For Kim and Joyce (Because I thought they would like it)

Sailormoon: Fairest of them All
(A Parody)	

	"Mirror, Mirror on the wall, who's the fairest of them all?"
	The red-haired beauty stroked the mirror lovingly.
	"Why fair as fair are thee, but as to the fairest of them all,
look to Serenity, for it be she."
	"What? My wishy washy little step-child?" Cried Evil Queen Beryl.
	Queen Beryl runs to the window and looks out at the twin-odangoed
girl heaving water from the well. As she slowly wound up the rope, she
slipped and the bucket dropped back into the well, sending a large splash
of water up to soak the Princess.
	"Woe is me!" Cried the girl, loud enough for the queen to hear.
"My step-mother makes me work so hard! I would much rather be sleeping or
eating lunch."
	Serenity sat down in a heap, scrunching the pristine white dress
and getting the hem dirty. She sighed. Then, a little light bulb appeared
before her head.
	"I know! I'll sing a song!"
	Beryl shook her head. "I cannot believe that little fool is a
princess OR the most beautiful in the land. She must be destroyed!"
	"Huntsman, come to me!" she cried.
	A large youma, who kept switching from his form as a man to his
form as a wolf, appeared before Queen Beryl.
	"My Queen, I am at your service." He growled.
	She pointed out the window at the gaily singing princess and said,
"Huntsman. I want you to take the princess out into the forest and kill
her, and bring me back a box with her energy!"
	She cackled.
	"As you wish, my queen," The huntsman bowed and faded away.

Meanwhile. . .

