Hakkyou Daigaku
by Eric Gondolf
crissik@tstonramp.com
Episode 1: Welcome to Azusa Hall



[Akira stands along at the curb.  The taxi he came in it already far into
the distance.  He is surrounded by a duffle bag and three rather large
boxes.  He swings the strap of the bag over his shoulder and picks up one
of the boxes.  He balances the box on his left arm and bends down and grabs
another one.  He places that on top of the other and bends down for
another.  It fumbles out of his hand and he losses the other two boxes too.
 Just then, a shadow falls across Akira.  He looks up and sees a huge man
standing before him.  The man is over 7' tall and a few hundred pounds of
muscle.]

Man:   Need some help?

Akira: Uh...Sure.  Thank you.

Man:   No problem. [Stacks the boxes on top of each other] My name is Ziro.
[Lifts all the boxes]  Are you new to Hakkyou Daigaku?

Akira: Pleased to meet you.  I'm Akira.  Yes, this is my first semester
here.

[They begin walking toward the east dorms.]

Ziro:  Well, once you get past a few, minor things, I'm sure you'll fit
right in,

Akira: What minor things?

Ziro:  Well...  Hakkyou is know to be a bit...weird at times.  Well, all
the time, actually.

Akira: It can't be all that weird.

Ziro:  It isn't once you get used to it.  Hakkyou is filled with most of
the rejects all over Japan. [He stops and looks at Akira] How did you come
to be here?

Akira: I didn't do that well in High School.  It's not that I'm stupid.  In
fact, I think it was because I was too smart.  I was so bored in my
classes, I'd fall asleep or forget to do most of my homework.  Why are you
here?

Ziro:  My parents aren't very rich.  This is probably the cheapest school
in Japan.  But, the people you'll meet here will surely make it
interesting.  And it offers a wide variety of majors to choose from.  My
major is automotive engineering.  If you've got a bike or car to fix, I'm
the guy to call.

Akira: Well, I don't have either.  Do I need one?

Ziro:  Well, just as long as you find someone with a car, you should do
alright.  The campus holds most of the things you'd need, but there's not
much to do for recreation.  Although, I have a disassembled bike in my
room.  Whenever I get around to finishing it, I'll sell it to you, cheap.

Akira: Thanks.  That's very nice of you.

Ziro:  Well, you seem like a good guy.  I'm good at judging people like
you.

[About then, they reach the front doors of Azusa Hall, one of the four dorm
buildings on campus.  Outside, is a solid brick pattern, with several dozen
windows.  The main entrance is in a square part of the building that
expands from the rest.  From overhead, it would look like a large T with a
very thick top.  They both enter the main lobby.  Ziro ducks low under the
doorway and is just a couple of inches from the ceiling when he straightens
back up.  There are a few people in line.  Akira gets in line.]

Ziro:  Do you know what room you're in yet?

Akira: Uh, yeah. [Pulls out his registration slip.] It's, um...Room 13.

Ziro:  Oh.  You get the cursed room this year.

Akira: C-cursed?  You're kidding, right?

Ziro:  Well, something odd always happens to the occupants of that room
every year.  Last year, both students in there went totally insane. 
Something about voices in the night.  I think it was a practical joke by
one of the other students.  Although, a couple of years ago, just before
everyone moved in, a pipe broke in the sprinkler system and begin filling
the room with water.  Those doors are so airtight, the water couldn't go
anywhere.  When the new tenants opened the door, they were washed back out
into the lobby.

Akira: Well, I hope I'm the first to break the curse.

Ziro:  I don't know.  Last weekend, the janitor was cleaning out the room,
and was electrocuted when changing the lightbulb.

Akira: That's why you turn off the switch first.

Ziro:  It was off.

Akira: Oh...

Ziro:  [Balances the boxes in one arm and slaps Akira on the back.] Ah,
don't worry about it.  I'm sure you'll be fine.  I'll go drop these off
outside your room.  I'll be in room 5, just down the hall.  My roommate,
Wasaburo, might be there.

Akira: Uh...Thanks.

[Ziro walks off and opens the door to the rooms.  After a few minutes,
Akira reaches the desk.  The manager looks up at him.  This man obviously
seems tired and annoyed with some of the other students.]

Manager:  Registration slip?

