Furlough in Nerima
A Ranma 1/2 fanfic
by Jonathan Lung
Remember:
Ranma 1/2 and all of the characters involved with that series are owned by Rumiko Takahashi and those who publish it.
All cameos belong to their copyright holders.
BattleTech and all things relating to that subject are copyrighted and are registered trademarks of the FASA Corporation.
Phoenix Xanadu is mine! I can't copyright him yet though, as he violates several other copyrights. As soon as all traces of such are removed (or if I can get permission to use them) I will probably claim one.
Prologue
Over the skies of Japan a dark cloud formed over Nerima, Tokyo. The cloud, originally created in the upper atmosphere, slowly drifted downward towards the town below it. Eventually, the cloud became a thick fog hovering over a debris-strewn alleyway. From the fog, several bolts of azure lightning crackled and began to form a quickly rotating circle. The circle then slowly widened until it formed into a rather rough-looking portal.
A man was then promptly ejected head first from the portal, which soon closed up after him.
Phoenix Xanadu carefully nursed his newly bruised forehead as he propped himself up against a wall in the alley. He sighed to himself as he tried to stand, but failed, falling to the ground again.
"You could have dropped me in feet first you know!" Phoenix yelled at the sky, still clutching his forehead.
Phoenix once again attempted to stand, this time being more successful than the last. He then sifted through the gray sack that was slung over his shoulder. After checking to see that everything was in order (which took a while), he stumbled out the alleyway and onto the street. He glanced from left to right, trying to get a fix at to where he was. Phoenix then guessed from the style and layout from the houses surrounding him (and the street signs written in kanji) that he was in Japan.
"Perfect," he muttered.
Just as Phoenix was about to stumble away heard a commotion come from the house across the street.
"RANMA NO BAKA!!!" he heard a female voice yell in Japanese (natch).
"I didn't do anything, Akane!" came the response.
Phoenix quickly spun around towards the house just as a discus-like object struck him in the temple, leaving him sprawled sideways and unconscious.
Chapter 1
Akane Tendo found herself enraged beyond reproach. What had started out as a normal dinner had turned into a complete disaster. Although its exact details were rather sketchy, it had involved her, Ranma, Nabiki, and a camera. Now she started to fling several pieces of food, teabowls, and plates in Ranma's direction.
"Nyah, nyah! Can't hit me!" Ranma taunted.
"Ooohhhh...RANMA NO BAKA!!!!" Akane screamed, flinging her last plate at her fiance. Unfortunately, the throw sailed high above Ranma's head and over the Tendo compound's wall.
"I didn't do anything, Akane!" Ranma responded just as a faint crash was heard outside of the gate.
"What was that?" Akane asked, her anger spent.
"I dunno, but it came from outside."
The two opened the gate and looked around for any signs of life. Just as they decided that there wasn't any, a groan from the ground caught their atttention. A man, laid out sideways, was there. Asian in appearance, he had a cloth sack on his shoulder, and a pair of bruises on his head.
"Did it ricochet or something?" Ranma wondered, checking the man for any other injuries. When he opened one of the man's eyes, he found a gray iris staring back at him (although much of it was obscured by a dilated pupil), which was unusual for an Asian.
"Lets take him back to the house," Akane said, taking the man's arms. Ranma followed up by grabbing the guy's legs. The two then carried the stranger back to the dojo.
* * *
---Phoenix found himself at the edge of the meadow, scroll in his hands, ready to seal their fates for all time. He cried out, pronouncing each word of the curse with clarity, a fiery aura surrounding him. Lightning shot from the scroll, striking each and every spring within the area. Thunder boomed everywhere...thunder...---
Phoenix Xanadu awoke to the sound of thunder. He found himself lying on a futon, surrounded by various blurs of different sizes. Outside, he heard the sound of rain hitting the roof and ground.
"Look, he's waking up," said a soft voice.
"Nice shot Akane, it's not everyday you knock out a total stranger," said a voice that Phoenix recognized as Ranma's.
"Shut up, Ranma, I didn't mean to hit him with that plate," came the reply.
"Uhhh..." Phoenix mumbled.
"Wahh..." Phoenix continued.
Phoenix suddenly sat upright, looking around wildly. He leapt out the futon, bowling everyone off their feet as Phoenix franticly searched for an exit. Just as he threw open the door, a large mass of black and white fur blocked the passageway. Phoenix took a few steps back, then attempted to topple over the panda, failing miserably. He then spun back, getting a decent look at the people who were surrounding him. The three stood side by side, each giving Phoenix a rather strange look, one that would come from witnessing a totally hysterical person run around idiotically. The one on the left was male and wore a Chinese style shirt. He also had a single pig-tail The two remaining people were female, one had long hair and wore an apron while the other one had short hair and wore a karate gi.
There was also the enormous panda guarding the door.
"Ah, who are you guys?" Phoenix asked the group in Japanese. It was the only thing he could think of at the moment.
"We were going to ask you the same question," the pig-tailed one replied, "but the tomboy said not to disturbbbackkk...,"
"Shut up, Ranma!" the short-haired one yelled as she punted Ranma into the opposite facing wall.
"Okay...I'm gonna leave now," Phoenix said as he headed for the door, dumbfounded at the sudden display of violence. "Oh, you wouldn't happen to know of a hotel I could stay at?"
The two girls, and the boy after prying himself off the wall, just gave Phoenix a funny look. What could you do after a strange man runs insanely around the room and suddenly stops.
"Never mind," Phoenix said as he left the dojo, into the downpour.
* * *
"Who was that guy?" Akane wondered.
"Doesn't matter, he was just some nut," Ranma said, rubbing his head.
Genma concurred, wielding a sign that said <I agree>
"Well, you two better go off to bed, school's tomorrow," Kasumi said, and the other two went to their respective rooms.
"I just wonder what he was doing here," Akane thought as she closed the door to her room.
* * *
Phoenix Xanadu sat in his discount hotel room, pouring over a laptop he had in his sack. He calmly hooked up a phone line from his laptop's modem to the hotel's phone jack. Phoenix smiled as he accessed the Furinkan High School database.
"Those two looked like they go to school. Maybe...ah-ha! Found them!" Phoenix said as he summoned up the descriptions of Ranma Saotome and Akane Tendo.
"I have to find those two people again," Phoenix muttered as he added himself to the student list, "they might just be fun to hang around."
Chapter 3
---Phoenix watched in horror as the 30-foot bipedal death machine slowly lowered its foot into his cockpit. Phoenix shielded his eyes with his arm as the helmet he wore constantly beeped over and over, advising him to eject. The beeping never stopped...---
Phoenix suddenly sat upright in his futon as his alarm clock beeped away, alerting him of the time. It was 8:00 AM, and school started at 8:30.
"Holy shit!" Phoenix exclaimed, frantically pulling on his clothing, "I'm gonna be late!"
After all, he couldn't miss the first day of his newly adopted school, could he?
* * *
"HURRY UP STUPID OR YOU'RE GONNA BE LATE!" Ranma heard Akane bawl.
"One minute, Akane!" Ranma replied, grabbing his schoolbag.
It had been a fairly typical morning for the Tendo household. Akane jogged around the neighborhood, Kasumi cooked, and Ranma and Genma sparred over the carp pond. The two traded a series of aerial blows, a multitude of punches, kicks, and other maneuvers. Although such a number of strikes were normally impossible in the air by physics, they were impressive nevertheless. After all, since when did physics get in the way of martial arts? Finally, the two headbutted each other, stunning and knocking themselves into the pond beneath them. From the pond emerged the soaked forms of Ranma-chan and Genma in his panda form. The morning ended with a hot bath and breakfast. It also ended with Ranma wondering if Tatewaki Kuno was going to try to beat him up again. Ranma also wondered what reason Kuno would use this time to earn his pulping. Pounding Kuno into the pavement was always fun though.