	"I know you, I met with you once upon a dream..." Serenity paused.
"Wait, that's the wrong movie!"
	Rei peeked from behind the well. "Usaaaaaaagi-chan. It's the
Wishing Well song!"
	"I'm wishing I didn't have to do that part where I lifted the
bucket from the well. Now I'm all wet. Wasn't the well supposed to be
EMPTY, Rei?"
	"Um..." Rei flushed. "Excuse me for a second."
	"REI-chan....!" Usagi/Serenity cried.
	Minako peeked her head out where Rei's had been. "Usagi-chan! The
camera is still running! Act already!"
	Serenity flushed prettily and looked back at the camera. "Oh, I DO
wish someone would come to take me away from all this. . . Someone like
that big hunk Tuxedo Kamen. . ."
	"Not Tuxedo Kamen, Usagi. Prince CHARMING!" Makoto said in a stage
whisper from behind a tree.
	"Oh, yeah, yeah. Prince Charming. Oh where for art thou, Prince
Charming?" the princess cried, and then began to sing in extremely bad
English, "I wishmen I wishmen are the minute grove. . ."
	"I TOLD you I should have been the Princess," Minako said to Rei
behind the well, rolling her eyes. "At least -I- can speak English. . ."
	"Shh! I'm concentrating," Rei grumbled.
	The birds (mind controlled at the moment by Rei so that they could
stand Usagi's caterwauling) flocked around the princess, and even a deer
(from Makoto's apartment's lawn decorations) and two cats (who were having
more fun taunting the birds than they were with listening to the music.
All of a sudden the bramble parted, and a handsome man appeared in armor.
	"Oh MAMO-CHAN. I mean, Prince-CHARMING!" the princess cried.
	He bowed before her and said, "Oh Princess, you look so fair. I
could not help but hear your wonderous singing. . ." wonderous that it
hadn't set off an alarm, he thought, but as he loved the singer in
question he decided to ignore it.
	Usagi... I mean the princess blushed, and batted her eyelashes at
the prince. The she remembered her lines. "Oh Prince Charming, you must be
off! If my stepmother finds you speaking with me she will KILL you!"
	"Oh Princess, I know, but I wanted to see your face for just one
moment... And now, I will bid you Adieu..." He handed her a rose that
popped out of nowhere and then bounded off into the brush.
	Selenity's eyes were filled with hearts. "Oh Mam... PRINCE
CHARMING...."
	"Princess," a grumbly voiced interrupted her rapport, and she was
about to turn and yell at Rei when she realized that for once it wasn't
her..
	"Oh, Huntsman! What hast thou come to me for?" She asked.
	He pointed to the forest. "I am to take you out to the forest to
pick flowers while I hunt."
	"Oh goodie!" Selenity cried, and bounded up. The huntsman led her
forward.
	The woods started to get darker and darker and scarier the further
they went in, and the princess grabbed onto the huntsman. "Oh huntsman,
I'm scared!!!"
	"You should be, little brat," he growled and turned into a
monster. "Queen Beryl wants you dead!"
	"Oh, NO!" Selenity gasped, and then said, "I won't let you attack
me, no matter what the evil queen said!"
	He pushed her away, ripping Selenity's dress in the prospect.
"HEY!" She cried. "This is the only dress I have like this and it has to
last for over 10,000 years!"
	Suddenly the two cats appeared and the black one tossed Selenity a
locket and said, "Selenity, your locket!"
	"Luna, you aren't supposed to talk in this movie!"
	"But that's a REAL Youma, Usagi-chan!"
	"It is??!" Usagi/Selenity gasped, and transformed.
	"I am Sailormoon! You dared to rip my dress and make me look
stupid in our movie! I will not forgive you!" She struck a pose. Madonna,
you got nothing on me, she thought. Then she took her tiara off her head
and threw it, "Moon Frisbee!!" she shouted, destroying the Youma.
"Moondusted!" She said proudly.
	Then Sailormoon looked around and realized she was lost. "WAHHHH!"
She cried. "I'm all alone in a dark, scary forest!"
	"What do we look like, canned spam?" Artemis asked, sticking his
tongue out at her.
	Sailormoon whimpered, "Do you know the way out of here?"
	Luna grimaced, "Of course we do, we cats have a sense about these
things."
	"We do?" Artemis whispered to Luna.
	Luna growled at him, "Of course we don't, but do you want her to
keep up all that racket? Besides, you figure once you are halfway into a
forest, you are also halfway out of it." For Sailormoon's ears she said
only, "Come on you guys, this way."
	The pushed their way through the forest and Sailormoon whimpered d
about all the brambles. "Is it much FARTHER, Papa Smurf?" She whined.
	"What?" asked Artemis.
	"Obscure American Joke," Luna told him, and then said to
Sailormoon, "Come on, we don't want to listen to your whining."
