"What's the message I'm conveying?  Can you tell me what I'm 
saying?" 

- "Weird Al" Yankovic 

"THREE PAGES LONG"

(A Ranma 1/2 Fanfic)

>From the Desk of Megane 6.7

This is a work of Fiction.  All Characters and Landmarks are the 
property of Rumiko Takahashi, Shogakukan Video, Kitty Films, 
Viz Video, Shonen Sunday, and anyone else who legally owns the 
rights.


THE TENDO DOUJOU
8:25 A.M.


	And the skies were filled with the sound of screams, screams 
that ripped into the soul, like a hot samurai's sword through a tub of
cheap margarine.  Amongst this chaos, stood one man, watching the
evening sky as it turned the color of blood....

	"Damn, I wish I'd slept in today."  exclaimed Ranma-Chan
as she watched a cockroach lying on the cracked pavement in it's 
death throes.  "I never should have let Genma set my alarm."

	Ranma-Chan slowly rose to his feet and shielded his eyes 
from the bright glare of the morning sun.  "Another day in hell...."  
he sighed as she rose to his feet and walked back inside the 
Nekohanten.

	Nobody else was awake yet.  Not surprising considering the
conditions of the Ut-Chan.  There was a thick layer of dust covering
the wooden floor as Ranma made his way across it.

	"Shit!  I broke another nail."  Kasumi cursed out loud.

	"Like I care."  Ranma-Chan replied as she sat down at
the counter and ordered an okonomiyaki.  Kasumi glared at him for
a moment before returning her attention to the fried eggs that were
burning.  "Damnit to hell, why can't I cook right?!?"

	"What'ya say, Nabiki?"

	Nabiki climbed through the window, wincing as her naked 
body was cut on the broken glass.  "You know, even though I sold all 
of my clothes and worldly possessions to charity, I still think I could
do more!"

	"Then sell your body to those who would normally never 
have a chance in hell of getting laid."  Ranma suggested while 
applying his Preperation-H.

	"Great idea!  Thanks!"  Akane replied as she jammed the
ring just above her eyelid.  "There!  How does it look, Ranko?"

	"Spiffy.  Simply Spiffy."  Ranma replied as she spilt
her cup of coffee on her shoes.  After a long moment, Ranma-Chan 
rolled her eyes up at the ceiling and sighed.

	"What's your problem?"  Genma demanded while styling his
full lush head of hair.  "Who gives a shit about honor and the school?
Just go out every night and have fun like I do!"

	 "I was just thinking about Happosai and how much I would 
love to cling tenaciously to his buttocks right now."  Ranma-Chan 
replied with a wistful look in his eyes, a single tear spilling down 
her face and coming to rest on her lips.

	"e....excuse me."  Kodachi asked in a whisper of a voice.  
"is...is my date ready?"

	"Soun is ready to take Kodachi to date!"   Soun replied as
he glomped onto Kunou and began to make out with him.  "Make 
Soun, Kunou's own!"    

	P-Chan!  Be a good cat and get into the pot!  We're starving
and we need the meat!"  Akane warned as she pushed and shoved 
P-Chan deeper into the boiling water.

	"Excuse me, could you tell me where to find a chicken 
cannon?"  Ryouga asked as he walked in from the pouring rain, 
taking a moment to pat his red locks back into place.

	"G....G.....Genma!!!"  Dr. Tofu glasses fogged up and he 
accidentally stabbed Kasumi with a five inch nail.

	"Oh my!  Let me get that gosunkugi out of you!"  Ryouga
offered as he tried to pull Hikaru off of her.  "Damn!  I wish I were
stronger!"

	"Hey, fuck off!  I saw her first!"  Gosunkugi growled as he
returned his attention to his partner.  "Now where were we, Cologne
sweetie?"

	"About one step from boredom!"  Cologne sighed as she 
worked Mousse with her long slender fingers, her 7' 5" frame 
making Mousse feel like a smurf.

	  "Can you hold this for me?"  Kasumi handed her head to
Mousse.  Mousse fanatically looked for space in his cloak.  "I can 
never carry anything!"  he complained.

	"What's the date for today?"  Azuza asked as Happosai 
spread honey garlic sauce on her tongue.

	"Mousse looked at the calendar in the next house across the
street through the far window.  "April 25, 1974!"

	"Beg your pardon?"  Sasuke asked as he twirled his white 
polyester jacket around his head, spun around in a 360 circle and did 
the splits while pointing his finger in the air.

	"I said, April 25, 1924!"

	"That's what I thought you said!  Ok kittens, let's swing!
Oh ain't she sweet, driving it down the street"  Soun and Genma sang
while dressed in identical zoot suits.

	"23 Skidoo!"  Ryouga snapped his fingers to the beat.

	Ranma-Chan couldn't take any more of this.  He sat back down
on the stool and walked up the stairs to the patio.  There, she quickly 
ripped off all of her clothes and jumped into the pond.  The piranha
were swift and chewed on his flesh while Ranko searched the surface of
the warm water until she found what she was looking for.  Then she broke
the surface of the pond and started to climb out only to have the bank
crumble under her fingers.  He fell back into the pond and then fell
through the bottom.  She quietly whistled to herself as she fell
thousands upon thousands of feet only to stop an inch above the hard
ground.


*	*	*


	"ARGGHHHHHH!!!"

	Ranma sat up in his futon, covered with sweat.  He waited a 
long time for his heartrate to return to normal and then glances at the
empty tray next to his pillow.

	"Oh man....That is absolutely the LAST time I have triple 
portions of Akane's squid surprise.  Another dream like that will kill
me!"

	Ranma slowly rose to his feet and gazed out into the sky.  It
was a peaceful night, the stars were bright and shinning.  Ranma 
smiled to himself before walking to the door to go to the bathroom.

	"Hello, father."  Nabiki bowed politely to Ranma as she 
passed by.

	"Like I care."  Ranma Hibiki replied as he climbed the rope
ladder to the treehouse, being careful to bribe the man with a sharp 
pointy stick....


THE END.


What the hell was I thinking when I wrote this?  I have no idea.  If
you find symbolism and deeper meaning in this story, it was.....uh.... 
completely intentional, really, I swear...heh....Maybe I wrote this to
get something off my chest, maybe I wrote it out of pure boredom,
but I did write it in 30 mins, scary huh?

C&C is welcome as always.  If you really want to have fun, try and
find all of the mistakes and OCC references in the story.  The first
person who finds them all can pat himself/herself on the back and 
say "Damn I'm good!"