"I just hope Kuno doesn't try to fight me again," Ranma muttered as he left the Tendo compound. "He always makes me late."
* * *
Phoenix Xanadu ran quickly as he reached the Furinkan High School gates. He glanced at his watch and smiled as it read 8:18 AM. Good, he thought, I'm gonna be on time. No such luck for Phoenix though as he tripped over what looked like a wooden stick. Getting back up, Phoenix found out who the stick's owner was.
The young man stood up straight as he sneered at Phoenix. He was garbed in kendo attire and wielded what looked like a bokken. The man was obviously annoyed at Phoenix, for some reason or another.
"How dare you trip over my excellence!" the youth yelled, pointing his bokken in Phoenix's direction.
"Sorry...overreacting a little ain't ya?" Phoenix responded.
"The great Tatewaki Kuno does not overreact!" Kuno exclaimed.
"Who?"
"You must be new here...very well then, I shall tell you of my greatness!" Kuno said.
"Oh, swell," Phoenix said under his breath.
"I am the rising young star of the high school kendo circuit," Kuno began. "My very name strikes fear into the hearts of my foes! Like the sky itself, my prestige is limitless! My peers call me the Blue Thunder of Furinkan High!"
With the announcement of his nickname, thunder and lightning echoed and flashed off the distance.
"Tatewaki Kuno, age 17." Kuno finished.
With the end of the kendo captain's tirade, Phoenix gave a half-assed applause.
"How, DARE you mock me with your insolence!" Kuno bawled. "That gesture shall seal your fate! I was going to wait for that foul sorcerer, Ranma Saotome, but I will deal with you first! PREPARE TO DIE!"
"Can't you shut up?" Phoenix said as he calmly sidestepped Kuno's strike.
Kuno advanced with the speed of a jungle cat, attempting to hack and slash at Phoenix. Phoenix dodged the dozens of strikes, each time closing the distance between him and the school doors. As soon as he got halfway the doors, Xanadu ducked underneath one of Kuno's mid-slashes, delivering a back-spin kick to the "Blue Thunder's" solar plexus.
The resulting blow staggered and dropped Kuno to the ground.
"You...shall stand...your ground," Kuno wheezed as he tried to stand up with the support of his bokken.
"Maybe later," Phoenix said, snapping his fingers.
The very instant Phoenix finished his snap, Kuno's bokken erupted in reddish-orange flame, engulfing the blade with it's burning touch. Kuno fell back to the ground, the remaining handle of his charred bokken clutched to his chest.
"By the way, my name's Phoenix Xanadu. Don't forget it!" Phoenix yelled back at Kuno as he entered the school, with plenty of time to spare.
* * *
By the time Ranma and Akane got to the high school gates, it was 8:25 AM. Although the mobs of people who used to hound Akane did not hang around at the gate anymore, the duo still had to deal with the "Blue Thunder," Tatewaki Kuno. Even though squishing Kuno into fine paste usually took under a minute, his Shakespearean rantings often ate up the time, thus making Ranma and Akane late.
This time however, the two did not have to do the squishing.
"Hey, Ranma, isn't that Kuno?" Akane asked.
"Well, what do you know, it is!" Ranma said as the two went over to the tree where Kuno was.
Tatewaki Kuno knelt underneath a large tree, a burnt piece of wood clutched over his chest, and a surprised expression on his face. Only upon closer inspection did Akane realize that the charred wood was what was left of Kuno's bokken.
The surprised look on Kuno's face left when he caught sight of Ranma. Kuno leapt up, gripping the charred wood as if were still whole.
"Saotome!" Kuno exclaimed in his normal fashion. "The vengeance of heaven shall smite thee down like the evil sorcerer that you are! I, Tatewaki Kuno, am your deliverer! I..."
Kuno faltered as soon as he realized that his bokken was still a burnt stump.
"I...I...will let thee live, Saotome...for today! Now, I must deal with another vile mage, one who is more open with his foul magicks!" Kuno ranted as he stumbled towards the school's entrance.
"Gee, I wonder who he could be talking about?" Ranma said.
"So do I. It's not like Kuno to walk away from a fight," Akane concurred.
"Did you see his bokken? What could have done that?" Ranma wondered.
The two walked into the school, still thinking about who Kuno was referring to.
Chapter 4
---Phoenix bowed and knelt before the small man before him. Even though the man Phoenix paid homage to was only around 1.6 meters in height, he was the most powerful person in his realm.
"For courage and gallantry under fire with the First Kathil Uhlans, the Federated Commonwealth is proud to honor you, Leftenant Phoenix Xanadu, with the Silver Sunburst," First Prince Victor Steiner-Davion announced as he pinned the medal to Phoenix's black and gold uniform. Leftenant Xanadu shuddered as he heard the crack of rifles over and over...---
"Xanadu, wake up!" Phoenix heard as the teacher slammed her meter-stick over and over on Phoenix's desk.
"Wah...Prince...?" Phoenix stammered, realizing he'd been sleeping throughout most of the class. Even though he was supposed to be paying attention to the teacher, this Ms. Hinako, anything that she could have taught, he would have known already. Besides, he was in remedial math at the moment, due to a clerical error, and he could care less about it.
"Prince nothing! HAPPOU-GOEN-SATSU!!!" Hinako yelled as she held a five-yen piece between her fingers.
"Aaahhh!" Phoenix screamed as he felt slowly drained, yellow ribbons of energy flowing from him into Ms. Hinako's coin. Apparently, Phoenix thought, my power's being absorbed by Ms. Hinako's technique. At the same time, Phoenix gaped in wonderment as the normally 12-year-old Ms. Hinako grew, both in age and beauty.
"Could you...stop...please?!" Phoenix said, "This is... making me tired, and I've...only had four hours of sleep last night!"
Ms. Hinako didn't stop though, and Phoenix was on his knees by the time the bell rang, ten minutes later.
"Lunchtime!!!" Xanadu heard as nearly the entire class trampled over him, running towards the cafeteria.
"Oh, lunchtime!" Phoenix said as he got up, "Sorry about that nap, Ms. Hinako, but I'm going to lunch...!"
Ms. Hinako broke off her attack as two curling tendrils of flame lashed out from Phoenix's hands, disrupting the energy bonds that enwrapped him. The teacher stared in awe as Phoenix walked out the door without a fault, even after surviving ten minutes of drain.
* * *
Ranma Saotome sat by himself as he slowly munched on his lunch. Although Ranma would have normally devoured his meal in under a second, Akane had the dubious honor of making his lunch today. Since Ranma did not want to suffer massive intestinal failure, he ate slowly.
"Hello, Ranma," Akane said as she came up to him. "Like the lunch?"
"You mean THIS is food?!" Ranma exclaimed, mockingly, "I thought this was that mallet of yours fried up and serv...*thump*!"
Akane removed her mallet from Ranma's skull. Apparently, she did not cook her hammer up after all.
"Baka," she muttered, walking away from Ranma's table, letting him nurse his new lump.
* * *
Phoenix Xanadu sat down at a table as he unwrapped the pseudo-burger he was ready to eat. He looked around as he saw the various people chatting with one another, talking about their lives. He sighed and thought how he used to do that in his old school. Of course, that was centuries ago, and he didn't know anybody at Furinkan anyway, except for Akane Tendo and Ranma Saotome. But, even they didn't know who HE was.
