Kevin Shiue,

	Your fanfic seems rather too fast-paced, and skimps quite a bit 
on the details.  Details add to the overall mood and believability.  
They also makes things less confusing.  There were parts where I 
couldn't tell if it was a dream sequence, or if it was really happening. 
 Hitomi's return was rather abrubt; slow down, explain things a little 
more!

	You've got some interesting ideas.  I hope you can get the other 
parts out soon.  Good luck, and thanks for listening.

			Andrael  ^_^