[Akira quickly hands over the paper.  The manger scans over it.  He pushes
away from the desk in a roller chair and slides across the office.  He
stops at a cabinet and pulls out a key.  And rolls back tot he window.  He
then reaches under the counter and pulls out a clipboard with some papers
on it.  He sets both items on the counter and slides them towards Akira.]

Manager:  Room 13.  First floor.  On the left.  Fill out these forms after
you look over the room and return them to me.

Akira: [Takes the things.] Thanks.

Manager:  [Looking past Akira.]  Next.

[Akira blinks and then heads off toward the rooms.]



[Akira walks down the hall and watches the numbers of the rooms.]

Akira: 9...11...13.

[Akira notices the boxes next to the door.  He takes the key, unlocks the
door, and opens it up.]

Woman: AAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!

[Akira slams the door shut.]

Akira: Uh...Must be the wrong door.

[He looks at the door again.  13.  Across the hall is room 14.]

Akira: (Maybe they messed up which side the guys are on.)

[He tries door 14, but the key won't turn.]

Akira: Hmm...

[He opens door 13 again.]

Woman: AAA!  Perv-

[Akira slams the door again.  He heads back tot he lobby and goes to the
manager.]

Akira: Excuse me...

Manager:  [Sighs and rolls his eyes.] What?

Akira: I think I have the wrong room...

Manager:  You are in room 13.  All the other rooms are filled, so it's the
only one you get.  Now, if you don't mind...

Akira: Hmm.  Well then...



Woman: Getout!Getout!Getout!

Akira: [Dodges several things thrown at him.]  Wait, wait, wait!  This is
my room.

Woman: Oh, I see.  A liar and a pervert.

Akira: No, no no.  All odd rooms are guys only.  You are supposed to be
across the hall.  Look, I've got the papers that say this is my room.

[Akira holds up the forms he got from the manager.  The front sheet clearly
shows Akira's name and the room 13.]

Woman: So?  I've got one of those too.

[The woman holds up her papers.  It shows her name as Keiko and her room
number as 13.]

Akira: What?!

Keiko: See?  This is my room.  Now, get out.

Akira: No way.  This is a guy's room, and I am a guy.

Keiko: It is not, and I was here first.

Akira: [Crosses his arms.] Well, I'm not leaving.

Keiko: [Crosses her arms.] Neither am I.



[An hour later, Akira and Keiko and still in the room.  Akira is now
sitting in a chair and Keiko is sitting on the bottom bunk.  They are still
staring at each other with their arms crossed.  Finally, they both blink.]

Keiko: Damn...

Akira: A tie.

[They both sigh and relax a bit.]

Akira: OK.  So, how are we going to deal with this?

Keiko: Well, you go to the office and demand another room.

Akira: [Shakes his head.] The manager mentioned the other guys' rooms are
filled.  That means you'll have to find another room.

Keiko: Alright.  We'll take this to the manager.

Akira: Sounds good to me.

[Akira and Keiko leave the room and go to the lobby.  Just as they get
there, the manger slams the window closed and puts a 'closed' sign in the
window.]

Akira: No!  No, no, no!!! [Starts banging his fists on the glass.] Oh, dear
God, no!  NOOOOO!

Keiko: [Sweatdrop.] You don't need to make such a big deal about it.

Akira: Huh? [Notices a few other people stop to stare at him.] Ahem.  Yes,
well.  How do you propose we work this out, other than me moving out?

Keiko: Alright.  I have an idea. [Glances at some of the people staring.]
Let's go back to the room.

[Akira and Keiko go back to the room.  Keiko closes the door behind her.]

Akira: OK.  What's your plan?

Keiko: Alright.  The front office is closed until tomorrow morning.  Let's
just stay here until we can get this worked out tomorrow morning.

Akira: Well, I don't know...

Keiko: Well, tomorrow morning, we can get this all worked out.  It's just
one night.  I think I can deal with it for one night.  Can't you?  Aren't
you man enough to sleep with a girl?

Akira: Sleep with a...?

[Akira gets a sudden nosebleed and runs out of the room.  He find the
bathroom a couple of doors down and grabs some paper towels to plug his
nose.  A voice out of nowhere catches Akira off guard.]

Voice: College student gets nosebleed.  We'll tell you why at eleven.

[Akira spins around and finds some guy walking through the door to the
baths.  The man is holding a camcorder and is pointing it at Akira.  The
little red light goes off and the man lowers the camera.  He extends a hand
to Akira.]

