This came to me in a fit of insanity worthy of Kodachi.
I happily blame it all on society, alcohol, and your parents.
A Ranma 1/2 Fanfiction
by Dragoon of Hard Sun Co.
dragoonak@earthlink.net
http://home.earthlink.net/~dragoonak/
Where this will soon rest w/ my "His Piggy" fic,
doomed to limbo due to losing its notebook.
C&C on writing style is wanted, comments
on plot will all be flames and ignored.
Notes: "" speech, '' thought
Just imagine that right here, you're reading the typical
"Don't sue me, please" disclaimer plus a witty remark.
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THE KILLER
(or Mallet to the Head)
It was late at night, and the Tendo family was soundly
asleep in the beds. Akane was dreaming of her wonderful
day, for Ranma had finally broken down and admitted his
love for her with tears streaming down his face and she
had accepted his love with a kiss.
But in the Tendo dojo, a plan of war
was being made.
Shampoo was making marks on a elaborate plan of a
house. "She sleep here with pet. After battle, Ranma be
free of her forever. Ranma reward me with a date." Her
eyes became starry. "Shampoo want to kill her for long
time. She obstacle, she must die. She hurt me for last time."
Mousse looked over the map. "Yes, darling Shampoo, I
agree. I do not like Ranma, but even he does not deserve
these repeated attacks, over and over again. She has hurt
me too, always interfering, and she will pay with her life."
His glasses fogged over. "And then Shampoo will reward
me with a date! I will help!"
Shampoo smiled. "Shampoo glad, because Shampoo no
want to have to do this"-WHAM!-" too many times.
Mousse no call me darling."
Genma sighed. "Stop fighting. This is a delicate operation,
and must be done to preserve Ranma's manhood. I could
withstand her blows upon me, but my son! She is
making him weak, and, as much as I despise acting
dishonorably, this must be done. My son is a man among
men, and must stay this way." Genma's eyes starting tearing.
"Ranma! Fatherly love transcends all boundaries of 'good'
and 'friendship'!"
Ryoga entered the dojo. "She's asleep. I just managed to slip
away. She won't suspect a thing. I agree, we have given her
the last chance, we must kill her now. She has hurt me too much
to let me live. I will kill her with my bare hands." He grinned,
flashing his fangs at the war party.
The tactics for battle were soon decided upon. Mousse would
wrap her with with chains after Ryoga had shishi houkoudanned
her. Then Genma and Shampoo would descend upon her with
signs and bonbori respectively and beat her to death.
"Pigboy sure he do it?" Shampoo asked.
"Don't worry." Ryoga grinned again. "Just thinking about what
she's done to me is enough to get me depressed. She'll die."
"Who'll die?"
The war party gasped as Ranma stepped through the dojo door.
"You better explain pretty quickly." Genma quickly explained,
and Ranma smiled. "Good. Ever since the first time I saw her,
I wanted to kill the bitch. Glad you've gradually came around
to my viewpoint, old man. You can't imagine how much she's
hurt me over the years. Shampoo, I can understand. Mousse,
you'll do anything Shampoo wants you to and you still have a
grudge against her from that duck incident. But Ryoga, why?"
Ryoga started to foam at the mouth. "She is without hope of
redemption. I tried to talk with her and she attacked me.
Her evil actions against me for so long will be
punished, Saotome! I have almost died because of her, now she will!"
"Fine." Ranma nodded. "I'll help as well. Let's go."
The war party followed Ryoga out of the dojo and around the
city. "To evade or lose anyone following you, Saotome." He
explained. Once they were a suitable distance away from her
house, Genma led the way, armed with a metal-edged sign.
Finally, they were in her yard. Slowly, Ranma slid up her
window and entered. The rest of the party followed.
"Ready?" He whispered. " I know she doesn't have IT right
now, but she'll have IT once we wake her. Stay out of range,
or let me take IT. I'm the most used to IT." He slapped Ryoga
across the back.
"Come on, pig boy!"
"RannNNMAAA!"
Ranma's confidence and Ryoga's depression grew, and soon
large balls of chi formed, then blasted the sleeping figure with
immense energy.
"MOUKO TAKABISHAAA!"
"SHISHI HOUKOUDAAAN!"
Mousse ran forward, but it was too late. IT had
mysteriously materialized in her hand, and it swung.. once.. twice.
Mousse and Ryoga were hit. Still, Mousse managed to wrap a loop of
chain around her arms, immobilizing IT. Seeing her certain
death, she kicked the dropping IT, hitting Ranma and Genma as Mousse
and Ryoga fell back, defeated. Shampoo pulled out her
'obstacle-killing sword' and struck, slashing her opponent across
her chest. Genma swung down with his sign, striking her across her
head with a satisfying 'CRACK!'. The figure stumbled back and Genma
and Shampoo pushed forward, but were waved away by Ranma.
"No, let me do this. You can't imagine how long, how much,
I've wanted to kill her. More than anyone in the world." Ranma
smiled, then darted forward and unleashed a kashuu tenshin amagurikan
straight into her face. Hundreds of blows rained down on her nose,
breaking it and shoving into her brain. She died, but still Ranma
punched,
spurting blood and brain all over her bedroom. Finally he stopped,
smiling,
covered with her blood.
"Ranma..." Ryoga was shocked. 'Ohmigod! How, how,... happy he looks!'
"Aiyahh!" Shampoo saw his smile. 'Husband's smile scare Shampoo!
"Saotome!" Mousse was scared. 'What if I had caused such a reaction
by challenging him? I'd be dead!'
"My son!" Genma was amazed. 'His ferocity!'
Ranma threw back his head and laughed.'Finally, my greatest foe is dead!
Never will the bitch torment me again! Never!'Ranma laughed and laughed,
standing over the broken corpse of
the little old woman who throws water on the street.
"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!"