Here is the finish to “Christine’s Birthday,” “Friday, April 18.”

	At four in the morning, Ranma’s alarm clock begins making a loud, obnoxious sound, as 
alarm clocks are prone to do.  Instead of giving it the snooze bar treatment as usual, Ranma 
immediately wakes up.  This in itself is no small miracle, but when Genma also wakes up, it is 
obvious that something major is about to happen.
	That something is the coming of age ceremony that one of the Anything Goes students is 
about to undergo.  This will be the first time since Akane underwent the ritual that the dojo has 
witnessed such an event, and the finishing touches are still being made.  Kasumi is hauling out pails 
thermoses of hot water along with pails of cold water.  Soun is going over some 8-tracks and video 
cassette tapes, making sure they are queued to the proper position.  Genma is rehearsing a few more 
moves.  Akane is taking a bath.  Ranma is walking in on Akane and getting pummeled.  Nabiki is 
asleep.  Pity the fool that messes with a sleeping Nabiki.
	At around four thirty, a demure looking child walks up to the door of the dojo.  A smiling 
Kasumi answers it and sends the girl out to the dojo.  When she arrives, she encounters quite a sight.  
The normally calm, natural light of the dojo is replaced by an unnatural spectacle of dancing lights.  
Greens and reds and yellows and blues move about in an almost hypnotic way, seemingly in time with 
the loud music.  The music is loud when one is inside the dojo, but outside it can barely be heard.  It 
is an assault on all that is holy.  A high pitched man’s voice sings something about the continuation 
of existence, and he is backed be an assortment of basses, guitars, drums, and violins.  
	All of this, however, pales in comparison to the two men who are in the dojo.  They are 
swinging their arms up and down, in a rhythmic manner, all the while moving their hips back and 
forth, but none of this is done in tune with the music.  
	Stopping long enough to speak with his student, Genma begins one of his usual speeches.  
“A true student of the Anything Goes style is able to learn anything quickly.  This is the first test.  
Watch Soun and myself as we dance.  Then, I want you to join  in.  Later, you will be forced to 
incorporate these moves into an Anything Goes Disco Martial Arts battle with the master of that art, 
J. T.  Do you understand?”
	The student nods in the affirmative, and begins studying her masters.  After a few minutes, 
the continued existence song ends, and a song about disco and fires begins.  At this time, she joins in 
with her masters, but, unlike them, she dances in time with the music.
	“It appears you are ready for your first challenge.  J.  T?  Come on in.”
	The entrance of J.  T.  sends shivers up her spine.  His hair, his eyes, his boyish face, his 
great butt, they all make her want to tear his spleen out and feed it to Akane’s cooking.  
	After J.  T.  does some sort of hand motion, which he seems to do in lieu of a bow, the 
combat begins.  The student simply watches J.  T.  in hopes of picking up some tips for the martial 
aspect, but he is only staring at her.  After about twenty minutes of this, she hustles up to him, lowers 
her right arm in time to the music, and raises it quickly.  
	“Legal move!” shouts Genma over the music, which is now about a nation’s armed forces at 
sea.  “Knockout goes to the student!  An okay job, but I’ve seen better.  Why, I remember when...”  
He is cut off by Ranma jumping on his head about twenty  times, while wearing stone shoes and 
carrying a big rock.
	“Cut it out, old man!  We haven’t had any new students in a while, and we can’t afford to 
drive this one off!”
	Soun claps his hands and the music stops.  Moments later, there is a knock at the door, and 
Ukyo walks in carrying a large box.  “Here’s the okonomiyaki you ordered.  That’ll be,” Ukyo pauses 
as she pulls out a calculator and punches a lot of buttons, “five thousand yen.”
	Soun reaches into his pocket and pulls out a wad of bills.  He hands them to Ukyo, who 
counts them, smiles, and leaves.  “Well, Genma, it looks like the second test has arrived.  Are good 
and hungry?”  Genma nods violently, and Soun continues.  He raises his hand, strikes a dramatic 
pose, and speaks to the sky.  “Good.  This is what is going to happen.  These okonomiyaki have a kata 
depicted on them.  You have to learn the kata before Genma is finished with them.  Understand?”
	  He looks down to see his student looking over the okonomiyaki which she had opened up 
before the trial was supposed to begin.  She then begins doing the kata.  “Hey!  you were supposed to 
wait!  Oh, well.  The test is ruined.  Genma, just eat the food.”
	Smiling, Genma begins to do what he does best.  Unfortunately for him, Ukyo cooked the 
okonomiyaki with gunpowder in the flour.  The resulting explosion was not big, but it was enough to 
leave Genma in a heap against the wall.  He belches, stands up, and continues as if this is an ordinary 
occurrence.
	Soun nods, and instructs the student to sit down in the chair which he had just moved into 
the center of the dojo.  It is facing a television which had been revealed when Soun pulled a curtain 
out of the way.  
