For Kim and Joyce (Because I thought they would like it)

Sailormoon: Fairest of them All
(A Parody)	

	"Mirror, Mirror on the wall, who's the fairest of them 

all?"

	The red-haired beauty stroked the mirror lovingly.
	"Why fair as fair are thee, but as to the fairest of 

them all,

look to Serenity, for it be she."
	"What? My wishy washy little step-child?" Cried Evil 

Queen Beryl.

	Queen Beryl runs to the window and looks out at the 

twin-odangoed

girl heaving water from the well. As she slowly wound up 

the rope, she

slipped and the bucket dropped back into the well, 

sending a large splash

of water up to soak the Princess.
	"Woe is me!" Cried the girl, loud enough for the queen 

to hear.

"My step-mother makes me work so hard! I would much 

rather be sleeping or

eating lunch."
	Serenity sat down in a heap, scrunching the pristine 

white dress

and getting the hem dirty. She sighed. Then, a little 

light bulb appeared

before her head.
	"I know! I'll sing a song!"
	Beryl shook her head. "I cannot believe that little fool 

is a

princess OR the most beautiful in the land. She must be 

destroyed!"

	"Huntsman, come to me!" she cried.
	A large youma, who kept switching from his form as a man 

to his

form as a wolf, appeared before Queen Beryl.
	"My Queen, I am at your service." He growled.
	She pointed out the window at the gaily singing princess 

and said,

"Huntsman. I want you to take the princess out into the 

forest and kill

her, and bring me back a box with her energy!"
	She cackled.
	"As you wish, my queen," The huntsman bowed and faded 

away.

Meanwhile. . .

	"I know you, I met with you once upon a dream..." 

Serenity paused.

"Wait, that's the wrong movie!"
	Rei peeked from behind the well. "Usaaaaaaagi-chan. It's 

the

Wishing Well song!"
	"I'm wishing I didn't have to do that part where I 

lifted the

bucket from the well. Now I'm all wet. Wasn't the well 

supposed to be

EMPTY, Rei?"
	"Um..." Rei flushed. "Excuse me for a second."
	"REI-chan....!" Usagi/Serenity cried.
	Minako peeked her head out where Rei's had been. 

"Usagi-chan! The

camera is still running! Act already!"
	Serenity flushed prettily and looked back at the camera. 

"Oh, I DO

wish someone would come to take me away from all this. . 

 Someone like

that big hunk Tuxedo Kamen. . ."
	"Not Tuxedo Kamen, Usagi. Prince CHARMING!" Makoto said 

in a stage

whisper from behind a tree.
	"Oh, yeah, yeah. Prince Charming. Oh where for art thou, 

Prince

Charming?" the princess cried, and then began to sing in 

extremely bad

English, "I wishmen I wishmen are the minute grove. . ."
	"I TOLD you I should have been the Princess," Minako 

said to Rei

behind the well, rolling her eyes. "At least -I- can 

speak English. . ."

	"Shh! I'm concentrating," Rei grumbled.
	The birds (mind controlled at the moment by Rei so that 

they could

stand Usagi's caterwauling) flocked around the princess, 

and even a deer

(from Makoto's apartment's lawn decorations) and two cats 

(who were having

more fun taunting the birds than they were with listening 

to the music.

All of a sudden the bramble parted, and a handsome man 

appeared in armor.

	"Oh MAMO-CHAN. I mean, Prince-CHARMING!" the princess 

cried.

	He bowed before her and said, "Oh Princess, you look so 

fair. I

could not help but hear your wonderous singing. . ." 

wonderous that it

hadn't set off an alarm, he thought, but as he loved the 

singer in

question he decided to ignore it.
	Usagi... I mean the princess blushed, and batted her 

eyelashes at

the prince. The she remembered her lines. "Oh Prince 

Charming, you must be

off! If my stepmother finds you speaking with me she will 

KILL you!"

	"Oh Princess, I know, but I wanted to see your face for 

just one

moment... And now, I will bid you Adieu..." He handed her 

a rose that

popped out of nowhere and then bounded off into the 

brush.

	Selenity's eyes were filled with hearts. "Oh Mam... 

