.  Like Gary, I
believe that Richard overlooked a chance to deal with love, guilt,
responsibility, perceptions of betrayal, etc....  After an excellent setup,
the story 'wimped out' and became yet another 'Ranma thinks he screwed up
his relationship with Akane, but it was all a mistake' story.  Richard,
you've demonstrated that you can write "fascinatingly intense drama".  I
think that you can write a deeper and stronger story using an unintentional
one-night stand between Ranma and Ukyou as the catalyst.  

  Should you decide to do this (yes, yes!), you may want to indicate that
Ranma and Ukyou had a couple drinks while Ranma was unburdening himself to
Ukyou.  Alcohol and mental exhaustion are a very good combination for
people doing stupid things unintentionally.  

  I would also like to see something more about Kaneto.  Ukyou is only 19,
and she mentions that it has been a year since she and Kaneto were
together.  How soon did she take up with him after Ranma married Akane?
Why him?  Why did she decide to sleep with him?  What was the 17-18 year
old Ukyou like? 

  Your use of flashback to the young Ukyou and Ranma was well done.
Flashbacks too often are distracting, but in this case they helped create
and shape the moods.  

                                                                      dml