Man:   Hi there.  I'm Mitsuro, from room 1.

[Akira shakes Mitsuro's hand.]

Akira: Hi nere.  I'n Akira, roon thirheen.

Mitsuro:  That's a pretty nasty nosebleed you got there.  What'd you do? 
Walk in on a girl, thinking it was your room?

Akira: [His face goes white.]  Uh...Kin' of.

Mitsuro:  Well, you be careful about that.  Wouldn't want everyone finding
out. [He pats his camcorder as emphasis.] Ha-ha-ha.

[Akira manages a weak smile.]

Mitsuro:  Well, it's dinner time.  I'll see you in the cafeteria.

[Mitsuro leaves.  Akira checks his nose and it's stopped bleeding.  Most
likely from when all the blood drained out of his face a moment ago.  He
cleans up and leaves the bathroom.  He quickly puts his boxes in his room. 
Keiko has already left and Akira decides to make his way to the cafeteria.]



[The school cafeteria was only a short walk from the dorm.  He entered the
class doors and showed his student ID to the cashier before going up the
stair to the main cafeteria room.  The first this Akira saw were all the
tables set about the large room.  He headed off to the right and found the
buffet line.  He grabbed a tray and began waiting.  After a few minutes, he
got to the food and began choosing his meal.  About then, Ziro noticed him.
 He had already gone through the line and was getting ready to sit when he
noticed Akira.]

Ziro:  Hey there, Akira.  Get into your room alright?

Akira: Hello, Ziro.  I had a bit of trouble, but I think I'm in.

Ziro:  You think?

Akira: It's kind of a strange story.

Ziro:  Well, I told you.  Cursed room 13.  You're lucky it was just strange
and not anything worse.

Akira: It's looking like it might get worse.

Ziro:  Oh?

Akira: I'll tell you more about once I get some food.

Ziro:  Alright.  You'll find me over by the karaoke machine.

Akira: There's a karaoke machine here?

Ziro:  Yeah.  There's a video jukebox and a small dance floor.  Sometimes
people like to hold special events here.  Well, hurry up.  I'll meet you at
the table.

[Ziro wanders off.  After a while, Akira picks up his dinner and heads for
the table Ziro mentioned.  The table is right in from of the karaoke
machine.  Several monitors are set up around the room playing videos. 
Currently, nobody is using the machine.  Ziro sees Akira wandering and
waves.  He's not hard for Akira to miss.  Even sitting, Ziro towers above
everyone else.]

Ziro:  Come, sit down, Akira.

[Akira sits in the chair next to Ziro.  Ziro is sitting at the end of the
table.  Two people sit across from him and there are a few empty chair
between them and the next group of people at the other end of the table.]

Ziro:  Let me introduce you.  This is Giichi and Daisuke.  Guys, this is
Akira.  He's new this semester.

Akira: Hi there.

Giichi:   H-H-Hello.

Daisuke:  Wha'dya say?

Ziro:  You must forgive Daisuke.  He'd a bit deaf.  And Giichi got a bit of
a stutter.

Daisuke:  What's a neaf?

[Giichi reaches into hit jacket and pulls out a small vial.  He uncorks it
and pours the contents out onto his salad.]

Giichi:   W-Word of advice: Eat the sa-salads, b-b-b-b-because they're the
only thing here that won't kill you, and bring your own d-d-d-dressing. [He
holds up the vial.]

Ziro:  So, what was this problem you were talking about?

Giichi:   P-P-Problem?  Is t-t-t-this the poor guy from room 13 you
m-mentioned?

Ziro:  You don't need to scare him more, Giichi.

Akira: No, it's OK.  I think I'm beginning to understand what you meant.

Ziro:  What happened?  Is the AC broke and your room is an arctic tundra?

Akira: Not quite, although, my roommate seems like one.  I'm sharing a room
with a girl.

Giichi:   A g-g-g-girl?  I didn't know that was a-a-a-allowed, except with
ma-ma-married couples.

Ziro:  That's right.  You didn't tell me you were married.

Akira: I'm not.  Somehow, something got screwed up.  We tried to fix it,
but the office closed early.

Ziro:  That's the manager for you.  It won't open again until school
starts.

Akira: What?!  That's still a week away!

