Okay, a bit of C&C on this story...
The basic story concept in itself is alright, needs a bit of touching
up. Also could do with a major rewrite, because it could have been
done a LOT better.
Specific nitpicks:
Akane would NEVER call Ranma "Ranma-kun".
In Chapter 2. you have a breakfast scene at Ucchan's...so why does
Konatsu greet the customer with "Good afternoon"?
Despite the fact that I agreed with the handling of Akane's violent
tendencies in Zen's fic "Bitter End", I have to say that Akane's rage
was a trifle overdone in this one.
____
------------------------------------------------------------
The Eternal Lost Lurker
http://pages.prodigy.com/RMorrison
Proud inventor of kusonomiyaki