	"But I'm hot, and tired, and HUNGRY..." The princess in disguise
wailed.
	Suddenly Luna and Artemis paused, hearing a loud noise, a fearsome
noise.
	"Did you hear that?" Luna asked, shivering.
	"Sounded like a bear," Artemis replied, frightened.
	Suddenly Sailormoon toppled over the two frozen cats. "Geeze you
two, what did you stop for?"
	"Didn't you hear that growl?" Luna said from under Sailormoon's
right arm.
	"Growl?" The noise came again. "Oh," she laughed. "That's just my
stomach!"
	Several hours and many more mishaps later, the three came to a
clearing in the woods.
	"Look, a clearing in the woods!" Sailormoon said happily.
	And in the clearing there was a little house.
	"Oh neat, a little house!"
	Is there an echo in here? Wondered the narrator.
	The three went to knock on the door, and there was no answer. Luna
mused, "I wonder if we should go in?"
	Sailormoon ran her finger along the ledge. "It's pretty dusty, it
looks like no one has been here for a long time."
	Mako-chan's head appeared from behind a tree, "It is NOT dirty, I
clean it..." She was muffled as several hands appeared to drag her back
into the scenery.
	The door wasn't locked, and the two cats and the girl opened the
door and stepped inside. "It's just as dirty on the INSIDE," Artemis
noticed sagely.
	"IT IS NOT!!!" A voice cried from the outside before it was
muffled again.
	"Look!" Usagi-I-mean-Sailormoon said. "Seven cups and seven plates
and seven of everything else!"
	"True," Luna said. "There isn't much down here. I wonder what's
upstairs?"
	The three climbed the stairs, and saw a long row of beds. "Look,"
Sailormoon smiled, "A long row of beds!"
	Would you stop repeating me?
	"Sorry," Sailormoon said.
	Hmm. Apology accepted. Anyway, each of the beds had a named carved
on it.
	"Wow! Each of the... Uh. I mean... Well. I hate to say it (sorry
narrator!) but each of the beds has a name on it!"
	"You're right!" Artemis grinned.
	"Uh, can you read them for me?" Sailormoon asked. "I'm not so good
with kanji." She twiddled her thumbs.
	Luna rolled her eyes and read, "Sailorvenus. Sailormars.
Sailormercury. Sailorjupiter. Sailor-will-not-be-appearing-in-this-film.
Sailor-got-sacked. And... Sailorchibimoon, though that's been crossed out
and someone's written 'Dopey.'"
	"Oh look the others have been crossed out too! Sailorvenus's says
'Happy', Sailormars's says 'Grumpy', Sailormercury's says, 'Doc',
Sailor-will-not-be-appearing-in-this-film's says 'Sneezy got a cold', and
Sailor-got-sacked's says 'Sleepy on the Job.'"
	Sailormoon was VERY tired, and that won out over hunger and she
fell asleep on the beds.
	Suddenly the sound of singing floated in the air.
	"Hi-ho, Hi-ho, it's home from school we go. Our fukus itch, our
minds are numb, hi-ho, hi-ho, hi-ho, hi-ho..."
	Voices came from down stairs. "Why look! Someone has been eating
my porridge!"
	"Wrong story, stupid."
	"Oh. Look! Someone broke my prized Burger-King plastic Tuxedo Mask
glass!"
	Gasps. "It must me an intruder. Listen to that growling from
upstairs! It's a monster!"
	"Everyone transform!"
	*various transformation noises*
	"Let's go!" The sound of tiny feet came prodding up the stairs.
	"It's... it's... it's a GIRL!" said a blond girl.
	"And she looks like Chibimoon! Let's kill her!"
	"Yeah, yeah!" came the chorus.
	"Hey, I resent that," The pink-haired pipsqueak piped out.
	"OK, we won't kill her."
	"But..." The girl with the long dark hair said.
	Needless to say, all the noise woke Sailormoon up. She blinked at
the group of girls surrounding her.
	"Who... who ARE you?" she asked, trying not to say "KAWAII!!"
	"Well," said the long blond haired girl, who seemed to be the
leader, "We are the famous Sailorsenshi."
	Sailormoon blinked. "You are? But I thought you were supposed to
be teenagers?"
	The blue haired girl sighed and told Sailormoon, "We were, until
the evil Queen Beryl cast a Chibi-spell on us. Now we are doomed to be
Chibi until we can destroy her!"
	"You don't like Queen Beryl either? She's after me too! I am
Sailormoon, Sailor-fukued soldier for justice!" She cried passionately.
	"I am Chibi-Sailor-V!"
	"I am Chibi-Sailormars!"
	"I am Chibi-Sailormercury!"
	"I am Chibi-Sailorjupiter!"
	"I am Chibi-Sailorchibimoon!"
	"Jeeze you're short," Sailormoon commented.
	"Ah, blow it out your..." Sailorjupiter slapped her hand over
Chibi-Sailorchibimoon's mouth.
	Jupiter said, "Now, now, Chibi-Chibi, no need for that."
	"Don't call me Chibi-Chibi!" Chibi-Sailorchibimoon cried.
	The arguing began, and then Luna piped up, "I am Luna, and this is
Artemis. Maybe we can all come up with a plan?"
	
**********

OKAY I can't write anymore. Does anyone want to continue this?

hugs :)

misa