(scene: a darkened room. Lights slowly come on to reveal a messy,
cluttered dorm room with tiny TV and VCR in front, worn couch and coffee
table in back. On the couch sit a somewhat nerdy Chinese male just past
the teen-twenty border and a cute brown-haired girl with notepad and pen
in lap. A mug of steaming cocoa rests on the coffee table in front of the
girl; a bowl of popcorn sits between the two.)
Raphael: Hello, all, and welcome to Mystery C&C Theater 1/2! For those of
you tuning in for the first time, I'm Raphael See, and sitting next to
me is...
Noriko: Noriko Hirauchi. (smiles) Good evening!
Raphael: Tonight we're going to be looking at Part Eight of "Nabiki-New
Horizons" by Greg Sandborn. But before we get to the fic, there's a few
announcements we need to make. First of all, this is going to be the last
episode of Mystery C&C 1/2.
Noriko: (interrupts) That's not quite true. We're still going to keep up
with this format for comments and criticism.
Raphael: Hey, I wasn't finished! *ahem* Anyway, as my partner said, we're
still going to keep doing this, but we're not going to be going under the
name of "Mystery C&C Theater 1/2" anymore.
Noriko: And just _why_ are we changing our name? Hm?
Raphael: (puts hand behind head) Eh heh... Well, it's like this. I was
going through some of the archives of the classic MST-style C&C's, and
rediscovered some of the esteemed John Biles's early C&C-jobs.
Noriko: Biles-san was the person who started the commentary format of
comments and criticism, wasn't he?
Raphael: (nods) Yeah, he was. Good stuff, too. But anyway, the thing
is that the title of his series was "Mystery Fanfic Commentary Theater
3000". See?
Noriko: (thoughtfully) Hmmm... You know, our working title is pretty
similar to that, isn't it?
Raphael: (nods again) _Too_ similar. So we're gonna change our name,
since John Biles came up with the title before I ever did.
Noriko: So what's the new title going to be?
Raphael: That takes me to my second announcement. If any of you viewers
out there have a good idea of what you'd like this series to be called,
send it right on in! The person who sends in our favorite candidate
will... will...
Noriko: (slightly impatient) Will what?
Raphael: (thinking desperately) ...Will get a commentary done by us on a
fanfic of his or her choice!
Noriko: (obviously unimpressed) That's pretty silly, if you ask me. You
know we'd do this for anyone if they just asked nicely.
Raphael: Well, you got a better idea? Anyway, that does it for
announcements. Some restrictions apply, void where prohibited by law, you
know...
Noriko: Are we going to get to the fic? I think our audience is starting
to fall asleep...
Raphael: Oh, yeah, the fic. That's why we're here, isn't it? Oh, and I'd
like to offer an apology to Greg Sandborn for not getting to this fic
before he sent it on to the Mailing List. This week has been a rather
harrying one for me, with exams and projects and all...
Noriko: Because you keep putting your work and studying off until the
absolute last minute...
Raphael: Hey, I thought you wanted me to get to the fic. (ignores
Noriko's glare as he pushes "play" on the remote)
10...9...8...7...6...5...4...3...2...
-----
Nabiki - New Horizons
Part 8 - Just Another Night At The Tendos
By G.L. Sandborn
While Sodoshi required only occasional tending, Jeffrey was more
on edge than usual. For starters, he hated flying. Not that he was
afraid or anything. It was just that being in such a confining place,
thousands of feet in the air, supported by, what appeared to him to
be, thin strips of metal, and flown by unknown former military pilots
left him very.... uncomfortable.
-----
Noriko: I'm not sure that the comma between "by" and "what" is necessary
to keep the flow of the sentence.
Raphael: Heh. The great Jeff Lawrence, scared of the friendly skies.
Gotta love it.
-----
"What a cute baby," came a voice from the isle next to Nabiki's
seat. Nabiki turned her head to see one of the young flight
attendants admiring her daughter.
-----
Noriko: I think that should be spelled "aisle."
Raphael: Aw, you never know. With Jeff's fear of flying, they might have
very well crashed onto a deserted island without him even noticing it.
Noriko: (narrowed eyes) You know, one of these days you're going to go
too far with those puns, and... (Raphael bigsweats)
-----
"Did you see this story about the Chinese airliner that crashed
in the South China Sea last month?" Her face was totally neutral, as
if she was just informing her husband of something she thought he
ought to know. "Seems they only found some floating luggage and an
oil slick. Pretty grim, huh."
