On Thu, 24 Apr 1997 09:29:25 -0400 (EDT), Adrian Wong
<awong@delasalle.toronto.on.ca> wrote:

                               

          MANCHUKUO'S FEMME FATALE: KAWASHIMA AKANE

Known to her fiance as Kawakunee Akane! :-) (Yes, I KNOW that's not how
it's spelled.:-P)

Mu Tsu (The last Chinese emperor)

Xian Pu (The last Chinese empress)

I think it's been determined that the proper romanizations for these
names are Mu Si and Shan Pu.

soundlessly rush in before the servant can protest.  Two huge
collies rushed up to the figures, and were immediately sprayed
with paralysis powder.  Everything was in their control now.

Hmmm... must be Kodachi. ;-)

    The old servant was too scared even to scream.  Instead, his
legs failed him as he involuntarily kneed down.  The mansion was

kneeled

divided into three main houses inside the huge garden.  One of

This sentence should probably be moved; it's really out of place here.

the figures, a tall Chinese man, leaned down and looked the
frightened servant right in the eye.

    "Where is she?"  He whispered.

he (no caps).

    The tall man, apparently the leader of the group, nodded to
the rest of his men.  They took out their guns, and cautiously
edged toward the room.  The tall man couldn't help but trembled

tremble

    These men are really a unit of agents working for the

men were really

Chinese national government.  All of them have been waiting to

had been waiting

    A woman's shrill scream can be heard.  "P-chan! -"

could be heard.

    Everything is happening at too fast a rate for this

was happening

    She's thin to the point of being skeletal.  Her short hair

She was thin

    Was this a wilted flower way past it's season?  Or maybe

its (no ')

they just happened to get the wrong person?

Yeah, looks like they got Cologne instead. ;-)

    "You are . . . ?"  One of his men asked in his curiosity.

one

    The woman gritted her teeth as she glared at the agent, who
had dressed as a man.  She felt that the agent was mocking her:
cross-dressing was supposed to be HER specialty!

Or Ranma, or Ukyo, or Tsubasa, or Konatsu... :-)

    Strip?  No way.  When she striped, she always did it to get

stripped

    Once upon a time, men, both Japanese and Chinese, had run
their tongue across this tempting spot, sending waves of pleasure
deep into her soul.  Once upon a time . . .

Doesn't sound at all like Akane.

    How could she ever strip under such a shameful circumstance? 
The other agents raised their guns at her.  No long in shape, she

No longer

couldn't possibily defeat a dozen people armed with guns anymore.

possibly

    As she was  escorted' out of her mansion, the once heavily

extra ' after escorted

power were truly over.  She burned all the relevant records
regarding her involvement with Japan's Kwangtung Army.  All that
was left of her legendary past was a jewelry box, in which laid

in which lay

    "But she's just a woman, how could she do all that."

Question mark.

    Three days later, inside the court.

colon. (court:)

    After being moved through various courts for over a year,
Kawashima Akane was finally going to get her last trial right
here.  She still looked as dried up as ever, but her hair was
combed and was wearing a white suit.

and she was wearing

    The judge's voice hardened.  "May the defendant be more
respectful to the court!"

Why? She'll be killed anyway! ^_^

    No. . .she won't fall.

wouldn't

    Almost everybody in the court began murmuring among
themselves in awe.  She wouldn't admit that she was Chinese!

    Maybe it's just that China wouldn't admit that she was
Chinese in the first place.

    She was only seven then.

??? I don't understand the last two setences, but I guess it'll be clear
in the next part.

Overall, this seems pretty cool. I do hope, though, that this is going
to be the actual Ranma characters set in this time period, and not just
the real people with only their names changed. The Akane you have here
so far does not seem like the Akane that we know. The characters can be
put in the roles of real historical people, but they should still be
recognizable as themselves and not just be the real people with
different names. It's still too early to tell how this is going to go,
so I'll just wait for the next part.

Gary Kleppe
kleppe@execpc.com, Home page http://www.execpc.com/~kleppe
My fanfics and the FFML map are on my comics/manga page,
       http://www.execpc.com/~kleppe/comics