Ziro:  [Nods] The manager doesn't care much about the students in the
dorms.  Once everyone's checked in, he's gone.  you're lucky, you might be
able to catch him in one of the halls.

Akira: But, but, but...

Giichi:   Why are you so anxious to g-g-g-get a g-g-g-g-girl out of your
room?

Ziro:  Yeah.  If I had someone like Ikuko as my roommate...

Akira: Who's Ikuko?

Ziro:  Easily the greatest singer in the school.  She like to do the
karaoke here a lot.  I think she's coming back tomorrow.  What's you
roommate's name?

Akira: It's Keiko.  With a name like that, I don't see how they could have
made a mistake like that.

Ziro:  Well, It is room 13.

Daisuke:  What?  Who's in room 13?  Poor bastard.  I still remember those
last two guys.  Left screaming.

Giichi:   [Quietly] T-T-That's the only way you would have h-h-h-h-heard
about them.

[Daisuke doesn't notice Giichi's comment and continues eating.]

Ziro:  Anyway, shouldn't be that different than living with a sister.

Akira: I don't even have a brother.

Ziro:  Oh...  Well, that could make things a little harder.  I suppose
Daisuke could make some room for you, if you want.  He's got his own room.

Akira: But, the manager said all the rooms were full.

Giichi:   Well, D-D-Daisuke does live with his plants.  They've kind of
t-t-t-t-t-taken over his room.  There's a bet g-g-going around as to when
the plants b-b-break out and start taking over the entire b-building.

Akira: Those would have to be some fast growing plants.

Giichi:   T-T-They should be.  I designed the plant fo-fo-food he gives
them.  My ma-ma-major is chemistry.  Plant food and salad d-dr-dressing are
just a couple of my experiments.

Akira: And I take it Daisuke's major is plants?

Ziro:  Agricultural Engineer.  By the way, what's your major?

Akira: Oh, it's teaching.

Ziro:  Oh?  Then you can tutor us in our classes?

Akira: Well, I haven't even started my classes yet...

Giichi:   Don't w-w-w-worry.  The first year is r-r-r-r-real easy.  You
should learn addition the first d-d-d-day of your math class.

Akira: Addition?

Giichi:   Yeah.  It should b-b-b-b-blow by fast.

Akira: As long as my roommate problem gets fixed soon.

[From across the room, a yell is head.  Quickly followed by a curse.]

Daisuke:  Ah.  That sounds like Naomi coming.

[Everyone stares and blinks at Daisuke.]

Ziro:  Assume Naomi stations!

[The three guys and a few people are the surrounding table duck beneath the
tables for a second.  Akira just sits and blinks.  They all come back up a
few seconds later wearing football helmets.  Ziro hands Akira one.]

Ziro:  Quick.  Put this on.

Akira: [Stares at the helmet.] Huh?

[Akira looks up at a sudden commotion coming from the other side of the
cafeteria.  A girl is walking through the crowd of tables, looking for
something.  For some reason, strange things keep happening around her. 
Mostly, a lot of people trip or something and end up wearing their food. 
One person slips on some food on the tile floor, lands on an empty tray,
and slides down the stairs.]

Akira: What the...?

Ziro:  If you value your life, put the helmet on. [Yells out] Over here,
Naomi.

[The girl sees Ziro wave and rushes over.  The frequent accidents that were
surrounding the girl begin moving toward the group.  Akira quickly puts the
helmet on.  Naomi arrives and sits next to Giichi.]

Naomi: Phew.  Hi guys.  How was break?

Ziro:  Alright.  It's been kind of quiet without you.

Naomi: Hakkyou is anything but quiet.  Who's the new guy?

Giichi:   T-T-T-That's Akira.  He's in r-r-r-r-r-room 13 with a
g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-girl.

Naomi: Oh.  The curse again?

Akira: Enough about the curse already.

Naomi: Ooo.  He's touchy.  1,000 Yen says he snaps like the last guys.

[Giichi pulls out a clipboard.]

Giichi:   We've got th-th-th-three, five, and s-s-s-six months free for the
vote.  Which one do you w-w-w-want?

Naomi: Um...  He looks like he has a strong spirit.  Give me five months.

Akira: What's wrong with six months?

Ziro:  Nothing personal, Akira.  We always vote on the tenants of room 13.

Akira: Well, I'd put my money on at least six months.