Phoenix got up, heading towards the garbage can when he bumped in to someone.
"Baka!" the girl started, but stopped as she saw who she bumped into.
"Oh, I'm sorry, I thought you were...hey, have we met before?" Akane said.
"Um, yeah. I was the guy that was running around your house insanely last night." Phoenix said.
"Right, anyway, I'm Akane," she said.
"I'm..."
"RANMA SAOTOME!!!" Phoenix heard a voice exclaim from behind.
"That ain't my name!" Phoenix retorted, but then realized that the voice, which belonged to Kuno, was referring to someone else.
"What do you want?" Ranma said, getting up out of his seat, thankful for an excuse not to finish Akane's cooking.
"Foul enslaver of women! Vile practitioner of the Dark Arts! You shall pay for what you have done to Akane and my Pig-Tailed Goddess!" Kuno announced, pointing a new bokken at Ranma. "You and that other mage, Xanadu, will also pay for the injustices you have wrought upon me as well!"
"Who?" Ranma said.
"That's my cue," Phoenix said, dashing to where Kuno and Ranma stood, "nice meeting you, Akane."
"Uh, yeah, see you later," Akane fumbled, once again being left dumbfounded by Phoenix.
"Hey Kuno! How ya doing! See you got a new bokken," Phoenix said as annoyingly as possible.
"Ah, there is the other wizard now..." Kuno said, turning to Phoenix, still keeping his bokken on Ranma.
"Look, Kuno, you might want to consider what you are doing. Fighting me and someone else? I mean, come on, if I kicked your ass before, do you think you can fight two people at once?" Phoenix argued, his hands in his pockets, and a smug look on his face.
"Whether two magickers or two hundred, I fear not! I, Tate..."
"Hey, you're the one who beat up Kuno this morning?" Ranma interrupted, "You must be pretty good."
"I get by. You're Ranma right?" Phoenix said, "You pound this loser too?"
"The great Tatewaki Kuno is no loser! Now...the Blue Thunder will destroy you both!!!" Kuno screamed, charging and flailing his bokken wildly, smashing tables and making food go everywhere.
Simultaneously, Ranma and Phoenix leapt back, bringing up their hands in an offensive stance. Ranma acted first, charging forward and gut-punching Kuno, making him stagger back. Phoenix acted next, ducking under Kuno and throwing him over his shoulder. The resulting throw landed Kuno on a table, making food hit everyone. Soon, a massive food fight ensued, with students launching burgers, rice and drinks at each other. Phoenix got hit with a full flagon of soda and hot tea, making him both wet and steaming. Ranma came out surprisingly unscathed, with only a small stain on his shirt. Akane got slammed a couple of times with various pieces of unidentifiable food, but the young Tendo was otherwise fine.
Tatewaki Kuno was virtually plastered with food.
* * *
Xanadu looked around at the chaos that was once the Furinkan High School cafeteria. The once orderly tables were strewn or shattered. Food, in its most interesting variations, lay scattered about. Ranma's lunch, which had the unfortunate chance of being left unattended, ate its way through the table it was sitting on and started working on the floor.
"Mon Dieu..." Phoenix exhaled. Although he did not normally speak French, he decided that the room resembled what a battlefield would've looked like after Napoleon's army stormed through it.
Xanadu started to walk over to where Ranma and Akane were, stepping over Kuno's prone body. It appeared that the two were having another argument, this time over the food fight.
"This is all your fault, Ranma!" Akane yelled.
"How is this my fault?!" Ranma responded.
"Actually, I feel that this was all my fault, and I am truly sorry," Phoenix said, staving off anymore argument from the two.
"Yeah, it's his fault, go clobber him!" Ranma said, relieved that it looked like he would not receive another trip to class via the Akane Express. He was wrong.
"RANMA NO BAKA!!!" Akane yelled as she booted Ranma in the direction of his next class.
"Okay...I believe we got started off wrong, so let me introduce myself formally," Phoenix started, "I am Phoenix Xanadu."
"Akane Tendo. The jerk..." Akane said, pointing in the direction of Ranma's class, "was Ranma Saotome."
"And I think we all know who the guy on the floor is," Phoenix added, nudging his boot into Kuno's chest.
"Well, it was good to see someone else grind Kuno into the ground besides Ranma and I," Akane said.
"You mean, this isn't a rare occurrence?" Phoenix asked.
"No, in fact Kuno is defeated every day by either me or Ranma."
"Yikes. I hope this guy's got lot's of medical insurance."
"I'm sure he does. By the way, you've got some nice moves, do you study martial arts?" Akane asked, changing to a more interesting subject.
"A little, I pick it up from here to there. I travel a lot." Phoenix said, staring out of a window.
"Hmm, sounds like someone I know."
"Really?"
"Nevermind, anyway, would you like to come down to the dojo and spar with me and Ranma?"
"Dojo?"
"Yeah, my father is the head of the Tendo School of Anything-Goes Martial Arts."
"Sure...I will," Phoenix said, a little shocked at Akane's openness.
"Okay, meet me after school at the main gate."
* * *
"You WHAT?!" Ranma yelled as he and Akane walked out of the school and into the courtyard.
"What's so bad about inviting someone to spar with us. I mean, you must be tired of only fighting your dad without worrying about being killed or married," Akane said.
"But we don't know anything about this guy! One minute he's running around your father's house like a madman, then he flattens Kuno, not once, but twice! Then, all of a sudden, he's our new sparring partner?!"
"What's the matter Ranma, jealous?" Akane giggled.
"What? For the sake of an uncute tomboy like you? I don't think so."
That little parley earned Ranma a hard, hypersonic slap from Akane.
* * *
Phoenix Xanadu scanned around the courtyard, looking for Akane and Ranma. He squinted his eyes, straining against the sun, trying to find them. He finally caught sight of the two, and proceeded to go to them. He noticed that Ranma had a large, hand-shaped bruise on his left cheek, and a rather pained expression also.
"Hello you two," Phoenix said as he approached the duo.
"Hello Phoenix," Akane said as Phoenix joined the two on the way to the Tendo dojo.
"Phoenix, eh?" Ranma wondered as he walked on top of a fence, "you from around here?"
"No, I tend to travel a lot, going from place to place," Phoenix rambled, "however, I'll be staying in Nerima for several months, attending school."
"Cool." Ranma said, "you sound like Ryoga."
"Who's Ryoga?"
"Nobody special."
"We're here!" Akane said as they reached the Tendo compound.
Chapter 6
"We're home!" Akane announced as the trio entered the Tendo household, shoes left at the gate.
"Hello, Akane, Ranma. My, we have a guest." Kasumi said as she entered the living room. "Weren't you here before?"
"Um, yes, my dear. Unfortunately, it was not under the best of circumstances. I am Phoenix Xanadu," Phoenix said as he did a slight bow.
"We're going to go and spar in the dojo. Would you tell father?" Akane asked.
"Of course, Akane," Kasumi responded.
* * *
"Father, Akane and Ranma are going to spar with a new friend of theirs," Kasumi said as she walked into the living room, where Soun and Genma were playing sho-gi.
"That is good, who is their new friend?" Soun asked, unaware that Genma was changing the pieces on the board.
"Do you remember that odd man who Akane knocked out last night?"
"Yes...you mean HE'S sparring with the two?" Soun said, flabbergasted.
"Hai, his name is Phoenix Xanadu."
"Well, what do you think, Saotome?"
"Hmm, at least he hasn't tried to marry or kill either Akane or Ranma," Genma said, relieved that Soun had not noticed him fiddling with the playing board.
"True, I believe he can stay, Kasumi." Soun said.
