This one's a bit longer.
Usual disclaimers apply to the characters of both Naoko Takeuchi and
Rumiko Takahashi.
====
The Making of a Strong Heart
Be It Ever So Humble...
Chapter 5


Lita arranged the tattered remains of Akane's uniform about her bare chest
as best as she could, sat cross-legged on the ground, and began rocking
gently, paying little attention to the two young men arguing before her. 
Normally, she would be ogling the both of them, with their sleek, muscular
arms and their lean bodies.  This time, however, she was way too
disturbed.

"Take her back to the dojo? ARE YOU CRAZY?!"

Maybe she was dead.  That was it.  She just couldn't buy the fact that she
somehow switched identities with another person. No dream could be this
lucid...or this bizarre.

"Do you want me to be destroyed?  Is that it?  Do you hate me that much
for me to go to Soun and say 'Here's your daughter, father-in-law.  Please
overlook the fact that she's grown a few inches and goes by the name of
Lita Kino. In fact, where Akane actually is, I have no idea, but please
accept this girl as a substitute?' Is that what you want?!"

But if she was dead, exactly where was she?  She had been dead once
before, and though she had very vague memories about it, she was certain
her afterlife did not involve waking up in a handsome, albeit a little
perverted, guy's arms.  One thing she was absolutely sure about, though,
was that when she had died, she wasn't Lita; she was...

"Baka!" *BOP* "It's the only respectable thing to do!  We can't just
abandon her! She needs a safe place to stay while I look for Akane and
find out where she disappeared to.  And yes, I DO hate you that much!!"

Lita dug in the interdimensional pocket where she always kept her Scout
belongings.  Her hands kept feeling what seemed like wooden hammers of all
sizes, though how they could all be crammed in such a tiny space was
beyond her.

But the most important thing she was looking for was simply not there.

"You stupid idiot! Think you can use that lame excuse so you can go
gallivanting about the country while I take the rap?  This is just as much
your fault as mine.  If anything, it's *all* your fault!  Who was it who
threw the water on her?" *SMACK*

Lita hugged her chest tighter to keep the knot inside her from loosening. 
This couldn't be happening.  Even though she knew it would be useless
without her transformation stick, she spread her fingers and whispered,
"Jupiter Power!"

Nothing. 

*THUNK-A-BOP* "Oh yeah? Well who was acting like a general jerk in the
first place?"

Tears began trickling down her cheeks.  If she wasn't Sailor Jupiter
anymore, then what good was it?  Men were fine, but she loved the electric
power flowing through her body, the euphoria she felt when she felt energy
bolstering her, making her into a powerful being to be feared.  As Sailor
Jupiter, she was mighty.  She was *needed*.  Sailor Moon needed her
protection, instead of Lita Kino, who tried to be just as reliable as
Sailor Jupiter, but always failed for some reason. 

Lita the tomboy, who switched schools so many times due to her reputation.

Lita the orphan, who had to lie and say her parents were overseas to rent
an apartment on her own.

Lita the cook,  who always tried to win peoples' hearts through her food,
yet somehow still wound up being alone.

Plain, ordinary, Lita.

Without her power, she was helpless.  No, not helpless.  Useless.  This
wasn't heaven -- this was hell.

"Yo, uh, Lita. Are you okay?"

She felt a touch on her shoulder and snapped.  "No! What am I going to do
now? My entire life is gone because of this stupid freak accident.  I
can't live here, not like this!"

She began sobbing harder.  Flustered, Ranma could only pat her shoulder
quicker.  "No.  Uh, Don't cry.  Everything will be okay.  Really.  I'm
sure we can find a way to get you home."  Helplessly, he looked at Ryoga.

"Ranma's right, Lita.  Really.  Um, do you mind if you, um, cover
yourself? I'm getting a crick in my neck from holding my head back, and
the blood going down my throat is making me a bit nauseated."

"Sorry," Lita sniffled, drawing her legs up to hug her knees. 
Unfortunately,  Lita had forgotten that her little growth spurt had
shredded Akane's underwear as well the uniform.

"Wow.  I never heard a guy shriek like that before.  Is he going to be
okay?"

Ranma shrugged.  "Oh yeah.  Ryoga's always like that when he's
face-to-face with, uh, um, certain parts of the female body." He went over
to Ryoga's unconscious form and casually relieved him of his yellow shirt.
 "Here.  Put this on.  If he wakes up and complain, just say you'll be
happy to return it to him on the spot.  I don't think he'll mind after
that."

Lita slid the slightly musty shirt over her, noting that it was quite
dirty and worn, like he had tramped all over Japan with just the clothes
on his back. She looked at Ryoga and noticed with a practiced eye that he
was in great shape, with shapely lean muscles. "Doesn't like girls, huh?"
she sighed.

"Hmmph.  I wish it was so.  It would make my life a tad easier.  You can
say he does like girls, or rather a certain girl, but--" he began grinding
his teeth.  "It just so happens she's taken. He's too shy to admit his
feelings, but when he does get the nerve to...well, let's just say I ever
so conveniently show up."

Mathematics wasn't Lita's forte.  Matters of the heart, though, that was a
different subject.  "You're in love with the same girl?"

Ranma jumped, and waved his hands in denial.  "No, no! It's not like that!
I mean, uh," He began blushing furiously.  "It's just that, well, she's my
fiancee."

"Fiancee!" Lita said, shocked.

Ranma shrugged and looked uncomfortably away.  "It wasn't as if I wanted
it to happen.  Our fathers arranged it.  I could never marry such a uncute
tomboy anyhow."

Lita opened her mouth, then on second thought, shut it.  *Doesn't like
tomboys, huh? Guess that leaves me out of the picture.* 

*Hey, wait a minute.  I can't think of flirting at a time like this!  Am I
that desperate, even in my afterlife?!*

"Not that I don't like her," Ranma rushed on. "It's just that...well...you
know..." He was looking more and more uncomfortable.  Lita decided it was
time to change the subject.

"Well, we're not getting me home if we're just sitting here."  She rose to
her feet.  Ryoga's shirt hung to her midcalves, but that was fine, as long
as she didn't bend over or anything else risque.  "The first thing we need
to do is get me some decent clothing."

Ranma frowned.  He really did look cute when he had that serious frown on
his face, almost like...almost like...

Frowning, Lita cocked her head.  Now that she thought about it, there was
nothing about this guy that reminded her of Freddy, her old boyfriend. 
The shape of the face was wrong; he wasn't lanky and tall.  Even his eyes
were different.  He had a cute look that was all his own.

Ranma started saying, "Well, I supposed the best thing to do is..."

Then his eyes widened, his gaze fastened on something beyond Lita's
shoulder.

"Oh no.  No, not that!"

Lita turned.  Aside from the dust being kicked up in the far distance, she
didn't see a thing unusual.

She turned to him to ask what was wrong, and blinked when he leapt to
Ryoga and actually began smacking him across the face repeatedly.  "Hey
stupid!  Wake up!  We gotta get out of here!  Now!"

All her warm feelings for Ranma vanished in an instant.  "Stop that!" she
snapped.  "That's rude!"

"Not as rude as what's gonna happen if we stay here."  Ranma retaliated. 
He pulled Ryoga up by the shoulders and screamed in his ear.  "HEY
P-CHAN!! WAKE UP!!!"

Lita suddenly became aware of a low rumble.

**PUNCH** "HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO TELL YOU..."  Ryoga's rapid
recovery reversed as he caught sight of Lita.  "Hey, why are you wearing
my shirt?"

Ranma grabbed Ryoga's head and directed his vision to the sight behind her
with a sharp (but nonlethal) crack.  "That." He said around Ryoga's fist.