Giichi:   OK-K-K.  Akira b-b-b-b-bets on himself to go c-c-crazy in six
months.  How much?

Akira: [Slumps]  Eh...



[The group finishes their dinner.  Akira learns that Naomi is an
electronics major and has a jinx about her.  Where ever she goes, trouble
follows everyone else.  Akira goes back to his room.  He opens the door and
pauses.]

Akira: Wh-what is all this?

[The shades have been drawn and the room is dark.  A glow from a computer
monitor is the only light.  A rather large computer system has been set up
in one corner of the room.  Wires from the computer lead to several
different devices around the room.]

Keiko: Oh, you're back.  You left in quite a hurry.  I put your boxes in
the closet.  I decided to unpack since you're going to be moving out
tomorrow.

Akira: I am not moving out.  Although, it may be a while before you move
out.  The manager isn't going to open the front office until school starts.

Keiko: But that's a week away!

Akira: I think I know what this years curse is.

Keiko: Curse?

Akira: I've heard there's a curse on this room.

Keiko: Oh, now you're just trying to scare me out.

Akira: Well think what you want. [He pulls a few things out of his duffle
bag.] I'm going to take a bath.

[Akira heads off to the bathroom.  While he's there, Ziro comes in and
joins him in the bath.  The water overflows as he gets in.]

Ziro:  Don't mind the guys at dinner.  They'll loosen up a bit more as they
get to know you better.  Naomi may even change her bet.

Akira: Well, it sure is a lot different from High School.  I'd say I'm more
worried about the girl I'm staying with.

Ziro:  Well, what's she like?

Akira: Well, she's stubborn.  From the setup I just saw, I'd say she's
heavy into computers.  I guess she's kind of pretty.

Ziro:  Well, try not to let Mitsuro find out you're staying with a girl. 
He's our local gossip center.

Akira: I met him just before I went to dinner.  Does he always carry that
video camera around?

Ziro:  Yeah.  It's his life.  He wants to be a big reporter someday.

Akira: So, I guess if he finds out, the curse will run it's full course. 
Maybe that should be another option on the betting board.

Ziro:  Hmm.  I'll have to tell Giichi about that one.

Akira: Ugh...

Ziro:  He-he-he.  Hey, some of us are going into town tomorrow.  Want to
come with us?

Akira: Where are you going?

Ziro:  We're stopping by the airport to pick up Ikuko.  Naomi has a small
van.  Afterwards, we'll go to the local mall.  There's tons of stuff to do
there.  Maybe you'd like to invite your roommate?  Wink, wink.

Akira: [Monotone]  Ha, ha.

Ziro:  Well, I must get out of this bath before I become a stew.

Akira: Well then, I'll come by your room tomorrow?

Ziro:  Yes.  Around 10.  You should be up before 8, so if you want to come
by earlier, you're welcome to.

Akira: Well, I'm not much of a morning person.  Even 10 is a bit of a
stretch for me.

Ziro:  Don't worry.  You'll be broken of that habit soon enough.

Akira: Huh?

Ziro:  You'll find out tomorrow.

[Ziro gets out of the water and leaves.  Akira just soaks and thinks for a
second.]

Akira: This is a very, very strange place.



[Akira returns to his room.  Keiko is still on here computer.]

Keiko: I've already taken the bottom bunk.  And, the right closet is yours.

Akira: Thanks for giving me a vote.

[Akira throws his old clothes into the bottom of his closet and then hops
onto his bunk.  He closes his eyes for a second, but the clicking from
Keiko's keyboard started getting louder, and louder, and louder, and
LOUDER!!!]

Akira: Could you stop that?

Keiko: What?

Akira: The clicking!

Keiko: Well soooorry.

[Akira lets out a loud sound of annoyance and smothers himself with his
pillow.  He lifts it up for a second.]

Akira: By the way, one of the guys in the dorm, Ziro, has invited us to got
to the mall tomorrow.

Keiko: Who?

Akira: Ziro.  7' something.  Hard to miss.  He probably thinks we're going
to be a couple.

Keiko: Ha!  Maybe for a week until the manager comes back.

Akira: Well, they just thought you might like to come along.

Keiko: Well, maybe I might.  I'll decide in the morning.

[Keiko goes back to her clicking.]

Akira: (Geez.  She gets upset easy.  Now I think I know why this place is
called 'Insanity University.')