* * *
Akane, Ranma, and Phoenix entered the Tendo dojo, the three of them wearing martial arts uniforms. Phoenix stretched and Akane practiced her cinder-block crushing. Ranma simply stood there, brushing errant dust from his shirt.
"Why don't you first, Ranma?" Akane said.
"What's the matter Akane, chicken?" Ranma mocked.
"Well, then why are you asking me to go first...hmm? Scared?" Akane taunted back.
"I ain't afraid of nobody!" Ranma yelled, in his usual brilliance.
"So, go!"
"Fine! Come on, Phoenix, I can't let the tomboy there prove me wrong!" Ranma said, bringing himself to an offensive stance.
"Must you always insult her?" Phoenix said, also preparing himself.
"I'll explain!" Ranma said, leaping at Phoenix.
Ranma and Phoenix both exchanged savage blows, with neither gaining the advantage. They charged, feinted, and leapt, each maneuver becoming more and more complex. During the half-second pauses between shots, Ranma explained his relationship with Akane.
"So...<uh>...you're her fiance?...<ack>!" Phoenix said, defending against Ranma's advance.
"Yeah...<oof>...for awhile now, <hah!>...parents decided..." Ranma commented, while blocking Phoenix's counter.
"And you always insult her?...<thump>"
"Yeah...<crack>...she usually...clobbers me...<thwack>...though."
Finally, Phoenix seized the moment, and caught Ranma with a roundhouse kick. Saotome staggered back, momentarily stunned by the attack, but not for long.
"Ow...you just got lucky...KACHU TENSHIN AMAGURIKEN!!!" Ranma announced as scores of punches caught Phoenix in the vitals in a matter of milliseconds.
"Uh..." Phoenix grunted as he dropped to his knees, his wind gone and several parts of his body ignited with pain.
"Well, that's that..." Ranma said, walking towards Phoenix.
"I'm not through yet..." Phoenix said as he got up slowly, halos of pale red energy encircling his hands. "Here's a trick I invented...*SPECIAL UHLAN STRIKE: SRM SUPPRESSION!!!*"
Ranma flew through the wall as a dozen chi-powered short-range missiles flashed from Phoenix and slammed into Saotome and the wall behind him. Over the roar of the missiles, Phoenix heard a loud splash as Ranma fell into the carp pond.
"Hey, you okay Ranma?" Phoenix said as he approached the pond, a slight limp in his step.
Xanadu was thoroughly surprised as he was almost knocked out by a flying kick not from Ranma, but from a red-headed girl. Phoenix dropped flat on his back, dazed and staring at the sky.
* * *
"Hey Phoenix, are you all right?" asked Ranma-chan.
"Ooh...look at all the pretty clouds..." Phoenix said in English, still out of it from the kick.
"Oh my!" Akane exclaimed as she came out of the blown-apart wall. In the background, Nabiki Tendo calmly tallied the damage done by Phoenix's strike.
"What happened? What did you do, Ranma?!" Akane said, whipping out her mallet from nowhere.
"I didn't cave in the wall! Phoenix did it with his *Uhlan Strike*," Ranma-chan said, pointing down at the stilled whacked-out form of Xanadu.
"But you just HAD to show off with your amaguriken technique, didn't you, baka!" Akane retorted, mallet at ready.
"Hey, Akane, he's coming out of it," Ranma-chan said. Fortunately, that statement prevented Akane from pounding Ranma-chan into juice.
* * *
"Uhh...who are you and why did you hit me?" Phoenix whispered, his hand barely pointing at the still-blurry form of the red-head.
"She's Ranko, my cousin! She usually comes to practice too." Akane said, blocking Phoenix's view of the girl.
"Ran-Ko?" Phoenix pronounced, gaining enough strength to flip back up. He lightly moved aside Akane as he took a closer look at "Ranko."
Phoenix circled the girl slowly, although this was mostly due to his battered body rather than curiosity. Seems familiar, he thought, as he picked out details. Hmmm, young, red hair, short haircut, good figure, pig-tail...wait, pig-tail?
Phoenix stared in awe as he realized that "Ranko" appeared to be the spitting image of Ranma
"Can't be...can it?" he wondered out loud. He decided to try something to test a theory of his.
Xanadu focused his mind as ethereal fire sheathed him and glimmered in his slate-gray eyes, much to the surprise of Akane and Ranma-chan. Through the flames within his eyes, he saw "Ranko" in a new light. In it, Phoenix saw the conflicting colors and shades of his subject's aura, each hue reflecting an emotion or experience. He saw aggressiveness, arrogance, a slight touch of caring, and a massive ego. A large darkness surrounded the aura, which signified some form of curse.
Phoenix also saw the image of Ranma Saotome superimposed over the red-head "Ranko."
"Wow," Phoenix said, it being the only thing he COULD say.
"What is it, Phoenix?" asked Akane, puzzled at the whole fire aura, eye-flashing, "wow" thing.
"So Ranma, you got a curse huh? And a nasty one at that," Phoenix said to Ranma-chan, after resolving to act as casual as possible.
"Um, what are you talking about, sir?" Ranma-chan said, still trying to fool Phoenix. "I'm Ranko."
"Please, stop trying to fool me. It's very insulting, and I know you don't want to insult me," Phoenix responded, irritated at Ranma's half-assed attempt at deception. What hubris! "I think our practice is over."
With that, Phoenix adjusted his gi's belt and headed back to the dojo.
* * *
"Phoenix, wait!" Akane said, pursuing Xanadu with Ranma-chan in tow. As soon as they reached him, Akane put a hand on Phoenix's shoulder.
"What?" Phoenix nearly snapped, turning around to face the two.
"All I have to ask is this: how on Earth did you find out about Ranma's curse?" Akane asked, ready to receive any response.
"I saw it. Within Ranma's aura," Phoenix said simply, gathering up his clothing.
"Look," Ranma-chan started, "sorry about the deception, but we REALLY can't let this out. Do you realize the embarrassment it would give me?"
"I understand perfectly. I would be quite embarrassed as well if I had a boy/girl transformation curse," Phoenix replied. For a half second, he also thought of the other implications of such a affliction.
"Anyway, we would like to make up for our rudeness, wouldn't we, Ranma?" Akane said, nudging Ranma with her elbow.
"<oof>...um, yes, we would." Ranma-chan said, rubbing her ribs.
"How would you like to come to dinner tonight? I'll cook!" Akane said.
"That would be lovely. Domo arigato, Akane-sama," Phoenix said, bowing and genuinely excited at the prospect of eating in a semi-normal environment. Unfortunately, Ranma-chan's expression at hearing Akane's announcement of cooking did not encourage him in the slightest.
"Dinner's at seven," Akane said.
"You've gotta tell me how you did those things," Ranma said to Phoenix as he started to leave.
"My little secret, Ranma," Xanadu said. "Maybe sometime later."
Chapter 7
Normally, the Tendo kitchen was a blissful place. Often, warm and heavenly scents would emanate from there, watering the pallet of anyone who would catch it's odor. Of course, this was when Kasumi was cooking.
Akane Tendo was an entirely different matter.
Although normally both the Tendo and Saotome families would hack and claw their way out of eating whatever horrible thing came from "Akane's kitchen," today they had to stay on the account of the new guest. Akane insisted that since Phoenix was expecting her cooking, she should be able to do it.
"Come on Akane, we've just met the guy. Do you really wanna kill him off that quickly?" Ranma argued in his usual manner.
"Shut up, Ranma!" Akane said, whacking Ranma upside the head with a frying pan she was holding.