Ryoga's eyes widened even larger than Ranma's.  Confused, Lita looked
behind her again.  There was something emerging from the dust, something
too vast to make out.  The rumbling was growing louder, thundering and
shaking the ground, like hundreds of feet pounding on pavement.  And the
strangest conglomeration of sounds rose from it -- high-pitched squeaks
and wails and shrieks.

Lita squinted to get a better look.  It was impossible, but if she didn't
know any better...

 "HRRRAAAAUUUUGGGGGHHHHH!!!!"

Lita turned just in time to see Ryoga leap to his feet, his eyes popping
from his head in a way inhumanly possible.  He swept up some stuff lying
on the ground and, his shirt forgotten, he ran blindly towards the nearest
brick wall.

Lita gasped.  "No!  Come back!  You going to hit that--"

*CRASH*THROOSH*BOOM!!!*

"Wall?" Lita finished lamely as she watched several bricks in the
newly-made entryway topple to the ground.  Several more crashings can be
heard as Ryoga unwittingly cleared a path through the buildings of
downtown Tokyo.  "He--he broke through the wall!  I never saw anything
like that before!"

Ranma smiled.  "Yeah, we could've left him here, but this way's quicker." 
Before Lita could protest, he grabbed her arm and they took off down the
Ryoga-shaped passageway, nodding politely at the office workers gaping at
their new entrance.

Lita craned her neck to look behind her.  What in the world could cause
that guy to go utterly berserk?  The strange, howling dust storm was
coming closer, was beginning to resolve itself into figures.

And then she saw.

Girls.

Hundreds of girls.

Hundreds of scantily-clad girls.

Girls bearing bats and helmets and golf clubs and benches and cars and all
sorts of mundane and bizarre objects, their faces red and drawn into
horrible grimaces, their shirts flapping and their hair flying and other
parts bouncing and bobbing, and they were screaming, shrieking in voices
that conveyed all the rage of the underworld and beyond.

"Ecchi!"

"Pervert!"

"Lech!"

"Hentai!"

Without slowing, Lita looked at Ranma.  "Does everyone here have something
against you or what?!"

"NANI?!  It's not my fault!  Why do people assume that it's me?  It's not
me they're after, I swear!  It's...it's all because of..."  Ranma's words
abruptly cut off as something sproinged off his head.  It dropped to the
ground and began running at their pace.

"Hee!  Hee! Hee! What a haul!  What a haul!"

At first, Lita thought she was looking at a very strange-looking bird,
except this one wore a black robe.  It had a black scarf tied around the
little nub of a nose, and the orifice she had thought was its beak was
actually the distended wrinkled mouth of a little, very little, old man. 
He was carrying on his back a very large sack, stuffed to nearly
exploding, which he carried with relative ease, hopping and springing with
unquenchable glee. 

He chortled as he hopped, "Ranma, my boy!  We struck gold, I tell you!
Gold! Just wait until we get home. I have a busload of silky darlings to
add -- eh? What have we here?"

The little man skidded to a stop...directly in front of Lita, who nearly
tripped over him.  His eyes widened as they traveled up her legs to her
chest and stopped.  Lita blinked, trying to take in the sight before her.

A slow, toothy grin spread across the little man's face.  "Well,
hellllooooooo!!!"

Then he sprung, nimble as a black-robed spider, his arms spread wide and a
ridiculously adoring expression on his face.  She drew breath to
shriek...only to have it turn into a gasp as Ranma's elbow drove into the
little man's wrinkled head, smashing him into a black splotch on the
pavement.  Smoothly, he took Lita's arm and they were off again.

Lita was still stymied over the little man's presence.  "Hey!  That--that
thing!  It tried to--"

Ranma nodded wearily. "Yeah, I know.  He's always like that.  Looks like
we better get you some more clothing."  An idea came to his head.  With a
snap of his fingers, he stopped, motioned at Lita to stay, and took off
back where they came from.  After a couple of seconds, he reappeared,
toting the sack the little man was wearing.

They emerged from another ravaged building (it's occupants had continued
their office work, not even sparing a glance at the two youths charging
through their midst) out into a busy intersection.  Ranma glanced
nervously up at the sky. "We better hurry. That old lech got an incredible
recovery rate."  He looked across the street and groaned. "Oh, that's just
great."

Ryoga's madcap dash must had ended, for there were no evidence of damaged
property except for a light pole bent in half, its upper half listing
dangerously into the street.  Beneath the broken pole, a pair of black
pants was strewn in the watery part of the gutter, along with a backpack,
an umbrella, and strangely enough, a small black piglet, its little legs
sticking motionless in the air.  Ryoga was nowhere to be seen.

Ranma went to the pole and looked at the pants in disgust before fishing
them out of the gutter. "Stupid moron.  It would be like him to get wet. 
Well, we can't wait for these to dry." He tossed the soggy trousers to
Lita, then began rummaging through the sack.  Several times he glanced at
Lita, frowning, until he pulled out something lacy and held it out.  "It's
not much, but it will do for now until the pants dry. I'm sure the owners
won't mind, in this case."  He dangled the panties at her.

Lita was flabbergasted.  She had to work her mouth several times before
shouting  "What the hell are you talking about?!  You don't expect me to
put those on, do you?!!  What kind of a FREAK are you?!!!"

"Look, I know what I'm doing."  To Lita's utter shock, he plucked the
piglet out of the gutter and began smacking it repeatedly on its snout. 
"This is the wrong time to sleep, pig!  Come on, wake up so you can use
your breaking point technique or something!"

Lita had it.  This guy was asking...no, *begging* to be slapped.  She
marched over to him.

Ranma glanced at her just before he was slammed into the pavement, his
twitching limbs twisted in various grotesque shapes.  Lita stumbled back
as the little bird-man cackled atop Ranma's dazed head. "That will teach
you to steal my stuff!  I rightfully stole those panties and I won't have
you keeping them for yourself!"  He blinked, then frowned "Now, where was
I?  Oh yeah..."  

Using Ranma's head as a springboard, he launched himself into the air, did
a couple of somersaults, and landed on Lita's chest with an audible
*GLOMP*.  "Ah, yes!" he sighed, snuggling comfortably.  "I was introducing
myself to you and your two lovely, soft, companions!"

Once upon a time, Lita had severe reservations on how people saw her
femininity, especially when she began towering over the girls in fifth
grade and beating up the boys sixth grade and beyond.  Here at last was
someone who truly saw and appreciated her femininity for what it was.  Of
course, that didn't mean she was pleased about it.

"WHAT THE...!!!  GET OFF ME!!!!!"

Lita scrambled to dislodged the old man off her chest, who, despite his
small stature, was clinging with the tenacity of a barnacle...or an
octopus, if you count his hands which managed to squeeze every part of her
body without moving from his comfortable position.  After a few more
unsuccessful attempts and a lot of shrieking, she cried out as the old man
was roughly pulled away by a recovered Ranma. "Ouch!!"

What Ranma did with the old man was more painful.  He lifted the little
man high and slammed him hard into the ground; so hard, in fact, that when
the dust cleared, all Lita saw was a gaping hole.  A sudden screech of
metal caused Lita to look up, and her jaw dropped as he saw Ranma yanking
off the rest of the broken pole and driving it hard into the hole. 
"There." He proclaimed, clapping the dust from his hands.  "That should
hold him...for a while at least."

Lita gawked at him.  "But...how did you...HEY!!!!"

