Subject: Writing "Lean" [WAS Re: [FFML] Has anyone written Priss/Sylvie stuff?]
From: Andy Skuse
Date: 4/21/1997, 3:47 PM
To: fanfic@fanfic.com

At 03:42 AM 22-04-97 +0000, Neon B. wrote:

I thought that the relationship between those two was pretty 
interesting and then she goes and dies :(

I was wondering if anyone has written anything that features Sylvie 
prominently? She was a great character and the whole story was very 
touching...

anyone?

Ya know, it's interesting to note that the backround on their friendship (how and when it was formed etc.) in the OAV was very minimal, yet we all seem to buy into the idea that the two were very close friends. I've watched that ep many times<g>, and while there is much that is taken for granted (Sylvie just seems to show up, having already met Priss somewhere) the believability factor is always there. Hnmmm...

This gets into something that Jeanne Hedge impressed upon me when I first started writing my little fanfic; the value of writing "lean". IOW, finding the right balance of descriptiveness and just plain telling the story. I didn't quite understand what Jeanne was driving at at first, but after some experimentation I trimmed down the description in some "action" parts of my fic and read it over again. I found right away that the pacing picked up in those parts and that the story was "coming through" a lot clearer. But after further experimenting with some very "moody" parts, I found that cutting back on description hurt the feel of those particular "scenes". They just didn't seem to have the same effect of surrounding the reader, and IMHO those particular scenes (intimate moments etc.) lacked conviction.

Since then, I've continued to experiment, finding a balance that I was happy with; writing more descriptively for certain parts, and cutting back on description for parts that required more concise story-telling. To anyone who might be reading this and is interested in the same kind of experimenting, try taking an action scene you've written and look at how much description went into the setting, then see if you can cut it back at all. Does the scene pick up in its pace? Does the scene make more sense? Try taking a love scene and add a little more descriptiveness to the setting and to the character's appearances. Does the impact of that particular scene increase? Do the characters make more of an impression in your mind?

One more thing I like to fiddle with is using a setting to parallel what is going on in a scene to make a subconcious impression upon the reader. A simple example is using light and darkness to echo a character's feelings. People have told me, after I've pointed a scene out, that they never noticed the setting being used to echo a character's feelings, and IMHO I think that means it worked. The idea is that while you're focusing on what is happening in the story, subconciously the description is enforcing what is happening. For those who might disagree, all I can argue is that I certainly didn't invent the technique, just borrowed it from my favourite books, which is pretty much how most folks learn to write ;)

So, by using a description to echo the story, IMHO you're writing more efficiently, or writing "leaner", by combining the setting with the story itself.
Which brings us back to the characters in question... consider the scenes where we see Priss and Sylvie alone together. Riding their motorcycles along a beach-side highway with the sun reflecting off Tokyo Bay. Just thinking of that scene enforces in my mind the idea that their time together is "quality" time and that they are close friends. Moments later they are seen enjoying a rest together along this same highway. The sun is shining and the sky is blue with a few light clouds. Things couldn't be better.

But after Sylvie turns down Priss's offer to come to her band's rehearsal, and Sylvie says, "I'm free...", we see directly behind her the Genom Research Center, which later on proves to be important to Sylvie's freedom. Coincidence? Could be. Hard to really know unless we ask the writer(s) of that scene. But it certainly made an impression on me :)

Panda
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