"Please reconsider, Akane dear," Soun Tendo pleaded, his tears flowing like a burst from the Hoover Dam, "what is the difference if Kasumi cooks? He won't know the difference."
"But I will know the difference!" Akane yelled, her voice then dropping down to a lower level, "And I think he might notice as well."
"Why would that be?" Soun asked.
Akane told her father about the sparring match.
"Oh, my," was all the patriarch of the Tendo household could say.
* * *
Phoenix Xanadu rummaged through his ever-deepening sack of stuff as he franticly looked for a gift for the Tendo household. He had picked up earlier that it was tradition to give a gift to the host(s). He threw onto his futon various weapons, toys, jewelry, and other trinkets that could have been gifts. At one point, he stumbled across his mismatched collection of manga comics. He took special note to
one of the comics in particular. Flipping through it and glancing at the cover, he sighed and placed the Ranma 1/2 comic back into the sack, shaking his head pitifully. After some more searching, he finally found the gift he was looking for.
* * *
Phoenix checked his breath as he walked toward the Tendo household. As he walked, Phoenix looked around at the various people milling around. He sighed as he thought back when he could actually go about, doing routine things, from day to day. Unfortunately, he had other things to worry about. As Phoenix shifted a large, wrapped package in his left arm, he spotted an interesting man walking towards him. The man wore a large backpack on him and a yellow and black bandanna on his head. He also looked rather confused.
"Excuse me, but could you direct me to the Tendo School of Anything-Goes Martial Arts?" the man asked.
"Um, sure. In fact, I was going there myself," Phoenix replied.
"Really? Why?"
"I was invited to dinner."
"Hmm..."
"Lets go."
The two started to walk towards the Tendo compound. Occasionally, the young man would wander away from the correct direction, which would delay them. Apparently, this guy had NO sense of direction whatsoever. Eventually, after a half hour of this, the two get to the Tendo residence. After Phoenix knocked at the gate, Kasumi answered it in her normal cheerful manner.
"Hello, Phoenix," Kasumi said.
"Hello, um, do you know who this person is?" Phoenix asked, stepping aside to let Kasumi get a better look at the man.
"Why, Ryoga! This is certainly a surprise!"
"Ryoga?" Phoenix echoed, trying to remember where he had heard that name before.
"Why don't the two of you come in?" Kasumi said.
"Thank you, Kasumi," both Phoenix and Ryoga said.
As soon as the duo got into the house, chaos erupted in its usual manner. First off, the second Ryoga and Ranma met each other they started to fight, leaping outside. Second, Nabiki, in the midst of the grudge match, took bets from the crowd of people that sprang up around the walls of the compound, attempting to peer in. Phoenix unfortunately received from Nabiki a rather large bill.
"What is this for?" Phoenix asked.
"For the damage that you did to the dojo wall," Nabiki said.
"Oh," Phoenix responded..
The fight continued, with neither Ranma or Ryoga ready to stop anytime soon. After physical attacks failed to settle the match, chi blasts, each one getting bigger each time, started to spring up.
"Oh, SHIT!" Phoenix exclaimed as both Ranma and Ryoga prepared massive spheres of energy. You know, the kind that levels cities routinely.
"I gotta stop this," Phoenix said, walking towards the two fighters.
Both were surprised when Phoenix hauled off and slapped them both upside their heads. The chi energy that Ranma and Ryoga were building up dissipated into nothing.
"Hey, we're having dinner here?" Phoenix said, pointing to the cloud of smoke coming from the kitchen.
"But..." the two fighters started, only to be hit again.
"Shut up!" Phoenix yelled, taking the two by their collars. "If you two don't stop, I'm gonna get pissed!" By this time, Xanadu's eyes are flaming red, surging with power.
"Ah...okay...yeah...sure..." both Ranma and Ryoga stuttered, obviously startled at the sudden outburst.
"Good!" Phoenix said, releasing the two.
All three reentered the house, with Phoenix stopping to retrieve his package, much to the annoyance of the crowd surrounding the compound. All of them started to throw their betting slips at Phoenix, since Nabiki declared that all bets went to the house (in other words, her) if the battle was inconclusive.
* * *
"Um, what is this?" Phoenix said, peering at his dish. Apparently, the green-gray glob on his plate was dinner.
"It's stir-fried squash," Akane said proudly. "I found the recipe in my mother's cookbook."
"Cool," said Phoenix, trying pitifully to pick it up with his chopsticks. It wasn't that he couldn't use chopsticks -he could-, it was just that every time he took a piece, it oozed through Phoenix's grip and plopped back onto the plate.
Dinner had finally started. Ranma and Ryoga decided to fight another day. Phoenix sat down, chatting with Nabiki and negotiating a reasonable price for the damage he'd caused earlier. Soun and Genma played a quick game of mahjong. Kasumi set the table. Akane worked furiously to finish her "masterpiece." By the time everything was ready, it was a little past eight, and everybody, except Akane and Kasumi, had a slight look of dread on their faces. Although Phoenix had no idea what they could be so frightened about, everyone else had flashbacks about the terrors that Akane's cooking had caused.
Everybody stared at Phoenix, expecting the worst.
"Yum," mumbled Phoenix, after finally spooning the goo into his mouth.
Everybody gaped in shock.
Although Phoenix held back the bile rising in his throat, he resolved not to be rude. Besides, he thought, if you could stomach eating those WWII-era rations during the Gulf War, you could survive anything.
All of the people at the table, including Ranma, shoveled the food into their mouths after Phoenix ate some. Most of them immediately coughed into their napkins afterwards. The rest of dinner went on with the bunch deceptively depositing their dinner into their napkins, and eventually, into a small pile of yellow and black bandannas provided by Ryoga.
After dinner, Ryoga soon departed, not wanting to be much more of a burden. He also felt that if he hung around Ranma any longer, he would explode and take out the house with him. When Ryoga left, Phoenix took his package and stood up.
"I would like to present the Tendo dojo with this," Phoenix said, opening the package. From the package he pulled out a pair of sheathed swords, one smaller than the other mounted on a stand. Each scabbard was encrusted with an inordinate amount of gems and precious metals. The stand consisted of dark wood and engraved designs.
"This katana and wakizashi set were forged by the master swordsmith Masamune," Phoenix started, placing the set on the table. "I give this to the Tendo and Saotome families as a gift and as a reminder of the qualities of honor, courage, and skill. Because I sense all of these virtues within your two families, I believe you all would be more suited to have this than I."
"Wow," Ranma said, rather dumbly.
"We are honored by your gift, Phoenix-sama," Soun Tendo said, before Ranma had another chance to act stupidly.
"Wait, how do we know that these are authentic?" Nabiki cut in, doubtful that such a priceless artifact could have been in Phoenix's possession.
"Well, then this!" Phoenix announced, whipping out the katana from its sheath. He then took the package and threw it up in the air. Several silver blurs later, lightweight confetti fell from the ceiling.
"Wow," everybody said.
"Well, I guess that's enough," Phoenix said, replacing the katana.
Soon after Phoenix's demonstration, much of the group dispersed, with Kasumi clearing the table and Genma and Soun starting a game of sho-gi. Only Ranma, Akane, and Phoenix remained.
"So..." Phoenix started, trying to start up a conversation.
"What was that technique that you used on me?" Ranma asked, remembering the match earlier.
"What?...oh yeah. That was one of my chi-attacks," Phoenix said, rubbing his hands. "It really isn't much. Just a few missiles created and powered by chi."
"Cool," Ranma said.
"That 'amaguriken' thing you did was pretty impressive," Phoenix replied.
"Thanks, some old troll taught me that. Comes in handy every now and then."
