Slashtooth wrote:

<snip a Ranma story that's gone to the dogs...errrrrr wolves>


	First of all let me say this, your descriptions are well done and you
set up some really good scenes. I love the idea of a couple sharing
curses and am surprised no one's tried a wolf before. Just remember that
few people tell their life story to strangers. Flashbacks work good
here.

	Now, if you don't mind, let me make a few suggestions...

	If the pitfalls to a "insert Anime characters into other's roles fic"
is miscasting and letting the original source tell your story, then
letting your own characters shine while fading the old cast out or using
cliche's to portray them is certainly a pitfall of "introduce your own
character fic". (GOOD GOD, that's a Run-On from HELL!) Unfortunately,
you've seemed to be edging quite close to the pit on this one. Even
stranger, you seem to be using cliche's that are OOC for the story
you've set up. 

	My advice is to take a look at the Ranma cliches and try and figure out
just why they do what they do. Akane DOES call Ranma a Baka and DOES
pummel him with a hammer, table, statue, whatevers available actually.
But she does this because Ranma is being dense about her feelings IMHO.
Once you've looked a bit more at the characters and their motovations,
you can write about them. They'll stop being just background noise and
become valid partipants in your fic.
	Example-

	"Guess I _could_ take you there." sighed Ranma, not minding the
journey,  just the destination, "since your new and all."
	Akane cocked an eyebrow at Ranma, her gaze loaded with suspicion. Too
bad her temper was on such a hair trigger. All in all, Ranma just
couldn't help but shoot himself in the foot.
	"Ah, c'mon Akane. I'm just trying to help her out. It's not like
I'm going over there to see Shampoo or nuthin!" He turned to the visitor
and explained,"She's jealous cause Shampoo actual _has_ a figure. And
_she_ can cook and is not a bad fighter and...<WHAM>!!!
 	"Ranma no baka." calmly stated the vinicated female as walked out of
the room, her hammer tossed over one shoulder.
	A quivering hand rose from a crushed form. "You ready?" it asked
hoarsley.
		
	Also, I think your lettig your wonderful set ups go to waste. You've
set up situations that are PERFECT for comedic potential and then you
seem to let it go as though the joke had gone off. Sort of like telling
everyone the punchline with out any joke. Your audience is left to
wonder if it missed anything. Don't assume that your readers will just
"insert funny Ranma scene here". Let them know what's going on and build
on their possible reactions.
	Example- 

	The mob came to a halt in front of the young girl. Gasps excaped
breathless mouths as her sex was confirmed and suspicious eyes turned to
a single figure. As one, the mob pressed Genma forward and stepped back,
ready to flight or fight should the situation warrent.
	Genma adjusted his glasses and looked deep into the young girls eyes.
	"Well?" asked Ranma.
	"Hmmmmmmmm..." he mused as he carefully examined her from head to toe
and cautiously considered his options.
	"Well?" repeated Ranma, a slighlty paniced and hunted look playing
across his face.
	"Yes, I'm sure now." spoke Ranma's father, a far off look in his gaze.
	"Sure? Sure of what? What is it pop? Tell me?" Ranma's eyes had gone to
frantic terror as he grabbed his father and began shaking him fiercely.
Genma's hand were calm and reassuring as he removed his son's hands from
his gi.
	"Ranma, there can be no doubt." Genma stated with finality, crushing
what hope had remained in his progeny.
	"No doubt." breathed Ranma as he fell to his knees.
	"I've never seen her before in my life."
	<insert massive facefaults and Genma pummeling>
	
	These are just my thoughts though. Keep writing I can't wait to see
what you come up with.