Jeff stared at his innocent looking wife for several seconds
before chugging that last of his drink and announcing he was going up
to the lounge.
-----
Raphael: Hee hee hee hee! Right to the quick!
Noriko: I guess that pays back for the "Daddy" crack Jeff made a little
while ago in the last part...
-----
"Daughter, we cannot afford for all of us to travel out to the
airport and back." Soun Tendo flatly declared from behind his
newspaper. "Young Jeffrey-san will be arriving with his family in due
time. Patience marks the way of the true path of a martial artist."
-----
Noriko: I think that period at the end of the quote should be a comma.
(notices Raphael's look of disgust) You be quiet!
Raphael: Hey, I didn't say anything!
Noriko: Not yet, but you were going to. You were about to make some snide
comment about my "nitpicking." That I nitpick too much and all that.
Raphael: If the shoe fits... (Noriko glares)
-----
Jeff caught up with his wife at customs. The bored looking
customs inspector ran his white gloves lightly over their personal
effects and asked if they had anything to declare.
"My husband's drunk, my baby needs changing, and I'm in a real
grumpy mood," Nabiki offered.
-----
Raphael: Heh heh heh... Although I'll be willing to wager that wasn't
what the customs inspector had in mind by "declare"...
-----
"Certainly, dear." Jeff started looking around like he was lost.
"Where do you think our luggage might be?"
"Since it's an American flight, our luggage is probably arriving
in Cleveland. But on the off chance that everybody did their job, try
the baggage clam area, genius."
-----
Raphael: "Baggage clam", eh? A new product of biotechnology where they
throw the suitcases into a giant oyster and haul it into the airport?
Noriko: Be nice for a change. I'm sure it was just a minor typo. And you
say _I'm_ excessive with the nitpicking...
-----
"Hi," he grinned.
"Hai." The hostess bowed politely and waited for his order.
-----
(Raphael and Noriko snicker)
-----
Jeff slowly turned to the plainly dressed girl and seemed to leer
her direction.
"And who's little girl are you?" He grinned in his most
seductive manner - considering his inebriated state, it looked more
like a grimace.
-----
Raphael: (wincing slightly) Geez. Jeff's turned into a real doofus, huh?
I like him this way just about as much as I like Happosai...
Noriko: That's what alcohol can do sometimes. He _did_ have a rough time
of it in the plane...
Raphael: Just the same, I think I'll put off experimenting for a couple
more years. No telling what the stuff would do to me.
Noriko: (eyes her partner critically) Now _that_ would be an interesting
experiment, hm? It would be hard to imagine you any goofier than you are
naturally.
Raphael: Hey! I resemble that remark!
-----
Jeff was just telling another joke in English, and getting rave
reviews from the rest of the folks in the bar when a familiar pair of
legs passed the doorway. Freezing at the sound of his voice, a peeved
Nabiki Tendo-Lawrence burst through the beaded doorway, carrying
Sodoshi and her bag.
"There you are!" she accused in Japanese as she stomped up to the
counter. The three other ladies just exchanged worried glances.
-----
Raphael: Uh-oh. It's time to pay the fiddler...
Noriko: But this time, Nabiki's in the right. I think Mr. Lawrence is
just going to get his "just desserts." He's had this coming to him since
the plane ride.
-----
"What is it, Jeffrey?"
Jeff swallowed hard and handed the note to his wife.
"It's from Master Sato." His voice was sounding miles away as he
contemplated the ramifications of what he now knew.
-----
Noriko: (sighs) Things can never stay simple, hm?
Raphael: More ninja razzmatazz? (shakes head) Great. Just when I thought
things were getting back to normal...
Noriko: That wasn't quite fair, Raphael. The "ninja razzmatazz," as you
call it, is the point of the fanfic, you know.
Raphael: Yeah, I suppose. It's just that I enjoy Sandborn's "normal
scenes" so much, I hate to see them end all of a sudden.
Noriko: Well, we still have a good amount of "normal scenes" left, don't
we? Besides, Greg-san's shinobi plots are still good, you know.
-----
As the girls drifted inside, excitedly chattering amongst
themselves. The men carefully gathered up the luggage and followed,
quietly trading polite greetings - with one exception.
-----
Noriko: I don't think that first sentence is complete. It seems to lack a
main clause.
-----
somewhere to lay down. The concoction Tofu had given him for his
alcohol over consumption had a nasty little side effect; it left him
nauseous and sleepy. Listening to Genma only intensified both.