That last was squawked out as Ranma, with speed that rivaled that of the
Sailor Scouts, scooped up the piglet and Lita in his arms and took off
down the street.  Behind them, the sounds of metal screeching and groaning
could be heard.  "Kuso." Ranma said.  "I thought it would give us time,
but, oh well."  He suddenly gave a disarming smile at Lita.  "I guess
we'll just have to elude him the old fashioned way.  Hold on!"

"What?" Lita began saying when suddenly her stomach went topsy-turvy as
Ranma leapt atop a car, sprang upon an overhanging draped over a store's
door, and used that to launch himself onto the store's roof.  Without
pausing, he sprinted across, jumped, and landed on another roof.

Lita shrieked and threw her arms around him, squashing the poor piglet,
which was just waking up, between them.  It gave a muffled "bwee!", looked
at what it was squashed against, and promptly passed out again.  Lita
didn't notice.  "Are you out of your mind?!"  she screamed in Ranma's ear.
 "We'll get killed!"

Ranma winced but replied, "No we won't. I do this kind of thing all the
time.  The more distance we put between us and that pervert, the better. 
And hold on to that pig.  If it gets away, we'll never be able to find
him."  **If Ryoga wants me to take her to the dojo, fine, but he's coming
too.  I'm not going to be the only one blasted to kingdom come.**

Lita stared at him, her incredulity mounting.  He does this sort of thing
all the time?  She studied at him as he cleared another roof with relative
ease.  **Yanking up poles like their weeds? Clearing rooftops with one
leap?  Holding me as if I'm weightless like a rag doll?  Just how strong
is this guy?  He does more stuff than what I can do in my Jupiter form! 
Wow, he's so strong...and...and...cute...and...**

Ranma was growing rather uncomfortable by her gaze.  **Uh, oh.  She's
getting that look in her eyes again.  Why does this happen to me every
time I rescue a girl?  I better think of something to say real fast.**

"That was stupid of you."

Lita blinked, the stars going out of her eyes. "Huh?"

"If you had put that underwear on like I told you to, this wouldn't have
happened."

"What?!"  The stars were being replaced by flames.  "What does me putting
on underwear have to do with getting rid of that pervert?"

Ranma shrugged. "You could've distracted him with it while I bound him up
or something.  I know it works for me."  Immediately, he thought, **Wait a
minute. That didn't come out right.**

"WHAT?!"

Hastily, he scrambled to cover his tracks. "No, no! That's not what I
meant!" Up ahead, the rooftops ended, showing the green of a park. "I
meant whenever he comes for me!"  If memory served him right, there was a
small pond just in front of the park. He began speeding up.  "You see, I
usually keep a couple on me, just in case.  That way, when Happosai comes
around, I can just yank them off and throw them at him."  One large jump
should clear the pool nicely.  "Granted, they're usually Akane's, so
naturally they're a tight fit.  I keep telling her I have a better body
than her, but she always gets upset for some reason."  He didn't see
Lita's eyes growing larger and larger until they threatened to pop from
her head.  "Personally," he continued nonchalantly more to himself than
Lita,  "I can't see why she can't just accept the fact that I'm shapelier,
sexier, more bustier..."  Crouching low, he put all his power in his legs
and jumped off the roof.

"Why..."

It was a perfect leap.  The water of the pool glittered, blue and cool,
beneath them.

"...you..."

Ranma congratulated himself.  Who said he was a magnet for water?  Nothing
could change this perfect trajectory.

"...PERVERT!!!!!!!!!"	

**WHAP!!!**

The glittering water of the pool, blue and cool, was suddenly rising
rapidly to meet them.

*					*					*

Down the street where the Tendo Indiscriminate School of Martial Arts was
located, two young women were walking.

The first one, the one with her cherry-red hair pulled back into a
pigtail, was walking ahead of the other.  Her sopping clothes, a red shirt
and black pants, drooped off her small frame, and she was barefoot,
carrying her flat black shoes in her hand.  Her pert, pretty face was at
the moment drawn into a very fierce scowl.  She was muttering something
vile beneath her breath.

Behind her, the other young woman walked, towering a good foot and a half
over the redhead.  Her yellow shirt and black pants were also sopping wet
(actually, the pants were wet to begin with--however, the taller woman had
put them on anyway, saying that it didn't matter now).  In her arms she
carried what looked like the remains of a girl's school uniform, and a
small black piglet, which wore a scowl similar to the redhead's and a
strange yellow bandanna.  The taller woman, her own hair plastered in its
high ponytail, wore an expression alternating between shock and vexation. 
Her words were more audible.

"You're a girl.  I can't believe this.  You're a girl.  If I didn't see it
with my own eyes, I wouldn't have believed it.  I *still* can't believe
it.  You're a girl.  You're a girl.  I can't..."

Abruptly, the redhead rounded on her.  The red imprint of a hand laid
along her cheek.  "Will you quit it already?!  Yes, I'm a girl! We've
already established the fact I'm a girl!! Lay off of it, will ya?!"

"Well, you don't have to yell at me!"

"Well, you didn't have to slam me into the lake!"

"Well, you've could've told me earlier! Honestly, what were you thinking
of when you were saying those things?  If you had told me that you can
change into a girl earlier, then we could've avoided a lot of confusion!"

"Well, excuuuuse me, but it's not the type of thing you go announcing to
every person you meet!  'Hi, My name is Ranma, and I can change my sex
whenever I want!'  Do *you* want to hang around a guy who says that the
first time you see him?!"

"Well, it's a lot better than finding out the hard way!!!!"

"You're telling me!  I'm surprised you didn't drown the way you were
thrashing about.  And I may go permanently deaf from the way you were
shrieking in my ear!"

"So sue me.  It's not everyday a majorly hunky guy turns into a girl in my
arms.  I still think you should've told me."

Ranma-chan snorted.  "You know who's really at fault here?"  She threw a
finger at the piglet.  "Right there.  He's the one you should be yelling
at.  He's the one who got you in this mess in the first place."

The piglet perked its ears and went, "Ernk?"

"What?!  I don't believe this!  First you blame that good-looking
nose-bleedin' guy, and now you're beating up on a poor, defenseless
piglet?  What are you going to do next, smack little children because you
took a cold shower this morning?  I don't even know why you're making me
carry it in the first place, but if you keep on beating up this on this
poor, innocent animal..."

"Innocent?!  That is no innocent pig, I tell you!  That's--!" 
Ranma-chan's words faltered as the piglet glared up at her, baring its
mouth to reveal a pair of pointy fangs.  With an inarticulate growl,
Ranma-chan threw up her hands and stomped off.  "Aww, why am I even
bothering to explain..."

Lita shook her head.  **All this fuss over an animal. I don't get it. But
then again, this entire place is wacko city.**  She suddenly blinked. 
**Was that my imagination or did that pig just stick its tongue out?**  

Ranma-chan led her through a gate to a small, charming backyard with a
miniature carp pool.  The house was small, yet comfy-looking.  Through the
sliding doors, Lita could see some people sitting inside, and a
large, furry something that looked like a bear.  Ranma-chan turned to her.
 "Wait here," she growled.

Lita nodded, turned around, and began walking away.

"Hey!  Wait a minute! Where you going? Hey!"

Lita turned to regard the redhead and coolly said, "Listen, mister--or
miss, or whatever you call yourself.  If you think you going to speak to
me in that tone of voice, then you can just forget it."

"NANI?!"  Ranma-chan's jaw hit the ground.  She turned her back on Lita
for a second, her shoulders shaking and her fists clenched, uttering a
number of words Lita couldn't hear clearly.  At length, she whirled around
and said through gritted teeth, "Lita, will you PLEASE wait HERE while I
GO INSIDE and TELL the TENDOS WHAT'S GOING ON?!?!"

