and increase your storytelling efficiency. Cut out summaries of things
that happen all the time, and change summaries of unusual events into
scenes. Let the reader infer and figure out instead of using Ranma-chan
to explain. 

My story; I do what I like.  As you may have found, or inferred, I write
from the gut; I do what feels right, not necessarily what -is- right, and
I try not to run my stories through fine-toothed combs.  I find that
*doing* so destroys my ability to write. 

most MFA-equipped workshop writers, I don't know how to be both helpful
and politic. Good luck with this worthwhile project.

Politic sucks. Help helps, but don't assume I'll do what you suggest. :)

barely-presentable chemistry homework assignment

You know, they seem to be doing chemistry all the time in fanfics, or if
not, English or Chinese history. (I myself used chemistry last fic.)
Does anyone know what they are most likely to be studying? I propose we
lay off chemistry for a while.

My story, again; and chemistry seems to be a subject which Ranma would not
like, or be good at. (And besides, one of his first nemeses is the
Chemistry Club.)
 

If it were Genma, he might avoid the risk by testing it on someone else
first. It would be interesting if Ranma tested it on Genma before trying
it himself... but I should read on.

Ranma would never do that.  He's notoriously selfish, and unthinking,
where 'cures' come in.  Even if he 'shares' the 'cure', he's always got to
be first.

"Of course" doesn't really justify this level of coincidence. One person
crashing in, sure; not all of them.

Happens quite a bit; and it's more to indicate that the situation couldn't
stay as it was.

I think this behavior is kind of stereotypical and dull. Mousse,
Shampoo, Genma, and Ryoga aren't exactly a team of rocket scientists,
but it should occur to at least one of them to confront Happosai and
find out where it came from and whether he has any more. I think you're
forcibly holding back the secret of the oil here when the plot situation
demands someone at least try to learn that secret.

Who says they don't?  Happousai isn't necessarily around the house all the
time; and as well, Cologne is often a better source of information.  I
leave that to the reader.

This is what is called "telegraphing." By giving these little nods to
the reader, you diminish the reader's satisfaction at figuring it out
for h--self.

This isn't a mystery.  I don't intend to keep the reader in the dark about
what's happening all the time.  

      "Well, you don't change in water anymore, do you?  What about
sneezing?  Coughing?  Eating soy sauce?"  Akane received an odd glance
from Ranma at that last one

Avoid passive voice. Say "Ranma gave her a weird glance after that last
one."

Perhaps... but I like the way it sounds. :)

, and they both broke out laughing.

Feels OOC to me. The punch in the arm did, too.

Depends on how you define OOC; my interpretation of Ranma and Akane is not
quite as explosive as it's made out in the anime and manga; I'm not sure
why.  I'll keep it in mind, though.

_All Quiet on the Western Front_ --literary allusion man).

Great book.

As for the rest of your comments... yeah, it's telegraphing.  Ranma-chan
is meant to narrate, and give the outside perspective.  As for the rest...
well... as I said, I write from the gut, and that's what spilled out.
Crap or not.  I may modify/change it some, but I'm not looking for
technical perfection here, I don't want that, and most of the
'unnecessary' dialogue will become necessary, in the plot, or is meant to
slow down the tempo of the action.