-----
Raphael: Heh heh. That's just about right, too.
-----
"Would you like to hold her?" Nabiki finally asked. "Grandpa."
She couldn't resist adding the last title - almost as a gentle tease.
The expression on Soun's face immediately caused Nabiki to regret
applying the title to her father. It wasn't that he looked hurt. It
was just that he'd never been called that before. The thought of him
actually *being* a grandfather had never really been brought home so
directly.
-----
Noriko: (frowning) Hmmm... That last paragraph seems a bit clumsy, I
think. It over-explains Mr. Tendo's reaction.
Raphael: And just what would you suggest instead, Little-Miss-Grammar?
Noriko: (giving Raphael a quick, dirty look) Maybe Greg-san could leave
out the middle two sentences, and add the words "of shock" to the first.
So it would read, "The expression of shock on Soun's face... The thought
of him actually *being* a grandfather..."
-----
"That's alright, daddy. I never expected her either."
Soun's mustache fluttered up into a sad smile. Wordlessly, he
acknowledged his daughter while watching Sodoshi yawn her readiness to
sleep.
"It has been many years..." His voice sounded distant. His look
was almost vacant as he reminisced. "I can remember holding you like
this while your mother..." His voice seemed to choke and his lower
lip began to tremble again. Luckily, he still had a close friend.
-----
Raphael: That was a very nice little scene with Mr. Tendo holding little
Sodoshi. Nicely done.
Noriko: (nods) While Mr. Tendo's trying was a bit predictable, you
actually provided a good, plausible reason for him to do so, giving him
an extra element of humanity people often leave out in fanfics. Kudos,
Greg-san.
-----
As the family reached the top of the stairs, Jeff took the
opportunity to say something that, probably, should have waited until
they were safely inside their room - better yet, not voiced at all.
"I can't get over it. Ranma, in his female form, *still* has the
hottest body of you girls." He finished with a few, lewd 'ruffing'
sounds.
-----
Raphael: Augh. That's pretty excessive, even for Jeff. Geez.
Noriko: A bit crass, perhaps. But perhaps a bit of the alcohol is still
in Mr. Lawrence's system.
Raphael: Nabiki's gonna give him heck for that comment...
-----
Nabiki reacted predictably, after an icy stare her husband's way,
she slipped through the door to their room and slammed it shut in
front of Jeff.
-----
Noriko: That first comma should probably be a semicolon.
-----
Soun's voice was interrupted by a loud yell from back towards the
bath. Seconds later, a naked male Ranma came tearing through the room
and down the hallway with a small white cat in hot pursuit. As the
pair exited the main door, they almost ran down an elderly neighbor
lady coming up the walk towards the house.
-----
Raphael: Hee hee hee! And things are as usual at the Tendos...
Noriko: (looking a bit embarrassed at the spectacle) It's a wonder the
neighbors don't complain as much as they do...
-----
"Engaged to Akane."
"Wasn't he..."
"Yes, he was running naked through our yard."
"Isn't that..."
"A little strange, yes. But we've gotten used to it." Kasumi
sighed.
"Damned strange boy, if you ask me."
"You've got me there, Suzuki-senpai."
-----
(Raphael and Noriko snicker)
Raphael: Not even Kasumi can explain everything.
Noriko: Who could, really?
-----
"Now," She began straightening her clothes. "Go take your bath."
"Yes mommy." Jeff pouted as he opened the door. This was a new
game of Nabiki's. Secretly, he was starting to like it.
-----
Noriko: That's probably a typo in the first sentence.
Raphael: Wow. That Nabiki's a ticklish one, ain't she? I wouldn't know
whether to be thrilled or scared stiff in Jeff's position.
Noriko: (giving Raphael a sidelong glance) I think this is kind of normal
for a lot of newlyweds. In your case, though, you'd probably be best off
being scared.
Raphael: And just what is _that_ supposed to mean? (Noriko feigns
innocence as she takes another sip of her cocoa)
-----
The two fathers got up, bowed respectfully to the ladies, and
began to leave. Genma hesitated next to Mrs. Suzuki before bending
over and asking in a low voice: "Are you available to act as a
'go-between' for another pair I happen to know?"
"Saotome!" Genma yelled from the hallway. "Subtle, you're not."
he added as Genma quickly caught up with him.
-----
(Noriko is about to speak, but Raphael interrupts)
Raphael: I think Zen already addressed that issue. (quietly enjoys the
look of disappointment on Noriko's face)
-----
"Did you forget something, father?" she asked in a loud voice.