Lita considered for a bit while Ranma-chan's face grew redder and redder. 
Then she shrugged.  "Not exactly how I would put it.  But since you said
please..."  She stepped through the gate again and smiled in amusement as
Ranma-chan stomped towards the house, fuming.  "Heh, you know, I don't
know which is worse: him as a guy or him as a girl."

The piglet grunted.  Lita looked to see it looking at Ranma-chan's back
with an almost intelligent look of smug satisfaction. **That's strange.
It's almost as if it truly dislikes Ranma. But then again, if I was a pig,
and some jerk started slapping me, I would probably hate him too.** She
peered closer at the pig.  **Funny, that bandanna looks familiar...**

Ranma-chan sighed as she entered the dojo's family room.  "Tadaima."

Soun and his pop, or rather his panda-pop, faintly grunted, neither
removing their eyes from the Go board in front of them.  Kasumi came in,
wiping floury hands on a towel.  "Ara!  Ranma!  You're home early. 
Where's Akane?"

"Huh?"  Ranma-chan blinked and looked at the wall clock.  It was just
after two o'clock, which meant school was just now getting out.  **Kuso. 
This entire Lita mess made me miss the rest of school.  Not that I'm
complaining...**

She became aware of Kasumi standing there, smiling politely, and suddenly
remember what she asked.  "Uh, Akane?  Well, she...uh...she...isn't here?"

Kasumi giggled, "Well, of course she's isn't here, silly.  I'm asking if
you if you know where she is."

Ranma-chan rubbed the back of her neck.  "Well, umm, to tell the truth,
umm...you see..."

"Tadaima!" Nabiki announced her presence--to the relief of Ranma-chan. 
She tossed her bookbag on the sofa.  "Hi, Sis.  Hi, Daddy.  Hi,
Saotome-san. Hi, Ranma.  Do you know there's a really tall girl in our
backyard? She's wearing Ryoga's clothes and she's got P-chan under one arm
and Akane's uniform under the other."

Time stopped.  For a second, anyway.

"NANNNNNIIIIIII!!!"

Ranma-chan laughed nervously, rubbing her neck harder. "Heh, heh. Um, I
was going to mention that..."

*					*					*

Lita stood nervously in the Tendo-dojo while Ranma-chan made
introductions.  "Minna, this is, uh, Kino Lita.  Over there is Tendo
Kasumi, and her sister Nabiki.  The guy sitting in the puddle of tears is
Tendo Soun, and over there, uh, over there..." her voice trailed.

The panda blinked from where it was gnawing at an old tire then,
nonchalantly, held up a sign. {Saotome Genma.  Nice to meet you.}

Ranma-chan weakly finished.  "My pop."

Lita stared at the panda, which took to tossing the tire playfully in the
air.  "Your father's a panda? No way, you can't be serious.  How in the
world can your father--?"

Ranma-chan pointed at herself.

"Oh."

Soun Tendo suddenly reared before her, tears streaming from his eyes. 
"Oh, most horrid of horrible days!  Why, oh why have I been bereft of my
young beautiful daughter?  My dear sweet Akane, taken from my life --
AGAIN!  Oh, when will this madness ever end?"

Nabiki shrugged and plopped herself in front of the television.  "Geez,
Daddy. Cheer up.  Could be worse, you know.  Look what you got in place of
Akane."  A small, wicked smile appeared on her face.  "Good thing I got
new film for my camera.  I can hear the yen clinking now."

Lita blinked.  "Excuse me?"

"RANMA!"  Ranma-chan was suddenly seized by the wailing Soun and shaken
violently.  "Where is my daughter?!  What happened to her?!  How can you
let her be taken?!"

"It wasn't my fault!" Ranma-chan cried.  "And I didn't let her be taken!
The stupid girl practically ran in the way.  How was I to know she would
be so fast--glurk!"  She clutched her head as the panda brandished a sign
that read {Well, you should've been faster}.

"That's no excuse!" bawled Soun.  "You're her fiancee!  You're supposed to
protect her!"

"As if that kawaiikune needs any protecting..." Ranma-chan shouted,
earning another boot -- er, board to the head.  "Look, she was running
when Hinako-sensei was doing her yen-setsu thing, and Ryoga with his
thick-headed, baka-brain self got this crazy notion to throw a bucket of
water at me..."  Nestled in Lita's arms, the piglet began growling. 
"...Akane got caught in the middle of it, there was a huge flash of light
and the next thing I know, this girl comes flying out of nowhere, wearing
Akane's clothes, landing in my arms, mumbling crazy stuff about aliens..."
 Lita reddened, feeling like she could growl herself.  "...and Akane was
nowhere to be seen!  So it was all Ryoga's fault, not mine!"

The head of the Tendo household stared at Ranma-chan.  "Honto? Are you
telling the truth?"

Ranma-chan sincerely said.  "Look in my eyes.  Can't you tell I'm telling
the truth?"

Soun looked, then slammed her into the floor. "HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO
BELIEVE A COCK-A-MAMIE STORY LIKE THAT?!"

"Everyone who was at lunch saw it!  Tell them, Nabiki!  I got witnesses!"

Nabiki didn't even turn from the television.  "Actually, Ranma, everyone
left when the class bell rang, right after Shampoo pounded you into the
pavement.  You on your own, pal."

"Fine!"  Ranma-chan threw the weeping Soun off of her.  "I'll give you
proof!"  Without warning, she snatched the black piglet from Lita's grasp
and stomped into the kitchen.  The squeak of a faucet followed.

"Oh my," Kasumi said.  She bowed slightly to Lita and smiled politely. 
"Would you like some tea?"

Lita looked nervously about.  The mustached man and the panda was watching
her warily (Lita was beginning to find the panda gaze *very*
disconcerting), while the short-haired girl was completely ignoring the
scenario.  "Umm, that would be nice."  She replied.

Kasumi's smiled brightened and she went into the kitchen, just as a male
voice thundered, accompanied by various banging sounds,  "PIN ALL THE
BLAME ON ME, EH?!  THAT'S IT!! PREPARE TO--uh, Kasumi!!"

Kasumi's voice sweetly interrupted. "Ah! Ryoga-kun!  I didn't see you come
in!  If you're looking for your clothes, the young lady outside has them."

"Uh, arigoto, Kasumi.  Do you mind handing me that towel?"

"Sure. It has flour on it, though."

"That's fine.  Now, where was I?  Oh yeah.  THAT'S IT, RANMA!  PREPARE TO
DIE!"

An equally male voice thundered back. "YOU BETTER GET OUT THERE AND TELL
THEM...OR ELSE!"

"ELSE WHAT?!"

The second voice said something too low to hear, but it had a profound
impact.  The banging stopped as Ryoga said, "You wouldn't dare!"  Then
there were several more words, during which Lita could only catch "warrior
code", "Soun", and "Akane's bed".  There was a long pause, then footsteps.

Ranma came out, a boy again.  Behind him was Ryoga, clad only in a towel
and looking miserable.  He glared at Ranma, who merely crossed his arms
and gave him a meaningful look, sighed, glanced at Lita, blushed, and
said.  "Ranma's telling the truth.  Akane did get caught between some
water I tossed and Hinako-sensei's chi-blast.  We don't know what happened
to her, but somehow this girl wound up appearing just as Akane
disappeared."  He glanced at Lita again and blushed deeper.

Soun rubbed his chin thoughtfully.  "So it is true." He mused.

Kasumi entered in with a tray of cups and a kettle.  She looked at her
father and leaned over to whisper to Lita.  "Oh dear. You may want to
stand back a bit."

"Huh?  Why?"