The trio started to chat about various things. Ranma and Akane started to chat about their experiences.
"So, Kuno has NO idea that his 'Pig-Tailed Girl' is really you, Ranma?" Phoenix said.
"Uh-huh," Ranma replied, "I think we've tried to explain it, but he's too dense."
"And Ryoga wants to kill you."
"Yes."
"And you have HOW many girls chasing you besides Akane?"
"Three."
Akane looked rather annoyed at the last remark.
Then Phoenix started to talk about his various journeys, leaving out a few details that would have sounded a little too strange (or insane).
"So, what unit was that?" Akane asked.
"The First Kathil Uhlans," Phoenix responded.
"And you've been to all the continents?"
"Yep, except Antarctica...no wait, I've been there too."
"By the way, Phoenix," Akane said, changing the subject, "are you going to the masquerade party tomorrow?"
"What party?" Phoenix inquired.
"Well..."
[FLASHBACK <in script format>]
(Last Friday)
Principal Kuno <over intercom>: Aloha! Just a reminder that all students are required to conform to standard dress code...
(various objects are pelted at the speaker, and the principal goes on to other topics)
Principal Kuno: Next Friday, we have the 1st annual Furinkan High Masquerade Ball! This year's ball will allow those from other schools to attend, so bring all your friends! <to himself: we could really use the money...> I just want all of you to have a good time. <lamely said> And remember, we have a Hawaiian motif for this year...<boos are heard throughout the school>...oh fine!!! Anything goes! <cheers> And remember, NO SPIKING THE PUNCH!!!
[END FLASHBACK]
"Sounds like fun, I'll be there," Phoenix said.
"Good," Akane said, smiling.
Phoenix glanced at his watch, it was 9:00. He slowly got up and stretched himself.
"I'd better be off, it's a long way back to my hotel," Phoenix said.
"Oh, okay. I'll see you later," Akane said.
"Good-bye," Ranma added.
Phoenix started to leave when a sudden thought struck him, a memory dredged up from long ago.
"Ranma, what was the name of the place that you were cursed?"
"Jusenkyo, why do you need to know?"
"...I'll tell you after the Masquerade," Phoenix said, all of a sudden sounding remorseful.
"What was that about?" Akane said as Phoenix left the house.
"I dunno, he's a weird guy," Ranma replied.
"So, are YOU coming to the masquerade?" Akane asked.
"What? With a tomboy like you? I don't th...<crack!>"
"Just make sure you're ready tomorrow," Akane said, finishing her slap.
Chapter 8
Akane Tendo strode from her room, her billowing dress flowing behind her. She held a white feathered mask in her hand, a thin disguise against the houndings of those students who did not approve of her engagement to Ranma. This included Tatewaki Kuno, the "Blue Thunder."
"Come on, Ranma!" she yelled, not wanting to be late for the masquerade.
"One minute, Akane!" Ranma replied.
Ranma was rather annoyed at the moment. He had not wanted to go in the first place. Unfortunately, both Genma and Soun decided that it would be prudent that he take Akane there. Eventually, after around an hour of pleading, the two convinced Ranma to go. Only one problem: no costume. That was rectified though the frantic searching of his closet. Ranma finally came out of his room, wearing the costume he had used for the play he did with Akane. (note: taken from the Viz-dubbed Ranma 1/2 video called "Ranma and Juliet"). A simple mask covered his face.
"Great costume, Ranma," Akane said sarcastically.
"It was the only thing I could find. Besides, I'm only going because your dad and my dad begged me to go and there's the off-chance that there might be some food."
"Is food all you can think about?"
"Well, I'm a growing boy."
"Whatever, let's go."
After Ranma and Akane left, Soun and Genma consulted each other.
"Do you think this will bring them closer together, Saotome?" Soun asked.
"Hmm, I am not sure on that one, Tendo." Genma replied.
* * *
Looking through his sack, Phoenix hastily searched for his costume. After a few minutes, he pulled out a folded black and gold bundle. After some more searching, he found the pair of boots that went with the bundle. After putting on his "costume," he took out a pair of necklaces. One held a small sliver of metal and the other was a golden locket. Phoenix opened the locket and stared at it's picture for a long moment, then tucked it under his shirt. He then finished getting all the things he needed for the ball, including a hold-out laser pistol in his uniform. Knowing my luck, he thought, I might just need it.
"Hmm, I think I'll go eat dinner first," Phoenix said, feeling a grumble in his stomach.
* * *
"Those blasted mages!!!" Tatewaki Kuno screamed, putting on his costume. "They will pay for their injustices!!!"
Kuno had one of those days yesterday. Although he WAS usually defeated at least once per day, twice was too much for the poor kendo captain. Not only that, but they (Ranma and Phoenix) had the audacity to involve him in a childish food fight! Today was spent rampaging around school and kicking the snot out of his kendo teammates.
Terror cringed Tatewaki's form as he heard the maniacal laughter of his sister Kodachi.
"Why brother dear, are you ranting again?"
"The great Tatewaki Kuno does not...! Rant," Kuno said, muting himself to prove that he did not, in fact, rant. "I will seize this opportunity to be with my two true loves...and to extract my revenge on those wizards!!!"
"Yes you do rant and get ready, please."
The two wore costumes that seemed to fit them perfectly. Tatewaki wore traditional samurai armor, albeit somewhat lighter and smaller than the real kind. Each part of the armor was expertly fitted for him and painted a bright red, in tribute to his 'osage no onna'. Although an ornate helmet concealed much of his face, it was easy to tell who he was anyway. He had also replaced his normal bokken for a fake katana (metal, but cheap quality). Kodachi wore a dark dress, covered with black roses. She also wore a black rose in her hair.
"Soon, I shall be with my Ranma darling! No one, especially Akane and that pig-tailed one, shall stop me, OHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOH!" Kodachi exclaimed.
"Soon, I shall be with my robust Akane and my Pig-Tailed Goddess! If that foul enslaver Ranma Saotome interferes, I shall cut him down swiftly!" Kuno yelled.
Okay, so maybe he does rant a lot. His sister also.
[SEGUE]
Sun Zhang MechWarrior Academy
New Samarkand, Pesht Military District
Draconis Combine
19 March, 3055
A short, dark figure entered the locker room. He searched around, and found his target. Unfortunately for him, he failed to notice the laser alarms and soon triggered them. The man then blew through the lockers with the speed of a whirlwind.
"Stop!" a DEST trooper yelled, brandishing a laser rifle.
"Gotta run," the figure said, dashing off with a HUGE sack in tow.
An errant panty dropped from the sack.
"Hentai!!!!" the trooper yelled, firing his laser.
"Nya, nya, can't catch me!!!" Happosai yelled, dodging the bolts and blasting out of the room at hypersonic speed. (who else would it be?)
Eventually, Happosai reached a large clearing outside the academy. Just as he was ready to transport out, a large rumbling sound caught his attention.
From out of nowhere a lance of BattleMechs appeared and opened fire on the old "master."
"Yikes!!!" Happosai yelled, pulling out the nanban mirror.
Fate had intervened as Happosai shed a tear on the mirror. A large lightning bolt struck the mirror the instant the tear contacted with it. Since lightning had strange effects on such unknown magics, Happosai uttered a small "eek!" before he and the 'mech lance disappeared into thin air.
[END SEGUE]
"Great-Grandmother?" Shampoo asked her elder.
"Yes, my dear?" Cologne replied
"Can I go to party with Ranma?"
"Yes you can, child."
"Whoopee!!!" Shampoo exclaimed, running out of the Nekohanten, excited at the prospect of spending time with Ranma. All she had to do now was find a costume.
