On Sun, 20 Apr 1997, Raphael See wrote:
(scene: a darkened room. Lights slowly come on to reveal a messy,
cluttered dorm room with worn couch and coffee table in front, tiny TV
and VCR in back. Seated on the couch are our hosts Noriko and Raphael.)
Raphael: Welcome yet again to another Mystery C&C Theater 1/2!
Noriko: This evening Raphael and I will be looking at a fanfic by Mike
Noakes titled "The Party."
Yaaaaaay! These make it all worth while... <grin>
Raphael: This fic is apparently Part One of a longer work called
"Choices," and is still in progress.
Like pretty much everything I write, I guess. Sigh.
Noriko: (slightly embarrassed) Okay, maybe you're right. I'll try to cut
back a little bit. But not very much; it's what I do, remember?
And it's very usefull! Don't worry 'bout it...
Ranma glanced at the bottle with a certain distaste and shook
his head. "You know I don't drink." he answered. Hiroshi
Noriko: That period should be a comma at the end of the quote. (notices
Raphael's glare) Hey, that was a legitimate nit this time! Stop looking
at me like that!
Actually, I think I've _always_ made that mistake. Thanks for
pointing it out - now that I'm aware of it, I'll stop...
bother coming out, he should at least try to have a little fun. Ranma
must've read his thoughts, because a second later he turned to
Hiroshi.
Noriko: That should probably be "must have" instead of "must've." In
dialogue, "must've" would be fine, but since it's located in a prose
portion of the fic...
Hmmm. I kinda alternate on that, I think. In dialogue,
obviously I use a lot of contractions. In straight author narrative, I
try to remember to use the formal stuff (though I probably forget). And
in POV narrative (if that even exists), I tend to use contractions
depending on wether or not it fits the character.
But I think you're right in this case...
"I didn't really even want to come." said Ranma. "It was
my stupid pop's idea . . . and Mr. Tendo, of course. They found out
Akane was coming to this party with some friends of hers . . . so
they thought it only natural that her fiance aughta accompany her."
Noriko: "Fiancee."
<wild grin> Ha! Now the nit-picker has become the nit-picked!
BWAHAHA! I used to make that mistake all the time. Fiancee refers to a
female partner. Fiance, single 'e', is for the male. s'true!
Hiroshi suppressed a smile. "Another fight with Akane." he
answered. "She told him to leave her alone."
Raphael: Does Hiroshi think Ranma's blue funk is funny? Nice friend of his...
Noriko: Maybe Hiroshi has become numb, kind of like when people become
desensitized to violence on TV. After a while, the tragedy of the
situation begins to wear away.
<nod> After all, those two have fought so much, I doubt anyone
takes it seriously now... kinda like the fights between Ranma and Kuno.
Raphael: (a bit incredulous) A bully, huh? I dunno... I don't think I
could imagine _anyone_ remaining as a bully at Furinkan, what with Ranma,
Akane, Ukyou, Miss Hinako, Kuno, Principal Kuno, and all...
Noriko: Maybe. But I have the suspicion that those aren't the people that
Uehara prefers to bully. And besides, Team Ranma can't be everywhere all
the time. Someone's bound to slip through the cracks sooner or later.
Exactly - Ranma guys aren't always (heck, aren't often!) around.
And there's never really been any indication that they concern themselves
with the mundane bully-problems of Furinkan. (Ghosts and demons, yes.
Bullies - who knows? So, yeah, Uehara slipped through).
Noriko: See? "With other schools," not with the locals at Furinkan.
Raphael: Yeah, I guess. I didn't think anyone else could hold their own
against the Ranma Regulars.
Noriko: *ahem*
Raphael: Heh. You realize, of course, that in the rewrites I'm gonna have to
have Kuno trash you even more than he did the first time. People have
been complaining.
Noriko: What??
Raphael: (defensively) Hey, I don't like it any better than you do. But
don't take it up with me...
<grin> I do believe that I was one of those 'complainers'. Heheh.
"You. . . you were flinging beercaps at him?"
"Yup! Saotome School of Anything-Goes Special Attack:
Cap-oeira Strike; just one of the many moves that make up the style
known as 'Bar Fly Do'."
Raphael: Grooooaaaaannnn!
Noriko: (grimacing slightly) Good grief, but that was a bad one.
Yay! A pun! I managed a pun! <grin>
Noriko: Hmph.