Soun Tendo exploded at that very moment.  His head expanded until it took
up nearly half the room.  Smoke poured from his ears as a forked tongue
snaked from his grotesque mouth, smacking the two screaming boys into the
wall.  "THE BOTH OF YOU LET MY DAUGHTER VANISH INTO THIN AIR!?!?  YOU WILL
PAY!!!!"

"It wasn't our fault!"  Ranma cried, cringing behind Ryoga, who in turn
was trying to hide behind Ranma and keep his towel from slipping at the
same time.  "Tell him, Lita!"

Pressed against the kitchen door, Lita gasped.  "Don't drag me into this!
I didn't ask to come here, you know!"  She blinked as Kasumi gave her a
cup of tea.  "Uh, thanks."  Gawking, she watched as the young woman smiled
and handed a cup to the panda, oblivious to her father's demonic head.

Nabiki turned off the television, frowning.  "I can't check the quotes
with all this racket. Lita, what were you doing before you, um, appeared
here?  Maybe we can figure out if what happened to you happened to Akane."

Everyone turned to Lita, even the gigantic head of Soun.  Lita swallowed. 
**I can't tell them my secret.  But then again, she may have a point.**
"All right." She sighed. "But umm, do you mind, uh, Mr. Tendo..."

"Oh. Of course."  Without batting an eye, Soun Tendo's head deflated to
normal size and he sat down on the floor, holding out his hand for Lita to
join him.  Warily, she sat as far from him as possible and silently
composed her thoughts.

"How can I explain?"  She began with a sigh.  "I'm a fighter of sorts. 
You see..."

Fifteen minutes later, Ranma and Soun were wearing various expressions of
skepticism and Ryoga was wearing a fresh change of clothes courtesy of
Ranma's wardrobe, while Nabiki frowned deeply and Kasumi wore her usual
polite smile.  The panda had returned to playing with the tire.

"So what you're saying," Ranma summed up.  "is that there is a bunch of
girls running about in sailor suits, and they're named after planets and
have all these super powers from when they were princesses from previous
lives, and they go around yelling 'Scout Power!' and wave a bunch of pens
and jewelry about?"

Lita frowned. "Well, I wouldn't exactly put it--"

Her words were interrupted by a loud snort, followed by a Ranma's fist
pounding on the floor as he howled,  "Oh, that's rich!  That's too rich! 
Let me guess, you go around rescuing fair knights in distress! Must be
hell to kick monsters' butts in high heels, huh?  On slow days, do you sell
Sailor Scout cookies door to door?  What's the worse fight
you've been in without chipping a nail?  Do you fight evil in the
moonlight and win love in the daylight and all that crap?  Is your
fighting really bad if one of you is having a bad hair day?  And how does
PMS factor into all this...?"

**SOCK!!**

Lita's fist whipped out before she could stop herself, and Ranma was flat
on the floor, gazing vacantly at the ceiling.  She gasped.  "Oops! Sorry. 
I haven't done that since my last fight at school."  

The other inhabitants looked at him with little pity.  The panda shrugged
and wrote, {Serves him right.}

"Don't mind him, Lita."  Ryoga said, leaning forward (and squishing his
elbow in Ranma's face at the same time).  "But I must admit, it does sound
a bit far-fetched."

"It's the truth, I swear!  I would show you, but I don't have my
transformation pen on me.  It's vanished, somewhere."  She decided not to
tell them about the strange objects she was feeling earlier in her
interdimensional pocket.

Ryoga still looked skeptical, but Nabiki said.  "No matter.  Let's just
assume that she's telling the truth -- for the moment anyway."  She
ignored Lita's indignant look.  "Let's get back to what you were saying
earlier.  As this 'Sailor Jupiter', you have the power to control
lightning.  You were attacking this alien, and someone threw water on you
at the same time, there was a huge flash, and you woke up here?"

Lita nodded.

Nabiki turned to the recovering Ranma, "And you said the same thing
happened with Akane when you were fighting Hinako-sensei?"

Ranma glared at Ryoga as he booted the lost boy away from him.  "It wasn't
my fault.  But yeah.  Somewhat."

Nabiki thought hard.  "Then it's obvious where Akane is."

"Where?" said everyone, except for the panda, who chose to write {Where?}
instead.

Nabiki grumbled to herself.  "What I have to put up with."  Louder, she
explained.  "If Lita somehow was zapped here to us, chances are Akane is
where Lita is supposed to be.  Theoretically."

Everyone looked blankly at her.  Even the new girl seemed stumped.

"How much clearer do you want me to spell it out for you?"  Nabiki
groaned, holding her forehead.  "Look, if what Lita says is true, then she
is not part of this world, kapice?  She's part of some other world,  like
an alternative reality, one that's just like this one, except we aren't
there and her Sailor Scouts aren't here.  When Lita and Akane were
fighting, maybe the different worlds were lined in some cosmic fashion
that allowed a weird dimensional shift to take place when Lita and Akane
got hit with water and power, enough to make them switch worlds.  In any
case, Lita's here in this world, where Akane is supposed to be, and Akane
is over there with the Sailor Scouts, where Lita is supposed to be."

Silence.  Deep, deep silence.

"DO I HAVE TO DRAW A DIAGRAM TO MAKE YOU UNDERSTAND?!"  Nabiki shouted in
frustration.

No one said a word.

Half an hour later, Nabiki swept aside the charts and diagrams off the
table.  "Okay," she growled.  "I see that not even that is helping.  Fine.
This rock is Akane and that pencil is Lita. Ranma, take the pencil and  go
stand over there.  Now, if I throw this rock at Ranma..."

Ranma's eyes suddenly flashed.  "Wait a minute.  Are you saying that
Lita's from a different dimension that's just like ours, and because of
that weird zap she's now here, and the same thing's happened to Akane,
except she's now in Lita's dimension?"

 "Yes! That's what I've been trying to tell you all along!"

"Oh!  Why didn't you say so in the first place?"

Nabiki stared at him and went back to the television, muttering.  "Maybe
I'm the one from a different dimension..."

"But if Akane's in Lita's world," Ryoga mused, "how do we get her back and
put Lita back where she belongs?"

{Oh, that's simple.} the panda furiously scribbled.  {We just go up to the
nearest interdimensional gate and buy Lita a one-way ticket.}  As he
wrote, he neatly dodged Ranma's fist.

"How can you be so stupid, Pop?  Obviously the way to get Akane is to send
Lita the way she came here."

"Yeah, Ranma." Ryoga snidely said.  "I'll go get Hinako-sensei and ask her
to zap her while you stand by with a bucket of water."

"Doofus, we don't need Hinako-sensei.  All we do is stick Lita's hand in
that electric socket..."

"Excuse me!  If you think I'm going to deliberately shock myself..."

Nabiki turned off the television with another resigned sigh.  "Don't be
stupid, all of you.  I doubt such a freak accident could occur twice in
one day (although around here, I wouldn't be surprised).  Besides, Akane
was hit at the same time, remember?  Unless you want to keep zapping and
splashing Lita until her friends figure out what to do in their world, I
suggest we find another way."

"Yes, but how?"  Lita asked.  "I know my friend Amy can figure something
out with her computer but I don't know how long that can take.  Do you
have any magic folk here?"

"Only Cologne," said Ryoga before Ranma slammed a fist into his mouth.  It
was too late, however.

"Oh!  Cologne!" Kasumi exclaimed as she paused from gathering the teacups.
 "Doesn't she still have that mirror? You know, the one that transported
all of you to China?  That might be able to help Lita."

"Now, now let's not get too hasty?"  Ranma protested vehemently. 
"Besides, the mirror's useless now, remember?  Nabiki stepped on it. It's
probably at the bottom of the trashheap by now."