	“We have to make your hands take on a certain position whenever you are either surprised or 
injured.  Sit down in the chair, please.”  The student does so, and Akane walks into the dojo, as if on 
cue.  Smiling apologetically, Akane ties her hands and feet to the chair using the sturdy rope.  Genma 
pulls out a Clockwork Orange - esque contraption and attaches it to her eyes.  Soun stands over her 
with a bottle of eyedrops as Genma makes the final adjustments to the gizmo.
	The student finds that she is unable to close her eyes, and Genma puts a tape into the V.  C.  
R.  and hits the play button.  Akane goes to the 8-track player and puts in a Vanilla Ice recording, 
setting it to continuous play.  The television comes to life, starting with a Warner Brother’s Network 
logo, and then the horror begins.  WB show after WB show is forced onto the student.  Writhing in 
agony, unable to stop watching because of the gizmo, she screams, but no one listens.  Soun 
periodically applies the drops to keep her from going blind, but he wears a special visor to keep his 
eyes from straying toward the television.
	Finally, after a particularly bad “Unhappily Ever After,” the television goes black, and the 
Vanilla Ice shuts off.  The apparatus is removed, and the student sighs heavily.  Looking up at Soun, 
she says, “Master, I don’t feel any different.  Am I supposed to?”
	Soun replies, “No.  Not yet.  Ranma, Akane, Genma, come here.”  They do so, and the four 
line themselves up next to each other.  “We are about to reveal the secret that all Anything Goes 
martial artists share,” Soun continues as he scratches his hair.  The four reach to their heads, and they 
all pull their hair off.
	The shock from this display leaves the student’s hands in the familiar index and pinkie 
fingers and thumb extended position.  “What happened?”
	“Well, all Anything Goes martial artists need the ability to make the proper hand gesture, 
and this is the only known way that doesn’t involve cursed water.  Now, it is time for you.  Ranma, if 
you would?”
	Ranma complies wordlessly, and shaves the student bald.  
	“I thought that Principal Kuno was the only guy who liked to shave people’s heads!” she 
shrieks as Ranma works his gentle magic.  Unable to move, the student is forced to accept the haircut.  
	“Yeah, well,” Ranma says, “He has always wanted to be a part of the Anything Goes school, 
but he was just too incompetent.  He started shaving people’s heads as a delusional response to his 
rejection.”
	“But why are you so concerned about having him cut your hair, Ranma?”
	“These are good wigs.  They’re expensive.”
	“Akane, why were you so mad when Ryoga gave you the haircut?”
	“Like Ranma said, these wigs are expensive,” the youngest Tendo replies while replacing her 
hairpiece.
	“But Master Genma, why don’t you have a wig?”
	“The old fool lost it!” Ranma jumps in, hitting his father on the head.  “Here’s your wig; 
don’t lose it like some people do!”
	After replacing their wigs, and helping their student with hers, they untie her and they all 
leave the dojo.  The five go into the house, where Kasumi has laid out eight places on the table.  
Shampoo chooses this exact moment to deliver her ramen.  Kasumi takes the food, and begins 
distributing it around the table, and everyone sits down.  There is a place conspicuously left open next 
to the new student.
	Before everyone starts eating, the student asks, “Will I ever get a name?”
	Soun smiles at this.  “Very good, you noticed that you still don't have a name.”  
	Suddenly, a small simmering light appears behind the young girl.  It enlarges, and a vaguely 
human shape appears.  After a few more seconds, the vaguely human shape takes form and becomes 
Ryoga.  “Ah, says Soun.  Here is the final challenge.”
	“What, you mean I have to fight Ryoga?  You must be crazy!”
	“No, you don't have to fight him.  You have to eat a meal with him.”
	“Uhm... okay.” 
	Ryoga, being used to getting to places without knowing how, sits down as if nothing 
happened.  He and the student each take a bite of the ramen, look at each other, and...
	“Ryoga, my love!”
	“I never would have loved Akane, had I known of your radiance!”
	Soun smiles.  “That’s that.  Shampoo’s ramen is way too predictable.  The last thing you 
needed to be a part of the Anything Goes school is a fiancé, and I think Ryoga qualifies.  Now, what 
should we call you?”
	Akane replies for her.  “Dad, she and Ryoga can’t hear you.  They’re making out.”
	“Mako?  That’s perfect.  From now on, your name will be Mako.”  The group claps, sings 
“Happy Birthday,” and they toss their ramen out the window.

******
So ends “Christine’s B-Day.”  This is a fic dedicated to Christine Langley, a member of the NF.  It is 
her birthday today, and this is how we are celebrating it.  If you missed any of the parts 1-4, write me 
and I’ll send you a copy.  Hope you enjoyed.
	 									-Matt Urban