* * *
At Ucchans, Ukyo Kuonji prepared her costume. She pulled out two spatulas from her normal bandolier and hid them in her dress. Although Ukyo normally didn't wear a dress, tonight was a masquerade, and after all, no one would expect her in one. Just as she exited the back room, a customer had entered the restaurant, and a rather oddly dressed one at that.
"I'm sorry sir, but we are closed," Ukyo said.
"Oh, okay," the man said, shifting the short cape on him and walking out the door.
Ukyo also went out and closed the restaurant. She then headed towards the high school, which by absolutely no coincidence, was the direction the man was going.
"Oh, hello again," the man said, turning around to face Ukyo.
"You wouldn't by any chance be going to the party at the high school?" she asked.
"As a matter-of-fact, I am," the man said, "and I seem to be lacking an escort."
"I am as well," Ukyo said remorsefully.
"Well then, why don't we go together?" the man asked cheerfully.
"Sure. By the way, what's your name?"
"Phoenix Xanadu, and you?"
"Ukyo Kuonji."
"Oh! You're Ranma's friend, right?"
"Yes...how did you know?"
"I'm a friend of his, sort of."
"Ah."
The two proceeded to the ball, walking side by side on the sidewalk. Had Phoenix been attending a military gathering on New Avalon, he would have looked smashing. The black and gold of the First Kathil Uhlans fit him well. Upon first glance, one would have noticed the short cape and the leftenant epaulets on his shoulders. A second look would have shown the two lines of campaign ribbons on his left breast as well as the Silver Sunburst medal around his neck. Inspection from the sides would have shown the Federated Commonwealth's Armored Fist-Sunburst crest and the Uhlans patch on his arms. Anyone who was unfamiliar with Davion traditions would have taken special note to the rowelless spurs on his boots. Indeed, at an Inner Sphere military gathering, one would have looked at Phoenix with a little awe. After all, he wore the colors of one of House Davion's best regiments.
Unfortunately, Phoenix was not on New Avalon. He was in Nerima, Japan, and to most people he looked like a damned fool playing soldier.
If someone had taken his or her first look at Ukyo, they would have seen a grand beauty. Her white dress had fitted perfectly and flowed with her hair rather well in a light breeze. Had someone who knew Ukyo saw her, he or she would have realized that she was totally out of pace with her normal style. Men's clothing and her okonomiyaki outfit was more her. They would have also noted that she was not carrying her enormous spatula on her back tonight.
Indeed, if anyone had seen the two going to the ball, they would have thought they were a good couple. Those who were aware of the happenings around Nerima would have found it strange that Ukyo was off with another guy.
However, most of these conclusions were totally wrong.
[SEGUE <in script format>]
(outside Tomobiki High School, a young man is being chased by a green-haired girl)
Lum: Come with me, Darling! <holding a flyer for the Furinkan Masquerade Ball>
Ataru: No! I don't want to go to some stupid costume party! There'll be just a bunch of...
<Ataru suddenly stops and thinks about it. He then realizes that there will be...>
Ataru:...girls!!! Lots of girls!!! And I will have them all!!! <maniacal laughter> Oops, said that out loud.
Lum: Darling no hentai!!! <zap>
<Ataru gets charred by Lum's "Divine Retribution">
[END SEGUE]
The 1st annual Furinkan High Masquerade Ball was held in the school gym. Although the gym was not one of the more formal places to hold an event such as this, it was necessary. This was mainly due to the fact that the inordinate number of people that had shown up was double the number of Furinkan's student body. Apparently, the principal's invitation to all schools were well taken.
Ranma and Akane arrived first, and of course Ranma immediately broke off to where the snacks were being served. Unfortunately, Nabiki was there as well, running it.
"50 yen per hors d'oeuvre," Nabiki said, "and 100 for punch."
"What!?"
"Sorry, Ranma. The principal's charging for food now."
Ranma walked away, grumbling. Now he had to spend the night with Akane. But...was that so bad? he wondered.
* * *
"Greetings to all! I, the Blue Thunder, have arrived!" Tatewaki Kuno proclaimed to the hall. Unfortunately for his ego, but for the benefit of everyone else, no one heard him over the music and commotion.
"I don't believe anyone heard you, brother dear," Kodachi said. "Perhaps you should speak louder?"
"Nay, little sister, if the masses refuse to acknowledge the great Tatewaki Kuno, then they are not worthy of my recognition." He wasn't really as convincing as he had hoped to be to his sister, who simply rolled her eyes at him.
The two waded into the crowd, with Tatewaki looking for Akane and Kodachi looking for Ranma.
* * *
"Shampoo! Wait up!" Mousse yelled, frantically running after his love. However, the costume he was wearing hindered him, compared to the robes he normally wore. With Shampoo in a VERY short Sailor Senshi outfit, it was fitting that Mousse should go as Tuxedo Kamen.
"Stupid Mousse! Quit following Shampoo!" the Amazon yelled as she punted Mousse clear across Nerima Ward. At least that would hold him up for a little while.
"<Now I can go and find my husband!>" Shampoo exclaimed in Mandarin. Yeah, she knows first-person, just not in Japanese.
* * *
"Lum! Slow down!!!" Ataru cried out. The two were doing at least 160 klicks by air, courtesy of Lum's ability to fly. It was obvious that she REALLY wanted to go to the party.
"Darling! We'll be late if we don't hurry!"
"I don't care... I think I'm gonna be sick... couldn't we have taken the bus?!" Ataru whined. Then he realized what would have happened if they DID take the bus, considering Lum's usual attire. He shut up after that thought.
Somewhat below the two and yet unknown by the flying couple, a dark limo cruised its way toward Furinkan High. The person inside looked up through the vehicle's moon roof and grimaced at Ataru and Lum. His hand reflexively went down to the ceremonial katana at his side. He thought better, then looked back downward.
He will be dealt with at the Ball, Shutaro Mendo thought. Moroboshi will pay for his lechery and defilement of Lum!
* * *
By the time Phoenix and Ukyo arrived at the party, the gym was filled to near capacity. It seemed everyone from every school in Nerima Ward had come. Considering the fact that Nerima was a major residential area, it was a LOT of people.
"Thanks for the escort," Ukyo said brightly.
"Anytime, enjoy the Ball," Phoenix replied, knowing full well what Ukyo was here for.
"You too."
The two split up, with Ukyo looking for Ranma and Phoenix off to the snack trays. Luckily, he remembered to bring his wallet.
* * *
The Ball went as well as any get-together went in Nerima. When you put all of Ranma's fiances into one room, no matter how big it is, things get messy. Chaos, although unnoticed by the general public, ensued. Ukyo finally ran into Ranma, as did Shampoo and Kodachi. Unfortunately, they all found him AT ONCE.
Phoenix watched all of this from the snack area, slightly dumbfounded at the sheer display of violence and idiocy. Kodachi and Shampoo faced off with each other, ribbon and bonbori in hand, respectively. Akane and Ukyo got into a tug-of-war match, with Ranma as the rope.
"Ooh, that's gotta hurt..." Phoenix muttered as he heard a pop come from one of Ranma's limbs. "Does this happen all the time, Nabiki?"
"Oh yes," Nabiki said, taking pictures of the fight. "And you have no idea how much I get from this."
"Well, at least everyone's used to it," Phoenix stated, noticing how everyone else continued without a fault. "And it sure as hell can't get any worse either..."
"MOROBOSHI!!!!!" a person yelled out. For a moment, Phoenix thought if might have been Kuno yelling, but then he saw the one who said it.