"But it's not, Ranma.  I helped Cologne pick up the shards myself.  She
said something about it being salvageable, despite Nabiki being so
heavy-footed."

Nabiki scowled at her sister.  "Hey, it wasn't my fault, Sis.  Cologne was
the one who dropped it on the floor in the first place."  Kasumi merely
smiled and returned to the kitchen.

"Then it's true!"  Soun cried, rising. Lita blinked as flowers suddenly
appeared behind him.  "If Cologne still has the mirror, we still have a
chance!"

Ryoga jumped beside him, his fists clenched.  "All we have to do is use
the mirror to transport to Lita's world, find Akane, leave Lita there and
transport back with Akane!"

Soun's eyes overflowed in readiness.  "To the Nekohaten!!!"

"Hold it!" Ranma shouted.  "Aren't you forgetting something?"  Everyone
looked at him questioningly.  "Cologne would be there."

"Well, duh." said Ryoga.

"And so is Shampoo!"

"Your point being?" asked Soun.

Ranma rolled his eyes before hissing.  "You think Cologne will be willing
to let us use the mirror to bring back Akane? Shampoo hates her guts!"

Soun waved it off.  "We'll cross that bridge when we come to it.  Anyway,
it's your fault for getting engaged to Shampoo in the first place."

"Wait a minute." Lita interjected.  "I thought you were engaged to Akane. 
You mean to tell me you're engaged to another woman?!"

"Not on purpose!  And how can you say it was my fault! It's that stupid
Amazon law!  If a certain *someone* haven't started eating her dinner..."

{I was hungry! And you were eating too, remember?}

*BOOF!* "You told me it was alright!!!"  

Lita's eyes widened as the panda went sailing out the window.  **Geez, how
can he do that to his own dad?**

*WHACK!* "Cool it, Ranma."  Ryoga growled.  "But Mr. Tendo, as much as I
hate to admit it, Ranma's right.  Once Cologne finds out that Akane's in a
different dimension, she'll use every trick she has to get Shampoo and
Ranma to the altar before she returns Akane," (**Which would be absolutely
fine with me,** he added silently.) "but before that, I bet she wouldn't
lift a finger to save Akane."

Ranma added. "We all know how conniving she was when she touched me with
the Full-Body Cat Tongue point.  It took me weeks to get that Phoenix Pill
from around her neck, and even then the first time I got it, it was a
fake.  Akane's disappearance would be too much of an opportunity for her
to get me as her son-in-law for sure."

Soun crossed his arms and stroked his mustache.  "Hmm.  You have a point
there, son.  Somehow, we must gain the mirror without letting Cologne know
about Akane's disappearance."

The room went silent as everyone scratched their heads thoughtfully. 
Lita's own train of thought suddenly derailed as a warm aroma filled her
nostrils.  **Hey, is that cilantro I smell?  Someone's making soup. 
Smells delicious.  I wonder what's in it?**

The sound of a fist smacking a palm made everyone except Lita look up. 
"Of course!" cried Soun.  "I got it!  We don't have to let Cologne know
that Akane's gone.  We can simply tell her that she's been placed under a
curse and we need the mirror to change her back."

"Change her back?" Nabiki questioned after a long, confused silence. 
"Daddy, how can we use the mirror to change her back?  She's not even here
to have a curse to begin with."

"No, but Lita is."

Four pairs of eyes reverted to Lita, who had started at her name.  "Huh?" 
Simultaneously, Ranma went, "What?"

"Yeah...I think I see what you mean." said Ryoga.  "It would be like what
we mistakenly thought earlier."

"Question is," asked Nabiki. "Will Cologne fall for it as easily as you
did?"

Ryoga snorted.  "Che...Cologne's smart, but not that smart.   And Lita did
appear when she got hit with water."  He began getting excited.  "I can
say that I threw Jusenkyo water at Ranma to make him a permanent girl, but it 
hit Akane instead, and the chi blast made her body the way it is now!
Cologne would never see through that!"

"Then," added Soun, his voice rising dramatically, "We can use the mirror
to locate Akane and say that we're going back in time to prevent her
change, when in reality we will go to Lita's world, get Akane, leave Lita,
and come back here!  It's absolutely perfect!! TO THE NEKOHATEN!!!"

Ranma frowned while Lita shouted with a not-so-pleased look.  "Wait, wait!
Hold on a sec!  What are you talking about?  What curse? What mirror?
What's with all the bath products?"

Ranma stuck his hand behind his head.  "Gomen, Lita. I forgot.  Cologne is
this old warrior chick from China who currently runs a restaurant here. 
I'm supposed to be engaged to her crazy granddaughter, Shampoo, and she's
doing all she can to make sure I stay engaged, which usually either means
tricking me into marrying Shampoo or doing away with Akane.  With Akane
gone, ain't no way Cologne's going to give us this magic mirror before I
say 'I do' with Shampoo before the altar."

"But Cologne doesn't need to know Akane's gone, see?" Ryoga continued. 
"People around here have a tendency to have weird things happen to them,
including getting doused with water from the Jusenkyo springs.  That's why
Ranma turns into a girl.  Jusenkyo turns people into a lot of things:
girls, guys, pandas, geese--"

"Pigs..."

*POW* "YOU GOT SOMETHING TO ADD, RANMA?!"

"Mmph."

"Anyway, if we can convince Cologne that Akane was transformed instead of
disappearing, we have a much better chance of getting the mirror.  So all
you need to do is say you're Akane --"

"WHAT?!"

"--and every once in a while bop Ranma on the head. Let us do the rest,
and before long, you'll be home in no  time."

Ranma nodded while adding, "Hmm.  I suppose it could work, though we can
do without the bopping on the head part," but Lita wasn't listening.  She
was rising to her feet, her face darkening dangerously.

"You want me to do--?! I - I can't believe this!  You--!  I--!" Finally,
she spat it out. "You guys are nuts! Every last one of you!"

>From the couch, Nabiki snorted, "I've been telling them that for months."

"I wake up in clothes that's not my own with you drooling all over me, you
stalk me, pour hot water on me, and then I get pounced on by a itty bitty
cackling geezer carrying a bunch of underwear, and then you tell me to
wear this underwear and scoop me up like some damsel in distress, only to
find out you're a cross-dressing sado-masochistic transvestite bigamist
freak, and now you want me to pretend I'm your fiancee so we can get some
mirror from this bathwater lady?!?!"

Ranma frowned, "Well, I wouldn't put it *that* way...hey, where you're
going?!"

Lita whirled and was heading towards the door.  "Sorry folks, but this
loony bin is too much for me," she threw over her shoulder.  "I'm outta
here!"

"No!" cried Ryoga.  "You're the only way we can find Akane!"  He leapt
over to grab her shoulders. Without turning, Lita elbowed him in the gut,
brought her fist up and clocked him squarely on the forehead. Ryoga sailed
back, smashed through the sliding windows, and landed in the carp pond,
his shriek collapsing into a piggy squeal.

Lita would've been shocked, not so much for Ryoga turning into a pig but
the fact that she landed such a good punch *without* turning into Sailor
Jupiter.  As it was, she missed it glaring at Ranma who had somehow made
it to the door before her and was now leaning against it, smiling lazily.

"Now, let's not get hasty," he drawled.

Lita shifted into her fighting stance, her hands held stiffly before her. 
"Outta my way, pervert," she snarled.  "or you'll be tasting dirt in a
minute."

Ranma shrugged slowly, infuriating her more.  "Say what you like. You're
not getting past this door. If you just let me explain..."

Lita charged him, too furious to realize what she was doing.  One hand
whipped towards Ranma's head, the other towards his abdomen.

