"They Never Listen" by Gary Kleppe
I laughed at loud at the flashback graphics.

"The Final Day" by Mako
1) Maybe in addition to the bandana at the end, you could add in a small
packet of flavored bread.
2) I suggest avoiding the past perfect tense (Ryoga had entered, had
said, etc.) for flashbacks. Instead, use one past perfect to introduce
the flashback, write the rest in simple past, and then close with
another past perfect.

"Lonely Soul" by Ridgewolfe.
One might bring out the poignancy of a character of this kind by a slow
and meticulous study of her ordinary behavior. You were on your way
there with the taking-down of the banner and the polishing of the
counter, but most of the story was still direct quotation of her
thoughts. Studying the nuances of her gestures would drive the point
home more strongly than direct statement, as odd as that seems. Many
audiences feel things more strongly that they deduce for themselves.

"Purple-Haired Destiny." Engrossing. Criticized below, but the
criticisms don't mean it wasn't a good read.
1) Shampoo's improved speech, esp. vocabulary, is jarring.
2) I don't know much about sepukku. Is the second supposed to attack and
kill a person who doesn't go through with it, as Nodoka tries to do
here?
3) It seems likely to me that Genma would be lurking around here
somewhere, and perhaps would see the sepukku fiasco. Could you maybe
establish where he is, or why he isn't there (captured by the zoo, or
whatever)?

Thanks, all, for interesting reading.


DRM