Subject: [C&C] Ranma-Chan
From: SQUN29A@PRODIGY.COM ( ROBERT MORRISON)
Date: 5/10/1997, 9:31 PM
To: fanfic@fanfic.com

Okay, a bit of C&C on  this story...

The basic story concept in itself is alright, needs a bit of touching 
up. Also could do with a major rewrite, because it could have been 
done a LOT better.

Specific nitpicks:

Akane would NEVER call Ranma "Ranma-kun".

In Chapter 2. you have a breakfast scene at Ucchan's...so why does 
Konatsu greet the customer with "Good afternoon"?

Despite the fact that I agreed with the handling of Akane's violent 
tendencies in Zen's fic "Bitter End", I have to say that Akane's rage 
was a trifle overdone in this one.

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The Eternal Lost Lurker
http://pages.prodigy.com/RMorrison
Proud inventor of kusonomiyaki