Keener wrote:

Jerome Fouletier wrote:

Nice story this one, I'm no expert of Japanese suicide customs and
stuff like that, but it was good. The chief improvement over the
previous version was Katsumi's story, better development, more
credible, although there may be a case of Western vs Eastern on
the treatment of "dead black sheep" and adulterous women in
Japanese families.

        Probably more my idea then actual fact but I see her suicide as the
only way to have regained her honor. With that act, the shame was
transfired to the adulturous man. Granted, it took one's death to revert
the honor loss to the male target who WOULD have been without guuilt.
That's why she did it in his bed. The old ways (for young noblemen) were
do as though wilt until it brings shame to your family. A dead harlet in
your bed (regardless of your fault in the matter) brings disgrace.

Actually, I found Katsumi's story very appropriate and indeed
agree that it would bring shame to her lover. However, as you
said, this does *restore* her honor. Indeed, in doing so, she
erased all stains from her own name and, as a result, to her
family. So why is her name only "spoken in whispers"?

My gripe was not about the appropriateness of what she did,
but about her family's reaction, still branding her a black
sheep even after restoring her honor in blood. OTOH, if the
death is recent (ie her parents were still alive when Ukyo
was told the story) then simple tact would justify keeping
the story a hush.

Anyways, there also is one small gripe (on which I also may be
wrong). Is it proper to add -sama at the end of a dead person's
name if said dead person wasn't someone of very high status during
her life? How do you speak of the deceased? I'm sorry I have no
answer to that...

        It's Ukyo's invention. Her eyes saw the whole affair as some great
tragic romance and Katsumi as a hero to be worshiped. Sama is the best
title I could come up with for someone who was being idealized and
idolized that way.

That does make sense. I wasn't able to find anything about the
way one is supposed to address/talk about deceased ones, though.
Small matter anyhow, but also see above. If honor was redeemed,
then Ukyo making her a personal hero is less rebellious, but still
worrying for Ukyo's parents.

Oh, and, second gripe, IIRC, women are supposed to commit seppuku
by slicing their throats open, but that would negate your line about
spilling innards.

        He goes on to make a comment that I'm still reeling from. I can't
believe I missed such as obvious parralel. Unfortunately, I can't really
use it. Why?

Still, you're having her shopping for a dress after the incident,
which indicates she's reverted to being female after all.

        Well it seems he's wrong about the suicide bit. You see, me and my
prereaders (Ben Kosse and Misahmouse mostley) went round and round on
this little bit of trivia and we just couldn't settle on anything. Then
Hitomi posted the answer to our prayers in an unrelated thread for RAAF
(I believe) It turns out that female samuria DID disembowel themselves.
While the women who were masters of gentler arts slit their throats.

Point taken. So you get to keep your joke 8-). One could make a point
that being a female samurai looks a bit the same as cross-dressing,
but I'm really treading on thin ice there. I liked my idea, so I at
least have to make a cursory attempt to save it ne?

        I definately consider Ukyo a member of the warrior persuasion, at least
she has an idealized outlook on herself as a samurai. Thus, that's how
she's go.

In this light, I definitely agree with you.

Nice ending, although quite Western in taste IMHO

        Unfortunately not only is this story written by a Westerner, it's also
based on some of my own expierences. As I've said often enough, I'm the
survior of three serious (ic hospitalizing) attepts at suicide. This
story is a reflection of how one can get distracted by mundanity and
have one's life saved.

Actually, from the way you presented the love triangle between Ukyo,
Ranma, and Akane, it hardly seems she lost any honor over it (though
I certainly am not too affirmative about this one) and there was no
reason to kill herself other than a broken heart.
Hence, your main point *does* have validity, indeed. Neither by Western
nor by Japanese standard did she have to kill herself.

*However* shinig this light does defeat your punch line. In the end,
Ukyo reconsiders Katsumi's standing in her personal pantheon, and it
is implied she *shouldn't* have committed suicide. Your ending supposes
the blemish on her honor did not justify that and that she had killed
herself over a broken heart, overreacting to the honor loss.

In this situation, then, you can save your story. If Katsumi did *not*
have to kill herself to atone the loss of honor, then, everything fits:
- her family's disapproval for making such a move
- Ukyo's abandoning her hero-figure upon realising her worship was
  misplaced

Then you only need a slight change to make the honor issue go away.

        Still, I think the ending is more of a monument to Ukyo's pragmatism
and ability to survive. More then anyother fiancee, I get the "I WILL
survive!" feeling from her and it's one of the things I respect her for.

Yup. But you need to get honor out of the way for that to work.
Honor goes above and over life (see above).

        Thanks for the comments and I hope it doesn't upset you that I'm making
them public, but you just made TOO many good points that I just HAD to
get some sort of public feedback on.

I did not see any, so the point is moot 8-). I usually keep C&C
private because I don't write myself, at least not in English.

A++

J.