"You have defiled the most sacred jewel of Tomobiki, Lecher!" the figure in white said. His hands lightly wielded a well made katana. "I, Shutaro Mendo of the Mendo Conglomerate, will take you down!"
Ataru Moroboshi, who at the moment was preoccupied by a certain green-haired oni, hastily ran through the crowd, frantically trying to get away from Mendo.
"SAOTOME!!!" Kuno yelled, charging towards where Ranma and company were. It was rather amazing how quickly he moved, despite the faux samurai armor.
"You have tarnished the most prized beauties of Furinkan, Enslaver!" By now his katana was gleaming in the dim light. "I, Tatewaki Kuno, the Blue Thunder, shall smite thee!"
Ranma, who was too busy being the rope of Akane and Ukyo's tug-of-war, absolutely didn't care about anything that Kuno spewed, and didn't move.
Mendo charged one way.
Kuno charged the other way.
And the two promptly slammed into each other.
"MENDO!!!...KUNO!!!" the two swordsmen yelled in unison.
"YOU WILL PAY FOR YOUR CRIMES!!!!" the two bawled in sync.
"Oh boy..." Phoenix said as Kuno and Mendo faced off.
Fortunately for Ataru Moroboshi, the battle allowed him the chance to slink away from both Lum and Mendo, as well as go chase some girls.
"Ooh, honeys! What's your phone numbers?!" Ataru yelled in the direction of a pair of women, who were too busy fighting each other at the moment to care. Of course, Ataru quickly ran towards the two, repeating his message.
"HENTAI!!!!" Kodachi and Shampoo yelled, both booting Ataru out the door before resuming their fight.
* * *
"Finally! Made it," an exhausted Mousse said as he approached the gym. It was at this time did a young man fly out of the doors and right into Mousse.
"Ranma..." Mouse growled at he blur he saw, various melee weapons coming out of the sleeves of his tuxedo.
"Who's Ran...argh!!!" Ataru yelled as a spiked club fell towards his head, narrowly missing him. Ataru decided that the gym was safer, and quickly ran, with Mousse chasing after him.
* * *
"Ugh...now it REALLY can't get worse," Phoenix said, observing the full scale riot breaking out.
"Don't worry, it can," Nabiki said matter-of-factly. Being a resident in Nerima, she knew from experience that anything can happen, with tremendous property damage being the usual side effect.
As if to agree with Nabiki's statement, a bright flash emanated from outside the school.
* * *
"Whohoo!" Happosai exclaimed as he shed another tear on the nanban mirror, poofing away the 'Mech lance that had chased him.
What a haul! he thought, his sack filled to the brim with undergarments from across the known multiverse. Now it was back to the old stomping grounds...and what a ground it is!
With that, the old man headed for the Ball.
* * *
"May I have this dance?" Phoenix asked Ukyo.
"Sure, Ranchan seems rather occupied at the moment," Ukyo said.
Akane FINALLY managed to get a dance with Ranma. Of course, three minutes later, Ranma was promptly smacked down by the mighty hand of Akane. NEVER say to a girl that her feet are like leads.
So thus the night finally calmed a bit, albeit the fighting still continued. With Ranma incapacitated, the fiances didn't have much to fight about, and went elsewhere.
Phoenix and Ukyo were dancing when something small and wrinkly glomped on to Ucchan.
"AHHH!!!! HAPPOSAI!!!" Ukyo screamed, furiously prying the old man off with her small spatula. It wasn't working that well.
"Um...what are you doing, little boy?" Phoenix asked, plucking Happosai off Ukyo.
"Who are you calling, 'little boy?'" Happosai sneered, pulling out his pipe. With a quick motion, the 'master' chucked Phoenix skyward.
"Ranma, I'll get you...<oof!>" Mousse said, sprawling to the ground after Phoenix landed on him.
"Oops, sorry there," Phoenix said, slowly getting off of Mousse.
"Ranma! There you are!!! NOW YOU DIE!!!" Mousse exclaimed, his blindness showing through once again. A spiked ball and chain flew towards Phoenix.
"Ack!" With a quick motion, Phoenix drew the laser from his uniform and shot the chain connecting the ball. It landed with a thump mere centimeters from his feet.
"Oh, I apologize," Mousse said, after putting his glasses on. He then proceeded to find Ranma.
Phoenix let out a deep sigh, pondering about the entire night. He went to where Ranma was recuperating and sat down next to him.
"So, feeling better?" Phoenix asked.
Ranma, who now had a rather angry looking bruise across his cheek, nodded.
"Why does that tomboy have to be so violent?"
"Um, because you keep insulting her? Remember our sparring match?"
"Oh yeah."
"Well, I'd say this night's gone well," Phoenix observed, watching the general mayhem go by.
"Hai. At least I didn't change into a girl this time around."
An errant splash of punch nixed that for Ranma-chan.
<end, for now...I can't think of anything!!!>
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Author's note (and anarchist ranting)
HA HA HA HA HA !!!!!!!!! I AM THE AUTHOR!!! <maniacal laughter> I CREATE ALL AND KNOW ALL!!!!! < more maniacal laughter> TIME AND SPACE BEND TO MY WILL ON SCREEN!!! <much more maniacal laughter here>
(author gets whacked upside the head)
Oh, ok, I'm fine now. I needed to get that out my system. Well anyway, if you're reading this, then you're either done with this fanfic, or you have been a bad person and skipped to the end.
Well, first off, here's some stuff on the main character of this fanfic, Phoenix Xanadu. (I've tried like hell not to shunt the other characters into a corner, but it's hard.)
Name: Phoenix Xanadu
Age: ???? (he's immortal you know)
Occupation: General powerful, inter-dimensional and time-traveler. Also serves as convenient "deus ex machina" for beleaguered fanfic writers.
Background: This guy's been around the block a few times. He's the kinda guy who likes to joke around a lot, but can be deadly serious when necessary. He is also VERY powerful, (although not All-powerful). These powers change and shift with each universe. He is an expert in martial arts (including chi-focusing), magic, and feng shui.
In case you haven't noticed (or don't know), Phoenix has a heavy BattleTech background (at the moment). However, he is not from that universe, he just spent a lot of time there.
For nitpickers, Phoenix took a crash course at Albion Military Academy. (Yes, the same academy that Hanse Davion graduated from). He served a tour of duty with the Federated Commonwealth's First Kathil Uhlans RCT with the rank of Leftenant. During his time with the Uhlans, Leftenant Xanadu developed several chi attacks based on some BattleTech weapons. (these attacks sound cheesy, I know, but they are very deadly). One such example is the "Special Uhlan Strike: SRM Suppression."
During the battle of Alyina, Leftenant Xanadu hunted down and destroyed a Star of Clan OmniMechs with a Crusader before being forced to withdraw. This action earned him a Silver Sunburst two years later.
(If any of these names or terms you don't recognize, don't bother with them)
On Multi Player BattleTech, look for me! My handle is "Ryouga Hibiki." Also look for SgtMaj. Phoenix X. <3025 Mercs>
It has been a true joy to write this first fanfic of mine. I will probably write a couple more, and Phoenix Xanadu is definitely here to stay, in one incarnation or another and in one universe or another.
Many thanks to all who have supported me, as well as fanfic writers everywhere, who had inspired me to make one myself. Eternal gratitude to the one who started it all, Rumiko Takahashi. The world is stranger and more fun with her creativity. Also thanks to FASA for BattleTech. It has brought me much joy.
Please send comments to: PXDN@AOL.com. Please, no one send anything evil! <like viruses and Trojan Horses> That would really ruin my day and would prevent me from writing anymore (which includes papers essential for my academic life).