PRINCE

CHARMING...."
	"Princess," a grumbly voiced interrupted her rapport, 

and she was

about to turn and yell at Rei when she realized that for 

once it wasn't

her..
	"Oh, Huntsman! What hast thou come to me for?" She 

asked.

	He pointed to the forest. "I am to take you out to the 

forest to

pick flowers while I hunt."
	"Oh goodie!" Selenity cried, and bounded up. The 

huntsman led her

forward.
	The woods started to get darker and darker and scarier 

the further

they went in, and the princess grabbed onto the huntsman. 

"Oh huntsman,

I'm scared!!!"
	"You should be, little brat," he growled and turned into 

a

monster. "Queen Beryl wants you dead!"
	"Oh, NO!" Selenity gasped, and then said, "I won't let 

you attack

me, no matter what the evil queen said!"
	He pushed her away, ripping Selenity's dress in the 

prospect.

"HEY!" She cried. "This is the only dress I have like 

this and it has to

last for over 10,000 years!"
	Suddenly the two cats appeared and the black one tossed 

Selenity a

locket and said, "Selenity, your locket!"
	"Luna, you aren't supposed to talk in this movie!"
	"But that's a REAL Youma, Usagi-chan!"
	"It is??!" Usagi/Selenity gasped, and transformed.
	"I am Sailormoon! You dared to rip my dress and make me 

look

stupid in our movie! I will not forgive you!" She struck 

a pose. Madonna,

you got nothing on me, she thought. Then she took her 

tiara off her head

and threw it, "Moon Frisbee!!" she shouted, destroying 

the Youma.

"Moondusted!" She said proudly.
	Then Sailormoon looked around and realized she was lost. 

"WAHHHH!"

She cried. "I'm all alone in a dark, scary forest!"
	"What do we look like, canned spam?" Artemis asked, 

sticking his

tongue out at her.
	Sailormoon whimpered, "Do you know the way out of here?"
	Luna grimaced, "Of course we do, we cats have a sense 

about these

things."
	"We do?" Artemis whispered to Luna.
	Luna growled at him, "Of course we don't, but do you 

want her to

keep up all that racket? Besides, you figure once you are 

halfway into a

forest, you are also halfway out of it." For Sailormoon's 

ears she said

only, "Come on you guys, this way."
	The pushed their way through the forest and Sailormoon 

whimpered d

about all the brambles. "Is it much FARTHER, Papa Smurf?" 

She whined.

	"What?" asked Artemis.
	"Obscure American Joke," Luna told him, and then said to
Sailormoon, "Come on, we don't want to listen to your 

whining."

	"But I'm hot, and tired, and HUNGRY..." The princess in 

disguise

wailed.
	Suddenly Luna and Artemis paused, hearing a loud noise, 

a fearsome

noise.
	"Did you hear that?" Luna asked, shivering.
	"Sounded like a bear," Artemis replied, frightened.
	Suddenly Sailormoon toppled over the two frozen cats. 

"Geeze you

two, what did you stop for?"
	"Didn't you hear that growl?" Luna said from under 

Sailormoon's

right arm.
	"Growl?" The noise came again. "Oh," she laughed. 

"That's just my

stomach!"
	Several hours and many more mishaps later, the three 

came to a

clearing in the woods.
	"Look, a clearing in the woods!" Sailormoon said 

happily.

	And in the clearing there was a little house.
	"Oh neat, a little house!"
	Is there an echo in here? Wondered the narrator.
	The three went to knock on the door, and there was no 

answer. Luna

mused, "I wonder if we should go in?"
	Sailormoon ran her finger along the ledge. "It's pretty 

dusty, it

looks like no one has been here for a long time."
	Mako-chan's head appeared from behind a tree, "It is NOT 

dirty, I

clean it..." She was muffled as several hands appeared to 

drag her back

into the scenery.
	The door wasn't locked, and the two cats and the girl 

opened the

door and stepped inside. "It's just as dirty on the 

INSIDE," Artemis

noticed sagely.
	"IT IS NOT!!!" A voice cried from the outside before it 

was

muffled again.
	"Look!" Usagi-I-mean-Sailormoon said. "Seven cups and 

seven plates

and seven of everything else!"
	"True," Luna said. "There isn't much down here. I wonder 

what's

upstairs?"
	The three climbed the stairs, and saw a long row of 

beds. "Look,"