Ranma's grin widened slightly.  Then he sidestepped with ease, wincing as
Lita's fists slammed into the door.  Her look of shock was replaced with
anger as she yanked out her left fist and sent it towards Ranma's face.

Ranma nodded and leapt up.  Lita blinked before she felt a tap on her
shoulder. Whirling around, she saw Ranma standing calmly behind her, still
smiling.  "If you..."

Lita's eyes widened.  Forgetting the door, she launched herself towards
Ranma with an inarticulate cry and a flurry of hands, intending to wipe
that smug smile off his face.  He dodged every single blow with amusement.
 **Say, she's good.  A little rough around the edges, though. She ranks
right up there with Akane, maybe even higher. Perhaps she wasn't kidding 
about that Sailor Scout stuff. Oh well. Better stop this before someone 
gets hurt, and it won't be me.**  

Casually, he reached out and grabbed both her hands.

Lita gasped loudly. She struggled to tug her hands loose but Ranma had
them in a sure and tight grip. **He dodged all my blows!  This guy's
faster than Tuxedo Mask!**  "Let go of me!"

Ranma said.  "If you would only let me finish..."

"No! Let me go! I want to go home!"

"Sheesh, you just won't let up, won't you?  Can't you see you need us to
get you home?"

"I don't need anyone!" Lita snapped.  **He caught my hands like it was
nothing! I may as well been swatting at flies.**  Tears began trickling
down her hot face, and to her shame, she realized she was losing it.  "I
can't take this crazy place no more! I want to go home! I want to go back
to Amy and Rei and Serena and Mina, and I want to go sleep in my apartment
and forget all of this happened!"  Her breath caught in the back in her
throat, then stumbled out as a sob.  She dropped her head, her hands going
limp in Ranma's grasp.  "I JUST WANT TO GO HOME!!!"

Ranma found his heart going out to the sobbing girl. **Well, I guess we
did overdo it a little.**  Suddenly he found himself wondering if Akane
was going through the same thing this very moment.  Not that she'd
probably miss *him* all that much, but she was torn from all that was
familiar and dropped into a baffling new world.  The poor girl must be in
hysterical fits by now.  *Don't worry, Akane.  I'll get you back.*

"Hey, don't cry, Lita." He said gently.  "We'll get you back.  But in
order for us to do that, we'll need your help.  All I ask is that you
stick around for a bit."

Lita's sobs subsided, then with a spark of anger still left in her, she
yanked her hands away.  He made no move to stop her this time.  "Why
should I?" she asked without raising her head.

"Because we're the only ones that can help, I think.  You in an entirely
different place now, and I don't know how it is in your world, but here
there are a lot of loonies worse than us, believe it or not.  That pervert
that glomped you earlier would be the least of your problems."  Lita
twitched at that, feeling the blood drain from her face.  "Besides, we
need you to show us your world.  If Nabiki's right, then Akane is in your
world, and she's probably going through the same thing you are.  I've no
doubt your friends are nice, but she's probably just as anxious to get
home as you are.  You can help us do that."

He watched her as she considered his words.  She didn't say a word, but
she didn't look at him, either.  Time to apply the Ultimate Saotome
technique to winning people to your side.

"Besides, you still haven't heard why we want you to pretend you're
Akane."

"Fine.  Why?"

He put on his most charming smile.  "Because Cologne would not expect
Akane to be so beautiful."

Her head flew up at that.  With her reddened eyes, dripping nose and
splotchy cheeks, she looked anything but.  "Huh?"

"Akane looks absolutely nothing like you.  She's crass, tomboyish,
kawaiikune, completely the opposite of you.  You're elegant, graceful,
and..." Here he used the patented Saotome twinkle-in-the-eye. "...I must
say you are quite pretty.  Even prettier than Shampoo, I think. If you say
you were Akane, Cologne would cross time on her hands and knees to get her
back.  She might worry I fall completely in love with you and forget about
Shampoo.  And, I do have to say, I am awfully weak-willed."  He winked.

She blinked and blinked again.  "Really?"  Then a slow smile spread across
her face.  "You really think that?"  She blushed and dropped her eyes. 
"Wow."

Ranma suddenly felt his heart thump.  **Hey.  She really is cute.  Not as
kawaii as Akane is sometimes, but I don't think I mind playing along for a
bit...**

Soun Tendo, who had been cowering underneath the table during all this,
decided it was time to exert his fatherly authority, which meant pushing
Ranma out the way before this girl found out how seriously weak-willed he
was.  "Ahem.  So, Lita, are you still thinking of leaving?"

Lita thought, placing a hand on her reddened cheeks.  **Well, nothing
*overly* bizarre has happened yet.  And for a pervert, he is kinda nice,
though I bet he says those nice things to any woman that catches his
fancy.  Still, in a way, he sorta reminds me of Freddy in his niceness --
well, when Freddy was nice before he and I went out anyway.  And if they
are telling the truth...**  She smiled shyly.  "Well, I suppose I could
stay for an hour or two."

"Great!"  Soun cried.  He whipped out a microphone from nowhere and began
singing.  "Oh, happy day!  Akane, hold on, my dear darling daughter, we're
coming to rescue you!"

Lita stared at him, hoping that she made the right decision. Then, she
turned to Ranma and raised an eyebrow.  "Weak-willed?  Do you always say
such corny things to a girl when you want your way?"

"My way?  Lita, I have your best interests in heart."

"Sure you do. I think I can see why you're engaged to two girls."

"Actually," Nabiki quipped from the couch.  "he's engaged to four."

"FOUR?!  WHY YOU JERK!!!"

Nabiki leaned her head on the armrest and watched as Ranma began to bicker
with this tall, intriguing girl.  She looked at her father, wailing
beneath the table and smiled.  **This scatterbrained idea might just work.
 Why, she's acting just like Akane already.  Lita, I don't care what you
say.  I think you're going to be fitting in quite well.**

Her smile widened as a familiar laugh rang through the house, just before
a pail of water smacked upside Ranma's head.  "Ranma, my boy, how dare you
not introduce to your new friend!  You can make it up by the both of you
wearing these undies I got!"

*					*					*

Lita leaned against the door, shutting out the sounds of crashing below. 
Slowly, she slid down the door until she was sitting against it, and drew
her legs up to hug her knees, quelling the urge to rock herself.  The last
time she was distraught enough to do that was when her parents...no, she
won't think about that. No use depressing herself any more than she was
now.

Instead, she plunged her hand into the interdimensional space and brought
out a rather large mallet.  She stared at it curiously.  So that was what
the space was filled with.  Ranma had turned white when, out of pure
instinct, she yanked it out when that crazy little man leaped for her
chest.  Apparently, whoever Akane was, she was used to this sort of thing.

She put the mallet back and leaned her head against the door, thinking
back over the past few hours.  She had automatically assumed that after
that strange man was tossed out the house (afterwards, she learned that
the little man was actually Ranma's fighting teacher of sorts--this place
sure had its share of weirdoes), they would go to this old lady's
restaurant and get this mirror everyone was so hyper for.  However, it
took some time for Ranma and the others describe how Akane act.  **From
the way they describe her, she seems worse than me in the tomboy area!**
Ranma, a guy again, was in the middle of such a description when Ryoga
appeared out of nowhere and began beating on Ranma for saying such bad
things about Akane. By the time Ranma had thrown him off, the panda had
returned and began whacking Ranma with signs that said that he should act
like a man and not badmouth his fiancee so much.  Ranma retaliated that it
was the panda's fault anyhow and all three went rolling about the house,
fists and feet flying.

"Does this always happen?" Lita had asked Nabiki.