Raphael: What's wrong?
Noriko: Honestly! That's all you men care about, isn't it? Who's the
"hottest" girl around? Who's got the "best bod?" I wish, just for once,
you men would start thinking with your brains instead of your--
Well, if Ranma had the confidence to take control of the
conversation, it probably would just be about martial arts - make for a
bit more boring of a conversation.
Raphael: (interrupts) Hey! That's kind of a blanket statement, isn't it?
Not _all_ of us do that, you know.
Noriko: Okay, okay, so maybe I'm being a little unfair. But it sure as
heck is annoying.
Heh. I wanted to get a bit more of a female persepctive into
this - make it a little less of a guy's-club thing - but didn't manage to
slip it in...
Raphael: And you're a girl half the time yourself?
Noriko: I think Ranma's friends are smarter than that. That's kind of a
sore spot for him, remember?
Raphael: (a bit sheepish) Oh, yeah...
Exactly. It's not the kind of thing they'd want to bring up
around him. tho' once the subject _has_ come up (and a few drinks have
lubricated the conversation), they wouldn't let go...
The other guy started it? Not likely, considering Ranma.
Well, she'd set everything straight - and she'd beat up both involved
parties if she had too!
Raphael: Hey, that's not fair. Even after Sayuri said it herself that it
didn't look like Ranma started it...
Noriko: It seems to be the current trend to have Akane perpetually
put the blame on Ranma, no matter what the extenuating circumstances might
say. And besides, Akane _does_ have a tendency to assume the worst when
Ranma's concerned... Oh, by the way, that last "too" should be "to."
Heh. I'd like to say that BE didn't influence this portrayal of
Akane, since I wrote it before BE was released - but I was a pre-reader.
Sigh. Although it was backed up by the anime. And I did _try_ to make
her a _little_ sympathetic. Hmmm...
Ranma wiped the liquid from her eyes. It wasn't water - it
was slightly sticky and smelt sweet, and stang her eyes a little - but
Noriko: I'm not sure that "stang" is a word. "Stung" might be more
appropriate. And "smelt," I believe, is a metallurgical term, or perhaps
a type of fish. Perhaps "smelled," instead.
Raphael: You're doing it again...
Noriko: (blushes slightly) I'm sorry! But...
Raphael: Yeah, yeah, I know. That's what you do.
And it's quite helpful. WP 7 dictionary didn't pick up stang, so
I'll hafta check that out. But thanks fo rthe smelt - you're right.
Raphael: Oh, GEEZ! Just finish him off, and pound his friends for good
measure!! Don't put up with this crap!
Noriko: (nods) Yes, please. This creep is a disgrace and embarassment to
males and females alike.
And a bit stereotypical, I think. Hmmm. I'll hafta maybe work
on that...
the leash restraining her anger slipping. The presence of the crowd
thrust itself upon her awareness, their whispering coming to her
peripherally: some of the guys she'd been chatting with, who knew
her, wondering why she hadn't taken Ryuta down yet; others, who
hadn't been there, but recognized her, unsurprised that she'd started
a fight - "oh, look, it's Ranma, fighting again, big surprise. . .", they
said; and the others, the curious, the surprised, wondering "who's
that girl" or "shouldn't we do something, she's going to get hurt" ,
but no one actually doing anything, after all, it wasn't any of _their_
business, and Uehara was a really _big_ guy.
Noriko: (frowning slightly) I think that sentence is a bit too big for
its own good. It gets a bit hard to read after a while...
<nod> it's ready to implode under it's own weight. <sigh>
Hmmm, I'll hafta see what I can do...
deep shuddering breath, an attempt to regain control. And then, "I'm
a man".
Noriko: (looks like she's about to say something) .....
Raphael: Don't say it. Haven't you nitpicked enough?
Noriko: (this time, glares at her partner) .....
No, actually, do - I think I'm missing it myself...
rolling back, as she buried her knee into his crotch. He curled up
and collapsed, but still she held him; her grim smile tightened as she
smashed her fist forward, downwards, the rush of adrenalin proving
that she was a _man_. . .
Noriko: Whew. That was a good paragraph. You can almost feel the
intensity of the pure hatred and rage inside of him...
Thanks!
Raphael: Huh. I thought he was a bit easy on Uehara, myself. Remember
"Ill Met?"
I thought he was a bit harsh, myself...
