Here I am again, being a cantankerous old fox, but I'm surprised
that in the midst of all the Lackey fans out there, no one notices
the errors in this story.  So here we go:

1) "Bordered by two buildings who's bricks had been..."

First of all, this is a fragment that goes no where.  You can either
link it back to the previous sentence or introduce a subject.  Second,
'who's' should be 'whose.

2) "The only thing that would give someone suffering from selective amnesia...
of where in the world tyey were....

Ignore my typos, but the problem in this sentence is subject/verb
agreement.  'Someone' is singular and 'they' is plural.  Change
either one and you've eliminated the problem.

3) "English seemed to be the dominant... although spanish appeared...."

Languages and references to nationality are *always* capitalized
when using US grammar.

4) "Any normal person who, either being... never know how lucky they 
had just been."

Good sentence, but it just goes on and on and on and on...  You get
my point.  You can break up this sentence into at least two other ones.

5) "If not from the Moon...."

Unless you're in Germany, nouns aren't usually capitalized.  You capitalize
'darkness' also, but I assumed that it was a thing you were referring to, so I
didn't note that one.

Everything else seems fine, once you get the intro over with.  The slow 
beginning belies the quick action in the middle and at the end.  I'm not
sure if the two of them mix well.  


Anyway, that's just my opinion.  I could be wrong.


Foxtrot the Furryous, CBTFH, ret.

P.S.  I'm always right, some of the time.