Nabiki had rolled her eyes.  "Actually, they're going easy on each other.
You should see it when Akane's here."

Strangely enough, the only time Lita didn't feel out of place was when
Kasumi brought out dinner.  Being a cook herself, she had been distracted
by the smells coming from the kitchen but didn't go in, partly because she
knew how protective cooks were with their kitchens.  However, she had
offered to help to bring out the food, and soon she found herself involved
in a discussion with the Tendo's oldest daughter.  Kasumi was very
delighted in learning that Lita knew how to cook, and while the males --
excluding Soun, who was still in his own pity party -- wolfed down food
while battling nonstop, Lita and Kasumi discussed spices and recipes and
Nabiki ate silently with a strange smile on her face.

**Kasumi's probably the only sane member of that family, although she does
seem rather oblivious of what's going around here. Then again, if I lived
in a place like this, I'll escape to my own little world, too...**

Ryoga, Ranma and the panda had ran off outside, and Kasumi suggested that
Lita go take a bath.  "I don't think we'll be going to the Nekohaten
tonight.  You must be worn out by all you've been through.  A hot bath
always work for me."  Bath, nothing.  It was an Olympic pool compared to
the rinky-dinky bathtub she had at her apartment.  Sinking into it was
pure bliss--she hadn't realized just how tired she was...until Ranma, a
girl again, had come charging into the bathroom with the panda.  "Think
you can escape me by turning human again? Think again, Pop!"

That was when Lita learned what the stash of mallets were truly for.

Sighing, she rose to her feet.  They had given her a red Chinese shirt and
some black boxers to sleep in--apparently Ranma's clothes were the only
things she could fit (the shirt was a bit tight across the chest).  She
was about to explore the room they put her in when she heard a pattering
of feet coming from the other side of the door.  Her fists tightened as
she threw open the door.

Ranma-chan was chasing the black piglet Lita had seen earlier down the
hall.  With a frightened squeal, the piglet tore behind Lita's ankles. 
For some reason, this infuriated Ranma-chan all the more.  "I don't
believe this!" she screeched.  "You hentai!  Two-timing pig! Akane's not
even here and you got the gall to try to sleep in her room
with...with...Lita!  Gomen, I didn't mean to wake you..."

Lita scooped up the piglet, glaring.  "You get a kick out of picking on
people and small animals?"

"Me?!  But, Lita..."

"How dare you.  I don't see how all these women can be chasing after you
without knowing what a jerk you are."

"But, but..."

"Kasumi told me about P-chan here."  The piglet squealed and looked up at
her.  "Honestly, the poor thing must feel horrible.  Its owner has
vanished somewhere and it doesn't know where she is.  You're going to deny
it the right to sleep in her room, where at least it'll feel comforted by
her belongings?"

"But...but...but..."

"That's low, Ranma."  Lita said, going back into the room.  "Real, real
low."  She slammed the door behind her, leaving Ranma-chan still uttering
a string of buts.

"How can a guy so good looking be such a...ooooh!"  Lita growled.  The
piglet growled as well before sniffing at her arms and looking up at her
with wide eyes.  "Sorry about that."

"Bwee.  Bukiiii." went the piglet.

Lita slowly looked around the room.  It was a very nice bedroom, with few
of the frills she expected a girl's room would have.  In fact, it almost
looked like her room in her apartment with its neatness and simplicity. 
Well, except this room had no male posters plastered over it.

At the dresser, Lita picked up a framed photograph.  It was a picture of a
group of teenagers on the beach.  Ranma's smiling face was easily
recognizable, as well as Nabiki and that cute bandanna guy Ryoga.  
"I wonder if Akane's in this picture," Lita mused.  The
piglet looked at her, then squealed and pointed its snout at one of the
girls in the picture.  Lita peered closely.  The girl had cropped black
hair and wore a slight smile.  She looked like Kasumi and Nabiki in the
face, though her brown eyes were a little larger.

Lita smiled.  "You are one smart pig!"  The piglet squealed again, and
this time, Lita could've sworn its little cheeks reddened.  "How cute that
you can recognize her!"

Lita sat the piglet down on the bed and examined the picture a little
more.  "You know, if what Nabiki says is true, then maybe Akane's doing
the same thing at my place now, looking over my things, wondering who I
am."  She chuckled, then suddenly grew sober.  "At least, I hope so.  If
those aliens haven't gotten to her...we were in the middle of fighting
them when I came here."  She set the picture back down.  "It must had been
shocking for her to suddenly appear in my world.  I wonder if she appeared
in my clothes as I appeared in hers?  I hope she doesn't mind
mini-skirts."

The piglet squealed.  For a second, it looked as if it would faint.

"But I'm fairly positive she's okay.  Those aliens are cowards.  They have
these monsters to do all their dirty work for them.  Maybe my little
accident blasted them away.  And I don't *feel* Serena and the others are
hurt."  She smirked.  "That's one good thing about being a Sailor Scout. 
You can sense if one of us is..."

Her face blanched.  Oh no. She certainly wasn't going to think about
*that* either.

"Anyway...I think she's okay.  Me, on the other hand..."

Sighing, she slipped into the bed, frowning as her feet slightly dangled
over the edge.  "I hope we find a way to get me back soon.  I mean, no
offense, but this place is just too weird for me.  My world isn't
Paradise, either, but at least the men aren't weirdo freaks.  Cold-hearted
when it comes to love, perhaps, but not freaks."

The piglet stared at her and faintly whimpered.

"I'm sorry.  Didn't mean to go off on you.  Poor pig.  I wonder where
Akane let's you sleep.  I don't see a basket anywhere.  Unless Kasumi was
serious when she said you actually do sleep with her."  The piglet
blinked.  "That's weird, but I suppose it's not unusual.  Artemis sleeps
with Mina and she doesn't mind.  But then again, Artemis is a talking cat.
 I don't suppose you can talk, too?"  The piglet stared.  "Bummer.  That
would be something.  Wouldn't it be neat if I had an intelligent pet like
you?  Even a pet pig would be nice, but they don't allow pets in my
apartment."  She reached over and scratched the piglet behind the ears. 
Where had she seen that bandanna?  It looked so familiar.  "It's sad,
really. Sometimes, it get so lonely..."  

She raised herself on one elbow.  "Tell you what.  I'll let you sleep here
if you stay.  I'm not Akane, but I can really use your company tonight. 
Would you like to stay?"  Gently, she patted the space before her.

The piglet snorted and scooted forward.  It sniffed at her hand before
letting out a "bwee" and settling comfortably next to her.  Lita smiled
and scratched its ears again.  Serena and the others would not believe
this. "Sleeping with a pig," she chuckled.  She surprised herself by
yawning, then continued drowsily.  "Maybe this is all a weird dream. 
Maybe I'll wake up tomorrow and everything will be back to normal. 
Or maybe I truly am dead.  But it can't be Heaven, not if I can change into 
Sailor Jupiter.  And I doubt Hell would be peppered with so many cute guys
like Ranma and that bandanna guy.  Hmm...Purgatory?  Maybe...I don't know..."

The piglet blinked as Lita quickly dropped off.  Carefully, it wiggled
from beneath Lita's hand resting on its back and stood silently, staring
at the sleeping girl.  Then, with a tiny porcine shrug, it settled in the
crook of her arm and just as quickly fell asleep.

============================================================================
/===\     LaShawn M. Taylor (shonnie@zeus.anet-chi.com) soon to have a web
|^ ^|\    page later this month. Watch for it, will ya?
 \v/\|    
    |\    Oh, Ladybird, I have heard you have to run to tend your children.
    \|    No flood can drown nor fire blacken purest longing for Ladybird...
							-XTC
============================================================================