Sailormoon smiled, "A long row of beds!"
	Would you stop repeating me?
	"Sorry," Sailormoon said.
	Hmm. Apology accepted. Anyway, each of the beds had a 

named carved

on it.
	"Wow! Each of the... Uh. I mean... Well. I hate to say 

it (sorry

narrator!) but each of the beds has a name on it!"
	"You're right!" Artemis grinned.
	"Uh, can you read them for me?" Sailormoon asked. "I'm 

not so good

with kanji." She twiddled her thumbs.
	Luna rolled her eyes and read, "Sailorvenus. Sailormars.
Sailormercury. Sailorjupiter. 

Sailor-will-not-be-appearing-in-this-film.

Sailor-got-sacked. And... Sailorchibimoon, though that's 

been crossed out

and someone's written 'Dopey.'"
	"Oh look the others have been crossed out too! 

Sailorvenus's says

'Happy', Sailormars's says 'Grumpy', Sailormercury's 

says, 'Doc',

Sailor-will-not-be-appearing-in-this-film's says 'Sneezy 

got a cold', and

Sailor-got-sacked's says 'Sleepy on the Job.'"
	Sailormoon was VERY tired, and that won out over hunger 

and she

fell asleep on the beds.
	Suddenly the sound of singing floated in the air.
	"Hi-ho, Hi-ho, it's home from school we go. Our fukus 

itch, our

minds are numb, hi-ho, hi-ho, hi-ho, hi-ho..."
	Voices came from down stairs. "Why look! Someone has 

been eating

my porridge!"
	"Wrong story, stupid."
	"Oh. Look! Someone broke my prized Burger-King plastic 

Tuxedo Mask

glass!"
	Gasps. "It must me an intruder. Listen to that growling 

from

upstairs! It's a monster!"
	"Everyone transform!"
	*various transformation noises*
	"Let's go!" The sound of tiny feet came prodding up the 

stairs.

	"It's... it's... it's a GIRL!" said a blond girl.
	"And she looks like Chibimoon! Let's kill her!"
	"Yeah, yeah!" came the chorus.
	"Hey, I resent that," The pink-haired pipsqueak piped 

out.

	"OK, we won't kill her."
	"But..." The girl with the long dark hair said.
	Needless to say, all the noise woke Sailormoon up. She 

blinked at

the group of girls surrounding her.
	"Who... who ARE you?" she asked, trying not to say 

"KAWAII!!"

	"Well," said the long blond haired girl, who seemed to 

be the

leader, "We are the famous Sailorsenshi."
	Sailormoon blinked. "You are? But I thought you were 

supposed to

be teenagers?"
	The blue haired girl sighed and told Sailormoon, "We 

were, until

the evil Queen Beryl cast a Chibi-spell on us. Now we are 

doomed to be

Chibi until we can destroy her!"
	"You don't like Queen Beryl either? She's after me too! 

I am

Sailormoon, Sailor-fukued soldier for justice!" She cried 

passionately.

	"I am Chibi-Sailor-V!"
	"I am Chibi-Sailormars!"
	"I am Chibi-Sailormercury!"
	"I am Chibi-Sailorjupiter!"
	"I am Chibi-Sailorchibimoon!"
	"Jeeze you're short," Sailormoon commented.
	"Ah, blow it out your..." Sailorjupiter slapped her hand 

over

Chibi-Sailorchibimoon's mouth.
	Jupiter said, "Now, now, Chibi-Chibi, no need for that."
	"Don't call me Chibi-Chibi!" Chibi-Sailorchibimoon 

cried.

	The arguing began, and then Luna piped up, "I am Luna, 

and this is

Artemis. Maybe we can all come up with a plan?"
	
**********

OKAY I can't write anymore. Does anyone want to continue 

this?

hugs :)

misa

E here:
 to aswer the question.only if it ends like this
And then a loud noise and bright flash of light as the sun 
went super-nova and boiled away the solar system including 
everyone and everything in this parody. 
 THE END
Or to put it another way Lord I hope not!

E Robinson
rik@cfanet.com