"Ah... no... not really," came her father's voice from the
hallway. "Come along, Saotome."
"How did she know we were still here?" Genma's startled voice
sounded genuinely shocked at being discovered.
-----
Raphael: Dang, but she's good.
Noriko: (sweetly) But of course. She _does_ represent the better half of
the human race, after all. (relishes Raphael's sudden irritation)
-----
"Quite so. They are most impressed with the Tendo family line."
"I suppose we should begin dating then." <Of course, he'll have
to spend less time at the clinic.>
"Yes, the Watanabe family is most anxious for their son to be
wed."
-----
Raphael: Ka-boom! Didn't see _that_ coming, did ya?
Noriko: (concerned) Not Tofu-sensei? But Mr. Watanabe is so... so...
-----
<Serves her right for ambushing Ranma in the bath like that.>
Akane gleefully thought as she entered the kitchen.
-----
Noriko: (smiles happily) That's nice.
Raphael: (confused) Huh? What's nice?
Noriko: Don't you see? Akane's _helping_ Ranma, and she isn't blaming the
incident on him! Their relationship has progressed quite a ways, hasn't it?
Raphael: Heh. I didn't even notice that...
Noriko: Like I was saying about "the better half of humanity"...
Raphael: Waitaminute...
-----
"I thought so," Nabiki answered as she shut the door and wandered
over to the furo. "Room for two in there?"
"It could be a little tight for two adults."
"Well, we'll just have to see what we can do about that." Nabiki
gently slid into the water and onto her husband's lap. "See? It fits
two."
-----
Raphael: (unable to tear his eyes from the spectacle) Uhh... I sure hope
Nabiki drains and refills the bath when they're, um, done...
Noriko: (a bit confused) What do you mean by...? (suddenly understands)
Ewwww.
Raphael: Uh-huh. I reckon it might get a bit unsanitary.
Noriko: (disgusted) You really didn't have to add that, you know. I
understood just fine.
-----
Kasumi quietly closed the outer door and started down the hall.
Leaving her sister and brother-in-law to their privacy. It had
certainly been an interesting evening.
<Stop laughing mother. It's not funny.>
-----
Raphael: (grinning) Yes, it is.
Noriko: I've heard that laughing is a body's mental defense against the
absurd. Otherwise, the mind would crack at having to deal with the
constant strain of reconciling incongruous events all the time.
Raphael: Geez. Only _you_ could make laughing sound boring.
Noriko: _You_ should talk. Just who was it yesterday that was trying to
theorize on the fluid dynamics of chi, hmm? At least I'm not an engineer,
of all things.
Raphael: Hey, at least I have a sense of humor!
Noriko: (indignant) Hey!
-----
For the others...
<Oh, poor thing. Must be hungry.>
"It's *your* turn, Jeffrey."
"Why always me?"
<If Ranma even *thinks* of having kids...>
<I'm sleeping in the dojo.>
Just another day at the Tendos.
-----
(tape ends)
Raphael: Well, that's the fic. What did you think?
Noriko: (smiles) That was a fun little fic. I liked the insights into the
thought processes of the members of the Tendo and Saotome household, and
the portrayal of the usual chaos that goes on inside of its walls.
Raphael: Uh-huh. Pretty fun stuff. It looks like the serious stuff is
about to start with the next part, though, with the ninja-shinobi-clan
stuff and all.
Noriko: I'm sure those parts will be good as well. Greg-san doesn't have
to limit himself to pure comedy, you know.
Raphael: True, true. We'll have to see just what's in store for the cast
when the next part comes in. (turns to the camera) Well, on behalf of
both of us at what used to be Mystery C&C Theater 1/2, good night.
Noriko: (smiles pleasantly) Good night.
(camera starts to fade to black)
Noriko: (slightly muffled) Now what's this about me not having a sense of
humor...?
Raphael: Hey, you said it, not me...
Noriko: That was a low one, and you know it...
(black)
end C&C
Heh. That's it. If any of you who might on the off chance read this
stuff of mine have any ideas as to what to call this, since I'm ditching
the old name, please send your ideas in! Otherwise I'm going to have to
come up with something that will probably end up sounding pretty dumb...
Greg Sandborn, sorry it's been so long and that I wasn't able to get
to your draft before you sent it to the ML. I really shouldn't be doing
this now, either (thermo fluids organic), but... Hope you enjoyed this,
and maybe found something useful buried in there, too. :)
---
Raphael See