Anthony Woo wrote:

<snip detailed C&C and sound writing advice>

	As far as I know, it's spelled Shi Shi Hokodan. Hmmmmmm, blows himself
up with a Depression Blast? Now WHERE have I heard THAT before ;)
	BTW, I agree with Anthony Woo's assesment. Your were depressed while
writing this one right? Try exaiming that feeling. Disect the emotion
till you have a true grasp on it. What's it look like, smell like, taste
like, and most importantly, what's it FEEL like? 
	I've always thought of the affair kind of like a banquet of feelings. A
dark fic needs to be a feast of emotions, let your reader enjoy and
savor every bite. Find the emotional morsel that they seem to be
lingering the most on. Then, CHOKE them to death with their own meal! 

	Still, there's DEFINATELY potential here! Keep writing :)