Noriko: Be glad that this isn't the "Ill Met" Ranma. I don't think a
homicide would look very good on Ranma's record.
No, no homocided. That Ranma would've killed him long ago... or
would wait till _after_ the party, and do various nasty things with
various parts of Uehara. Ugh.
"Fuck this." muttered Ranma. "I don't know why I
bothered."
She turned her back on them all and walked away.
Noriko: That was well-executed, Mike-san. The despair and hopelessness
that Ranma must be feeling is very vivid here. Even his spurt of
profanity indicates how far gone he feels.
Thanks!
Raphael: Harumph. Even though my partner here is too busy looking for
nits to pick, I like the way you try to balance the equation a little and
have Akane worry about Ranma. I mean, she doesn't _hate_ him, even if she
sometimes says so...
Noriko: Hey, I was going to bring that up after I was done. You stole my
line!
Again, thanks. That passage wasn't there originally - but I
wanted to show that Akane wasn't _all_ bad. Heck, despite ranting to the
opposite, she _can_ be nice to Ranma, after the initial anger...
"Would'ya mind if I borrowed some? I'll pay you back, I
promise. . ."
Raphael: Uh-oh... I get the feeling that this is gonna lead to trouble...
yup.
Noriko: ...Maybe he'll be able to handle the alcohol better than most...
He's skilled in Suiken, isn't he?
huh? What's the Suiken?
Ranma glared at him evenly. "Think about it. . ."
Raphael: (grimacing) Ugh. That's _one_ detail about Ranma's life that I
didn't need to know about. Sucks to be a girl, doesn't it?
And, obviously knowing nothing about it personally (well,
directly, anyways), I hope I didn't mess it up...
Hiroshi wasn't sure if anyone noticed the flash of pain that
crossed her face, or the sudden tightening of her grip on her bottle.
"No." she answered in a voice that sounded strained. "My mom. . .
isn't around."
Raphael: (winces) This isn't a good night for Ranma, isn't it?
Noriko: It looks like this fic follows the same continuity as "Apron
Strings," hm?
Ah. No. I just meant that, well, she isn't around to help,
since she lives elsewhere - but, yeah, it's a bit misleading. Hmmm.
Gotta find a better way to say that. Any suggestions?
"Then I guess that means that, as a girl, you've got, you
know, all the. . . parts, right?"
She stared at him for a moment before nodding. "Yeah."
"So that means that, ah, theoretically speaking, you could,
you know, get. . ."
"I don't like to think about that." she said, glaring at him.
"And neither should you."
Raphael: Amen to that. I think we're gonna get stormed with another wave
of "Ranma gets pregnant" fics.
Noriko: Be nice! Some of those fics were well-written, too.
<grin> S'not my fault!
Besides, it's a Takahashi quote.
then glanced down at herself, then back up at the group. Her eyes
opened in shock. "What, me?"
Raphael: Oh, geez. That's got to be embarassing.
Noriko: And awkward, too. How do you deal with a revelation like that,
especially coming from one of your best friends?
Yeah, but alcohol does wonders to smooth over an awkward
situation. And Ranma's tends to love complements, even to his female side.
(tape ends)
Noriko: This is what Mike-san meant when he said that the volume was
incomplete, isn't it?
Raphael: I dunno... While some more wouldn't hurt a bit, this isn't too
bad a stopping point, either. I mean, obviously, you couldn't end the
entire fic this way, but it's a good point for stopping in between
chapters.
Noriko: Well... I guess I can see what you mean by that.
Yup. This chapter is almost done (hoping by the end of the
week). And then, the next chapter - who knows when _it_ willc ome out...
<sigh>
Raphael: Heh. I'll agree about the not-too-cheery comment. From the title
of the fic, it looks like that Ranma's going to have to make some
important decisions, probably stemming from the events of this party.
Yup.
Noriko: This looks like this can be an introspective, thought-provoking
series. Nicely done, Mike-san.
Thanks!
Raphael: And with that, we'll close this episode of Mystery C&C Theater
1/2. Good night!
Noriko: Good night!
And hopefully I'll be seeing you guys around again!
(camera begins to fade to black)
Raphael: (slightly muted) You know, I still think you nitpick _way_ too
much...
Noriko: (more muted) Hey, what you call "nitpicking" I call
"proofreading!" It's part of C&C, right?
Raphael: Nitpicking, proofreading, it's all the same thing...
And all usefull! Thanks!
-Mike Noakes