Date sent:        Wed, 7 May 1997 17:03:06 -0400 (EDT)
From:             Mike Noakes <s669330@aix2.uottawa.ca>
To:               kapster@mokamo.com
Copies to:        fanfic@fanfic.com
Subject:          Re: [FFML] [R1/2][ff] Hearts of Ice Part 16 (draft)

   Yay!
   It's always a pleasure when a chapter of this story pops up.  
Along with 'Chasing the Wind', I consider 'Hearts of Ice' to be of a
type apart from most fics - they're of an epic-genre, it seems to me;
extremely well written and meticulously plotted out, yet not at the
expense of character (I sure hope I'm right, there - I'd feel awfully
stupid if you guys made this up as you went along).  

Thanks!  Actually, it's kind of a combination of meticulous
planning and making it up as I go along.  Hearts of Ice started
with a four page typed outline, and, while I've stuck to it
pretty close, I would have to say that about, oh... at least half the
story as it now stands wasn't planned.  Still, it wouldn't have gotten
as far as it has without that initial outline, which I still have
posted by my computer.

Inspiration, 
too - at least, I feel they're the one's responsible for driving me
to plot out my own epic-tale (which I'll hopefully complete by the
end of the summer.)

Ooh, look forward to it! ^_^

   Anyway, a little C&C:
   -As I already mentioned, it's well written and easy to read.  I 
have no complaints with any of the characterization.  Noticed a few
minor spelling mistakes, but I can't quite remember where.

Oh man, I went back and found a ton.  Hopefully I've caught them
all, though...  

   -On that note, though - as you mentioned in the opening notes, 
this chapter is quite a break from the previous material.  The entire
middle section delves into the character of the Ice Queen via
flashback.  Adding this depth to the character is a great touch - I'm
assuming that her arrival at the end isn't a confrontation, but
something else entirely - but it does break the up the action.  Taken
as it is in an individual chapter, separated from the previous parts
by a month or two, it doesn't stick out much; if the story was read
continuously, though, it feels like it might suddenly seem like an
unexpected lag in the momentum you've been building up.  I dunno -
if, maybe, these flashback had been spread out over the course of
the, what, last 15 chapters, leading up to the final one in this
chapter (which reveals why she got so bitter), it might work better. 
Well, maybe. <shrug>

You know, I considered doing spreading the Snow Woman's flashback over
previous chapters, but then decided against it because I didn't want
the reader to feel too much sympathy for her character when she was
doing all those evil things to Ranma.  I wanted everyone to dislike
and mistrust her as much as Akane did, with the hope that those
feelings of animosity would make the revelation of her tragic past
that much more powerful.  I dunno, maybe when Part 17 is finished, and
I go back and read the whole thing, I may tweak it a bit if I find, as
you've suggested, that it creates too much of a lag in the pace of the
story.  As it is, though, I kind of like to think of this as the calm
before the storm. ^_-

   -I like the haunted look you've given Ranma.  Probably one of the
   
things that'll help him mature enough to match Akane when they 
(presumably) get back together in the end - especially what with her
being 4? 5? years older than him.
   -Character relations was good, too.  Ukyou/Nabiki and Ranma/Ryoga
   
just felt right (although Ryoga's being a bit more reasonable than
usual - but I gather that that's from his muddled memories due to the
blood-spell).

Yes, that's exactly why Ryoga's being more reasonable.  Now if
Akane ever makes it back and his memory is completely restored,
what do you think his reaction might be to everything he's said
and done to/for Ranma?  Heh heh heh...

   Hmmm.
   Looks like I didn't have anything very critical to say - guess 
this wasn't terribly useful, but, dammit, it like the story! <grin> 
Hope the last part comes out soon.

I'm working on it right now, and it seems to be coming pretty
fast in comparison to other parts.  Maybe it's just the rush of
nearing the end... ^_^

Thanks for the comments!  I really appreciate it. ^_^

Krista